Flooding

Day 407 – There was a huge storm today; very strong winds and so much rain. When I left work in the afternoon, the street was strewn with broken umbrellas. Luckily, when I left it wasn’t raining otherwise my umbrella would have joined the crowd. But I made it safely to the parking lot and later to my apartment. But the surprise was waiting for me inside. I had a h u g e puddle in the middle of my living room. It took me about 20 minutes to drain it. And I just found out that the phone number of my landlord is one of the lost numbers on my phone. So now I have to find his number and make sure he will take care of that. Our country has some very wonderful things but building houses has some serious room for improvement, almost everyone I know has a story about flooding in their apartment; never heard of such a thing in until I came here.  – an addition to the original post I wrote: I ran a search to find a good picture and it made me realize that it’s not that bad I saw pictures of houses actually flooded with a foot or more of water, so I guess it is really not that bad. Even the canoe is not something I can use in my living room, I just liked this woman’s sense of humor.  

 

I am thankful I have no rugs in my apartment and so no real damage was caused by the flooding. I am thankful that in a night like tonight I can come home lock my doors, turn on the heater and enjoy a cozy evening with my computer, and a bowl of lentil soup. I am thankful I came take a very hot shower and go to sleep in my warm bed; a real treat on such a cold and stormy night. And after I ran the search and saw real flooding, I am very thankful mine would not even earn a “worth mentioning” place. I am sooo thankful I never had a real flooding like some of the pictures I just saw.

A Love Song

Day 406 – I take a class of creative writing for the past few months and I really like it. I learn to listen to different styles of writing and to find beauty in places I would otherwise just dismiss. It is very interesting and definitely forces me to stretch my writing and critique muscles, all very positive things. Our teacher brings subjects for discussions and gives us writing assignments in directions I would never choose on my own, but later I find myself incorporating these new things into other things I write so it expands my writing ability and my horizon. Our last writing assignment is very interesting. We read two pages from a beautiful book by David Grossman, describing a massage. It is not as easy as it might sounds to write two pages about massage. And the interesting thing is that few of our group members felt uncomfortable – it was too physical for them, too descriptive on the verge of erotic as far as they were concerned and to top it off our assignment was to write a description of a massage in as many words as we can. I decided to take the challenge and wrote a very beautiful piece about touching the body of a beloved man, an amazing love song, to the caressing notes of a piano. I think it was the most difficult pieces I ever wrote, but also one of the most beautiful ones, if not the best; pure lyrics. I also know it is way too personal to ever read it in a forum; I cannot put my love for display, or the feelings of my beloved. But never the less I feel so happy for being able to put very strong feelings into words, to be able to write a love song where it is so easy to slip to something different, to keep it soft and caressing, to keep it in the realm of magical love, bigger than life.

  

I am thankful for this assignment that pushed me to write something I would never otherwise attempt.  I am thankful to the Great Creator for guiding me in this minefield to write a most powerful piece. I am thankful that the writing gave me an opportunity to live these magic moments one more time. I am thankful to the man who is the subject of this piece for all his love, even if he also broke my heart. I am thankful for the stirring this lyrical piece brought.

My Little Dog

Day 405 – I left my dog with my parents this week. I came to the realization that I might enjoy the fact that I have a dog when I come home at night, but it is not the right life for her. I am away for long hours and she is locked all by herself all the time. my parents are retired so she has company all day long and my sister’s kids live very close and they visit her and play with her so she is much happier there. But I have to admit it is sad to come to an empty house and to not have this silly one jumping like crazy up and down greeting me. It is a little selfish to be sad when I know it is so much better for her to be there. But now I am really all alone. I guess the one thing that made me come home in a normal hour is gone. Today I already went with friends from my Tour directors’ class to a restaurant after school, since I did not have to worry about my little dog. So I get to enjoy some more freedom, but I really miss her right now.

  

I am thankful I found a better place for my beloved dog. I am very thankful to my parents for taking her in. I am sure it is not something they wanted to do at their age, but they felt sorry for my dog and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful to be sad tonight; it means I care about her so much.

Painting Continues...

Day 404 – I missed my drawing class on Thursday and so I went today instead. And I am almost done with my picture. I would call it done but my teacher said he’ll sow me on Thursday how to continue. since I am the very beginner student and he is the very experienced teacher, I’ll accept his judgment and bring it back for an improvement session. So I will post the picture here as it is today and will repost it for the third time when done so we can all be the judges ( BTW - this is the development of the picture from day 395).
I have to admit I really like this new medium of painting with brushes and colors. I like these abstract subjects of just feelings and colors and shapes. I am not planning to have this as my only way of drawing but I sure enjoy it. When I’ll feel a little more comfortable I will attempt a woman figure. But it’s too early; I have so much to learn. It’s funny, I was hesitating for so long about colors and I fell madly in love with this new medium. You have to try new things all the time, I guess. I did and I sure don’t regret it.

 

I am thankful for a wonderful evening of paintings. I am thankful for the peace it brings me and for the passion it gets out. I am thankful for the gift of painting in my life. I am thankful for every lesson, I love it so much it becomes one of the issues to consider when looking for an apartment. I cannot be too far away, because I am not planning to give it up.    

By the way, another thing that was very interesting for me yesterday is that my parents have a picture done by my teacher!! What are the odds?! And I’ve seen it so many times and never realized it was his picture.  

 

At A Loss for Words

Day 403 – One more suicide. One more life lost, a family in ruins, close friends that their lives will never be the same. What do you say to a 19 years old boy who lost one of his best friends, who just in one night was forced to become a man? What do you say to a 19 years old girl who is facing this devastating reality again, the second time in less than a month? How do you go on? Every time that something like that strikes I remain speechless and I just hug her tightly and hope I can give her some of my strength. I never saw so much death growing up. I don’t know if I was just lucky or times were different. But, my daughter in her tender age had to face already so many suicides. and every time we say the same thing, and every time she is in so much pain. It’s been a little less than 3 years since the first one and they keep coming. What is wrong in our society that the only solution is death? How can we make people more attached to others, anchored well? How do you show them to seek for help instead of ending it all when the going gets rough? What can we do to help? How can this horrific spiral be stopped? So many questions and so few answers. Such a sad night.

  

I am thankful I can go to sleep tonight hugging my beloved daughter, I hope I can make her pain a little easier for that. My heart goes out to these parents who lost everything last night.

 

The Phoenix

Day 402 – I had an interesting talk with my daughter yesterday about guys and their role in our lives. I keep saying that I cannot do it, that I need time to be alone, that I left home to find myself and not to get right away into new relationship. And she says that 90% of the time it sucks but 10% are sheer happiness and for these 10% we are willing to go through the other 90%. She is so smart and so right. And I know it’s true but my heart is still bleeding, I cannot even open my eyes to see the beauty around me. More than 3 months later and it doesn’t get any easier. But the truth is that for these 10% that were so wonderful, for the fleeting moments of happiness when I was hoping it might be real, I will go again through the fire. So yes, I know love is wonderful, but I also know it is painful to wake-up in the after mass, to find everything in ruins and hopeless. But I keep wishing for myself to find a new love. To find someone that will not be afraid to love me; to fall madly in love with someone who will love me back. I so want this to happen. It’s on my bucket list; I want to experience love at least one more time before I die, hopefully, way before. I want to live in the light and warmth of such love. This is what I am wishing for myself as I go to sleep tonight. I will start taking steps to give it a chance. I don’t want to live in an emotional desert, it’s not a good thing, definitely not something to wish for; and I want my heart to take flight again.

  

I am thankful I came to this realization that I am longing for love in my life again. I am thankful for every moment I had, but now it is time for me to put this pain to rest and like a phoenix rise and be ready to start again a new life. I am thankful for the full potential for happiness that each moment carry, I’ll try my best to make this potential a reality.

Revisiting My Bucket List

Day 401 – One of the guys in my creative writing class brought a list of “things you want to do” – a bucket list. I saw that movie with my daughter when it came out and we both really liked the idea. We spend the next few hours after that constructing our lists and discussing some of our “to do” things. It became a dynamic list, and as I fulfill some of my wishes (I don’t cross them out but rather highlight them when done!! – a big difference in the way of thinking) I add few more. So for me this exercise today was not too difficult. In no time I had a list of 24. Some of our friends could not find more then 4. And I found it interesting, that even when I choose a very physical goal, like climbing Kilimanjaro, it has a very meditative and spiritual part to it. As I get older I put more emphasis on that side of life. I really like that workout, it makes me search my soul and see what is important for me at this junction or the next. It gives me a frame by which to live my life. So if tomorrow I will not be able to do anything I at least will know I lived my dreams, every day or as much as I could.

So some of the things on my list:

To live life of no regret

To live the world a little better because I was here

To make amends to everyone in my life

To learn how to die well so I can live well

To write at least one book

To laugh till I cry

To fall madly in love

To photograph a 1000 sunsets

To climb mt. Kilimanjaro

To run another marathon…

I have so many things I want to do, I’ll never have time to die.

   

I am thankful for this opportunity to revisit my list and choose something I can do in the next few days. I am so thankful to be a dreamer and always have things that are so fascinating for me, things that intrigue me and ask me to try them. I am thankful for endless curiosity, and sense of adventure. I am thankful for this very special class today and the thigs it brought forward.

Dancing to My Own Beat

Day 400 – few minutes before midnight and I still have to take a shower. I’m in danger again of turning into a pumpkin. I guess I am lucky to be the real thing. No masks, even though it’s hard sometimes, no lies, no pretending to be someone else, no fancy dresses to cover the emptiness inside. I am blazing my own path, dancing to the beat of my own drum. And I love it. For too long I tried to be what others were expecting me to be, ignoring what was good for me. Coming here and being alone enabled me to start looking inside and asking the real questions; and slowly answers are starting to form. It will probably take me the rest of my life, but I am patient and what’s really important is the path; all our lives we are on the path. To reach the pinnacle, to see the light is something very temporary, a fleeting moment. The truth has a way of hiding itself, and so we are always one the road, always searching and the answers change as we do. But being on that road has a very cleansing effect on the soul. Today I just worked and wrote a sweet little piece for my creative class, and cleaned my house; nothing to write home about, but I am satisfied and at peace. I am living my life, doing my things and I am doing it if and when and how I wish. I don’t take this for granted. I know it was not always like that. 
    

I am thankful for the serenity I feel tonight. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life; I am thankful for less than perfect things as well, for the challenges I face; without them I would never be able to fully appreciate the good times, my good fortunes, my life.    

I Hit Another Milestone

Day 400 (actually, day 399) – this is another milestone. It’s been 400 days since I started this blog, a long period, indeed. So much have changed in my life since I started, so much I have changed during this period. Originally I set out to write for a thousand nights, but when Gilad Shalit was released from his captivity after 1942 days as a POW I decided my blog will be that long – 1942 days; just so I’ll be able to understand how long is this period, how much of his life he missed. So according to this countdown I am just a touch over 20% - it really was a very long time, especially when confined to a tiny room with no sunlight and no human company, and a very uncertain future, let along the well know “hospitality” of these groups to their POWs. I cannot even imagine how hard and hopeless at times his life had been.

Today I did go to the gym after work and I am so happy about that. my knee is infinitely better. I’ll try to stick now to a three days gym routine. It will be good for me and especially for my knee. Part of my Birthday gifts to myself is taking better care of my health and gym is part of that, and eating well, and adequate sleep.

So I went to the gym - check

I ate a minestrone soup I made today – check

I am going right now to sleep; a little later than I want to see it, but I’ll just wake up at 6:30 or even 7 for a 7 hours night sleep – perfect.

If I’ll be able to keep this routine it will be great.

 

I am thankful I hit today such an important milestone. I am thankful for my health, my good physical condition, my good mental condition; I am thankful for that and I am thankful I can still take the right steps to preserve this status for as long as possible. Life is unpredictable, but I have to do my part. I am thankful for another good night sleep in a cozy bed, in a warm house, clean and clothed with a full belly; what else can a person ask for. I am so thankful I had the time to go to the gym today. I’ll try to go tomorrow as well.

Comment: I just found out that I made a mistake on counting the days and this is actually day 399. so the milestone is in fact the next day, but I and not going to change this entry - so I'm just making a comment and I'll fix the days' numbers.

A Very Special Treat

Day 398 – It is Monday again and I just came back from my class and from a walk in the park with my dog. I am going to write this blog, take a shower and go to bed. Hopefully I’ll be asleep before 11pm. I am going to take a book with me, just because I didn’t have much of a chance to do it in the past few weeks, so it is also part of the “doing things differently” to mark the end of the project. Tomorrow, on my way back home, I am going to stop at the gym; one more thing that is added back into my schedule. Maybe on Wednesday I’ll even add a sunset; can be cool. It is not a secret how much I love sunsets. The nice thing about an all-consuming project like the one I just finished is that we are so appreciative of our simple routine and so looking forward to get back to it. So here I am giving myself the gift of rest and later the gift of routine. I might even be able to enjoy it every once in a while; and even if not, at least I tried. I talked so many times about the wave nature of our lives, so here we go again. I was in such a high, pushing with all that I have to reach the top of the wave intact, and now the wave is behind me and I have a little lull before the next one comes; so today is a slowdown day and tomorrow I will start the next phase.

  

I am thankful for a very relaxing day and evening. I am thankful for all the fascinating things I learned and will learn in the next phase. I am thankful to my friends at work who bought me these beautiful books for my birthday, and now I am going with one of the books to bed. What a treat!

Done with Stage One

Day 397 – I am so happy to report that stage one of my Cambodia project is done. I did not appreciate how much work it was, but I am very glad I did it. There is so much to learn, so much to add. It is never really done. But I teach myself to be kind and learn when to put a stop to something, when to call it a day. I worked on it for very long hours and I did an honest work and this is good enough. I called it a day and actually a stopping point. The rest of it will be expended for the final project. But since this is the case and since there is so much I want to write and do some more research, I decided that I will keep working on the project one day a week from now on, until I have to submit it. It will give me an opportunity to expend just about anything. Food dance, folklore; cities, countryside and jungles; archeological sites, you name it. So this week I will take one more day just to start stage two and I’ll do it from now on. I have to admit I knew very little about Cambodia when I started the project. I saw pictures of the Angkor Wat complex and that was the reason I decided to choose the country, but this is about all that I knew. And the killing fields of course, but even that not in depth. And a month later I feel like I already know so much and I am excited to learn so much more.

  

I am thankful for the opportunity to expand my knowledge in this direction. I am thankful for all what I have learned. I am thankful I am done with this stage of the project and I am especially thankful for a good night sleep. It’s been a very long week and I am thankful it had come to the end. I am thankful to my daughter who was so patient with me and my very long hours on the computer, searching and writing away. I am thankful I am going to sleep right now.

Another Year Passed

Day 396 – It is my birthday today. I had few hours in the morning to work on my project and I made some good progress. I still have about 2 hours worth of work - to finish the summary about the Khmer Rouge and their reign of terror over Cambodia. But I am almost done. I also spent some quality time with my daughter and had a great time. We went for a very long brunch, and later took our dog for a long walk and in between where at home. It doesn’t sound like much but it was all I wanted to do in such a cold and windy day. Just to be with her and talk. I also talked to my older daughter and my son; what else can I ask for. When we are little birthdays sound like such an important and special day. As I get older, all I want is time with my beloved ones. So for me this is a most wonderful day and I am very thankful for that.

  

I am thankful for another year I got to spend on this planet; I sure don’t take it for granted. We never know how many years we have in our bag so I am thankful for every one that I have.  I am thankful for a full year I spent here in my beloved country. I am thankful I could spend some time with my daughter; that I got to talk to my kids and my parents and some friends. I am thankful that it was a cold and windy and rainy day and we got to be nice warm and cozy at home.

I am Needed Elsewhere

Day 395 – there is a big storm here today; very strong winds and a lot of rain. And this morning we found a big puddle in the middle of our living room. Water is getting through the shutters in my porch and they did a design mistake when remodeling the house and water is getting from the porch into the living room. And the rain keeps coming so probably tomorrow morning I will find the same thing – a puddle in my living room.

I was writing a story but I want to be right now with someone I love more than anything in my life, who is experiencing a heart wretching decision. So I am going to stop right now and will get back to it tomorrow.

I am thankful I am the master of my time and I can choose how to divide it and right now I am needed elsewhere.

Painting in Colors Lesson 2

Day 394 – I already know the drill; I am tired beyond comprehension.  I am doing my best but I cannot stay awake. I think I’ll go to sleep soon and will do the work tomorrow, it is not really going to work tonight and so it’s better just to admit to that and go to sleep instead of fighting it. At least I’ll get few hours of very needed rest and tomorrow I’ll be refreshed and able to work. Right now I was sitting for an hour in front of my computer, but didn’t put in even one word; dead tired. But I had a very lovely evening of creative writing class and later in my painting class. I am doing a variation on a Georgia O’Keefe painting and it’s so much fun!! I don’t know why it took me so long to do that. I don’t know the answer, but one thing I know I love it – it is so much fun to paint and I enjoy every minute of the class. It is not done yet, but I am taking a picture at the end of class one and will compare it to the final product. Fascination, I’m sure. But I can’t go any further – I am seriously falling asleep.

  

I am thankful for an amazing art class. I keep saying every single day is the best one yet, but it really is. I hope it will stay like that all the time. and as usual, I am most thankful for going to sleep right now. I can hardly wait.   

Another Very Late Night

Day 393 – One more time I am going to bed way too late. Still working on my project, making progress, missing sleep. But I will finish it on time and it will be a very comprehensive work, one that I will be proud to sign my name to it; I wouldn’t have it any other way. but it sure takes its toll on me. I will be so happy when I’ll be done with it. But it is very interesting and I learn a lot. And since I am doing this as a tour guide I keep comparing stats of Cambodia with our country to give people the reference so they’ll understand it better. And so in the process I learn a lot about my country as well. so tonight I worked on demographic numbers and added some more economy details. And tomorrow I will continue working on history and timeline. Meanwhile I am neglecting everything else, including myself. I was planning to go to a show I heard great reviews about, but I don’t have an evening to spare, so I didn’t go and I hope I can do it next week. I will try to do as much as I can tomorrow and on Friday during the day since I want to go to the dance on Friday night. I talked to a friend tonight and she said she’d love to go with me to our Italy trip on May, so this is really great. It can be so much fun. I am really looking forward to that trip; and to the Greece one next month. I have nothing to write about these days. My life is so boring – work and then sitting at home and doing research about Cambodia. And I am thankful I can do it and I am so thankful I am taking this class, but it probably doesn’t sound so exciting to someone from the outside. I love reading about new places and learn new things and for some reason even boring statistics are fascinating for me. So I hope you’ll bear with me few more days. I promise I’ll have some other things in my life soon enough. Just give me one more week.

 

I am thankful this marathon is almost over. I am thankful my work is almost done. I am thankful for all the new things I learn. I am thankful that even when I have to miss something because of this obligation I am doing it of my free will. And so it feels fine. I considered my options and decided it is the best route, just as on Friday I will go to the dance no matter what. And I am most thankful that at 2:30 in the morning I am finally going to sleep. Good Night!! 

Happy Valentines' Day

Day 392 – It’s valentines’ day today, the day of love. And I have no man I can love in my life right now. But I am not sad about that, not sad to spend the holiday alone. I will have many years to love and to be in relationship, hopefully a better one than I experienced before, but today I am still alone, still not ready to open my heart and fall in love again. But Valentines’ day means doing acts of love to people we love and care about. So I am going to treat myself to a very special gift. I went to sleep very late yesterday and I am really very tired. So it is now only 10:20 but I am going to take a shower and go to sleep right now. The way I feel right now I couldn’t think of a better way to show my love and care.

  

So, Happy Valentines’ Day to everyone. I am thankful I get to celebrate another holiday here in my beloved country; I am thankful for a wonderful day today and for a very good night that is coming here as of NOW!! I am thankful for this early bed time, it will do me a lot of good.  

Tour Guide Day

Day 391 – Its Monday so I have my Tour Guide’s class. Today was the second lecture about art. Now I know how to distinguish between a byzantine church, a Romanesque church and a Gothic one. We also talked about the art during the dark ages and we learned the rational and philosophy behind it. I find it fascinating to learn all these things, all these terms I knew and used without really understanding and I am happy I understand a little more now. I came home, took my dog for a walk and got back to my Cambodia report. I had all intentions to be in my bed by 23:00 but it is now more like 1:50 the next day and I just realized I was working on it for the past 3 hours without paying attention to time. This is going to be another very short night, but some serious progress on my report. I just finished the economical Introduction to the country. I am posting a picture of a Bamboo Train - a local invention out of necessity and the bad, almost nonexistent, rail system. I am very happy about the progress I made today, not so much about the fact I lost sight of time again. I will sleep a little late today, but I have to hurry up. The clock is still ticking…

 

I am very thankful for a very informative and eye opening class today. I am thankful I made a giant leap today in my report. I am thankful I finally noticed the time and I am going to sleep right away. I am thankful for a very interesting day.

The Gift of Knowledge

Day 390 – A long day is coming to its end. I came back from work after dark, even though the days are getting visibly longer. I took my dog for a walk and when I came back home I set down and did my research. So I am happy to declare that I finished the geographical introduction to Cambodia. The historical timeline is almost done and tomorrow I’ll start on the economical section. I wanted to finish it all on time, but I took too much time at the beginning and this weekend I did nothing, so I do need the extra week, but I’ll be ready for next week, hopefully by the weekend. I am learning more and more about Cambodia every day and there is no question in my mind that when the monsoon season is over – December or January of next year I am taking at least two weeks off to travel the country. I cannot wait to do that. I see it as a great privilege to study a country in such depth and then have the chance to actually go there and see everything I read about. I chose Cambodia because I knew nothing about it and it is a country still undeveloped. I know it will not stay like that for long, but I don’t want to travel during the wet monsoon months, so I have to wait until next year. I want to travel on my own, in a place that is still so remote and unspoiled. I want to be able to remember it as it was before progress came in and changed everything. It’s already making huge steps hence the rush to go as soon as I can.

  

I am thankful I am engaged in such an interesting activity and hopefully at some point also a profession. I am thankful I get to study places in depth and then go and visit them. I am thankful I can do such a thing, travel, it is not something one can take for granted.  I am thankful for this class, it fills my days with so much good.   

A Perfect Saturday

Day 389 – This weekend was supposed to be time for me to catch up on my Cambodia project. Instead I did many other things but didn’t even touch it. I am going to have a very busy week. I did write my creative writing assignment, so at least this is off my plate. I am not worried about not finishing my project; I am just not that kind of gal. I might not sleep for two nights, but I will finish it on time. And next Friday there is a dance party again and I really want to go, so I better get serious this week, during the week. I don’t have any more time to waste. So I woke up late today to an amazing day; blue skies, sunny and very warm. I took my dog to the park and let her run around but later I decided that on such a beautiful day we should be outside. So we went for a long walk – an hour and a half all the way from my house that is on top of Mount Carmel to the beach. It is the first time I am taking this hike and it was so much fun. We stayed on the beach until sunset and I took some great pictures of that, but then it became very cold and I was not ready for that, so I decided to take a cab back home and not climb it up. But it was overall a wonderful day – the sun and the hike and at the evening I went with friends from work to a bar, and of course, my daughter, who is here. I could not ask for a better day.

  

I am thankful for such a wonderful day, for the blossoms of spring, for the warmth and the green and the promise of spring in the air. I am thankful for a great hike, I am thankful or going out with my friends; for being reminded that I can have fun and go to a bar even if I don’t have a man in my life. I am thankful for a most beautiful sunset; I didn’t take a picture of any in quite some time.   

Friday Night at Home

Day 388 – It’s Friday night and I am home alone. I cleaned the whole house, while listening to some of my favorite music; I was reading before and knitting a sweater for my little granddaughter, a relaxed evening. A thought crossed my mind earlier about being alone at home on a Friday night and I decided to dismiss it. I am fine being alone, and  I need some down time; I am running all the time during the week, between work and all my classes and I really need time just to sit and do nothing, enjoy down time, recharge.  And after such a nice Friday I will have more energy to tackle my Cambodia project, maybe even have some time to touch on my creative writing assignment, and I am not even making plans for my book. I wanted to finish writing it by next week, my birthday, but this is not going to happened; I didn’t touch it in a month. I have too much on my plate right now and I keep playing catch-up. I think it will stay in that level until I’ll finish my tour guides class, sometimes in the summer. And this is when I am not dating and not going on too many hiking trips. I have no plans of not dating or not going on hiking trips so at some point my days will become even more packed. But I will also be happier so it’s totally worth it. I’ll just keep it more balanced; I’ll go hiking every other weekend unlike last year. And as to dating – nothing in the horizon right now and I don’t believe I am ready yet, recovery is still a work in progress. I keep asking myself do I fill my days in order not to feel. I don’t think so but it is a blessing for me right now; it keeps me busy with not enough time to realize how much I miss having a loving man in my life, a man I will love as well. It helps me move from one day to the next when my heart is still bleeding, when I am still in so much pain.

 

I am thankful for very quiet evening at home. I am thankful for going to sleep without an alarm clock and waking up late tomorrow. I am thankful for the opportunity to catch up on some of my work. I am thankful for a clean home – always something to be thankful for, since I don’t have time to do it during the week and I has to wait for the weekend.   

I am Finally Painting

Day 387 – Today in my painting class I stared actually painting with paints and brushes on canvas. It’s really funny but I felt almost intimidated. What am I supposed to do? So my teacher suggested to make a color variations theme, just to learn to make different shades of color. And I did.  I decided to paint a hot air balloon, sort of, just for all the colors and I had so much fun creating more and more colors from only two colors blue and red and of course white. Two hours later I finished my first creation and I am so happy of that. Of course it’s not a great piece of art, but it is my best yet in color and it’s going on my wall. And as my works will get better it will be happy to give its prime location to better ones, that I am sure will come. But today I am not looking long term, I enjoy the little moment of joy I have in my hands right now; the fact that after few months of drawing I dared taking brushes and paints and making my first real picture.  And I have to admit, it’s a great step forward. I see my friends in class all paining beautiful things and I didn’t even know how to approach it, and so today I took the first step in that direction and it will get better from here, I know that. There is an expression about seeing the world in black and white, and this is drawing; different shades of black. Today I took red and blue paints and added life to something that was so plain and lifeless without it, and so vibrant with.

  

I am thankful for yet another wonderful art class. I am thankful I dared trying paints. I am thankful I love painting so much and I am sure that now my life will be oven more exciting for that.

Playing Catch-Up

Day 386 – I lived away from here for many years.  And even though I came back here at least once a year I didn’t really kept up to date with all the changes. Not with politics, of course, but in the same time I did not keep track of new music trends, up and coming singers, new books, new writers… in a way, living abroad we became a “national Preserve” for things long forgotten. I wasn’t even fully aware of that. only upon moving back here I started discovering these “holes” in my knowledge. And it is a huge gap – 22 years abroad. Movies, songs, wars, it encompasses everything, the collective memory I am not a part of.  When I just arrived I found it even in the spoken language – many new words that I totally didn’t know. Now I understand most of them already, but they are not available yet for use. I was reminded of that few days ago when a friend mentioned a singer that is one of the best in the country, in his opinion, but I never even heard any of his songs. He is active for a long time, about 10 years he told me, well, I was away from here for 22. But I am slowly working on fixing these glitches. This evening I worked on getting to know this artist, Idan Raichel, through several You Tube clips; and so far I like what I heard. One more of those things we don’t even know we missed; part of the price we pay for choosing to leave for so many years.  

   

I am thankful I got to close one more little gap. I am thankful I learned the name and work of a very talented Israeli singer. I am thankful I can learn something new every day (or almost), it will still take me years to make up for all the things I lost. 

Cambodia's Geography

Day 385 – We have a big event in our hospital tomorrow, and we were working very diligently to finish all the last minutes details. I arrived home late and very tired’ but after taking my dog for a walk and then came back here and for the past few hours I am doing the research and writing about the geography of Cambodia and the special phenomena of the Tonle Sap river, that during the monsoons flow backwards, into the lake and floods the plains around it and creates one of the most fertile areas for fish and the main source of protein for the people of Cambodia. I read about the mighty Mekong River that flows down from Laos, and China. Dams along the river have huge impact on Cambodia water supply as well as food thus, a real concern. I am almost done with this part but I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I am going to sleep early, right now so I will be able to be fully alert tomorrow for our event. I don’t remember the last time I have been to bed before 10:15 pm, tonight I am doing just that.

   

I am thankful to learn so many interesting things about a country I knew nothing about only two weeks ago. I am thankful for the special gift I give myself – the gift of going to sleep early; I sure need that gift, I am so tired all the time, it’s not even funny.

The Tortoise and the Hare

Day 384 – I delayed making real progress on my Country report and it is due in a week time. I did start but it felt so far out that there was no pressure and the work is due next week. Apparently I was not the only one and people decided to ask our instruction for an extension. I will still try to make it by the original due date – February 13. So from now on I am going to work on this report every single day. I am doing right now the introduction to the geography of Cambodia, and hopefully I’ll be done with this part tomorrow. It is a little sad that adults still procrastinate like young children and cannot meet deadlines. I will do my best not to be one of them but to finish it on time; and I sure will start my final project right away so I won’t be in that position again.

 

I am thankful for another interesting day at my class. I am thankful I finally got up and realized that the tortoise is almost there, at the finish line. Now I have to make up for the lost time and still produce a quality work; I sure hope I will learn something for next time.

A Date on the Beach

Day 383 – after two weeks of corresponding and few phone calls yesterday we finally met. It was really funny how stressed I was before; I actually had something to lose by meeting him, so it puts so much more pressure. But he came here and we went to the beach to one of the cafés there and it was really nice. It was not a stranger I met and we knew so much about each other’s life so it was very interesting. I don’t know if something will come out of this, only time will tell, but he is such a nice guy that I am sure I found a friend if nothing else.  And it shows that there are quality people out there, it’s just a little hard to find. As usual I am very tired, but tonight I even have an excuse – I slept three hours tonight and a I can barely keep my eyes open to finish this entry.

 

I am thankful for finally meeting my friend and for a lovely evening. I am thankful for hidden treasures we can find if we are ready to look for it.  

A Perfect Saturday

Day 382 – Today was such a beautiful day! And so our group decided to go on a hiking trip. This is my first hike in more than two months because of my knee injury, but it started feeling better in the past two weeks and I decided to give it a shot. And boy am I glad I did that. Actually it feels better than it did in weeks. And I enjoyed a most amazing day. We had so much rain lately so everything is lush green wild flowers are popping everywhere and it was warm and sunny and the creeks were full of water; just the most perfect day to start my new year hikes. I also met a woman that joined our group while I was away and we bonded right away. I took many pictures after a little lull in that as well, so I feel like new life is flowing through my body, now that most of the winter is behind us. I promised my daughter to take her on a hike in the next few weeks so she won’t miss all this beauty. And to make a perfect day even better, I finally got to talk to my email friend.

  

I am thankful for a most beautiful day. I am thankful for new friends and old. I am thankful for this very special phone call. I am thankful my daughter is here tonight and we got to spend some quality time together. 

You've Got Mail...

Day 381 – Two weeks ago I started corresponding with a man I found on one of the dating sites. I don’t like to immediately talk on the phone since there is nothing to say – we don’t know each other and it’s a little uneasy. So I wrote and the guy answered back that he is on a business trip abroad. So we started writing emails to each other. At the beginning once a day and later twice a day and the last few days it was several emails per day. This is something I have never done before and I just happen to find the right partner for that. It is very interesting to see how much we share the same values, philosophies, and so much more; it feels like I met my soul mate. It’s also interesting to see how fast I started to actually looking forward to these emails. And we both made a point of sending one before the other wakes up and another before we go to sleep. I got to the point where before I got out of bed I would reach for my iPhone and look for his morning email and a happy smile would appear on my face. It’s all really nice except we never met, or even talked. I wrote today that usually people meet from the outside in. They first meet a stranger and then they start slowly getting to know each other and share slowly a little of their private inner world. Here it was the opposite; we know by now a lot about each other’s inner world but nothing about the outside one – we never talked or saw each other. I told him it is the road less traveled, and I like it. So right now he is already on the plane on his way back from this very long business trip. I guess we will talk or even meet in the next few days and see if this is a good way to meet people or not. Can we also find real chemistry after we found so much interest in the person? The next few days will tell. But regardless, I think we will be good friends.

  

I am thankful for an experience I never had before; of having a real partner to such a strange game. I am thankful for all the sharing, all the caring, for making a new friend. I am thankful this trip is over and he is on his way back. I can’t wait to meet him; I can only hope it will be as good. I am thankful to the universe for arranging that our paths will cross.

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Day 380 – It was the first real sunny day in about two weeks; blue skies, sunny and warm. A perfect weather for Groundhog Day, a reminder that winter is almost over and spring is just behind the corner. Or so I would like to think. We had so much rain in the past two weeks. That I, for sure, had enough.

I set down to write my blog about an hour ago and I just woke up when my daughter and a friend who is staying here for the night came back from a night on the town. I guess I am very tired, again. My sleeping habits have to change, that’s for sure. I don’t sleep enough and I am very tired but still don’t go to sleep until very, very late. This has to stop. I am making a resolution to go to sleep in a normal hour, means no later than 12 am at least twice a week. I will try to make it an everyday thing; to make the very late hour the exception instead of the rule. But thankfully tomorrow is Friday and I will just sleep very late, to make up for tonight.

 

I am thankful I can go to sleep now; I am so very tired. I am thankful even more for the very beautiful day we had today, especially after the very heavy rains we had yesterday. I am thankful for some touching emails, beyond my wildest dreams. Thanks god its Thursday and I am crawling to my bed, one more time; hopefully for the last time.