Our garden

Day 864 - I went today to buy few plants for our garden - it's official now, we get domesticated. I bought a passion fruit since it a very rapid growing vine and great fruits, all in the same time. I also bought a verbena plant, a lemongrass, a Rosemarie, a chili pepper plant, few flowers and some more plants. In short, it will disappear in our large lot, but it's a good start. Also we have to remember that they spread and get bigger so it might have more presence than at the moment. I'm falling asleep as I write, so I guess I am going to take a shower and go right to bed. I am soooo tired!

The only thing I can think about right now is sleep, so, I'm so very lucky to have a place tonight to put my head and be gone.thanks much for that,

More lessons

Day 863 - they say that life gives us the lessons we need to learn; that if we won't they will become more difficult and painful. For the second day in a row I am served a spoonful of conflicts. Another lesson in setting boundaries; in learning to distinguish between import and and less; between what one can try to convince me to do and defining my own needs. Learning this intricate dance of "we" that I'm not very good at. This time it's my boyfriend and again I feel like being pushed into a corner I have no intention of occupying. A lesson I need to learn and internalize. Or I will get more of that, for sure. The difference is that yesterday I could see her point and know that from her own perspective she is right; I could see myself agree with it and do what she rightfully wanted. Today's argument I have no intention of giving in. I can't, for the life of me, agree with his opinion. I know it's how he feels, but I am not going to accept what he is suggesting. It feels too much like he is trying to force his opinions on me. The funny thing is that here I can see more the "we" and what I have to do for that; it's just that I'm not sure I want to at the moment. Maybe because a relationship between two strangers is always in question the "we" plays more of a role. With my daughter, no matter how hard we fight, at the end we'll always be together as a unit of mother-daughter; it's a bond that cannot be broken. I am going to sleep for the second day with a heavy heart; who said life is always easy and fun. The more you love, the more you're hurt.

I am thankful for being able again, to think and see; for being able to break the pattern and widen my horizon. I am thankful for lessons life is serving me; I know, looking back I will be thankful for every difficult moment. I am thankful I am hurt because it means I love enough and care enough for things like these to hurt me. I am thankful tomorrow is a new day and it might be better and easier.

Decisions, decisions...

Day 862 - A heated argument with my daughter brings me to ponder about the role of parents in the life of their adult children and even more the responsibilities and setting the new rules of life after divorce. Do we have to meet as a family even if we are not any more, because for them we for ever will be. Isn't it sending the wrong message? Didn't we take one of the most difficult decisions to split and break the family unit and now by doing things together bring up again the question why did we do that if we get along so well? isn't it more a confusing message? and of course to add to it all I left because I could stay no longer, because my life were living hell, but being a master of swing he is taking the role of the peace maker and the one that is trying to keep the family together, setting the trap for me to show the opposite. For so many years I had to dance to his music, to play according to the script he wrote and now he twists it all, now he is the kind and understanding, the victim of circumstances and life. Making me the bad guy, making our oldest daughter the same and as usual he comes clear and pure. I wish I knew how to play these games; life would be so much easier. And now I am put in this impossible position to either agree to do something I don't want to or hurt my youngest daughter so much. I know what I should be doing for myself, I really don't know how to do the right thing for my daughter. I read today that in an argument we have to try to put the relationship before the individual players, that when we each put ourselves first we have to win and force the other one down; the author claimed that if we put the relationship first we think of "we" and "us" instead of "I" and better answers and a win-win situation will arise. I was trying to think about it while the discussion was going on, how can I make it a "we"; but I really don't know how to approach it. It's a new concept and I have no answers yet and I am stuck, feeling really bad no matter what the outcome will be. We did not do it well and no matter what the bitter taste is there. She wants it so much so I might do that, but at least this time I'll do it not as a puppet that he pushes her buttons and she jumps, but as a free willed woman, who decided that for her daughter's sake is ready to do some things she doesn't particularly like or wants to do. It was a long and hard discussion, not all of it in the right tones, but I am happy I am learning how to handle it better, that I am trying to apply some wisdom and not only feelings. And I know that the biggest challenges are also my greatest learning opportunities. 
  
I am thankful for this idea I read about this morning of thinking of "us" and not about "I"; I am sure it will prove to be a very important tool for life and for better relationships. I am thankful for questions asked about my decisions, as hard as it is to be under scrutiny, I am not that arrogant to think I have all the right answers and this challenge makes me re-examine and ponder; all good and important things, all bring opportunities to grow and develop myself. I am thankful to my daughter for having the courage to try to prove me wrong, and not give up; for showing her love and her pain.  

Getting my hair done

Day 861 - An eventful day. I stayed home today, waiting for the technician to come and fix the sabotage we did to the wires (see the story on day 857). He came and redid everything and did not even charge us for it! nice service, really. By the time he was done there was no point to go to work and so I worked from home. In late afternoon I took the train to our biggest city to get my hair done. It is so convenient, not even 10 minutes walk from the train station. I really don't know why I took my car every time. Again the same wonderful experience of reading all the way and not having to worry about parking or tickets. I went into the salon and two hours later I emerged with my renewed,, freshly dyed hair. People keep asking me why I travel all the way to Tel Aviv; the way I look when I get out of there and the fact that 10 month after my makeover I still didn't have to redo my hair-due. I am still thankful for that amazing make-over I know it was so much more than only a makeover - it changed my life. It changed the way I look at myself and feel about it; it gave me confidence I didn't have before. I use to watch a show on TV called "what not to ware" and they all say in an interview few months later that it changed their life and now I know it's really true. I've changed in so many ways, with no going back. Now a days, even if I chose to ware the "what not to" I know it is not OK and I chose it consciously; knowing I do that "despite" and I want that look, or the comfort of "I don't care".
 
I am thankful for that famous make over and for its long term effects; I reap its fruits every day. I am thankful for a wonderful hair I have now for the next few weeks. I am thankful for the ease of of train ride, for the accessibility of it all. I am thankful for an evening I spent with my partner; quality time at his work place. I am thankful for every day I wake up and go to sleep after spending time with my loved ones; those precious moments give life its meaning.     

Reading a book about Ecclesiastes

Day 860 - I don't know what to write about tonight. My days are uneventful, not that I'm complaining, I know to appreciate the lull, the blessed routine. It's just that when I am trying to choose an event that stands out to write a story about it's a little difficult. But, coming to think about it some more, there's nothing new under the sun but all is new. I can never walk the same path twice and have the same experience, that is if I live even half conscious life. So I did take the same train ride today, like every day,  but it was different, a totally new experience. I read something different in my book, some new and illuminating ideas; I even posted one on my Facebook timeline, since I liked it so much. "The animals, since apparently they are not aware of their own mortality, are living outside of the tyranny of time, and that means an eternity. I really like the book;  very heavy philosophy yet written in a way that makes it accessible to the laymen. I read and enjoy every minute. I love those train rides; the time carved out of my day just for reading, "me time". I used to drive every day the same amount of time but in my car so I could not read and being stuck in traffic also means a much less enjoyment. I see myself lucky for changing my residence and with that upgrading my quality of life in more ways that expected. 
  
I am thankful for this book I am reading; I'll have to read it few more times to get all or most of the wisdom it tries to convey. I am thankful for this quality of life I gained by having the courage to move out of the city.I am thankful for being mortal in exchange for having some wisdom that grows with the years (yes, another pearl of wisdom from this book) 

A silly mistake

Day 859 - we have an old door to the back yard and it was a real problem to lock it. So much of a problem that I would think ten time before opening it. As we soon found out, the problem was that they put the wires of the TV. And Internet connections around the door frame and it just got in the way. So yesterday. Full of motivation to do some more fixing up, we decided to tackle the issue. A brief look reveled the reason and also a possible solution. The wire connections looked very old and we had our hook up station at the other end of the house. So it was clear (to the untrained eye) what to do; we just had to cut this bunch of old wires and all door problems will be saved. And this is precisely what we did. Alas, as we found out, it is always better to check rather than immediately cut. As it turned out it was not the wisest decision, it was a live connection and now we have no land line and no Internet connection. And two adults that felt a little stupid for not checking first.

I am thankful nothing worse that a cut connection had happened. I am thankful for great service by our communication provider. They were ready to cone tomorrow to fix it. I am thankful for lesson learned.

First stage of the yard project

Day 857 - I am going over old post and I can't find the post for day 857; not really sure where it is but I can't find it. I guess I erased it by mistake. How sad. I lost a day.
May it be the only day I ever lose...

Day 858 - it is Saturday, our day off, and it gives us time to work on the house, and this is what we did. Cleaning and unpacking and my partner worked for several hours weeding the front yard and sowing. By the end of the day, we have a clean house, a beautiful front yard that we are going to water a lot in the next few day to ensure the seeds will grow, and very tired inhabitants. But it is the good kind of tired, the one that comes from physical labor; the one that you look out the window and it makes you all fuzzy and happy inside. And so I am going to sleep now happy after a very productive day that took us a huge step forward.

I am thankful for a very productive and fulfilling day. I am thankful for the feeling of home I already have in a place I only live in for less than two weeks. I am thankful for a much appreciated and needed sleep.

Painting class once again

Day 856 - I went to my painting class again after two weeks I missed it due to the relocation. I had to pack and unpack and just could not find the time to do something for myself. But today I drove my car to work so I can go after work to my painting class. It ends at 9:40 pm and if I had to take a bus to the train station and then ride the train back home I wouldn't have made it before midnight; so car day it is. It was a good class and I enjoyed it very much. I was thinking of doing some kind of spiritual drawing, enlightenment, and I picked few pictures I especially like and started drawing. As usual I deviate from the scene and I like to do it on my own and not copy someone else's picture, but it is a starting point. And so it was, in no time I was in my own little world, painting something born within. It is not great art but it is great for me and I like it. It also gives me once again the feeling I had while drawing it - searching for inner peace, tranquility. All good things I would love to be reminded of every time.

I am thankful for a great class. I am thankful to be back with a brush in my hand and with open heart. I am thankful for ideas I got today about an art project I am planning to pursue. I am thankful for a good night sleep awaiting me now; It's past midnight, I didn't turn into a pumpkin but I am so very tired.

Reading books once again

Day 855 - One of the advantages of riding the train to work is that it gives me time to read an hour and a half every day. In the past few months I was so busy that I totally neglected my books and unpacking and organizing a new house sure takes all my free time. But I am riding the train to work and back every day so I can read there. I see a lot of people working on their lap top and I decided I am not going to join this trend. I work hard enough and I deserve some down time. It is the first week of this new routine and I already finished my first book; it made me so happy. Instead of looking at it as a waste of time I can make full use of it. It took me about the same time to ride to work and back while still living in the city, but then I was driving so I could not read and also I wasted so much more gas than I do now. So many reason to bless this move...
  
I am thankful for the first book I finish on my train rides; first of many, I'm sure. I am thankful for the opportunity to sit back and relax instead of being stuck in traffic. I am thankful for quality time I gained by this move.

Smelly closet

Day 854 - So what did I do today that is not the same as always? I unpacked two more boxes, hung few more pictures bought a spade and a rake and started working in our yard and now my back hurts but I am very happy. I also had a major problem in the past few days; one of the closets had awful smell to it to the point that I didn't want to put my cloths in it for the concern that they will smell just as bad. I tried to leave it open, to wash the shelves with water and later with baking powder which is a known agent to absorb bad smells; I tried to spray it with cloths freshener, to put some good soaps in it but nothing helped. I even spayed the closet with a perfume but to no avail. As a last resort I decided to paint the inside with a thick layer of paint and sure enough this last step was the right solution. So now the inside of my closet is painted shocking blue, but it smells of perfume instead of bad BO like it was before. And finally after a week I am struggling with it I was able to put some close into the closet. So a very big step in my quest to finish the unpacking. It wasn't suppose to be that long to unpack but the circumstances forced this timeline; and now in a day or two I'll finish the rest. I'm tired now and my back hurts but I am so happy I solved that issue I was at a loss for a solution or for how to unpack when this only closet I had was unusable.  
  
I am thankful for a day I worked from home thus I was able to buy all these supplies before I started working. I am thankful for the creative solution to the "smelly closet", a solution that enabled me to use the space. I am thankful for a lovely morning in town. I am thankful for the impending sleep; I am so tired. Good night!

I fell into a comfortable routine

Day 853 - I read today something that got me inspired. You have to do something different every day. For a long time after moving here I did that but I got to comfortable in my ways and forgot that. So what can I do different today, or tomorrow? First is the thought, to understand that falling into comfortable existence is not good for me; that routine is what I escaped; that if I want to do great things I cannot afford to be conventional. But I still have to go to work and cook and clean my house; it really doesn't leave me too much free time so I have to think about it and make small changes; Take half an hour a day to myself to do something special. I am starting tomorrow with that. For a while now I am thinking of doing something on my own, and I started the research today. I will work on it some more in the next few days and weeks. If I can't find time to do my own things it means I got no time to fulfill my dreams and this is really not what I want to see. So changing of priorities, taking time off and starting the road to financial independence. I knew it all along but I had to read it to start connecting the dots and here I am starting the new path right away, doing something different and doing it for me; I hope to get all excited as I once was, running with the wind in my face fully alive. It takes only small steps, one at a time until all is unraveled and free.
  
I am thankful for that little reminder I read today to get back into action. I am thankful for little changes I can already think of. I am thankful for a lovely evening with my daughter, just the two of us, talking having coffee, having fun. I am thankful for another day in this beautiful place we chose to make our home.   

Riding the train to work

Day 852 - I went back to work after almost a week off. The house is not there yet but we all went our separate ways. It takes some getting used to ride a train to work but after weeks I didn't have time to pick up a book and read I had almost an hour to do so and it was wonderful. I just have to make sure not to miss my station. For almost three years I drove to work every day. True, it gave me the flexibility to come and go on my own schedule and now I have to comply with the train schedule or I'll have to wait another hour. But on the same time I an not the one who does the driving. So I can kick back and relax; I can read or even sleep, as long as I put my alarm to wake up on time. So I started a new book and so far it looks really interesting and I totally enjoyed my time. Coming back home was a little more of a challenge. I waited 15 minutes in the train station to my partner since there was no point in driving home and coming back 20 minutes later. And about an hour and a half later I drove to pick up my daughter. But It is totally worth it and I am so happy to be here and have those little adjustment kinks we'll iron out in a few days. And coming back home after a long day in the office was wonderful. Coming back to the quiet neighborhood and no cars' sounds. I am just so tired that I can only think of my bed. I hope to write in more length tomorrow.  
  
I am thankful for a new experience of train ride to work. I am thankful for the book I got to start reading today; I have so many more waiting for the opportunity to be read. I am thankful for a warm shower and a good night sleep awaiting me just behind the corner, as soon as I'll finish blogging. Good night!

Home, sweet home

Day 851 - we are not done yet, although I was hoping to report mission accomplished, but technical issues prevented that, so probably about two more days to over come the problem and then I will be able to finish the unpacking. Still the house is starting to look really nice and this evening we even hung pictures on the walls; and it makes it so warm and welcoming. For me hanging the pictures is a big thing first of all because I painted all of them so it's very personal and even more important - pictures give the feeling of home, it makes it personal and warm and inviting. So for a long time we were standing surrounded by the paintings and slowly chose the right place for each one. Of course it's not carved in stone and I will change and add more but for now we are done with that; a big step towards transforming a rented house into a home. This evening my daughter told us it feels like home to her and for me it is the biggest compliment I can get and I sure don't take it for granted, it means the world for me. 
  
I am thankful we are almost done unpacking. I am thankful for the big strides we made this weekend. I am thankful there not too many step backs and that hopefully by Monday, a week after we moved it will all be done and in place. I am thankful for the warm and inviting feeling this house gives me even at this stage of the game. I am thankful most of all that my daughter feels at home and is happy to be here; I am so thankful to have her so close once again. I know it will not be like that for ever and I am looking at every day as a present, something I will forever cherish.  

Too tired to think

Day 850 - after unpacking for the past 14 hours, with short stops for installing light fixture and shopping for some missing items and food shopping and cooking and hanging wet laundry and folding  and unpacking and, and, and.... I'm just too tired to write. I'll do better tomorrow, I promise!
Right now I'm so thankful to lie down in my bed and let my sore body recover.

I am thankful we did so much today; that we are one day closer to being done.

Half way done

Day 849 - Yesterday we came back late from my parents so not much unpacking. But today we attacked the mission with renewed energy and by now the house starts to look half descent. The living room, the dining room, the kitchen are almost done. The bedrooms are a little more messy since we are still dealing with storage space, what else. Even when I say I have so little furniture and stuff, even though I left almost everything behind me when I left home, still I have a lot of stuff and as much sorting as I did already, I still have more I should part with that I can't. And this is in a nutshell the problem of our society; we have so much stuff we carry around that we have to store and the storage places enable us to accumulate more things that will have to be stored... in short, we don't have enough room to store all our useless memorabilia, all the things we haven't used in years but our heart doesn't let us throw away. I guess in the next few days I will go to buy a storage unite for my cloths. But regardless, I am so happy to be here, to sit with my daughter and my boyfriend for coffee or breakfast, as we did this morning. It is so nice to sit in our new living room and enjoy the relaxation. It is so wonderful to know we are almost done with the guest room that will be used most of the time as our office. It is so wonderful to be here, to enjoy the quietness; it is so good to be here in our new place.
  
I am thankful for the progress we made today in the unpacking. I am thankful for the homey feeling the house bestows on us. I am thankful my daughter is feeling better after being so sick yesterday. I am thankful for a well deserved night sleep at the end of a very long way.     

To walk our talk

Day 848- The truth is I was hesitating whether to come and celebrate with my parents this holiday, considering the fact we just moved a day before to the new house and the boxes that are strewn everywhere and all. But I decided that the boxes can wait another day or two and who knows if we'll all be around next year to celebrate. My parents are not young anymore and the story with the doctor in my hospital who passed away two days ago from a massive heart attack at the age of 59 is very upsetting for me. Now more than ever I have to internalize and live by what I preach for; we have to live according to our priorities, according to what is really important to us. And family always stands before boxes, no exceptions. So we were at my parents and had a wonderful evening and I am so happy I didn't succumbed to the temptation but did the right thing. I made my parents very happy, we were very happy and we got some well deserved rest before getting back to the boxes. The only thing that didn't work well was the fact that my daughter got sick during the night and was throwing up and had high fever. Still it was a wonderful holiday and she got to enjoy most of it. 
  
I am thankful for a wonderful time we spent with my parents. I am thankful for a little break we took to sit quietly and meditate facing the vast emptiness of the desert. I am thankful my daughter is feeling a little better already. I am thankful I walked my talk and took a break form the mess to live according to my priorities; for every moment I can live with greater awareness. 

Taking some time off

Day 847 - we kept unpacking and the house starts to look less boxy and more like a house. Still boxes are strewn everywhere but there are clearances and areas half descent  We even set for coffee to our dining table. And since its a holiday we drove this evening to my parents to celebrate it with them. We were with my daughter and my partner's son, a real family like experience. And it was so wonderful.    

I am thankful for a morning ritual I hope we started today, of sitting with a cup of coffee listening to the day waking up around us and enjoy the company. I am thankful for every box we unpacked, about twenty so far. I am thankful for an amazing evening with my parents, my sister and her family, and our little family. I am so thankful for time we got to spend with loved ones; we don't know what the future holds for us so today  was wonderful and that what matters.

Very sad news

Day 846 - We moved today and it was, as expected, a very busy day. We started the day early and it's past midnight and we are still not down for the day.  long day but a very satisfying one. They packed and drove to our new town and unpacked all in about 4 hours. A very good job indeed. I was all happy and wanted to talk about it, about my feeling and more but three hours ago I got a phone call from one of the girls who work with me that one of the doctors in our hospital, someone we work in close cooperation passed away unexpectedly. He was a great cardiac surgeon, and a great person. He was 59 years old, in great shape and it is very shocking for me to think he's just gone. So I will write more about the move tomorrow but today I join all my friends and mourn the passing of this man. May he rest in peace.

I am thankful for a very successful move. I am thankful for an assembled bed to sleep in tonight; its not a given in a moving day. And in a day like today, even more than usual I am thankful that all my loved ones are well and I have more time to enjoy them; I sure don't ever want to take this for granted.

The last night

Day 845 - we just finished packing and about to go to bed. My last night here in this city that was my home for almost three years. The city that saw me coming here list and unsure if my next move. That saw me slowly building myself to what I am today. And tonight is the last night here. I hope this step will be something that I'll always be happy for doing it. But right now I'm exhausted and about to go to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow.

I'm thankful fog all the wonderful things I had today. I'm thankful I'm moving tomorrow. I'm thankful I can go to sleep now.

A packed weekend

Day 844 - it was a weekend of packing. I worked for hours putting my life into little boxes. I tried to be very accurate about packing, leaving unpacked the things we need for the last few days here. I did a pretty good job but every so often we are in need of something I already put into a box. Like yesterday - I asked my daughter to make a cake for dinner. She had everything out already separated the eggs into a bowl but there was no mixer, or a whisk, I packed both! We opened a box and found the whisk but not the mixer, so she had to whisk the egg whites by hand; not an easy task but she did a great job and also learned to appreciate this amazing tool called mixer. But all in all I did a good job and even though our house is full of boxes and our closets and cabinets empty we can still live almost un-disturbed. So it makes me very happy. But it's almost midnight and I'm dead tired after a whole day of packing. I thought I'll be able to finish it all tonight but I'm so tired it will have to wait for tomorrow. But I think I'm 3 boxes away from the finish line, not bad at all.

I am thankful my job here is almost done. I'm thankful for all I was able to through away, for all the extra luggage I left behind. I'm thankful for the memories I'm taking with me for the journey. I'm thankful for such a productive weekend. I'm thankful most of all for the fact I'm going to sleep right now.

It's not easy to be old

Day 843 - I went to visit my ex- mother in law. It pained me to see how lonely she is, and as always I tell myself I should visit her more often. She aged a lot in the past few months and being alone is taking its toll on her. Her other son tried to hire someone to stay with her all the time but it didn't work. She is very independent and does not need a live-in, what she need is company. People she can sped time with every day, eat her meals with them and go to all kind of activities. In short I think a nursing home, a very good and fancy one might be the right solution for her. It was so sad to see her so frail and so bored, which is obviously the worst part. She has no energy to do anything. I was happy I went to visit her, yet so sad to see how she is deteriorating. It's not easy getting old.

I am thankful for being there today and helping for two hours to eliviate her pain. I am thankful she still feels so close to me and opens up. I am thankful she had good two hours because of this visit; because of me.

It takes a village

Day 842 - this evening was a ribbon cutting ceremony for our children hospital. I saw the place when it was just a very big hole in the ground, a huge one; large enough to build in it a three stories parking garage and on top of it 3 buildings are already standing. The first one to be finished is the new children hospital. The main donor is an elderly lady and her time is obviously getting shorter and she decided not to wait another half a year until it is completely finished, but to celebrate it today on her 89th birthday. We were walking inside the building and realizing all the donations to the hospital which made this huge project possible. One room was named after one donor, another room for another donor; a whole section; a whole department. And it donned on me we all had our little share in making this a reality. The architects, engineers, the construction workers, the people who work so hard to get the donations, those who write the grant requests, those who meet new potential donors, those who organize events and on and on it goes. It really takes a village to turn a vision into a 9 stories high children hospital so beautiful and modern. I was so proud to be part of this group and to know I had my little share in all this as well. I wish I could donate something of that magnitude, but I can't, still every little step helps to make this very complex system work the way it does. I am so proud today to be part of all that.
  
I am thankful for a very emotional evening. I am thankful I am working in this place in such exciting times. I am thankful I had the privilege to be part of the village. And most of all I am thankful for this amazing facility that will serve over 600,000 children in the north part of our county.

All good things come in big boxes, or in my case go out...

Day 841 - packing and working and dreaming in between... my life is very redundant at the moment. I like when things are dynamic, when changes are part of daily life but at the moment I have a mission to finish packing in the next three days since Monday rise and shine the movers will show up. I have to admit that as much as I complain about the packing I actually enjoy it. I probably still don't throw away as much as I should but I am giving the house content a big purge, I get rid of loads of papers and cloths I didn't ware for long enough to declare them obsolete. I gave away many books and I will give away more and My shoes collection is the next to see the ax, probably tomorrow. Even my cosmetics products were not spared all had to go through the sorting machine and much failed to pass. My life is several boxes lighter because of that; my spiritual pass got a good plowing because much of what I threw away were things that were holding me to my past. I realized I kept them for no other reason but attachment to things long gone and forgotten and finally had the courage to unload it from the wagon of my life and leave it behind. So even in the structured and the mundane I find light and reason and I am very happy about that; it makes the process easier and more pleasant. Still, I am looking forwards to two weeks from now when all will be unpacked in the new house, and we can get back with our lives. I have so many plans I can't wait to start...

I am thankful for another day that passed and get me closer to the finish line. I am thankful for every box that piled up in my living room and every shelf that gets empty. I am thankful most of all for every bag that gets out of my house and out of my life, full of things I don't need or don't ant in my life any longer.   

Reflection of inner peace

Day 840 - I had a great day today. For no apparent reason except that I feel so good. There are days like that where the trees are greener and the birds are chirpier and the sun is warmer and brighter. Today is such a day. I just went to work and came back, packed few more boxes, had to deal with a destroyed book that I'm trying to salvage and I broke a plate while washing the dishes; nothing special really. Yet I feel lighter and brighter; go figure. But this is not a complaint, on the contrary, it is just stating an interesting fact. I guess it comes to prove that everything we see around us comes from the inside and when I'm happy the world around me responds in kind.
  
I am thankful for a wonderful non eventful day. I am thankful for a lovely evening with my loved ones. I am thankful for an early bedtime; it's only 20 minutes past midnight and I'm already retiring for the night. A good reason by itself to feel happy. Goodnight!

Time Management

Day 839 - A professor stands in front of a group of top executives for a lecture about time management. He pulls from behind his desk a large empty bucket and a second pail full of big rocks. he puts the big rocks into the empty bucket until he fills it completely. And then he asks his audience do they thing he can add any more to the bucket. they answer no, the bucket is full to the brim. He fulls from behind his desk a pail full of much smaller stones and add them to the "full" bucket until there' no more room for them. Then again he asks the crowd if they think he can add any more and the assure him - it's full. So he pulls from behind his desk another large pail this time full of sand and start pouring sand in between all the stones and rocks until the sand starts spilling off the bucket. And he asks his audience if they think he can add any more? this time they answer with hesitation -"no?". he smiles and full a pail full of water and starts pouring it into the bucket until it over flows. Then he looks at his audience and ask "what did you learn from all that?" one of the executives was fast to answer - "you can always add more meetings and more things to do into your day".The professor looks at the class in a little sad gaze "no," he says "what we learned today is that if you will not put the big rocks first you'll never find time for them later". 
I was thinking about this story today as my day keeps unfolding and was getting busier by the minute. I was thinking about it today when an hour ago I realized it is going to be another day I won't have time to read, to meditate. I won't have time for the big and important people and things in my life. I have to plan my day around my very special rocks so I will not arrive at the end of a day not paying enough attention to them, not investing enough time in what really is important for me; arriving to the end of the day happy to call it a day but not fulfilled as I could be if I better managed my time. If I added my very special rocks, the building blocks of my life. I'll try to do better tomorrow.
  
I am thankful to my partner for reminding me few days ago of this story. I am thankful that after a few days I could relate it to my life and maybe even make some changes thanks to that.  I am thankful for a good night sleep; One rock I sure will try to add in a more effective way; with a little more time devoted to this activity.
I am thankful to all the important people in my life; to my solid rocks. 

An hour on the beach

Day 838 - Packing, still packing of course. And in between I add more than 8 hours of work and and hour of back and forth driving and an hour of shopping and... in short, not enough time in the day right now for sure. But through it all I manage to find little moments of calm, little moments of "me time". Tonight my partner came back from a trip at 10 pm and my daughter was on the 11 pm train. And so I picked him up from the train station and we walked across the street to the beach and set there for an hour, enjoying the lull of the gently rolling waves, the cool early summer night, and just enjoy an hour of calm.

I am thankful for all the packing I was able to put in today. I am thankful for a wonderful hour on the beach, my first one this season.

A class reunion

Day 837 - almost a year after I finished the Tour Guide's class we are still meeting; or I should say they are since I didn't come to any of them. But today it was in the same town we are moving to in two weeks and One of the girls in my class called me several times just to make sure I'll come and I promised her I will. After along day of packing it was nice to take a break and meet old friends, hear some stories and just have a relaxed evening. The atmosphere was so nice and every one was in a good mood and it was so nice to see them all after such a long time. And to add to that I also enjoyed the fact that this is the place we choose as our new home. I loved the silence all around, I loved the fact we can see starts when we go out at night and not the light contamination. I loved the peaceful place. So our new place is not as nice as this one, but still it is wonderful and I am so happy we are moving there. It is very late now, almost 2 am (we really had a good time) so this is a very brief entry. I'll write more tomorrow.

I am thankful for a good day of packing. I am thankful I also found some time to rest; I needed it after the long week. I am thankful I finally made it to our course's get together. I am thankful for such a fun night. And most of all I'm thankful I can go to sleep now; it's too late, even in my book.

Packing my home, slowly

Day 836 - Friday is my day off and so it's a good time for me to pack. I want to finish all the packing during next week and move on Friday on the next Sunday. I packed 6 boxes today so I'm up to 8; or about 20% if the movers' estimate was right. I am not really sure, but only time will tell. I am taking the opportunity of the move to through away or give away a lot of books and clothes or in the language of my partner - clearing my spiritual path. It makes me happy to see I am able to get rid of things I carried with me for a very long time. I know I can do so much more, but I am very gentle with myself and I know that this things should not be forced but have to come from within or they'll be meaningless. So I am happy to report that all the books I still carry around are packed and I have about 2 boxes of give away books. And I am getting excited about the packing, it was hard for me to stop so we could go out on a date for a few hours. Now we are back but it's late, so I think I'll call it a day and get back to it tomorrow. If I can do 4 or more boxes tomorrow I'll be in a good shape and I'll be very happy. I am going to work tomorrow on the most messy place in my house - the front porch. When I'll be done with it I'll be so happy. So a boring Friday, two hours of work from home and then packing; boring but important and we sealed it with a lovely outing. What else one can ask for?!
   
I am thankful for some serious progress on my packing trail. I am thankful for a goal oriented day with many things on my plate and all are achieved but reading a book, didn't find time for that. I am thankful to my partner for a lovely evening out. I am thankful for the sleep coming my way; I welcome it with open arms. Good night! 

Falling asleep on my watch

Day 835 - A very long day I only got home after my painting class, almost at 10 pm, but it was a great class and I enjoyed it very much. My painting is getting along quite well and after two weeks I was not sure what direction to take I am very happy with the fresh ideas I got. But never the less I feel like I'm in a lull. It is not the burst of energy I had last year or even at the beginning of this year. I am not sure if it's other event in my life that are taking my attention away from it or is it that I have to reopen the well again, do another round of "the artist way" to open and re-connect some more. I am tired for sure and my energy is going elsewhere, for sure but I should not let any of this take away from my art; I love it and I want to keep tapping into that source, deep down in my soul. I don't want to lose that connection. As we are planning our next steps in the new place I want to emphasize on this aspect of my life. It sounds as if I'm complaining but I am not, this is just a reminder for me to rekindle the fire, not to fall asleep on my watch.

I am thankful for a very good lesson tonight; I am thankful my picture is progressing in the right direction. I am thankful for an eye opening understanding of never taking things for granted ever again, to never fall asleep and let my life take place without me watching it.

Packing, day 1

Day 834 - I started packing today. Only two boxes out of about 40 I think but I took the first step. I will pack some more tomorrow and hope to do most of the packing over the weekend. I am planning to throw away a lot of things I don't want to carry with me anymore; to clear my path from some leftovers I don't need and are just pulling me back, pulling me down. I think that moving a house is always a great opportunity to so some serious purging of worldly belongings that are more of a dead weight than a real needed thing. It's funny, most people hate moving because they get attached to places and mostly because of all the work of packing and unpacking but not me; I always look at it as going on an adventure, of starting something new and exciting and as an opportunity to shake my routine and do something different. I will not write much, it's way past midnight and I have to wake up in a few hours but I am so happy to report I took the first serious step towards our move.

I am thankful for a good day at work; for having and good and stable workplace. I am thankful for a fun afternoon at the local market. I am thankful for a wonderful dinner with my partner. and most of all I am thankful for the first two boxes I already put aside; about 5% of my work is behind me, or maybe less but I took the first step and this is always the hardest. Done.