I am thankful for the friendships in my life

Day 13 - I went yesterday to a funeral. The first one here in many, many years. A father of a dear friend of mine passed on. AT first I didn't want to go. Funerals are not much fun, and I don't have a car, so I knew it will be very complicated for me to get there, and on top of it the weather was bad, very windy and pouring rain. So tempting not to go. But I really love this wonderful family and I wanted to be there for them at their time of need.

Everything went wrong that morning. There was a bad accident on the road leading our of town and the buses were running an hour late, I was sure I won't make it. In a brilliant move, I ran to the near by train station and hopped on the train. There I found a taxi right away and the sweet driver made a 20 minuted ride in 10. I arrived just as the ceremony started. It was windy and cold and wet and my shoes got soaked, but I was so glad I did that. That I was there to hug them all and just be there, for them and with them. We went through so much together, and than I missed so much more in the years I was away. I am so happy I am here again to be with my friends during good times and bad. 

I am thankful for the friendships in my life, and this one in particular. I am so thankful for all they had done for our family in the past and for being there for me since I came back. I am thankful for being able to do something small for them.

The rain

Day 12 - It's been raining the whole day. They were talking about serious draught this year, so as much as I don't particularly like getting soaked, I can understand the importance of it. So I won't complain, but I came home today after a good class (women circle, very enjoyable) and it's still early, according to my very funny biological watch (or lack there of) and decided that I can instead celebrate this rain. I took a very hot shower, made hot tea, and took it with a good book to bed!!!  Got to bed before 10:30pm - haven't done it in ages.

So today I am thankful for the rain. It brings us some much needed water and give me a good excuse to pamper myself.
Suddenly I like the rain, I even wish for more :)

I am thankful for my Body

Day 11 - I read somewhere that more that 90% of women, when asked, will admit that they don't like their bodies, that they wish it was different here  or there. We live in time and age where we are constantly bombarded with ads and talks of how to make it better, more toned, less fat, less wrinkles, just not what it is right now. We diet ,and work-out, and dye our hair, and injects poisons under our skin and cut with a knife...

and still, we are not happy. We are chasing an illusion, instead of understanding that if 90% of women don't fit the "normal" maybe it's not so normal!!!

So today I want to make a stand. I want to thank my body, faults and all. I thank my body for doing a great job at keeping me alive. For pumping blood thousands of times a day into every cell of my body, for bringing oxygen thousands of time a day into every corner, for taking me everywhere. For having children grow in me, and being born. And I especially I want to thank my body for doing these jobs even though I am not taking good care of it as I should and even though I am always upset of its imperfections. this is the only body I have and if I wont take good care of it it might not be able to do its job anymore.

Thank you my body for all you have done for me for so many years.

Optimism

Day 10 - in these days and times when everywhere we go, we hear how bad things are, and yet in a few months we are expecting three grandchildren in our extended family, all with in 3 weeks of each other. Three young and educated families felt that the world we live in is still a great place, great enough to bring new life and start a new generation!

So on top of being so excited about this first grandchild of mine, I am also so thankful for the lesson these young people are teaching us. Life is great, we live in a wonderful place, and the future is bright and promising enough to bring new children.

Thank you for your trust in us and in yourselves, and for your optimism. And of course, thank you for this special gift they are going to be so many precious moments it will bring to all of us.

The little things we take for granted

Day 9 - Too often we take for granted the simple things in life. I was thinking earlier what am I going to write today. Nothing very exciting happened. But than it occurred to me - this is really something to be thankful for. Nothing really happened. I got up, and I went to work, and I had some good meetings, and few good laughs, and I took the bus back home, and went shopping... nothing to report.

I am so thankful to be so healthy that I take it for granted, to have food to eat, and water to drink,  a warm bed to sleep, a roof over my head... and I don't have to worry where my next meal will come from, or where am I going to sleep tonight. So many things to be thankful for.
Its the little things we take for granted that make our lives whole.

Holistic Pulsing

Day 8 - I am working with an amazing therapist for the past year. she has her own methods, very different than most other, but it brought great joy into my life. She empowered me and enabled me to grow more than I did in so many years before. I was ready, I guess, this is when we best meet opportunities, when we are ready. I was able to uproot myself and move across half the world into the unknown and just trust my ability to handle what ever life presents to me. With softness and warmth she helped me achieve more than I thought possible.

And than last week I she invited me to come to a seminar that took place today, I just came back few minutes ago. It was an amazing experience. I got a treatment they are doing called Pulsing and than the most interesting and challenging seminar, she shows people how they are stuck in bad places by their mind and not by the circumstances of their life. And how by daring to live in the present we can actually feel alive, and so much happier. It is very interesting, by living in the present, means when I don't know the outcome of my actions, only in this place of uncertainty I can actually feel safe and happy.

I probably sound like I'm babbling to someone who is not familiar, but for me it was a really great experience.
I am thankful for this amazing and very healing gift, and I am thankful for this kindness. I will pay it forward.

My mother-in-law

Day 7 - I am sitting here to my computer, since this is what I promised to do for the next 993 days and trying to think of anything out of the ordinary I can write about. So, what did I do today? I went to work a little late and so got another beautiful sunrise!! and I am thankful about that. it was really beautiful. Light mist hanging over the bay and the sun bright and red picking between the clouds and I could not stop thinking - how lucky I am to be here and see that. It was my good morning present just for showing up.

But, I already wrote about the sunrise and as thankful as I am this is part of the challenge - it had to be something new everyday. I can't write the same thing twice.

I had to saw something small, to fix a onesee, but I don't have a sawing machine, so I took it to my mother-in-law, and I had a lovely afternoon. She was very sick in the past few days and so she barely left her home. We talked and had some tea and cake, exchanged some ideas about how to make life more interesting and of course, I fixed the onesee. I walked back home in a very good mood. This is an 83 years old lady, so lively and lovely. I enjoy spending time with her and I am very thankful to her that even though she is not happy that I left her son, she still calls me and wants us to meet. I am also thankful for the opportunity to bring some joy into her otherwise very quite and lonely afternoon. 

I am thankful for having this very special lady in my life.

I am thankful for the trials in my life

Day 6 - I knew it in my head, but now I actually practiced it. The shadow is scarier than the real thing. For a few days I was thinking about this meeting and how to handle it. Turning and tossing it, asking myself how can I enjoy being at the receiving end of bad criticism. And finally I got it. Instead of being passive and wait for the jabs to come, defending myself best I can, I can simply be proactive. I can take ownership of the situation. Instead of beating around the bushes, just step into the arena and admit to my short comings, and apologize. After days of pondering the issue, I just found the mature and professional way to address it. And when I came from the adult level of behavior, all was fine. Sounds so anti-climatic, but this is what I enjoy, the calm. I was ready to do it again right away. And I know that I turned a corner. From now on I learned a new way to handle difficult situation.

So today I am thankful for this wonderful opportunity to grow, I am thankful for my fires that forced my seed to grow into a beautiful seedling. Thanks for an amazing opportunity to get out of my comfort zone, realize that it is not so scary there and choosing not to step back in, just forcing my circle to get bigger, more inclusive.

Not every day is rosy

Day 5 – I have nothing big to report today. Nothing very exciting happened and I was wondering what can I write. But, in second thought this is really something to be thankful for. It challenges me to go beyond the surface, to dig deeper to find my answer.

So here we go -

There is this meeting that I am suppose to attend in a few hours and I know it is not going to be an easy one. One of the people there is very upset with me and he is going to make this meeting all about that. I am thinking about this for the past few days a lot, and to be perfectly honest, dreading it.

My first thought was to run and hide, dodge the hostility directed at me and just not show. But than I told myself that: 

A.  this is very un-professional, thus unaccepted and

B. this is the old me talking, thus unaccepted.

So how am I going to deal with that?

I have to face the music, and since I Am going to do it, I should also try to enjoy it. Joy for sure will make it easier. This is a whole new and different way for me to handle such a situation and so I like it. How can you enjoy being the unpopular person in the room, being the target of criticism? This is what I am going to figure out in the next two hours. And I will report about it tomorrow.

And so today I am thankful for something I never thought I can see as a reason for gratitude - I am thankful for this opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, for the opportunity to grow in a direction I never did before. 

A journey in time

Day 4- I live in an ancient country. I can drive for 20 minutes in my car and make a 2000 years leap. It is Saturday, late January and the weather was amazing. Blue sky, bright sun and warm. I had to go out and celebrate this burst of life and early spring.

I drove again through the fire stricken area and enjoyed seeing hundreds of people coming to hike there and bring back life, laughter and joy to a place where so much was lost. As I said yesterday, life cannot be stopped, it comes back in full force. I drove to  the artist colony near by also hit by the blaze, and again the same phenomenon - energy and healing everywhere. 

A little later, I arrived at a grove of natural oaks forest for a hike. it was so lovely to hike between the trees still without leaves, and see the soil rich brown and covered with lush green grass, and the children running around and the birds, and the cows, and the sun. A perfect place, a perfect scene, and so much beauty.

The rest of the day I was visited a 2000 years old settelment that was dug and restored since I left, so it's the first time for me to see it in all its splendor!! the most beautiful ancient mosaic I have seen. I was so happy to see all that and the beauty all around it and the green, fresh grass, and the sun.

I am so thankful my heart almost bursting with joy. How can I pick one thing to be thankful for when I have all this around me?

I am thankful for an amazing day, beautiful country and my health to enjoy all this.

The fire - 3rd reason to be thankful

There was a huge fire here few weeks ago. The largest the area ever endured. For several days the hills and forests were on fire. I don't have a car and so I didn't see the devastation until today. I had a day off from work, and I rented a car for the weekend, so I decided to drive there and see the blackened landscape.

Words, even pictures could not prepare me for what I saw there. Disbelief, this is probably the best way to describe it. Ancient tree groves are gone, a wild life preserve, miles of beautiful, green pines and oaks, all gone or standing as a silent testimony to the fire, everything is black and damaged. I stopped several times during my drive and got out of my car. It made me cry. This was one of the most beautiful areas in my country and now it is all in ruins...

And then I saw a little seedling that someone probably planted and it reminded me of the cycle of nature - some seeds will not grow until they go through fire. Like the sequoia tree, like so many others. And from this place of devastation new life will emerge, new forest will start. It will take time, but nature is in no hurry.

I have to always remember that lesson - sometimes seeds have to go through fire in order to get to their full potential.

I am thankful today for the fires in my life. I would never be who I am today without them. There was pain and there were very difficult moments but I came out of it stronger and better. I am truly thankful for the fires that enable me to grow.

An amazing sunrise

I am a night owl, a big one! you can't tell it from my work schedule, but I am. Before moving here and starting this job I used to put "see one sunrise a month" as an inspirational goal. And I have to admit, I almost never did it. I could go to sleep at 3 am, no problems but to wake up 5 minutes too early was something I would try to avoid at all cost. Even my inspirational goal was rarely a good enough reason.

Things changed dramatically since I moved here. I don't have a car so I have to use public transportation and during rush  hours they are packed and it takes about an hour to get to work. I discovered that if I leave early, the bus is almost empty and I get to work in less than 20 minutes, and so I changed my schedule drastically.

Usually I leave home at 6 am and catch the 6:15 am bus to work. It is still very dark at this time and the starts are still visible. Today I was a little slow and I had few things I wanted to finish so I got to the bus station a little later than usual. By the time I got on the bus and it started it's descend towards the Bay I could see a magnificent sunrise - a bright red sun rising above the clouds. Such a serene scene. What a perfect way to start my day.
I am so thankful today for this wonderful sunrise that I got for free, just for showing up. So I can check my "see at lease one sunrise" for this month.
And as for my OOPS of the day - oops #2 - I left work at 5 pm today and went directly to the gym instead of going home first - a great idea. Especially, since sometimes by the time I get home, I don't feel like going out again. So in one easy step, I got my workout, saved time and performed another oops.
until tomorrow...

Two years later - OOPS number 1

So the day I dreaded had come and gone. So many things happened since then, and my worries about starting to plan dinner at 10 am  proved to be wrong. Encouraging?
Well, that depends. The reason I am not planning dinner is because I decided to leave home. So I am still an Empty Nester, but I left the nest as well. And I can promise you that this is a very invigorating thing. At the age that most people are starting to plan retirement I am starting my life a new, and in a different country, I went back to my homeland.
Challenging, yet so exciting is all I can say. After more than 20 years away, things have changed a little and I am out of the social network. I did keep contact with few of my friends, but they had new friends and new experiences that I was never a part of. And I came back alone, no husband. Some people are feeling threatened, or uneasy. I can't even blame them considering the fact that many marriages are not as stable after more 30 years, and my presence can rattle the shaky boat, give some bad ideas to the wives...

But if I have to take a look at the direction my life took - it is really for the better. after so many years, it feels great to be alone, to make my own decisions, with no one to protest, and no one to blame. It feels like finally I am completing my transformation into full adulthood, full womanhood.

So I am going to do things differently. I am not the same woman who left home half a year ago. I am strong and independent and I love it. I keep thinking that even if I wanted to go back, there's not enough room for me there anymore, I outgrew it. And I am planning to do so much more growing. And I am planning to keep pushing the envelop ever so lightly more, to keep growing and developing spiritually and mentally and socially for all the days of my life. And who knows, maybe even on my business endeavor - no ideas yet, but will keep you posted.

Part of my growing is by doing things a little different, everyday. I want to break old habits and to question everything. My therapist calls it - Out Of Patterns actions or OOPs for short. so from now on I am going to list everyday one oops.
Please feel free to comment or give me some suggestions. I don't want ever to run out of ideas.

OOPS number 1 - this blog. I decided to start this blog again and will keep it going, every single day. Going public is something very scary for me, being a very shy and private person, so this blog is a huge oops and I am doing it because I know how important it is to push the envelope, especially in the areas I am less comfortable pushing. I can tell myself that no one reads it, but it is out there and at anytime someone can come in. If you do, please let me know, to make this OOPS was more real than I thought. I am sure it will scare the hell out of me, but I hope it will be read. SO thank you for reading, you are my reason to be thankful today.