Challenges

Day 1166 - Looking for an apartment, working the mess at work, working the mess in my life... I am at a crossroads once again. I keep saying that the only constant in my life is the change but when things really come to it, there are some things I wish I didn't have to change. But these are my life, these are the cards I have to play and I will master the strength to do that. I am much stronger than I care to admit, I just don't particularly like to test these boundaries... A difficult day; one of many, I guess. But I know that at the end of the long, dark tunnel there is a ray of light and with this knowledge I plunge in hoping to come better at the other end. This how we are forged, in a blazing fire. 

I am thankful for every day I live on this planet, as difficult as it is; this is what gives color and brightness to other days. I am thankful for all the tests and challenges; I know I needed them or else they would not come my way.   

A very painful reality

Day 1165 - I met with my daughter today for a very difficult heart to heart talk. I am at a loss right now and I think it will take me a few days to get my head clear. I am at a very painful junction that I never thought I can find myself in but I did and I am. I cannot pretend as if nothing had been said, I cannot behave as if there is no real problem here. I might seek some professional guidance but things cannot keep going the way they did up until now. A very painful reality is finally forcing me to look at the mirror and into my own heart. It will take time to start untangling all this mess, but I will find a way. I will. I admire my daughter for opening her heart to me and I promise to make amends for all these difficult months. The train had derailed a long time ago, I just didn't want to acknowledge this. I am not sure if I can change things around, I sure hope it can be done, but things have to change dramatically and the sooner the better. It's past midnight and I just made it home a few minutes ago, so more about it tomorrow when my head will be a little clearer and my mind more fresh.

I am thankful I got to spend time with my daughter, I cherish it even when in pain. I am thankful to my daughter for all she said, it takes courage to do that. I am also thankful my dad left the rehab center today and a little over two months since the accident he is back home; hopefully for a full recovery.

A restless Saturday

Day 1164 - a beautiful day outside but I was indoors all day working on a presentation I have on Tuesday. It came out really good and now I have something to show every time I talk about the store. I think it captured everything in a 10 minute talk and I hope it will make the right impression and more importantly, that it will entice people to come to the store. Almost five months after we opened our gates I am still excited about everything and very optimistic it will find its right clientele. We start seeing it already- return clients, referrals, word to mouth... Patience and persistance is what we need. So as part of the over all efforts I prepared the presentation while my partner hung our ads all over town. A restless Saturday, but for a good cause.

I am thankful I have this opportunity to present our store to a big group of people. I am thankful I have this store. I am thankful to every little step along the way. I am thankful for a restless Saturday.

A wonderful day at the store

Day 1163 - I am tired beyond words after such a short night that got even shorter. But this entry is going to cover something else. We had our very best day of sales at the store. It is almost three fold than our best day until now. And good items. It made me so happy because business slowed down this month something we also hear from other merchants but comes a day like today and show us the real potential our store has, and brings a wave of optimizm that we can and will make this adventure into something real and strong.

I am so very thankful for a day like today and hope for many more like it. I am thankful to every one if our clients, I know they have so many other options and I am thankful they chose our little store. I am thankful I am going to sleep now - so few hours of eep are taking their toll. Good night.

A very short night

Day 1162 - we came home at 11:40pm knowing we have to wake up at 6 am but we were too hungry to just go to bed. So a little past midnight we ate dinner. A very light one of course but still it was way past midnight. I don't remember when was the last time I did something like that. I am very tired now and my sleeping hours are getting shorter with every extra word I type. So I guess it is a good enough reason to stop here and retire for the night. Our days are very long these days, and very tiring.  I hope we'll start seeing the fruits of that soon. It is not easy to keep going day after day when it didn't picked up yet. And I gust realized that the clock is moving forward tonight; OMG less than four hours it is!!
 
I am thankful for a long but satisfying day. I am thankful I have almost five hours to sleep now. And I am thankful most of all that the end of the week is almost here.

Let the game begin

Day 1161 - a day that started at 5:30 and ending now way past midnight. But Ithe important new is that our website is up!! Much work for me now to load all the items but now it's up to me and we are not waiting to someone else to do or not, to understand me the right way or not. Now we can just start running. I hope to make it good enough in a week or so and then start publishing its existence.
Too late to write much, but I am so very happy it's up.
I am thankful our website is up. I am thankful it's now in our hand to make or break it. Let the game begin.

Day 1160 - sometimes you just don't have time to write...

A bus ride

Day 1159 - I didn't have my car today so I had to take a bus to the store, giving me an extra hour to read my book. How wonderful. Sometimes even something as simple as riding a bus can be so good. I hope that when I move back to the city I'll have so many more days like that. Driving for sure takes valuable time out of my schedule, time that could be used so much better. I am still house hunting but I sure hope to oar that in the next week or so. Time is running short.

I am thankful I got to read today and relaxed instead of driving and getting stuck in traffic. I am thankful for every opportunity I get to read, my spare time is very limited so I cherish every such moment. I am thankful for this very special book I am reading, I get a lot of interesting ideas from it.

Little pleasures

Day 1158 - I didn't feel like working on the computer tonight and instead I read a book. It's been a long time since I did something like that. Reading a book on a regular evening. How special, how profound. To add even more quality to my day I am planning to go to sleep soon, hopefully before 11 pm. Interesting how simple stuff when neglected for so long, become so special! For sure something to think about; instead of looking elsewhere for fun and entertainment we can look inside. See what is it that we like and didn't do in a long time and schedule time for it. It's so invigorating, so fulfilling.
 
I am thankful for the little things I life that make my day so special. I am thankful for a book, for an early night sleep and most of all for the situation that made all this possible

Family time

Day 1157 - on a very beautiful day I drove to the big city to visit my dad and mom and see my brother who is here this week for a visit. He lives in a different country and we seldom see each other but in the past two month as he is going through a very rough patch we talk on the phone almost daily. It was a warm and sunny day and we all set outside and had a good talk. As adults, especially in our situation of living in different countries we don't have this luxury of family time so it was nice just spending time together the four of us. It was short of course and after lunch we all went our different ways but it was something so very special.
 
I am thankful for a very beautiful day that I got to enjoy. I am thankful for special family time. I am thankful I got to see my brother before he goes back home. I am thankful for friendship we develop in our old age.

A very nice apartment

Day 1156 - after work we went to see an apartment that sounded very promising on paper and to my surprise it was very good upon inspection as well. So now it is only a matter of negotiation about the price. I hope we can come to an agreement and get the house. I won't talk about it right now, but I'll do it if we get it. I am so happy to see that there are houses in our price range that are very decent and not just hole in a wall that needs a lot of TLC. I am dead tired, a very intense week is taking its toll.
 
I am very thankful for my last find in the house hunting saga. I  I am thankful for a lovely home we saw today. I am thankful I can go to sleep now and have a long weekend to recover.

Testing new activity

Day 1155 - as part of our campaign to get our name out we decided to check if Thursday is a good day at the mall. It's an 11 hours work day so we split. Half of the day I was at the store and my partner in the mall and then we switched. It's still a very long day but more bearable when we divide the load. So it seems that it's not worth it. Not enough people are there to justify the hassle. We might try it one more time but it looks like this is not going to be our new routine. It's almost midnight and only arrived home about 20 minutes ago and tomorrow we have to wake up very early. So again short but on a happy note. I am in bed and about to go to sleep. Good night.

I am thankful for another wonderful day on this planet. I am thankful I am going to sleep now.

Too much on my plate

Day 1154 - I have to finish something for work and couldn't complete it tonight. I'm just too tire. So a short, very short night is all I can have and hopefully a 6 am mad rush will be enough. Too much is on my plate right now. Way too much. Times like that make us appreciate our routine for sure!!

I am thankful I can go to sleep right now, even if not for a full night sleep. I am thankful it is only for a short time and soon my schedule will be more forgiving.

Business opportunities

Day 1153 - just came back from a meeting of our networking group. It was interesting and I hope some good things will come out of it but its late, so very late now. The good news is that our morning group is not meeting tomorrow morning so we have few hours to sleep. We are still trying different ways to introduce the store and make it interesting enough so people will be intrigued to come and visit. Not there yet, but making progress and we get better every time. I learn a lot from watching others do their "60 seconds", their introduction or speech about their business; and it sure makes me think differently about how to introduce ours. It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of creativity to succeed. And most of all, thinking out of the box. In our next meeting, in two weeks, I am going to get the stage for 10 minutes as the main speaker and a real chance to expose everyone to the store. I have to start working on it already. It better be good; it's our chance to pull everyone's attention and do a real promotion to the store and to the course I want to start soon. In short, so much work, so many opportunities...

I am thankful for the opportunities these meetings create for our store to take off. I am thankful for an evening spent doing business in such a way. I am thankful I can go to sleep now for a normal length of a night. Good night!!

An early morning shift

Day 1152 - I woke up tonight at 4 am and my mind was racing so I could not fall asleep again. After almost an hour of tossing and turning I decided to get up and actually type my ideas and be done with it. An hour late with the first rays of light I was done and went back to sleep. But apparently this was not enough and I am very tired. So even though it is still early, almost two hours ahead of my regular schedule, and it makes me real happy, especially sine tomorrow is our networking evening.
 
I am thankful I got that work done. I am thankful waking up in the middle of the night is a very rare occasssion for me. I am thankful I can go to sleep now. Good night!!

House hunting continues

Day 1151 - we saw two apartments today and crosses out both so the hunt is still on. It's not easy to do that after work but I have no other time. It's a little depressing to look for a place because so many places are in a very bad shape and need a lot of TLC. People who rent houses look at them as a milking cow and not as an investment. I can only hope to find a good one soon. I have to move in less than a month. But I know it is out there so I keep looking and in the mean while I have a place to stay so it's ok.

I am thankful for the shelter I have right now, for the hospitality. I am thankful for the opportunity to look for the best place to live in. I am thankful for my day.

Visiting my loved ones

Day 1150 - I was visiting my father, mother and daughter today. He is still in rehab more almost two months after arriving there. And my mom is running back and forth every week. Visiting him almost every day and traveling to their home once a week. Not easy, especially not at her age. My daughter is not doing so great either so it was not an easy day. But I think it ended better than it started and this is good enough right now. A lot of work to do, a lot of mending; but a good place to start.

I am thankful for a beautiful day after a week of rain, especially for my trip and our outing. I am thankful I got to see all my loved ones. I am thankful for a long talk with my daughter that started badly but I think got better later. I am thankful for a very important visit.

So very sad

Day 1149 - the few things in my life that are not working the way I think they should are making everything looking bleak and sad. I am not sure how to go about it; how can I make things better. I am so sad it came to this point. That I was not smarter and able to stop the deterioration. But this is where we are. I am sad, so very sad. I guess to be alive means feeling all the array, not only happy but also sad and worried. I am alive for sure and for now this will suffice.

I am thankful I saw this day coming to its end, in more ways than one. I am thankful I am healthy and have food and shelter for the night. I am thankful his day is finally coming to its end.

Late night rains

Day 1148 - Another late networking night arriving home close to midnight with an early start tomorrow since it's Friday, our mall day. It was about 20 minutes north of the city thus extra 20 minutes driving and in this extra time it took us to get home there was such a heavy rain that I was not sure at times if we can even make it to the next exit safely. I don't remember such heavy rains in a very long time and it sure not very pleasant to drive in such conditions. But when it catches you on your way home and it's almost midnight there isn't much you can do but keep driving and hope it will end soon. But all well if it ends well and it did. Now I am warm and dry at home and ready to call it a day; appreciating the fact that I have a place to sleep tonight, that I am dry and warm and with no worries other than the late hour.
 
I am thankful for a very interesting evening. I am thankful for making it home safe and dry. I am thankful for food and shelter and warmth. I am thankful for all the gifts in my life.

House hunting, again

Day 1147 - after weeks of draught a winter storm appeared here and scattered raid and fallen tree limbs. Not listening to the weather forecast means I had no rain coat but at least I has my fleece. Luckily this morning when we were looking for apartments it was still clear. We thought we found a really good apartment. A very quiet street and the flat itself overlooking a natural forest but alas the owner gave us such bad vibes that after much discussion we decided not to pursue it. It's not easy to live in rented places and being subjected to the whims of others. Its not easy to look every year for a new place, pack unpack, clean thoroughly another place just to find myself in the same spot a year later... I guess I will have to buy my own place. It might be small but it will give me the freedom I am missing now to do with it as I please. But for now I have to concentrate on the mission in hand and to find a reasonable place to rent.

I am thankful I found this place; even if it didn't work out now we know what we are looking for. I am thankful to be in this position of looking for a place here in the city again. I am thankful we were in agreement regarding this place. I am thankful to the universe for all the gift it throughs at my feet. I never take. Any of that for granted

No glasses day

Day 1146 - my reading glasses fell off my bag today and I realized I'm missing them only when we were already in the store. So I had a most trying day. I can't really do much without my glasses, I can barely read. A very interesting understanding of how crucial they are for me, how dependent I am on them. I tried to read but it's all blurry, I could not decipher numbers and so I didn't do any of my work, worried I'll put nonsense into our system. Now I am back home, so happy I can read once again. As a result if today I decided to leave one pair of glasses at work, just in case something like that ever happens again.

I am thankful I did not lose my glasses just dropped them at work. I am thankful to have my glasses again, to be able to read once again. I am thankful for this amazing invention we all take for granted; it sure wasn't today for me.  

A restful evening

Day 1145 - The first day in a long time that I was not in a hurry, no need to pack. I have to admit it feels good. I know its a temporary relief and in a month I'll be in it all over again but for now I am on a mini break. Tomorrow I'll have to start looking into houses again and it will be over, but today is a quiet day. I could read a book, which I didn't do in a long time or so many other things but I chose to enjoy an evening with my partner. Sadly, we don't get to do that much lately. A chilly evening, raining outside and we were home warm and cozy enjoying the heater (no fireplace here). How wonderful it can be simply to rest for a while and be in the moment, nothing to worry about, nothing to work toward. Just be in the moment. Nothing before or after; just be present in my life for a brief moment in time.
 
I am thankful for this little pause in my hectic life. I am thankful for time spent with a loved one. I am thankful I can go to sleep and not have my whole body screaming for some rest after a long evening of packing. I am thankful I am not going to see any of my boxes for a month now.

Starting the long way back

Day 1144 - so good to have it all behind me, to know that step one in my way back to civilization is over. I packed my house and moved out. And now i am settling into my new and temporary housing arrangement and hopefully tomorrow I'll start looking for a new place to live. I hope this time to make a better and smarter choice. Since it can make the difference in the world. I am tired, very tired. The long hours and the I intensive physical labor are taking their toll. And so my goal is to hit the sac before midnight. I have to admit it's such a relief to have it all behind me. To know it's over. I can't wait to be back in the city, to go out at night or on Saturday for coffee; to go to the beach... Sometimes you have to lose something to learn to appreciate it. At least this was the case here. I was so sure about moving away, but now I know better. So it was a very important lesson.

I am thankful for being on my way back. I am thankful for lessons learned; for changing of priorities. I am thankful to be again on the brink of new life.

Done packing

Day 1143 - it's past 2 am so it will be a very short entry. I just want to report that we are done. It was a very long day but we did it!!!
I am thankful the house is packed and ready to be moved. I am thankful to my partner for all his help and hard work. I am thankful I can go to sleep now for a few hours.

1142 - Friday night packing and slowly

Stressed

Day 1141 - another packing night. I have only two days left and so much to do. And tomorrow is a work day so I'll start packing only in the evening. And I am getting less sure the space I have will be enough. Too much in my plate at the moment. It's after two an and I have to wake up in four hours, so this will be a very short entry.
I am thankful for the progress I made tonight. I am thankful I can go to sleep right now.

Getting rid of stuff

Day 1140 - I am going to call it a night even though its not even midnight for another twenty minutes. This back to back networking events are taking their toll and let's not forget some packing as well. The truth is I through away more than I packed and I made a resolution once again of not buying but the absolute necessity. I don't like this feeling of waste, of throughing away things I shouldn't have bought in the first place. I through away things I carry with me for years just because I couldn't let go. So once again the sword of wisdoms is getting the upper hand and u get rid of some more. Clearing my spiritual path.

I am thankful I find in me the courage to through away parts of my past. I am thankful I am a little lighter because of that. I am thankful to be in bed ten minutes before midnight, may I'll even sleep before. Good night.

No packing day

Day 1139 - our networking evening means a day with no packing. We only made it home by 11 pm and we have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow morning and we still had to eat since we were starving... In short a "no packing" day. And tomorrow night we'll probably be too tired after this back to back meetings. Oh well, I guess the three days after will be very hectic.

I am thankful for a very good meeting were I think things start to move there in our favor. I am thankful I had a day off. I am thankful for a good night sleep.

Day 1138 -

A spoon full of sugar

Day 1137 - my partner helped me packing today and the combined effort was very successful. One room is fully packed and we started making strides in the second one. Hopefully tomorrow night we will be able to finish that room and be left with the kitchen and the storage area. I am so not excited about the packing. Only the fact that it means we are done here makes the medicine go down. I can think of so many things I'd rather do in the few free hours I have. But this is the situation I'm in right now and the only thing I can do is pack, so packing I do

I am thankful for a spoon full of sugar, a promise that the adventure is behind me in a week. I am thankful to my partner for all his help. I am thankful for the progress we made.

Packing

Day 1136 - packing again. I packed the first four boxes, first of many. And through away about two more of book no longer needed or wanted as a travel companion. When I know I'll have to pack them again next year I think twice before putting them in the "to keep" box. I'm so happy to leave this place, yet so not thrilled about packing again, looking for apartment again, moving, unpacking... How I wish for some serious magic powers right now. But I'll do it and go through it and be fine. This is the payday for that rush decision to move last year.

I am thankful my days in this house are numbered. I am thankful to move back to the city. I am thankful for lesson learned and hopefully never to be repeated.