Hiking With My Hiking Group Again

Day 529 – after a long absence I joined my hiking group again today for a hike into a cave we did last year. This is a very technical climb and very challenging because of the slippery ground and the very tight and difficult maneuver in the cave. Thanks to the fact we did this trip last year, we knew we should take a rope with us which made some of the more difficult spots a little more manageable and less dangerous, but it is still a very challenging climb and not for everyone. After 3 hours in the cave we climbed out into a very hot day so we continued our day in a 3 hours rafting trip on one of the rivers not far from there. It’s my first rafting here in my country and I was pleasantly surprised. And we had so much fun; take a group of adults, put them in a raft in the middle of a river and see how they all become children again and having so much fun doing it. So I am writing now and my arms and shoulders muscles are sore but it was so much fun. I didn’t hike with my group in the past two months, like so many other things I didn’t do, and it is so good to be back and fully enjoy life again; having other things in my life and not only work.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful day in nature, hiking with my friends. I am thankful for my first rafting trip here in my country. I am thankful for new friends I met today. I am thankful for a day that continued with a guided tour in Tel Aviv following the footsteps of some famous female poets for my friend’s 50^th birthday. I am thankful for a family meeting after a long time I didn’t see any of them. I am thankful for a wonderful day.           

About Change and Personal Happiness

Day 528 – I just finished reading a book called A Brief History of Mankind and came across a very interesting statement – each person has a personal “happiness capability”. Some people no matter how many wonderful things happened in their life will not dwell in the 8-9 area and on the other end some people no matter how bad things are will not dwell in the 2-3 side of the scale. Both characters might have a temporary spike to these numbers but will get back to their more gloomy or more cheerful attitude regardless of the external situation very fast. So the obvious question is – if we have an inherent capability for happiness or lack-there-of then our constant search for happiness, something that is really pushed by our current views of “the personal right for happiness and fulfillment”, is futile. We might have a temporary change but at the end of the day we will end up in the very same type of mood as we were before. So is change worth it at all? 

I was thinking about it a lot today, after reading this statement and yes, there are self-help books who say exactly that – don’t fight your reality but learn to accept and you’ll be much happier. But my conclusion is different. yes, I belong to the more cheery crowd, I am not a 10 kind of person but definitely an 8, but I think that while it’s true that I will probably end up in the same area of the scale, I prefer to be in a less stressful or oppressing external situation. I am doing a project on Cambodia right now and I was thinking about the statement with that in mind; I am sure everyone will prefer to be a gloomy person in a free country that a gloomy person in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge era. So while my personal happiness ability might not change there is a great importance to what happens in my life; change can be a good thing even if eventually we will end up more or less on the same place on the happiness scale.

 

I am thankful for this very interesting and intriguing book I finally finished reading; so many of its pages are highlighted by now, and require serious pondering, just like the statement I mentioned above. I am thankful for few hours I got to spend on the beach reading – it was so much fun. I am thankful for a beautiful sunset, I didn’t get to see any lately and I am so thankful to be back in the game. I am thankful for an evening of research, starting to get back to my project; it is due in less than a month and I really have to start working on it.       

Back to the Drawing Board

Day 527 – it was a very busy month and my art teacher was away so for the past month I didn’t touch a brush. I had a painting I started in the last class but didn’t finish it and for a whole month it was looking at me 9or rather I was looking at it) thinking how to go about this unfinished painting that I could also see a huge error I was not sure I could fix. So finally today came the big moment, my teacher was back. He did have a sub for the period he was away, but I tried it last time and it didn’t work for me so today was very special. We all came back, and the class was wonderful. And it seems we might be able to convince our teacher to keep the class going through the summer and not take a summer break. i decided I want to draw a naked woman picture and going through pictures on the internet I came across a Picasso painting from his blue period that I really love so I decided to draw it. Last time I did the blue background and the outline of the woman. Today I didn’t even bring a photo of this picture since I wanted to take it to where ever I want. I wanted it to have something of me also, to put in some personal flavor and not only to be a copy. So of course, there is no doubt it is a copy of the Picasso picture, but a free style copy and I am very happy with the outcome and already hung it on my wall.

  

I am thankful for a great day where I got to spend time with my daughter before she left for a weekend with her friends. I am thankful for my creative writing class that ended today and will resume after the summer break. I am thankful most of all for a great drawing class; for being again with the most wonderful experience of all. I am thankful for the joy I draw from this creative process, for friendships forged during the time we spend together. I am thankful to be back with a brush in my hand and a song in my heart and on my lips; I am so very thankful for this class!!

The Little Flowers on the Side of the Road

Day 526 – I am sitting here thinking what can I write today. The truth is, not everyday something exciting happens. And not every day I can say I am thankful for my routine. But what is life really all about? It’s a lot of small moments of routine, moments we don’t appreciate as we live through them, but we terribly miss when something bad happens and throws us off course. And my routine today included a phone call to my parents my children and a friend; a time spent in a café with my ex and my daughter and feeling OK about it, even happy. It’s had a visit to my mother in law, a full working day that was well done. And it ended in evening with my daughter watching a movie at home on her laptop. All this in one day and my first inclination was to write “nothing happened today”. I cannot believe how a thought like that even crossed my mind, how I did not see, even if for just one moment, how lucky I am, how blessed. So I am sitting humbly here and acknowledging the fact that I am as lucky as one can be to have a great group of friends, to have a job I really like, and most of all to have a great family. And even when I separated from my husband of 31 years after a short time we had to process our feelings and disappointment we can be friends again and enjoy each other’s company. I think it makes it easier for everyone including ourselves. So looking back at my day, I had an awesome one and I want to be able to appreciate it in real time and not only in times of chaos. This was the reason for starting this blog in the first place. So I did a full circle and here I am again at point zero; I am practicing again looking and seeing the beauty in the simple things in life, in the routine and the mundane; I don’t need the drum rolls and the big dramas. I am going for the simple stuff; for the little flowers on the side of the road.

  

I am thankful for an awesome day. I am thankful for family and friends. I am thankful to be able to reset my scope every once in a while and refocus on the real things, on the best things in life. I am thankful for every day that is simple and quiet and so very satisfying. I am thankful I can take a shower, put on clean clothes and kiss my daughter before I close my eyes for the night. I am thankful I can go to sleep with no real worries, and a good chance for waking up tomorrow to another such a day.            

CPR Training, Again

Day 525 – about a month ago I took a CPR class as part of my tour directors training. I learned a lot, since I knew very little about it, but I didn’t think I am prepared enough. Since one of my friends is in charge of all the subject of CPR training in our hospital, I asked her if I can join the next class she is giving. And today was the day. so I am happy to report the following: I am now certified, again, to give CPR (with the hope it will never come); I was right and the training I took last time was not to par with what I got today; giving CPR is a hard job. We each had to do a two minute compressions of the chest to the mannequin and it feels like eternity; by the end of the two minutes I could feel that I am doing less than perfect job, that my compressions are not as deep and I could see that others suffered from the same problem. The whole idea of CPR is to artificially circulate the blood until we can use the defibrillator and until professional help arrives. In the event of cardiac arrest it can mean the difference between life and death for the person. After hearing the odds of using CPR on a patient or not I am convinced that everyone has to learn how to perform it, and how to use a defibrillator (AED) and practice it at least once a year. This is what I am planning to do from now on. I am also going to convince everyone I know to take the training; it is our duty as citizens in a society, really.     

  

I am thankful I decided to take the CPR training again; I got better training and I feel much more confident about my ability to react in real life situation. I am thankful to my friend for giving a very interesting and intense CPR class. I am thankful to the management of our hospital who are encouraging all of us to take the class. 

The Promise

Day 524 – We have one month left until we graduate from the Tour Directors Course and so the prospects of starting to look for a job are becoming more real with every passing day. Today we had a four hours presentation about France from an amazing 93 years old man who holds the highest possible French certificate as a Tour Guide and it was very interesting indeed. I learned a lot of things I didn’t know and I want to travel now to all these places he talked about. I gave him a ride to the bus station and mentioned I have a license as an American tour director and I should probably start looking for a job with one of the companies, not a full time job of course, just as a supplement and some fun. When I came home and opened my mail I found a mail that a company in the States is looking for a tour director here in Israel with extensive knowledge of the country. I immediately mailed them back and I hope something will come out of it – it can be so cool!! and regardless of the outcome, I have to start sending letters to all the companies I know to look for a job as a TD for a trip here or to Europe. It’s easy for me and it’s something I really want to start building. And when I updated my resume I realized that so much of what I did in the past two years is actually a hospitality industry job and it really qualifies me as an experienced TD. I feel comfortable in stressful situations and I can handle hundreds of little details without dropping the balls; I actually strive in these situations.

 

I am thankful for a very interesting class today about France. I am thankful for that email I found in my mail box just as I declared I am ready to make my move. I am thankful for my job; it is so much fun and so varied and all the things I did in the past few months really give me the experience I needed. I am thankful for opportunities opened for me if I only dare to dream big. I am thankful for the promise waiting for me just behind the river bend.

Going to the Theater

Day 523 – I went to see a show tonight at the local theater. I had tickets for a different show last week but had to cancel because we were at the ER the whole weekend and so I was very happy when we were offered tickets at work for another show this afternoon. I ordered two tickets but none of my friends was available on such a short notice so I went alone. I have to admit the show was not something to write home about, or blog about, but the experience was great. I enjoyed going to the theater, I sure don’t do it enough; this is only the 4^th show I attended since moving here. I love theater and it’s a very special experience that I really enjoyed and I will keep going to as many shows as I can. It’s not that the acting was bad it’s just a weird story, so some people will like it and some don’t; but if I don’t go I can’t find good shows as well.
And one more time - Happy birthday to my daughter!!  

 

I am thankful for a ticket I got for free to see a show. I am thankful I went on such a short notice (4 hours!). I am thankful I have so many friends I can call and see if they can join me for a show, even if no one could. I am thankful for an evening of culture and fun. 

A Special Birthday

Day 522 – I decorated the house and cleaned it and I even went shopping for some food and my daughter was still asleep. By 1:30pm I decided to wake her up before the whole day will be gone. Later we went out with my ex and two of his friends to celebrate her birthday again, and it was really nice and a lot of fun. It is really far away from where he lives right now and he is really making an effort to be here for the important things in her life and it makes me very happy.  I wish I could do the same for my son and my older daughter, but I don’t have the same flexibility at work and I travel on my own dime and not on companies budget, so I can’t do it as often, so he is definitely doing a better job right now in being in everyone’s life. I am very happy for him and for my daughter, less happy for me for not being able to do the same. But I will try to do a better job, and as I said few days ago, I am planning to travel for a visit next month; I can’t wait to see them as well as their partners and children, it’s been way too long. But most of all today is about my daughter’s 20^th birthday – Happy birthday, my love. This is such a special Birthday.  

  

I am thankful for another birthday we celebrated together, and a very special one indeed. I am thankful we got to celebrate it the three of us together; it’s so nice we can do it even though we are not together anymore. I am thankful for a wonderful weekend I got to spend with my daughter.

A Private Party

Day 521 –I was very tired for some reason, so at 9pm when my daughter went out with her friends I decided to take a little nap before deciding what am I going to do in the evening. I slept through the alarm I set and woke up 9 hours later! Well, I guess I was really tired. So no need to decide what to do in the evening – it’s long gone. What I still have in front of me is to decorate the house for my daughter’s birthday. So maybe it’s good I slept before. Now she is asleep and I am wide awake.

Earlier today we went to a restaurant she likes to celebrate her birthday. The real date is Sunday but she’ll be back in the army and today her father comes to visit so we decided to have a little party of our own, just the two of us. Now after we did that all the other parties can start. We already did our little private event. For years her birthday was an event celebrated over several days. The reason was that school ended before so we did an early celebration in class about two weeks ahead of time and then the parties went on with each one of the family members as they become available, since, for some reason they could never make it all for the real date. The core was always my daughter and I we were in all the events and we’ve always been there on the real date. And so our own little thing is the real tradition and the one we are most careful to keep, especially with such a significant birthday such as the one we are celebrating now, her 20^th.

  

I am thankful I am here every day and can be in all the important events in her life. I am thankful we are such good friends after two years we are here, much more than we ever were and in a very different way. I am thankful we had our little party just the two of us and especially on a difficult time like now. I am thankful I was had such a long ‘nap’; I sure feel less tired now. I am thankful that I can decorate the house while my daughter is a sleep; it’s a special birthday and I want to make her feel that.  

A Different Thursday Night

Day 520 – I am back home after two days away, and, as always, I am so happy to be back. we worked really long hours and its very tiring but also very satisfying; but I am so happy it’s over. I arrive at 10:30 at night and my daughter was here so we had a very long talk and now I am getting ready to sleep. I am so very tired; but I will not go to sleep before filing my blog, or before taking a shower. It’s been a very long week and I am so happy to be at the other end of it and at home again. but it is also a serious routine breaker. I guess that what we need is a combination of both – a routine that I’ll miss and what to get back to and some events that will break it; that I’ll work my butt off to accomplish, will be happy when it ends and even as I go through the motions to be able to realize how much I love the fact that I have these events; they give power and color to my days, to my life.

 

I am thankful for the interesting job I have. I am thankful for this unique opportunity to represent my hospital and in the same meet people, and have fun with my colleagues. I am thankful to be back home, to be able to spend quality time with my daughter. And now I am also thankful for I am done writing and I can go to sleep.

A Fun Night

Day 519 - I am in The President's conference in Jerusalem for the second day; yesterday they had Kisinger and Tony Blair - a very special event indeed. Today is the second day and it was interesting but not as much as yesterday. At the end of the day there was a party for some of the conference delegates and our guys arranged invitations for the four of us and we went there. And that was so much fun!! It was a "battle of the bands" and after that we continues with dancing for another hour. I sure did not expect that when traveling on a business trip. A very nice surprise! We came back to the hotel tired but very happy and it is also very important as team building exercise. We get to know a very different side of us. It is the first time I'm on something like that and I really like the idea.


I am thankful for another day we got to spend another day here at the conference. I am thankful for a fun evening with my friends. I am thankful for a clubbing night - it was so much fun. I am thankful this is the job I have, I see myself as so lucky for that.

A College Graduate

Day 518 - Two days ago my son graduated from college. This is always a big deal, but for him it was even more so. He is a very smart young man, but patience is not one of the things he pride himself for. Patience when he faces ignorance or go by the rules kind of policy is even less possible for him to practice. He likes to study what he thinks is important and not what someone else demands of him. In short it was very challenging and for a while it looked like he won't make it, but with time he learned to tame the beast. He learned that it is not necessary to express every opinion, he learned how to work the system in order to stay in school and graduate. I am very proud he did it. I am very happy he was able to control the inner voice advocating to drop-out; that he learned to delay some satisfactions and finish school, for this piece of paper, for what it represents, for the doors it will open for him, higher salary, opportunities. And the question about compromise, about selling one's soul are all valid and I don't have a good answer, but I feel it's the right thing to do. Give in just enough to get out. For my son it was a very valuable lesson for life; and two days ago he graduated. Look at this piece of paper as "getting out of jail" ticket I told him, you won back your life.


I am thankful my son finally graduated; he hated it but finished anyway and for that I am very proud of him. I am thankful he got his freedom back. I am thankful for lessons learned, for opportunities presenting themselves. I am thankful for a dream turned a reality.

An Early Celebration

Day 517 – I was planning to give my daughter for her 20^th birthday next week a pampering day – massage and facial and few more things but after our weekend ordeal I decided not to wait and do it today. So we both went to a salt-room and spend an hour there and then got the massage and the facial and it was so wonderful, exactly the antidote to such stressful time. a total relaxation and a real feeling of pampering. We concluded the evening with a good restaurant where we set for over two hours and just talked and had a great time. It is hard for me to grasp the fact that she is twenty, but on the other hand I see her mature before my very eyes and it is wonderful. Twenty is such an important birthday it is the time you officially make the shift from adolescence to adulthood, to the decade in which the biggest decisions are being made – job, spouse, children (hopefully in this order). So we celebrated all that today and had a wonderful time. Living here I miss all the important dates in the lives of my older kids and I have to learn to accept that as well. The good and the bad – it’s always a mixed bag.

 

I am thankful I got to celebrate the birthday of my youngest daughter a week ahead of time, just the two of us. I am thankful I got this special day all planned out; it could not come in a better time. I am thankful for an amazing conversation, for things that opened my eyes to look at my history in a very different way, not only her future. I am thankful for all my friends who called all weekend and in the past few days to check on my daughter; it makes me feel so good to know I have friends who really care and are here to help if I need I had none of them two years ago when we moved here. And most of all I am thankful for an amazing daughter; I am the luckiest mother on earth for having her.

Back To My Blessed Routine

Day 516 – This morning my daughter was released from the hospital. After 37 hours at the ER we were both exhausted so we slept for a few hours and at the evening, after the second round of very strong antibiotics she was feeling good enough to have a 2 hours outing. Not anything crazy, but it is a big step; yesterday I had to wheel her around in a wheel chair, she was too weak to walk more than a few steps at a time. We are still taking it very slowly and she got few days off before having to go back to her unit, so she can hopefully get better and strong enough. But as always, when life taking a bad turn we learn to appreciate so much more the little things that are the scaffolds of our life, the routine that is beneath it all and give all the delicate fabric of life its full strength. Our routine, our daily activities that we are never thankful for them again, this is what we crave the most when in the midst of chaos. Just an hour at home doing nothing, or cooking or taking a shower. We are both so happy to be back to all these wonderful things that make our lives the wonderful thing they are.

 

I am thankful to be back home. I am thankful for two loads of clothes I got to wash and hang to dry. I am thankful for food shopping I did today, for home cooked food. I am thankful for being able to sleep in my bed this morning, to be able to sleep in any bed after two days in a hospital chair near my daughter’s bed. I am thankful for a long shower, for clean clothes. I am thankful to be back to my wonderfully simple routine; I missed it so much.

Second Day At The Hospital

Day 515– It’s our second night in the hospital. And I am so tired, I didn’t sleep much last night and I hope it will be better tonight. They ran a lot of tests and we experienced a lot of frustration (ER is a place where they test your patience to the limit)and at the end they are still not sure what it was, but some alarming results came in so they will re-test tomorrow morning. I still hope it will change, that the diagnosis is not what it looks like right now. This is a very, very short entry. We got out to take a shower and change clothes and then go back. And I need some sleep I won’t make it through another day without sleep.
    
I am thankful they decided to keep my daughter here for one more night and run the necessary tests, this way we’ll know for sure one way or another. I am thankful I got to spend the day with my daughter, be with her at this difficult junction. I am thankful she doesn’t need surgery.