A messy office no more

Day 938 - Trying to put some order into the mess I usually have around me. I was just getting out of control. So I bought a new binder dividers and started to sort through the papers strewn all over my office and put them into the right place in the binder or in the recycling bin. an hour later my office is not completely organized but the mess is significantly reduced and the binder is full as well as the recycling bin. And I feel so much better for doing that. It's funny, you'd think that someone who is so messy just like that, but the truth is I love when all is nice and neat and organized I am just clueless about how to keep it that way. Not true, I know how to do that, just put each paper right into the folder or to recycling instead of putting it in the growing pile on my desk. But for some reason at the moment it looks like a good idea but later... Maybe I should make a new rule - I touch a paper only once and take care of it right away. Pay and file if it's a bill, or just file or do throw away if it's anything else, in short just do it. What happens with my current system is that it's so much more work for me and frustration also about the mess. Can I be that kind to myself and make a resolution to "just do it right", to not create so much extra work for no apparent reason? I sure have to try, life is too precious to waist them on unnecessary work. At least today I enjoy this clean desk of mine and the bed with no clothes to fold; a nice office for a change. 
  
I am thankful for the great idea to take care of the mess. I am thankful my office looks so nice and neat tonight. I am thankful for the new resolution to try to keep it this way and I'll do my best to adhere to that.  

Mission Accomplished

Day 937 - I needed to notarize a few documents today for some legal issues back to the states. It's the first time I had to do that and so it was a very interesting learning experience for me. Here a notary is a very experience lawyer, 10 years of work before one can become a notary. So it's not just going to the local mail boxes company or to Kinko's. I had to set an appointment and it cost a fortune. Back home it was $10 per signature; here it was $54 in a country where the average salary is about half or less than there. Adding to that was the fact that the first notary I set an appointment with just blew me off few minutes before our meeting. But, and there has to be a but, after all I am here to say thanks and not to whine, I managed to get an appointment with another lawyer right away and two hours later I was back at work with the signed documents even if a little disappointed. Coming from a different country I know it doesn't have to be that time consuming or expensive. But deciding to live here was not because it's the best deal in the world, it sure isn't. Life are expensive, salaries are low and the pressure is way too much at times. I decided to live here because I am part of this landscape, part of these people,I feel at home here more then anywhere else and this is the place I want to be despite all the above. I love it here, but I love it with open eyes; I don't tell myself lies or pretend things are pretty. I love this country with all its short comings. And so I accept with a little smile all these things that make others upset.

I am thankful for the little reminder that not all is perfect here in this little country of ours. I am thankful that even though it took me so much time and cost so much money I got the work done. I am thankful it is not something I need to do too often; and in small quantities we can take almost anything. I am thankful for my impending sleep, I didn't sleep well last night and so I am very tired.    

Progress

Day 936 - Few days ago when we were on the beach my partner's cell phone got soaked in sea water and you can guess the outcome of such an event. As part of the new and upgraded phone he got, and since he had a very bad cell phone plan I offered to get him the one we have at my work place, that is so much better. And so I did today. It's real easy, they just need some basic info from him and in a few minutes one can switch from one company to another, keep his phone number and get a plan that will save him a lot of money and give him so much more. The seller just gave me a new SIM card and this evening we switched it and all is well. With all the new plans and free minutes and free SMS and all, we already forgot how expensive it used to be; how they used to bind you to the provider for years. And now in a few minutes it's all taken care of. It reminded me when the home use of internet was in its infancy and we still had a dial up modem and we paid by the minute. I cannot even imagine now a days being on for only few minutes. Such a huge and irreversible change that took place in the past few years. We are talking about 15 years ago. It is scary sometimes to  think of all the changes we had gone through in such a short time. In this pace no one knows what the world will look like 10 years from now. I am still at the age when I can participate and enjoy these changes but I am sure the day will come when it will be too much for me, just as it is now for my parents. Such a strange thought. But this is the natural flow of life; the young ones are running ahead and the elderly slowly falling behind. I don't feel I'm getting older, but I am with every passing moment. But since it is such a slow process a little episode like the one today are the reflecting mirror through which I can detect them.
  
I am thankful for every passing day. I am thankful I got to live in such an exciting era. I am thankful for all the things we can enjoy because of that. I am thankful for little niceties such as internet and cell phones; they make life so much easier and the world such a small and accessible place.      

Not just sleep

Day 935 - it's been a long day; nothing exciting to report. Work, running some errands and finally back home. But it was also a day I lived, even if I'd rather do more meaningful things had it been my last, and I made it safely to its end, with a heart filled with gratitude. So a good day after all, even if not exciting. I spent some time with my partner and that's always great, cleaned my house, did some shopping and I even found time to read. Its "The good the bad and the ugly" kind of mix. Exciting side by side with the boring and the mundane. But it is a good reflection of life, so I am grateful for living another day on this earth and I guess I have to learn to be thankful also to the fact that I am one day closer to the end of this incarnation. Another day in this blessed place. Hallelujah.

I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for all its facets. I am thankful I can go to sleep now.

Not being in the present

Day 934 - A different way of thinking, a few moments of acting in an un-aware manners can cause a lot of problems. I hurt the man I love for no reason just because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. And I can say I'm sorry and I can feel really bad about it but the better way is to be more aware to what we are doing, to live in the present as much as we can and not on auto pilot. I know it is something we strive for but cannot do; but the more we practice the better we become. The more we do it the more we live in harmony with the world around us. I am still reading the book "Eat, Pray, Love" and she is talking there about her experiences in India in the little ashram that became her home for four months. And it is exactly the same issue of living at the moment, quiet the "monkey mind", live at peace and happiness. Maybe I should go to a place like that for a few months and connect better with my inner and true self or maybe just start meditating on a daily basis. I hurt the man I love so much and it makes me feel so bad. He really doesn't deserve that, he is always so good and attentive and loving. I can only say I am sorry and try to be more in the present next time.

I am thankful for lessons I get at every junction of my life. I am thankful I have someone I love so much that it hurts me I've hurt him. I am thankful for his calm and wisdom that help me where I need help. I am thankful for having him in my life.

A different kind of beach day

Day 933 - A day on the beach. I don't do it enough since I moved here, for sure. It started just as a day on the beach but my partner is not the kind of guy that will just sleep in the sun. He is a guy of action as much as his appearance is deceiving. So we put our stuff and started strolling. And soon enough we saw an area of sail boats and windsurfers. Now, he was a serious windsurfer for almost 20 years and gave it up about 10 years ago as his back did not tolerate any more the strain of very strong winds and hard core windsurfing. But he promised me a long time ago to teach me how to do that. And so with so many sails around he came back to his old self. It was interesting to see this quiet and soft spoken man talks in so much passion about the "how to" and before long he was standing on one of the boards and giving me my very first windsurfing lesson. I love the sea and everything connected to it. I love walking with my feet in the water, and I love just bathing in the sun; I have to admit I never did any of the water sports except power boating and that not really a sport. So it was my first time to look at the sea in a whole different way. Checking the waves and the winds considering the possibilities. I am not a young chick so I don't know how much beating my body can take, for sure I cannot do high winds but I would love to learn how to wind surf and go out to sea with all the freedom such sport can give. So it was decided, next week we are actually taking it out not only beach practice. It was so wonderful to spend a day on the beach. We live our lives in close quarters, working in offices and stores and not outdoors, and at night come back to our little boxes of homes of this kind of another. The fresh breeze of the sea, the soothing sound of the waves - they restore our souls and heal us. At the end of such a day I just feel whole again.  

I am thankful for a lovely day on the beach; a much needed outing from our daily hard routine. I am thankful for the introduction for this new idea (for me) of windsurfing. I am thankful for seeing this excited and alive side of my boyfriend, which I knew exists but never saw and assumed it was gone. I am thankful for the healing power of the sun and the beach and above all the power of the sea. And most of all I am so thankful for this phone call from my son, I was worries sick yesterday and I am so happy he is safe and on his way back home.       

A rough day

Day 932 - A dramatic day in more ways then I care to count .A very difficult day at times. It started so lovely with a plan to meet my daughter for a few hours, just the two of us. But very dramatic events on the other side of the ocean, back home, prevented some of the fun as we were checking all the time the news from there and discussed the events for a while. But still, through all that we managed to have some fun, visit a flea market and a very high end tea store that looked almost out of place in it's elegance. I was very happy that for a short while we were just us with no interruptions from here or there and I can't wait for her to come back home on Monday. It's been a long month and a half but it was good; for both of us. And I hope now we are ready to be back together here.

I am thankful to my daughter for the few wonderful hours we spent together. I am thankful for the little things we did that were so much fun and so special. I am thankful this day is over and luckily it ended on a good note; at times I wasn't so sure how it will end. I am thankful I can go to sleep now for a very needed rest.

A very special call

Day 931 - I had a long talk today with my son. It doesn't happen very often. He is a guy after all and seldom remembers the things or people that are not around him. I don't blame, this is just a statement; I know him and I love him just as he is. This evening I called him and he was busy but called me about an hour later and we had some quality time together, talking away. He told me about his life at the moment, the new job the bumps in his relationship in short a talk we didn't have for quite some time. He was in his little car, driving for the next 24 or 36 hours, bringing his car and his belongings back to his dad's house, where he'll reside until further notice; until he'll decide how and what does he want. I am glad we can do it every once in a while actually talk and not only exchange pleasantries.

I am thankful for my son's phone call; for time we could spent talking. I am thankful for having three wonderful children. I am thankful my youngest daughter is back here after almost two weeks away with her dad. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, I'm literally falling asleep.

A beautiful Poem

Day 930 - i found a very beautiful poem today by one of my favorite poets and I shared it on Facebook. I didn't read poetry in a very long time and it made me very happy. I think poetry is the kind of activity you can love or hate but not stay impartial to it. When I was younger I used to spend hours reading poetry and then I forgot all about it and got busy with life and materialistic world. The soft side of me was pushed to the corner for so many years; every once in a while i'd remember, read a few poetry books and get back with my life and the daily business of running a house and a family. I still managed to pick up few poets from that country, totally unknown to me and expanded my literary horizons. And now that I am here you'd think I'll have time to do all that but no, I don't. I am running in circles trying to catch up and being frustrated by how much I am neglecting myself etc. But today was different, I saw that poem and it drew me in, I read more and more, I thought about them and I just had a great time. Not a big story today, but this is the beauty of this blog; you just can't do it the "wrong way" and if reading few poems is what made my heart singing today than I am thankful for that.

I am thankful I found this beautiful poem today. I am thankful for ray of light shining on my day. I am thankful for words of encouragement that show me I was not the only one missing some beauty in my life this morning. I am thankful that at 12:30 am I can go to sleep. Good night!!

The power of crystals and stones

Day 929 - I love semi precious stones and I love crystals. I used to walk around with a little polished amethyst stone in my pocket, for good luck and for blessings. But it was never more than something I like. My interest was even more so because I like to make jewelry and I use all different stones in my designs; just because they are so pretty to me. Today I happened across an article about the healing qualities of these stones; their mystic meanings and I find it fascinating. Apparently they are used for generations as healing agents, helping in curing diseases, maladies and discomforts. They are healing body and soul and are good for depression, low self esteem and low energy levels. Stones can be used to bring love into our life, to absorb bad energies and replace them with tranquility and wholesomeness. Each one has its own qualities and its indications. It was interesting to read to learn how you chose them (by intuition) how you keep them and how your cleanse them. In short, I had a very interesting lesson today and I loved knowing that without any intentions I am using the healing powers of these stones for a very long time. Now that I know I will start using them in a more structured and accurate way and bring the right presence into my life. I think I am going to take a class, if I can only find one. 
  
I am thankful for these very interesting articles and findings; about this new world open right  before my eyes of stones and crystals. I am thankful to learn that something I truly appreciate for its beauty and charm also has such healing power. I am thankful for an opportunity to learn a little more about something that up until now was just a mindless and on the surface has such deep and spiritual meaning.        

Rekindling a dream

Day 928 - I am reading a book right now that I like very much "eat, pray, love". It's about a young woman who one the surface lives the American dream, has everything one can wish for except for the fact that she is very unhappy in her marriage and she finally masters the courage to leave. She embarks on an around the world journey to "find herself" and decides to spend 4 months in Italy, 4 months in India and 4 months in Indonesia. It reminds me of my plan when I left home and I never really did that. I had no money and so I had to scratch my plan back than and I never really got back to it even when my circumstances changed. I guess it is so easy to forget the plans and the big dreams and fall into a comfortable and lulling routine. I wonder how long it will take me before I'll take off and go after that dream. The funny thing is that I even checked about going to Italy and learn the language. But even if I'll go today it will be different. I lost some ground and it is 3 years later so the burning need for freedom is not so intense anymore. Still the need for the open road and unpaved path is still there. Reading the book revive it so much and I know it might take me a few years but I"ll do that. I am so happy I found that book, that I've been reminded of that dream and in the mean time I am living vicariously the life of Elizabeth Gilbert.

I am thankful for the reminder this book delivers to my inner self about dreams I didn't fulfill yet and roads I didn't take. I am thankful I do have dreams even if I cannot live them all, it still is a wonderful model to live by, something to aspire to do. I am thankful for hours of joy this book and these thought bring to my life at the moment. I am thankful most of all for my eye sight and for my ability to read.

Room full of incense

Day 927 - I went to a store that sells incenses as well as rocks and other such things. I love these kind of stores. I used to have one not far from where I lived abroad and I visited that place quite often. It's interesting to see how each of them has it's own theme; some specialize in rocks, others in cards, the one I lived by had a strong Buddhist orientation and the one I visited today specializes in incenses. I cannot resist such wonder, I just had to buy some. And so as late as it is right now, I am sitting to my desk and the room is full of that lovely scent and I love it. I bought several kinds since they had such a nice collection, so I can see the differences and really learn which one I like, if I can feel the difference. If not, then I'll go by price next time; if I can distinguish, which I hope is the case, then of course I'll go with what I like most. So a scientific experiment in the middle of the night; I probably would benefit from meditation as well but I'm too tired. Still even just the little burning stick and the fragrances are enough to put me in the right mood.  
  
I am thankful for this little outing that made me so happy. I am thankful to those who first thought of that wonderful invention and to those who thought of introducing it to the masses. I am thankful for little pleasures, so easy to miss and wonderful to have like a quiet evening such as today.     

Turning the wheels

Day 926 - Do you believe in the idea of "the secret", do you believe in setting the wheels of the outside world by moving the wheels inside us? I really do and time after time I see that in action. This is how I moved here, how I found my job, even how I met my boyfriend. I knew what I wanted expressed it with all the conviction it is going to happen and sure enough it appeared in my life. And now for months I am debating about my next move. The wheel inside me is moving up and down and since I am not sure yet I keep looking at this opportunity or that; getting excited about one idea and two days later scratch it for the next one. Today I finally understood nothing will happen until I'll really know what I want; until I will have the burning fire, the conviction. Only then opportunities will start to show up in my life; only then I'll know what to do next. I have some direction but it is not enough. I think the time has come to start going in instead of looking for answers outside. How? by listening to my inner voice, by doing a daily meditation, by taking time off my busy schedule to put myself at the center and not neglect it. When I'll do that I'll reconnect and find my inner truth. I did it before so I know it works; it is time to listen and then let the planet know what I am looking for, what I ask Her to do for me. Once I'll ask the wheels of change will be put into motion and my life, once again, will roll in the right direction.
  
I am thankful for this reminder I got today that all is within my reach if I'll only put my mind to that. I am thankful for being human thus in the center of the creation where all is there for me. I am thankful for a great weekend, for real relaxation and recharging of batteries; I am ready to face the world again and a new week.  

About older parents

Day 925 - My parents stayed here over night. It is the first time they stay at my place since I moved here. I visit them every so often but I just realized they never visit me. In the morning i took them to the train station for their long trip back home. See them walking to the gate it suddenly downed on me how old they are getting and how frail. To see my mom walking so slowly, using a cane to question if she can handle a light bag while walking... Somehow when they are in their own element it's not so obvious how far her health deteriorated, how weak and helpless she is getting. I looked at them as they walked away from me and I realized more then ever before that their life story is getting so close to the end, that our time together is almost over. It's painful to see them like that; I still remember the strong and all mighty parents of my childhood and here they are now moving slowly and with great difficulty and I am the one who is holding their hand; our roles have reversed. It's not that I mind helping them, it's what it means that hit me. I looked at them and my heart filled with so much love so much compassion. They are amazing people and I can only hope to be as good and gracious as they are when I'll reach that age. And I also understand so much more that I have to visit more and invite them here more, because our time together is so scarce and I'll regret later I didn't do more, didn't see more, didn't say more. To live life of no regret mean to call your loved ones every day and tell them how much you love them just in case it is our or their last day. To see then as much as we can for the very same reason and most of all not to waste time on stupid fights instead of loving each other and forgive or better yet, not even see the short coming. not sweating the small stuff. That when the time comes we can say I lived well the time I had on this earth, I spend well the time I had with the important people in my life.

I am thankful my parents finally came here to visit me. I am thankful for every moment I spend with them. I am thankful I came back to this country at the end of their life so we can rehab and rebuild a bridge between us. I pray the time we still have will be spent well.  

An Engagement Party

Day 924 - I just came back from an engagement party of my niece. They are very religious people and so it's so much more meaningful for them. It's a long drive and late at night and all but I am so happy I was able to be there and not miss it as I did when I lived abroad. I enjoyed very much seeing the family and be part of this true celebration. We are so used to modern life with all the indulgence and excess and here it was just  the opposite, it's about making them happy and take part in their joyous moment. All her friends brought cakes and everyone was helping to set the tables and the food not much attention is paid to niceties and to perfection. And I like that, I like this kind of life with not to much time spent on putting on the masks and keeping them on, of trying to impress each other. Simpler life; living on the edge but in a very down-to-earth manner. I am so happy I live here in this country now and I get to be part of these celebrations' yet the price is that I miss so much in my kid's life. What a choice!!
 
I am thankful for this very special evening. I am thankful to my brother's kids for their hospitality, each in his own way. I am thankful I got to be part of this special  evening. It's 2 am right now, and I am so thankful I can go to bed now.