Day 990 -  I spent a wonderful afternoon with my oldest daughter.

Food

Day 989 - being away from home means I have to eat in restaurants this past week and another week like that is ahead of me. Some people love restaurants; I do too to some degree, but doing it few times a day is excessive, at least this time around.  And sadly, restaurant food is not the same as home cooked meals; it might be tastier but it lacks a heart, thus the food feels kind of detached and not fulfilling on a deeper level; and to top it all I just don't seem to be able to digest it anymore. And so I am dreading eating in restaurants right now and I try to avoid that as much as possible. I know I miss on some of my favorite restaurants but it's just not worth it. Before arriving here I was planning to go to all my favorite restaurants, but I guess I'll have to change my plans and find some other things to enjoy that are not food related; disappointing, but a must.

I am thankful for a lovely day with my son; a treat, as always. I am thankful it's only food that disagree with me; everything else here is great.I am thankful for being here, for time spent with my kids and friends. I am thankful that in a few days this little inconvenience will be over. 

Movie night

Day 988 - I went with my friend to a movie tonight. Nothing special, just a movie with a good friend but it was so nice. Just the two of us, totally not dressed appropriately and totally don't care. It's so nice to get to our age and not to care so much about social codes any more; "just put on the red hat and go out". Will you go alone to a movie? I did, many times since leaving home. But many people won't; my friend included. For some reason they feel uncomfortable going to a movie theater alone. I made the conscious decision when I left home and move to a different country where I didn't have many friends, that I will not let the fact I am alone to deter me from doing things; I actually embraced it and went to many movies and shows and other events by myself. But since my friend won't do that - she went once in the 8 years since her divorce - it was an opportunity for us to do something together and not spend Friday night alone. We saw a good movie - Blue Jasmine - the newest movie of Woody Allen. later we went to a pub with my son before calling it a night. in short it an all around great night and I am so happy we got to do that.  

I am thankful for a fun night at the movie. I am thankful for opportunities as such to spend time with a dear friend as well as with my son. I am thankful for another opportunity to see my son; he is so wonderful and really makes every effort to see me during this vist and I am so very thankful to him. 

A night hike

Day 987 - I went for a two hours long hike with my friend here at the bay lands. it's been a very long time since I last did that (before I left, so more than three years), and it was so wonderful to walk there. It was dusk and later moonless night but we had flashlights and the road was clear enough that we walked most of the time in the dark. We know each other for many years, saw each other through some very rough patches and we can't do that anymore, now that I live on the other side of the globe. So it's very special we have such time together and I truly enjoyed that. It is also interesting to see the personal development we both went through in the past few years. Women in full - I love seeing that. As we get older we also get wiser and it's absolutely wonderful; especially with close friends were we can all benefit from these changes, and learn.

I am thankful for this wonderful walk in nature with one of my best friends. I am thankful for an enriching conversation. I am thankful for this special friendship that withstanding time and distance; I feel blessed to have her in my life.  

Painting

Day 986 - I woke up this morning knowing I have to paint today. I don't know how to explain it, but this is just how I felt. I don't have have any of my paints here or my brushes or a canvas, but I was not going to let that deter me. I went to a local store and bought all that, next I went to the local thrift store and bought a T-shirt to protect my clothes and a mug to wash my brushes. And finally, with all the needed equipment, I went to the nearby bay lands to paint. It was a beautiful sunny day, a little too windy but lovely nevertheless. I brought my passion from my new country to my old one. I was a little off and I am not happy yet with what I did, but it is a good start and I'll work on it more in the next few days. but the whole experience was very interesting. 
  
I am so thankful for this very special experience. I am thankful for a lovely day in nature with a brush in my hand. I am thankful for painting again after a very long brake.   

Being an outsider

Day 985 - It's very strange what I am going through right now. I lived in this town for 14 years and left only 3 years ago. Every street and every store are familiar, yet I feel like a stranger. It is not my home any more, but I am not a tourist as well so I am kind of in a limbo - not here nor there. A very strange feeling indeed. I am here only to visit my kids and in the mean time few friends as well. The food doesn't agree with me anymore and so I try to avoid most of it. Before coming here I was planning to visit few of my favorite restaurants but after few days of eating the food here I think I will skip that and keep them as a fond memory while sticking to the most basic and simple ingredients. Strange, so strange indeed...
 
I am thankful I am here. I am thankful I can talk to my kids and see them almost every day. I am thankful I had a chance to see one of my good friends today. I am thankful I found a new place I call home, and now I know for sure it is home for me;I am an outsider here.

Meditation

Day 984 - I listened to a very inspiring lecture this morning about meditation and decided to try and make it part of my day. Half an hour every morning, before I get going, can be wonderful.I know all the good it can bring into my life I just never made it into a daily habit. I think It is time to take this commitment. I can see so man good things that can come out of it, so why not to treat myself. I came here to see my kids; didn't think it will be a spiritual journey as well!

I am thankful for this inspiring lecture. I am thankful for this decision to add meditation as a regular practice to my life. I am thankful for every opportunity to grow spiritually.

Day 983 - A full day I spent with my son. A wonderful day indeed.

A miracle of nature

Day 982 - I met my son and my oldest daughter yesterday evening and today I also met my granddaughter. I didn't see them all for a year now and while in adults' life a year is something that is moderately significant, it is beyond description in a little kid's life. It's almost half her life; and during this time she turned from a baby to a toddler. She runs around and plays games and rides her tricycles and tells stories; in short, Skype is great and all but it's not the same as seeing her in person how charming and wonderful she is. I hope I will be able to see her often in the next two weeks so she'll remember me and we will be able to have some kind of a connection even when I'm back home. And I, on my part, will try to come here twice a year instead of once; not much but this it is the best I can do. I hope one day, when I'll retire, I'll be able to come more often or stay longer, but until then - this is the best I can do. So the problem with living so far is that I am a grandma but I sure don't feel like one since I don't get to see or communicate with my granddaughter. I hope that she is old enough now that we will be able to create some kind of a bond. I don't know if it's really possible but I can hope and do my best. But regardless how the future will shape up, at the moment I am enjoying these special moments and they are really wonderful. It is so special to witness the miracle of nature; how a human baby grows and develop into an independent toddler; to see the skill sets they acquire; it's the physical development as well as the mental development which is even more astounding. I was there looking with admiration at this beautiful little girl and I felt so blessed just for being there. 
  
I am thankful to my kids for their wonderful company; for a fun evening we had yesterday. I am thankful to my son for spending almost all day today with me. I am thankful to my daughter for such a lovely evening I spent with her family today. I am thankful to have all these wonderful people, all this amazing bounty in my life. I am so thankful I am here.  

Starting my visit

Day 981 - After a very long flight, actually 3 legs of a flight I am here in California. A place that I called home for 14 years and now I feel as a stranger. Everything looks the same with very few changes but it doesn't feel like home anymore. So i'm sure part of it is the fact that I don't have a home here now and I am staying with a friend. She is away so again, strange feeling walking to her empty home. I didn't see my kids yet since I arrived only two hours ago but I will see them soon enough. I am very tired, but I will stay awake so to avoid jet leg. It was interesting coming here and realizing that after three years away home is where I came from, not here. That I am here for a short visit but my heart is over there, on the other side of the globe. I took some time to get to this point, but now this is my reality, even with no permanent home I still consider it my home and it makes me so happy. I found a home again, a place I want to go back to. My daughter is there, my parents are there, three of my siblings and their kids and in the past year I added to this list also the man I love. So many reasons to be happy to go back; to be happy I made that move and rebuilt my life. Still I am happy to be here. I have two kids here I have dear friends and of course so many  memories.

I am thankful I made it here and in easy and uneventful flights. I am thankful beyond words to my friend who opened her home and heart to me. I am thankful I am going to see my kids in a few minutes after a long year apart.I am thankful I found my home.

On my way

Day 980 - on the road again; on the train on the way to the airport for a long over due visit to see my kids. I am so excited about that, it's been over a year. I have so many plans, so many things I want to do. I hope I will be able to accomplish it all, but most important for me is to see my kids and my granddaughter and then my friends and I am sure this much I will have plenty. It seems so easy for me, so matter of fact to pack my suitcase in a few minutes and be ready for a flight; it seems so easy just fly when I want. But I know it is not and I am so very lucky I can afford it, I am so lucky I traveled enough to be so casual about it; it sure makes for a much easier and more pleasant experience. One thing that my former life taught me well, for sure. And so in the middle of the night on the midnight (or half an hour later) train I an making my way to the airport. With every passing minute I am getting further away from my life and my loved one here on this side of the ocean and getting closer to my loved ones over there. How lucky we are to live in an era where these transitions are so fast, so easy and relatively affordable. An interesting thought - airport is such a happy place, full of excitment, of good energy. People are their way to vacations or coming back from one. If you ever feel down, go to the airport and I'm sure in no time you'll feel all better, and I am lucky enough to be part of that scenery tonight. 

I am thankful this day has finally come; for all that awaiting me in the next two weeks. I am thankful I can afford to take this trip. I am thankful to my loved ones who made the past few days so special for me. 

Caesarea

Day 979 - My daughter was leaving tonight to spend the holiday with friends and since I am leaving tomorrow for two weeks we decided to spend the day together. It was a beautiful day today, sunny and warm, blue skies white clouds, a beautiful autumn day. Not warm enough to spend with minimal clothing on the beach, but a perfect day to be in a cafe in the old city of Caesarea, over looking the magnificent old harbor. The truth is that the food was awful but the scenery and the very calming sound of the waves crushing against the old walls of the wharf. We set there for a long time and then we strolled between the ruins of the old Roman city, the largest harbor in the world at it's peak. It was so nice to be together for a few relaxed hours. The past few weeks and months were very trying and so today was such a special moment in time just to be together, no fights no anger, just be. True, the distance was still there but I hope time will heal the wounds and will bring us close again; I hope the silence will be comfortable and flowing again, not loaded as it is at the moment. I am so sad we came to this point but I know that every difficulty is also a stepping stone for something better, so I want to believe this will follow the same rules.
  
I am thankful for a very special day. I am thankful for the beautiful scenery. I am thankful for the wonderful weather. and most of all I am thankful to my daughter for such a wonderful day; I already miss her and I am not even gone yet.     

Last work day before my trip

Day 978 - This month is full of holidays according to the Jewish calendar and this week is that last one. So even though I only travel on Friday today was my last day at work. I have to admit there were few more things I wanted to accomplish before my travel, which I didn't have time to do, but somehow I believe my work place will survive regardless. So today I bought few presents for my granddaughter and tomorrow I'll pack my suitcase; I don't think I can delay it any further. And the good thing - I got an email from my friend I can stay with her now I only have to rent a car and I am set to go. It always amazes me how easy it is to travel these days; you read stories how people traveled only half a century ago and I know we are so lucky. I board a plane and in less than a day I am on the other side of the planet. The clock is ticking - a little over 2 days and getting shorter by the minute... It's been a very long time since my last visit and I am so ready to go!
  
I am thankful all fall into place and my trip is taking shape. I am thankful I have now two days to get ready and not few hours before my flight like last time. I am thankful for my day, it was packed but full of nice moments, even on a regular working day.

getting ready for a visit

Day 977 - in three days I am flying back to my old hometown to visit my kids and I have to admit I am not ready yet. I didn't pack yet, that's a given I always pack on the last day but this time I didn't buy any presents yet and worst of all I still don't have any accommodation plans. Last time I stayed with a good friend of mine but I am not sure I can do it this time; I finally sent her an email today asking about that and if it won't work than I'll just make a reservation in a near by hotel. It will make it a very expensive visit, but I don't see any other option. I don't live there anymore and I am not sure I can crash at friends houses every time I visit. But it's OK I only visit once a year so I can afford it. But this is all minute stuff, the important thing is that in three days I'll see my older kids and my granddaughter; and I am so excited about that.
 
I am thankful that I have the means to make this trip. I am thankful I am healthy enough to do that. I know this will not always be the case and I am thankful for every passing day I am in good health and can do pretty much what ever I want. I am thankful this trip is only three days away.

Allergic reaction

Day 976 - I put yesterday a new night cream on my face and woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise. Apparently I am allergic to this cream and my face were blotches with red spots. Luckily it's vacation time around the country right now and only few people were at work; I didn't have any event I had to attend or people to see, but it was funny, never the less. It's been a while since I had such a strong reaction to a facial cream so I got a little careless and didn't test it before applying it all over my face. I am lucky it didn't develop to something even more severe. I had to take an anti allergy pill which made me very tired so it's good I didn't drive but took a train to work. I hope all will be gone by tomorrow. 
  
I am thankful it is the first allergic reaction in years. I am thankful it's not too severe. I am thankful that even my when body reacts in such a funny way it's still a highly functioning body and I feel so blessed for that.