In a few hours...

Day 737 - we are here at my parents' house going to sleep in a few minutes. Our last night in a warm house and comfortable bed for the next two weeks. I am very excited for this upcoming adventure. I know it will be difficult at times, but I love the idea of this adventure, and even more so to push my boundaries, test my limits find what I am really made of. So here we go, my partner is preparing his close for tomorrow, and I'll do the same in a few minutes. At 5 am the alarm clock will officially mark the beginning of our trip. A warm bed is calling me for the last night indoors. I will be able to post only sporadically because I have to keep the battery for emergency and it is the desert so many areas are not covered by cellular network. I will write every day and post it when possible. So after a little more than two years I am going to be off the air for few days at a time. Farewell and I'll be in touch with great stories and some good photos and with a heart full of joy. Going after my dreams, what can be better than that?!
 
I am thankful that after such a long time in the making the time has finally come.  I am thankful for an amazing welcome to my partner at my parents' house, they sure know how to make one feel good. I am thankful to my daughter for all her calls, her love and concern. I am thankful beyond word to my partner for his huge part in making this dream come true, it would not have been possible without him.

Tomorrow is the big day

Day 736 - After so many days of preparation, planning and yesterday also packing, the day has come - tomorrow morning we are driving south to the desert were on Friday before dawn we'll start the hike. It was a crazy day today at work; trying to catch up on as much as I can before leaving for two weeks. The problem is that it feels like a Sisyphean work - the more I work the larger the pile on my desk, and it's difficult knowing I am leaving now when there is s much stress in our department, so much back log, so much to do and a serious shortage of manpower. But, I also know that there is a balance between work and personal life; that it is not my responsibility that we are under staffed; that my vacation is as important as anyone else. And so I put the initial feeling of guilt where they belong and intent to fully enjoy this once in a lifetime event of hiking for two full weeks in the desert, exposed to the elements, and the only food and water we can have is what we carry on our backs... romantic, scary, challenging - you pick how you want to look at it. I see it as exciting and of course as testing my limits, pushing my boundaries, something I like doing and find very exciting. I left work, barely breathing, so stressed about the things I didn't have time to do, but once I got home it all just slipped away and by now I am all excited for tomorrow.
  
I am thankful the day has finally arrived and we are starting the journey at last. I am thankful for all the planning, for all the little things we did to arrive at this point so relaxed about the trip.I am thankful to be away from work for two full weeks, worrying about real life things like survival. I am thankful for this so very special journey ahead of us physically challenging and spiritually uplifting. I am thankful to my partner for his support and help and especially for coming with me on this very difficult adventure. Good night!   

Road rush

Day 735 - It is our election day and a day off work for everyone, but I am leaving on my trip in two days and I can't afford that luxury; I have too much work to take a day off. So I worked a full day but this evening we already packed our backpacks for the trip. 12 Kg, I think I'll be OK; my partner keeps saying I am taking too much and will regret it later, but I am taking and will have to deal with regrets later, or hopefully not. So we are almost there; one more day of work two more nights in our warm and and then we hit the road. I am so excited i can barely wait. It is an epic adventure for me, something I planned to do such a long time ago and did not think I'll find someone to do it with.And here I am now, moments before. The problem of course is that I will not be able to post in my blog every day since I have to save my phone battery for emergencies and also there are areas with no cellular coverage. So I will write the old fashion way with pen and paper and will post my entries when I am coming out for air.

I am thankful for another day that brings me closer to our departure day. I am thankful we are done planning and ready to go.   I am thankful for a dream that is about to come true. I am thankful to my partner for this amazing gift of kindness. I am thankful, so thankful for the butterflies, the excitement, for being in "a moment before" stage. I can't wait to go!!

A difficult day at work

Day 734 - the count down is in full force. Two full days before going on our trip, and I am trying to close as many loose ends as I possibly can. I worked as fast and hard ad I could but still I'm so far behind my plan. I am exhausted and still have two long days ahead of me before I can sit back and relax, before I can concentrate on the trail and its daily routine.
I am dead tired again. So tire again; falling asleep.
I am thankful our trip is almost here, I can't wait for it to star. I am so thankful for a clean house, beyond my wildest dream.

A desert scene

Day 733 - On Thursday we are not going to be here, but at my parents house, at the edge of the desert were we will start our journey. But my painting class is something I don't like to miss, so I took the alternative class tonight. and being in the desert mood already, I painted a desert scene. It's not done yet, but I am not sure yet how I want to proceed and so I put it at home on the isle and for the next few days I'll look at it every day until it will come to me. This is still an abstract painting but has a scene to it and I really like the feelings it revokes in me. I am so looking forward to our upcoming trip and so this painting is also a step in that direction a longing and admiration to the desert. I am always so happy to be in my painting class and today was no exception, I like this feeling of freedom, the reach into my own soul and the unexpected creativity. I love the fact that even when I know the subject of my painting I never know how it will develop since this is totally a spur of a moment kind of thing.

I am thankful for yet another wonderful painting class. I am thankful for two hours of so much enjoyment. I am thankful for every bit of expression it gets out of me. I am thankful for a wonderful day.  

Fully loaded

Day 732 –it is the last weekend before our hiking journey and so we decided to go on a day hiking with a full backpack load and a real climb. We chose to climb Mount Carmel – over a thousand feet climb and backpacks full of our gear and almost all the water we’ll need to have with us. Water is the main load on a trip like that since it is in the desert and there several times human settlements are more than two days apart, which means we have to carry food and water for two or even three days. We woke up early and before 8 am we were already climbing.  It was a beautiful day and the ground was dry enough already that it was ok to walk on it. it is green everywhere and flowers are in abundance, and after half an hour of climb we were warm enough to take off the fleece jackets. We climbed for three hours, all  the way to the Druze village at the top of the mountain, we went to a restaurant there and ate hummus and then we started our climb down the mountain, back to our car. Most of the way it was an easy descent, but toward the end the trail is very steep and we were already tired from the hike so it was more challenging but we did it and we came down happy to be at the end of it, knowing we passed the last test before our trip and tired, like one should and would at the end of a hiking trip. We came home ate and by 7pm were already in bed, the same routine we’ll follow on the road. One needs a lot of sleep in order to be able to hike long distances with heavy load day after day, after day… but I have to admit I was happy to learn I can do it’ I never hiked with such heavy load before, I can even add few KG more, which we will have to do on certain days. I guess the backpack I bought is really good and did not put too much stress on my back, and the hiking poles I bought are very helpful. I was not sold on the idea and bought them just because my partner insisted it is so important and later I read the same thing from few other hikers of this famous trail. But not until I tried it myself I realized how helpful they are in the climb, in the descent and in passing over boulders. A needed addition to my hiking gear, for sure.

I am thankful we took this challenge climb today and passed it with flying colorsI am thankful for being another day closer to our hiking trip and now with more confidence we can do that. I am thankful for the healing power of a night sleep I woke up 8 hours later ready for another day. . I am thankful for a day that was so much fun with a man I really love his company and appreciate so much the fact that this hiking trip is something he is undertaking again just for me. I am so thankful for this wonderful man in my life, who makes every day so special.  

Two Years celebration

Day 731 - I just realizes that today I am celebrating two years to this blog. For two years, day after day I am writing my life journey, counting my blessings every single day. So much have changed in my life during this time, the only constant is this blog. No matter what I do, where I am or how is my mood; I am so faithful to this blog, to the decision to make it part of my life; to make giving thanks such a big part of my life. I was sad and I was happy; I was in a good place and in less than that. I had triumphs and set backs but I always wrote.

I am so thankful for this simple yet such a life changing decision. I am thankful I had the resolve to do that even when I was so tired/sad/upset. I am thankful for this epic journey. I am thankful for every moment of my life.

Fare well my dear

Day 730 - my daughter is traveling back home to see her father and her siblings. She is going to be away for over two weeks and when she'll be back we will still be on our hike so now we are going to be apart for over three weeks. It sure is a very long time and I am going to miss her so much. But I am very happy she is going there and that she is going to spend some quality time with all of our family over there. Living so far away means we are very detached from what's going on there on the other side of the planet, from the daily life of people who are so dear to us. So it is always such a special treat to go back for a visit. She'll see her sister and her family and also her brother and his family all do wonderful and special. So even though I know I'll miss her very much, I am so happy for all the wonderful things awaiting for her over there. And I'm so happy she is going for a visit.

I am thankful for this special opportunity my daughter got to travel back home. I am thankful they will all spend some serious quality time together. I am thankful for her visit here tonight, it was so wonderful to see her. I am going to sleep now, it's very, very late and as usual I am so happy for that.

Road fever...

Day 729 - as we are getting closer to the trip it becomes more and more the center of our daily activities. Today I got a tent from a friend just to find out it is not good for us - too big, too heavy and most concerning of all one of the poles is cracked. It can be sued but it will not withstand a strong wind. So we have to get a tent. We also went over the plan day by day now thinking of food we have to have at each stop and most importantly, since we are hiking at the desert, how much water we have to carry with us. We are also thinking of hiding some water and food at certain points; all have to be planned ahead of time and executed before we hit the road. Doing all the planning, I almost forgot to write tonight...

I am thankful we are about to go on this epic adventure as far as I am concerned. I am thankful for all the planning and all the excitement. I am most thankful we are almost there.  

Sleep reading

Day 728 - I was reading aloud a section and after a few minutes I realized that don't remember a thing but what was even more funny is that I have no recollection of even reading it, I think I fell asleep while reading and just kept going but my brain shut off. And my partner did not even notice that all this was going on. I think I discovered a new talent I didn't know I posses, I can sleep-read. Not sure where and when it can become handy, but it is funny for sure. Or maybe instead of being all amused by that I should just go to sleep and stop sleep-deprive my poor brain and body. So here you go, my tiredness has reached a new level and I better start taking care of that. 
  
I am thankful I fell asleep like that when I am tucked safely in my own house. I am thankful I can read the writing on the wall and act. I am thankful I am going to sleep at this very moment, take a shower and sleep. Good night!! 

Final preparations for the hike

Day 727 - the hiking trip we are planning is a little over a week away. It's getting very close and we have to get into our final stage of preparations. I got my hiking sticks today, I'm going to get my knee guards tomorrow, I still need good pants we need one sleeping pad and I think we are done, we have to pack and that's it - ready to go. It was so far away and suddenly it is here. it's about 240 Km (150 miles) and it will take us close to 2 weeks; it is challenging yet inspiring and I just realized that for the first time in 2 years I am going to miss my blogging. For a few night on the road I'll be in areas of no connection and so even though I will carry my iPhone with me, i wont have access to the internet. But I'll bring with me pens and papers and  write even on days like that and I'll post it when possible. I am waiting for a very special experience both physical and spiritual; I am looking forwards to do something I didn't think I'll be able to do, since being a woman I cannot do it alone and I didn't expect to find someone who'd like to do it with me. Just the thought of spending two weeks outdoors, hiking during the day and camping at night is a promise for something very unique, and doing it with my partner adds another layer of super special experience. I am so happy I found somebody who likes hiking as much as I do, someone who is ready and willing at the age of 63 to sleep in a tent, hike every day, carry a heavy load on his back; challenge the mountains of the desert just to make me happy...
 
I am thankful that the wait is almost over; it's been difficult but we are almost there. I am thankful for the challenges ahead of us, for living the dream. I am thankful I have the right partner for an adventure like this. I am thankful my daughter is not flying tonight due to change in her schedule, and will stay here for a few more days. I am thankful It is only 11 pm and I am about to start my going to bed routine!! good night my friends.    

A lovers' quarrel

Day 726  - few words turned into a fight. Not sure about the turn of things but suddenly we were in the middle of a fight. We went through all the motions, being too good at that and for me, being the first real fight in three years, it was a painful reminder. But it is not the same person and I am very different now, so I was able to express what bothers me as well as my concerns and this makes the whole difference. We have no painful history and no per-programmed reactions so a situation that would have turned into a whole out war was diffused and resolved in a peaceful manner with no casualties and no bad feelings. All things I should have learned years ago; skills that might had the potential to save my marriage years ago, when it was still possible. How sad. I think one should learn mediation and negotiation before s/he is allowed to get married. It falls on communication and the realization that if I win a fight it means my partner looses it and feels like s__t about it; it means we have to learn to strive for a compromise, for an agreement that will answer to the needs of both sides. I needed 31 years of marriage and two and a half of not being in a serious relationship to finally understand this simple truth; and ehat's even more concerning is that these bad habits are what we taught our children, this is what they might use in their own homes, unless they'll be smarter and understand the outcome of such destructive behavior. So my current fight dissolved into thin air but I am still sad for the sudden understanding of how things went wrong. I wish I was smarter years ago, I wish we both were.
 
I am thankful for this eye opening event. I am thankful I am learning new and better ways to handle myself. I am thankful for my ability to learn and change, even if not in time to save my marriage. I am thankful to my partner for his patience and willingness to as much effort as needed into this budding relationship.

Too late

Day 725 - it's after 3 am and I am still awake. I had a long and painful conversation with my daughter and I cannot even think of writing right now. I'm still too much in a turmoil, I also want to go to sleep since my alarm is set for 4 hours from now, and I have my partner that was rudly ignored all evening that I want to exchange few words with before I go to sleep... A lot on my plate, especially since it is very delicate and all the people involved are very dear to me so I have to be very careful not to hurt any of the people involved. Life sometimes can through you a curve ball when least expected. I had such a wonderful day and this left a sour note and I am so sad about it, happy she spoke her mind but sad for how she feels.
 
I am thankful for this heart to heart talk, as difficult as it was; since we don't live in the same home any more and i know how important these talks are. I am thankful to my partner for his deep understanding and giving us the space we needed.

Getting a little technical

Day 724 - It's been another long day. A day tat started before 6 am and is soon coming to an end, but there's no chance Ill make it by the stroke of midnight so I sure hope I will not turn into a pumpkin. 
I worked today for several hours and then we went shopping for things we need for our upcoming hiking adventure. Coming home I started working on something that sounds so simple - how to add an icon of Facebook to an email signature. I can assure you it was not, at least not for me. But I did not give up and true it took me several hours but I did it and it makes me very happy. It's funny how all these technological advances are getting more difficult thus time consuming if we want to deploy them. I knew that if I will persist in my efforts I will succeed and sure enough I did. While I was doing that my partner made dinner for us, a very delicious one I should say. I makes me happy that we split the work and take care of each other; I hope that this will continue like that; that we will be smart enough to keep the same spirit and the willingness to be there for each other, not because we sacrify anything but because we love each other and we want to make each other happy; a novel concept. But even with all that I am too tired to go on today and I'll keep working on it tomorrow. I am so done for today. 
   
I am thankful I can go to sleep now, after a very long day, most of it in front of the computer. I am thankful to my partner for preparing such a good dinner tonight. I am thankful that I managed to solve all the technological problems and post everything the way I wanted it to be; persistence do get rewarded.  I am thankful I can go to sleep now.       

A new painting - The birds

Day 723 - I didn't write about my painting class in a very long time, but I go there every week (almost - I didn't go in the heavy rains last week I was afraid my painting will be washed off). As time go by I develop the eye and the hand to do things and most importantly I develop a language all of my own how to paint. At the beginning I was painting realistic images, copying to certain extant what was done by others or was already captured by camera. At some point I dared to venture into the abstract world and I found an unknown treasure. It's very interesting because before I was not a great fan of very abstract paintings but as an artist I find it very attractive. I can do what ever I want or feel at the moment. I am not confined by what I see in front of me. I can go deep inside, let my imagination go wild and just feel my way around. I never know what direction my painting will take, what will come out of it, not even slightly. I just hold the brush and let it fly. With time I develop more technique, I can control my brushes better and I know how to not restrict my mind by planning ahead; it never works anyway. I tried several times to paint something realistic and it just won't go there; it totally refuses to materialize in that direction and lead it self elsewhere. I love that. The freedom that comes with it; the fact that I allow my heart and my mind to soar. It's exhilarating and uplifting and so much fun. I don't care if others can see there what I do, nor if they like it. What matters to me is the fact that for two and a half hours ever week I do something so enriching for my soul, something that pushes me and challenges me and make me set new boundaries and check new frontiers. I do something that is solely for my own pleasure an act of love and kindness towards myself. So this is today's bounty. The birds.
  
I am thankful for this amazing class I never cease to enjoy. I am thankful for the opportunity to explore and widen my comfort zone. I am thankful every week anew for the joy of creativity and I thank the higher powers for this gift.   

Still about the storm

Day 722 - The storm is still going at full force and reports from all over the country about flooding and snow and sleet keep coming. It might not be a big deal in a country used to snow or floods. but we are a very dry country and not really ready for storms like this one. So the weather is the talk of the day. And it's funny but I catch myself doing the same; all excited about major arteries being blocked; trains and bused stuck and re-routed. In short it's fun. Its January and my city have reached the average annual rainfalls and we still have two months in the rainy season. The only problem is that it is very cold and nothing can warm my very cold apartment, so today I came back from work, ate a very hot lentil soup and went right to bed, the only warm place here. So tonight is "do everything at bed" day, even doing my homework and writing my blog but now I am going to put it to one more good use - I am going to sleep, because I am so very tired.

I am thankful for a having a warm bed I can crawl into and get warm and fuzzy. I am thankful in the name of my country for these blessed rain, for all the water that will go to replenish our water reservoirs. I am thakful for a good year, a blessed year on so many aspects. I am thankful for this much needed sleep I am slipping into as I type.
 

Some health issues

Day 721 - I had a doctor appointment today to go over the results of my lab work. The fact she wanted to see me meant the results are not good or else she won't ask to see me. I knew what it is all about - my cholesterol level is way too high. It is too high for many years already but as I am getting older and I don't have the hormonal protection anymore I have to take it more seriously. I know I have to and I just don't. So this meeting today was very important for me, kind of a wake up call. I refuse ti take medications for the condition; I read a lot about it and I don't want it; I don't want to start putting chemicals into my body. So if I refuse to treat it with chemistry I have to do it the old fashion way, to chance my life style, to change my habits. I have to exercise more, to eat very little or no meat at all. I have to add fish into my diet and reduce animal products such as milk, butter and eggs. And I am committed to do just that, to reduce my cholesterol level this way and keep my body with no medications. I did it once already years ago and it was very successful but I dropped the ball after three years and now I am going back to it and this time I am making it a permanent change, a new life style.
 
I am thankful for this wake up call; I know it will require some changes but I better do them before i"ll find myself in a dire situation. I am thankful to my partner for going on that road with me, making the same changes and not looking at it as sacrifice but as a needed and welcome change; I am so thankful for his constant present in my life. I am thankful that even with this little hick-up I am so healthy and full of energy; I made the promise to myself to stay like that for as long as I live. And as it is in the paste few days - I am thankful for my warm and dry shelter as the gale is still at full force.

Falling in love

Day 720 - When I decided to start dating again I wrote on my profile that I am looking for a man that the sum of the two of us is more than two; I knew i am looking for something big or else I prefer to stay alone and not get again into the same situation I was running away from. But the truth is I was not sure I can find it. But I did and I still cannot believe it. Life is so strange sometimes. What were the odds that we'll actually meet? very slim for sure. But I did not ask for anything outrageous, just for a man of my liking; I had a very specific set of requirements because I knew it had to be there for a good fit, for a chance of success. And we met and knew it as of the first day. I read it in other people stories but never expected it to happen to me. To know, simply to know I met the right man and do all we can to build a long term relationship, hopefully the one that will be there until my last breath on this earth.
 
I am thankful foe all these dating sites, without them we would have never met. I am thankful we managed to sift through everything and find the diamond in the rough, find each other. I am thankful these feelings are mutual, that we both feel the same about this relationship and our future plans. I am thankful for happiness I didn't believe I'll experience again. I am so thankful we met.     

The storm

Day 719 - Outside my apartment all hell is getting loose; heavy rain and very strong winds - a real gale. and I am here safe, dry and warm blessing my good fortune to be where I am in a night like that. I am going to take this opportunity and go to sleep relatively early - what better than to be under the warm covers and enjoy a lazy evening? The rain is good; I live in a dry country and these rains are a blessing. This year is particularly wet and we are almost at the level of the annual rain falls with at least one more month to go and a week of heavy rains ahead of  us. But I am still so very happy to enjoy the rains from the safety of my bed.
 
I am thankful for the safety and protection this apartment provides me. I am thankful for the shelter in a night like that. I am thankful for this needed sleep awaiting me.

Visiting a sick friend

Day 718 - We went to visit today old friends of mine. He had a by-pass surgery last month and today was the first time I saw him since then. I have to admit it left me a little shaken. He is very fit and slim and never smoked and yet genetics took its toll; it runs in his family. I heard the name by-pass surgery many times but never stop to think of what it means; and it is scary. they have to cut the chest open so they have to cut all the ribs and now all has to heal and it takes time and it is not a sure thing and mean while he is so restricted in what he is allowed to do. We are talking about our hiking trip and he cannot even think of putting on a backpack - strictly prohibited. I looked at him and in a few weeks he became old. I hope that as soon as he heals he will be back to his old self. Coming back from there we were talking about not delaying things because who knows how many tomorrows are still ahead of us; we have to learn to live more and delay less just in case tomorrow will never come.
 
I am thankful for my health, for the health of my children and the health of my partner. I am thankful for every day I enjoy to the fullest, for every day that at the end of it I feel it is OK if I will not wake up tomorrow; that I lived it well. I am thankful for the opportunity I got at my age to experience all the spectrum of feelings, for the love I found; for so much happiness. I am thankful for my life, I won't trade it for the world.

Hiking on the beach

Day 717 - it's hard to believe but it's January already and it's still relatively warm. The weather forecast for today is rainy but so far it's been a very pleasant, sunny and warm. So we decided to drive to the beach for a walk. My partner was sick the past few days so the fresh air was exactly what the doctor would have ordered. We hiked for an hour in one direction and an hour back. We walked and talked and had a lot of fun and I had a wonderful time. As time goes by and we get to know each other better, our relationship mature and becomes even more satisfying. It makes me so happy to spend a whole day with him, to talk and exchange ideas. I love the fact that at the end of a long day together I don't want it to end, that it is now almost 3 o'clock and we are still awake and talking a storm. I so needed this level of intellectual stimulation and I enjoy it so very much.

I am thankful it is Friday, that even though I went to work for a few hours (to make up for the time I'll be away on our two weeks hike) we still had a whole day together. I am thankful for a wonderful hike on the beach. I am thankful for hours of talks and laughs, for love I did not see coming, didn't believe still possible at my age. I am thankful every day that our paths crossed, that we met and where aware enough to sees the moment.  

He who has nothing...

Day 716 - I read few days ago the quote by Pablo Neruda “He who has nothing, has nothing to lose but his chains.” and I keep thinking about it. I am thinking too much about my financial future; I think I contracted some of the disease in the place I came from and I don't like it. By having some money and investing it I can have a little more but I can also loose some so it become an issue to think about, to chain me down. So what is the right thing to do? How can I lose my chains? Is it really a deep truth or is it just something a poor man will say to justify having nothing? It's so romantic to live off nothing but I thing the reality is less than pretty. There is no shame in being poor but it's true for being rich as well and as a rich person one has life of less worries, or so it seems. But every time I hear a story about choices people make of living very simple life it lights in me  this fire again the desire for simpler life. Will it really set me free? or will I wake up and find out I made a mistake I cannot undo. So right now I sit in my comfortable home and ponder these questions and when it's so cold outside I am happy for the luxury my money can provide me of a roof and walls to protect me and keep me dry and warm in a night like tonight; enabling me to keep dreaming.
  
I don't have an answer yet but I am thankful for my home; for my warm clothes for my warm bed. I am thankful for having all my needs fulfilled. I am thankful I have enough free time in my hands to think and philosophize about the freedom of having nothing. But sometimes I wonder...           

About bad sleeping habits

Day 715 - When I came home from work today I was very tired after few days that I was not sleeping enough. So today when I came back from work i got into my bed for a short nap. Well, that was my plan but in reality, it was not so short. I slept for four hours and I woke up all refreshed. The only problem is that I slept for four hours and now it's 2:30 at night and I am still wide awake so a new cycle is about to begin. I think I'm going to bed now even if I'm not tired. My sleeping habit are something I really have to change. Part of self caring is making sure I am well rested and not in a sleep deprivation mode. There is nothing to be proud of in that pattern. 
  
I am thankful I got a long nap today. I am thankful my mind is racing and refreshed. I am thankful I am about to go to sleep again; I just have to find a way to make it more a natural part of my day.

Pain

Day 714 - one of the main problems for children of divorced parents is the fact that they are loosing their home. There is no such place for them in the world were they have mom and dad and a child under one roof. I had a long discussion about that with my daughter today. It is very difficult for anyone and for her even more so since she also left her homeland and is far away from her siblings and her dad. She is the youngest child and her siblings already left home and so, home is something she completely lost. I told her that this is something that many young people feel and this feeling of belonging will be back only when she will create her own family. But she is always welcome here in my house. I know my partner is not a replacement for her dad but I think she can be comfortable and relatively at home in our home. It made me so sad to see her suffer, to see this empty hole in her. I wish things where different but they are not, this is our reality, and we can only try to do the best with what we have. And the best I can do is to always keep a place for her in my house.

I am thankful for this painful but very candid talk; I know how painful it is for her and I appreciate so much the fact she shared it with me. I am thankful for her sensitivity and care, for not wanting to disrupt my new relationship, which I promised her she won't. I am thankful I have found happiness again, and I hope I will be able to share it with my daughter. I am thankful for high points and low, it's how we grow and get stronger.