A lovers' quarrel

Day 726  - few words turned into a fight. Not sure about the turn of things but suddenly we were in the middle of a fight. We went through all the motions, being too good at that and for me, being the first real fight in three years, it was a painful reminder. But it is not the same person and I am very different now, so I was able to express what bothers me as well as my concerns and this makes the whole difference. We have no painful history and no per-programmed reactions so a situation that would have turned into a whole out war was diffused and resolved in a peaceful manner with no casualties and no bad feelings. All things I should have learned years ago; skills that might had the potential to save my marriage years ago, when it was still possible. How sad. I think one should learn mediation and negotiation before s/he is allowed to get married. It falls on communication and the realization that if I win a fight it means my partner looses it and feels like s__t about it; it means we have to learn to strive for a compromise, for an agreement that will answer to the needs of both sides. I needed 31 years of marriage and two and a half of not being in a serious relationship to finally understand this simple truth; and ehat's even more concerning is that these bad habits are what we taught our children, this is what they might use in their own homes, unless they'll be smarter and understand the outcome of such destructive behavior. So my current fight dissolved into thin air but I am still sad for the sudden understanding of how things went wrong. I wish I was smarter years ago, I wish we both were.
 
I am thankful for this eye opening event. I am thankful I am learning new and better ways to handle myself. I am thankful for my ability to learn and change, even if not in time to save my marriage. I am thankful to my partner for his patience and willingness to as much effort as needed into this budding relationship.