Very early bedtime

Day 1045 - I drove to visit my daughter today but was so exhausted that at some point I just needed to leave. I barely made it home as it is. Especially with the huge traffic jam that was more than an hour long. But I did make it home took a long and very hot shower and I am going to sleep at an all time  record. I hope I will feel better tomorrow. So another very short entry, but a very needed sleep awaits me.
I am thankful for a lovely afternoon with my daughter. I am thankful I made it safely home. I am thankful to go to sleep in such an hour.

Long days

Day 1044 - It's Friday again, my short day; but today I had to finish some work at the store so we left very late and by the time we came home it was past 8 pm. and this is my short day. But the truth is that as much as I talk about the long hours and all, I love it and I wake up every morning eager to go back there. and I have no problem staying as late as needed and more. I dream about it at night, I think about it all day long... It brought so many good things into my life. I sure hope it will stay this way. At least for the moment I feel like I am living a dream that was so many years in the making. and all the little kinks are just that hick-ups on this road, no more. and a late Friday or an early Sunday or being tired are no exception. I feel privileged to be able to live my dream, to be able to walk my talk and take steps in a direction I feel is the right one.

I am thankful I decided to open the store. I am thankful to my partner for taking a major part in this adventure. I am thankful for being able to live a dream. I am thankful I can go to sleep now; I sure can enjoy a long sleep tonight.

Choices

Day 1043 -  its Thanksgiving today and Hanukkah as well. So many reasons to celebrate but I celebrated neither tonight and instead kept working on store issues. My daughter asked me this morning if it worth it and I answered yes. And it's true, I know I miss a lot of things right now and I am tired beyond words but I am so happy that after so many years I embarked on such an adventure. It fills my days, my thoughts, my every waking moment but I mean it in a good way. It's so creative and so invigorating and I learn so much. So yes, tonight I did not go to a candle lighting celebration with friends; bit I did work with our designer on the new logo and our new sign and yes, it made me happy. And I made it to bed by 11:20 pm which is so wonderful. So life is always full of choices and at the moment I am very happy with mine. Not a given thing for sure and I don't take it as such.
 
I am thankful I can make choices and love the path I take. I am thankful I can live my dreams, regardless of how it would turn out. I am thankful for the things I miss and for the things I don't. I am thankful to be so alive and full if dreams.

Tired, what else.

Day 1042 - first meeting with the company that will design and build our website. It will take awhile, but at least we started the process. We are still not set on the design of our sign, but at least we make some progress. It's after midnight and we only came home less than an hour ago. So I am not going to write much. I am so exhausted.

I am thankful we are taking the right steps to advertise our store and products. I am thankful I can go to sleep now I am tired beyond words.

My lease

Day 1041 - I talked to my landlord today and asked to break the contract. I told him my partner left as well as my daughter and its too much for me to pay for the house all by myself. He agreed to do that as long as I can find a new tenant. So now I have to advertise it and try to find someone. I hope it will take less time than the term of my lease; a little over five months. I am glad I finally did it and I sure hope to get out of it as soon as possible; the rent as well as the distance are killing me. I could really use another two hours every day to do something better than driving.
 
I am thankful I asked for this change of terms. I am thankful my landlord agreed to that. And most of all I am thankful it is not even 11:30 pm yet and I am already going to sleep.

Going after a dream

Day 1040 - my days are very tolling. We leave home at 8 am and come back very late, today it was almost 11 pm. It leaves me no time for anything else and not enough time to sleep. But I get a second wind every time I get to the store and I can just stay there for hours. I love it so much. I cannot wait to these hours every day. I am so happy we decided to embark on this adventure. I know a lot of people raise an eye brow when they hear about it. But I don't like to play life the safe way - I did it for too many years and its boring. I want to live my life fully. And for me, going after a dream is living my life to the fullest. I still play it safe by keeping my day job but at least I put my foot where my heart is and I am trying to build a different future.

I am thankful I can afford to try to make my dream come true. I am thankful I have a partner to this dream; I sure don't take that for granted. I am thankful to him for shouldering most if the daily burden. I am thankful to my day job boss for tolerating my absences, tardiness and distraction of the moment.

Back to the drawing board

Day 1039 - we had a meeting this morning with the company we chose to make our sign. We worked with them for about an hour and came out with something we thought was good. And we drove back to the store very satisfied that in a week or so we will have a sign and people will start seeing us from afar. But I got a bad review from a friend at work and my partner got a much more criticizing one from our next door neighbors who is a graticule designer. In short we realized that we went too safe and we are lucky to have these guys to open our eyes before we made a mistake. Their job is to push us were we are reluctant to go. Or lack the imagination to do so and sadly it didn't happen. But all is good and we just rethink it all, back to the drawing board.
 
I am thankful to our neighbors for their honesty and will to open our eyes. I am thankful even more for their help in designing our new sign, just out of kindness. I am thankful the universe is taking care if us. And sends angels our way to watch over us.

day 1038 - Saturday, a day of rest and recuperating after a long and tiring week.

Friday summary

Day 1037 - Friday is store day and today we finished painting the last area. We are preparing a room for tarot reading so we painted the room today and I'll saw curtains tomorrow. Hopefully by Tuesday it will be ready. At the end of the day we stored the paint containers in our upstairs attic and hopefully we won't need them for a very long time. Few more shelves are still in the plan for next week, but renovation wise we are almost done. So we are now taking the next step in our plan to create a very special store. Little notes with explanations. Little notes with special ideas. Making the place as special as we can. It's a process but it is so exciting to walk that road.

I am thankful to declare the dirty part of our job is done; no more painting walls. I am thankful it looks so beautiful and inviting. I am thankful for a lovely dinner tonight in a normal hour; so different from our weekday routine.

Precarious joy

Day 1036 - Every day at the end of my work day I drive to the store. It makes me so happy to come in and see how beautiful it is. How much more beautiful it becomes with every passing day. It brings up the creativity of my partner and he comes with new ideas every day of something new to do, or a different way to display things or arrange something. Today I came in while still on the phone with a new supplier for jewelry I am trying to get and again things change and it looked so nice and there where two customers there and it all felt so good and right. I find it hard to stay all day in the hospital and not be in the store, as much as I know that this is the right thing to do. We still have very little business, we don't have a website nor a sign; so basically no one knows about us. Only few people who come to see other stores in our building and come to look what we have to offer, or our next door neighbor who just loves our store and comes in at least twice a week. But more people hear about us with every passing day and on Sunday we have a meeting with the sign company so hopefully this will be done very soon. But I am very optimistic and I know it will be a great place, much faster than anyone would think possible. So one day it will be able to support two salaries, but not yet. So I get to enjoy it very little during the week, especially precariously, through the stories of my partner, and I wait for Friday when I can be there all day.

I am thankful for this new and exciting thing in my life. I am thankful for all the joy and pleasure it brings into my life. I am thankful for the creativity it brings with it and the resourcefulness. I am thankful to my parner who shoulders most of the work load of the store. I am thankful tomorrow is Friday and I can be there so much more.

Lucky bamboo

Day 1035 - for the past two weeks I am looking for a lucky bamboo supplier. I found one and he lives very close to us but he keeps delaying our meeting. I call and every time he delays it to the next day. Finally, two days ago my partner told me he thinks the planet is trying to tell me something; that I have to let go of that man. So yesterday on our way to work we stopped in a nursery on the way to buy a few at regular price until we'll find a source. The owner of the place was very nice and sent us with a name and phone number of another supplier very close by. Today we drove there and found a real treasure. Not only a very nice guy, willing to sell, but also he sells very special products. So we bought a good amount of bamboo in different arrangements and now we have the raw material to do our own magic, use our imagination to make it special and worthy of being on our shelves. I guess the planet really had better plans for us and we got them when I finally was ready to listen and stopped pushing my own agenda.
 
I am thankful for the beautiful plants we found today. I am thankful for presents I got just for listening. I am thankful for the good energy all these ants added to our store.

First anniversary

Day 1034 - we celebrated tonight our first anniversary. Exactly a year ago we met for the first time and both of us realized it is not just another date. A year later, through so much ups and downs, we are sure it is here to stay. I feel so blessed for finding my soul mate. We have so many plans for the future, see ourselves getting old together, all the way to the sunset of our life. I am so happy to be in this place today.

I am thankful for all the good things my partner brought into my life. I am so thankful for the past year and hope for many more to follow.

My car

Day 1033 - today my car crossed a very significant milestone. It crossed the 100,000 km mark. I bought the car a little over 2 1/2 years ago with 34,000 km to its name. So I drove almost 66,000 km! it's 2,000 km per month on average. So I took it to the garage and did the 100,000 km service on it and now it is ready to face the other side of that huge number. Some friends recommended to sell the car but I like it and it serves me well and I take good care of it so I don't see any reason to exchange it. Driving a new car doesn't do it for me and I am not ready to pay extra for that pleasure. I'll drive the car as long as I can and then change it. So for now I am celebrating this milestone, celebrating the freedom I felt every time I took it for long rides, the great service it gives me, especially in the past few weeks as it serves more as a truck then as a little and delicate car.

I am thankful I reached this very important milestone; I hope my car will keep serving me for many years to come.    

Dinner

Day 1032 - during the week with the very long hours and so much work we don't have time to eat properly and by the time we get home it's just too late. But tonight we stopped on the way and bought some vegetables and at home we made a huge salad. How wonderful to eat something that is not too heavy and even nutritious and healthy; what a big change from our usual routine. I love salads and I find it the perfect food for the evening. So it was a very special treat for me.
 
I am thankful for an opportunity to eat healthy and not too late. I am thankful that I can bother myself with what to eat tonight and if I'll have something to eat. I am thankful for the blessings in my life.

Saturday fun

Day 1031 - Saturday. A day of rest. So I did three loads of cloths, cleaned the house, paid some bill, did some work for the store; and still I feel rested at the end of the day. How very interesting.
I am thankful for a day at home when I can do all these I exciting but really important things. I am thankful for a day of rest.

TGIF

Day 1030 - Friday is my day off from work so I got to spend the day in the store and I enjoyed it very much. I can't do it much since I have my work place during the week, so it was a very special thing for my. My partner drove to see his elderly mom and I stayed there all by myself. I am not familiar enough with all the crystals. I do know their name but not their qualities so I still answer gingerly. I can only imagine how stressful it is for my partner, who is making his first steps in this world of crystals. I sold few items and it made me very happy. It feels so good to see that people like the place and find us with no advertising and no sign, just our little writings on Facebook.
Friday is a half day work here and so by 3 pm we locked the store and drove back home. We even had time to shop for some vegetables on our way home. What a joy! We came home in day light, made real food, relaxed and did some errands that were delayed all in the past few weeks. It sure was a necessary respite. and what is even better is going to bed in a normal hour and sleeping for as late as we like, with no alarm clock!
 
I am so thankful it's Friday, I needed this break so much. I am thankful I had a chance to spend a day in the store. I am thankful for a wonderful first week in the store; we sold few items, much more than I anticipated. I am going to sleep now - TGIF.

An evening out

Day 1029 - after work we drove again to Ikea for some more purchases for the store. We found some real cute ideas and some good bargains. So after we were done we went to a restaurant for dinner. We had a very nice waitress and good food and most of all we enjoyed each other's company. We were so busy lately that not much time was left for anything else. So it was a very slecial evening today. An evening out for a date. How nice!
I am thankful we found all we were looking for and so tomorrow I can start getting busy creating new things for the store. I am thankful we had such a nice evening together. I am so thankful he is in my life. It's been almost a year and I am thankful for every day that passed. 

Day two of our store

Day 1028 - the store is up and running and even though we don't have some crucial stuff yet, we already have people coming to look and even a few sales. Now we have to fill the missing pieces - a sign with the name of the store is the first on our list and a website is a close second, but I cannt complain; in less than two weeks we opened our doors for business. It makes me so happy to see how things are getting more and more organized, the store more beautiful and inviting. And we did everything ourselves; mostly my partner did. The big thing for today - we got the right ladder after the long ordeal and we were able to hang mobiles from the ceiling and make the store so much happier looking for that.

I am thankful we finally finished the ladder saga. I am thankful for a beautiful store becoming a reality right in front of us. I am thankful to my partner for his dedication and relentless work. I am thankful it is only 10:45 pm and I am about to go to sleep; I so need this early bedtime.

Another hard day's work

Day 1027 - our days are so long and intense we don't even have time to eat breakfast until 1 pm and when we got home at 11 pm we started making dinner/lunch. But the good news is that we are almost done and we had our first two sales!! I didnt think its pissible to be ready so fast. I thought it will take us at least two more weeks. A very special day even if so very tiring.

I am thankful for a wonderful day. I am thankful to my partner for all the hard work he puts into this e devour. I am thankful for a most gratifying day.

Not enough sleep

Day 1026 - four hours of sleep are not enough for me, as I found out today.
Sleep is all I can think of right now and I am so thankful I can do that as soon as I put the last dot at the end if this sentence. Good night

So many crystals

Day 1025 - it's after 1 am and just now we finished dealing with a distributed. So I'll write more tommorow about this big day.

A very restful day

Day 1024 - It was a quiet day. waking up late, working on stuff for the store, late breakfast thus very late lunch, or should I call it dinner if it was at 6 pm. Even a nap in the middle of the day and now we are ready for a new and very intense week. it was very much a needed rest after a very hard working week, especially for my partner who was in the store every day for many hours and did most of the work. I just came in the evenings do I did much less there. It is so nice every once in a while to stop and take a breath, just enjoying the now with no tomorrow, no plans; just pause. and today was such a day.
 
I am thankful for a much needed rest. I am thankful for a weekend we spend together, just the two of us. I am thankful I can go to sleep now after a productive, even with all the rest I am talking about.

Moving day

1023 - my daughter left home yesterday but the moving truck was scheduled for today. So I was here at home to receive them and make sure they will take all her boxes and she waited for them on the other end. A little after 9 am they were here and less then half an hour later they were done and on their way. And I was here looking at an almost empty room a little sad but also excited for her. This house did not bring us much good. I had fights with my partner to the point that he decided to leave and live elsewhere; fights with my daughter to the point she did the same thing. And now I am living in a huge house that was too big even for three people, all by myself. I don't like it, I don't need it and I sure cannot afford it all on my own. For me alone I need a one bedroom house of 50 sq m and not this monster 3 time that size. I am going to talk to my landlord next week and see if he will allow me to break contract or to sublet the place. I work almost an hour away, my store is in the same city, my partner works in the store with me, so he goes the same direction and my daughter doesn't live here anymore so no need to live I the halfway point. It is sad to see a dream of happiness in complete ruins but I strongly believe that there is reason for everything, even if temporarily we cannot see it. So I know a day will come when I will look back and be thankful for all that.

I am thankful my daughter is starting her new life. I am thankful I was able to help her on a very difficult task of sending the movers off, since she had to be elsewhere on the same time. I am thankful for a very busy day at the store. I am thankful I can go to sleep now at 1 am, way past my bedtime.

Leaving the nest

Day 1022 - after weeks of preparations my daughter moved out today to start her new life in the big city and on her own. The past few months were not easy for either one of us and it put a serious strain on our relationship. The threesome didn't work even after my partner moved out. We were not the same anymore and could not find our way back to each other, the way things were before. And she decided it is time for her to leave. As much as I didn't see it the same way, she was right. She is old enough to live on her own and doesn't have to take anyone's BS, not even mine. At her age I was already married, so I know she can and should develope her own life. And so this morning I helped her disassemble her bed and took her to the train station, saying goodbye for the very last time this way. It is a little sad, like every ending, but also full of promise, like every beginning. And I am sure time will heal everything and it will bring us closer again. And for now she just moved to the big city and I am planning

Do it yourself is not easy

Day 1021 - it's almost midnight here and I am finally sitting after a very long and tiring day. I am so very tired, and just fell asleep while writing. I think i better cut it short and go to sleep, tomorrow we have another day of hard work. I am very tired and my body aches and i work only few hours every day in the store, I can only imagine how tired my partner is, being there all day long and doing so much more physical lanor. and he does all the heavy lifting. Before retiring for the night, I just want to report that the store is slowly shaping up. I assembled today a large 'honey comb" cabinet and it looks great. My partner finished all the wiring, hanging and connecting the cabinets to the walls and to each other for extra stability and alignment. I come to the store every day after work and it makes me so happy. To see all the work he did during the day, to how the place is slowly shaping up. It's like watching a miracle; except for the sore knees and muscles to prove we were the little elves who did the work.
 
I am thankful we are doing all this by ourselves and not just paying someone to do it for us; the satisfaction is something I cannot even put into words. I am thankful to my partner for his dedication, for all the hard work he puts into this project; I could not and would not do it without him. I am thankful for a good night sleep ahead of me; I really feel I earned it and I know it will do me a world of good.

The gate

Day 1020 - I had my car loaded with boxes of cabinets we bought in Ikea. It was too late at night to drive all the way to Haifa and unload it at 10 pm, so I decided to drive to my house and tomorrow continue to the store. But i have a small car so the hatchback is open and all the boxes are protruding out of it. I didn't want to leave an open car with all the goodies sticking out in the street. And the house I am renting has a large driveway with a very big and heavy wooden gate so I decided to pull the car in for the night. I tried to open this gate several times and it was too heavy and the wheels too rusty probably so I had no luck with it. But tonight I had a real motivation to sucssed; and sure enough with the right indent ice miracles can happen. Ever so slowly I managed to open the gate wide enough for the car to get in. Then came the tast if closing the gate. All went well until the last 3 inches that I could not close; I pushed a little harder and suddenly the gate just swans and fell on it's back, leaving the entrance wide open but blocking my way out. And it's so heavy I cannot lift it. So tomorrow I will have to call my landlord to the rescue so I can get out of my driveway and I can only hope my boxes will stay put until tomorrow and the big gape and the fallen gate will not draw unwanted attention.
 
I am thankful the gate did not fall on me or on my car; this would be a much bigger problem than it is now. I am thankful to the universe for its protection and help with everything I do and I send my wish that it will do the same tonight as well. I am thankful for a wonderful day today, for dreams slowly coming together  I am so tired but thankful for every moment of my day.

Our first shipment is here

Day 1019 - I have a new routine these days. Going to the store for an hour in the morning and then go to my work place. At the end of the day I go back to the store and work there with my partner for another two or three hours before calling it a day. It's not easy but I don't want that he'll do everything there; I want to be part of that too. I know most of it will lie squarely on his shoulders but I don't want to feel an outsider, it just doesn't work for me. So he does most of the work, of course and I help in whatever I can. I deal with all the suppliers, ordering all the things we need for the store. And tonight I got to build two bookcases and we already put them in place. It's so exciting to see how slowly it starts to take shape. Today I also hot a delivery of all the tarot cards we ordered, our very first items in the store. I find it very symbolic that tarot got to be the first item, since this is how it all started for my partner and this is how we started our spiritual journey together. A long and physically tiring day; it is only 10 pm and I am ready to go to bed. I don't remember the last time I did that.
 
I am thankful for another day of working towards fulfilling a dream. I am thankful to my partner for all he does to make our store so beautiful and special. I am thankful for the first items delivered to us today; it suddenly makes everything so real and so close.

A ladder story

Day 1018 - two weeks ago we bought a ladder for the store. It is a very high ceiling store and we needed a very tall ladder. It was so long I had to tie it to the roof of my car and drive very carefully all the way there. To my dismay I found out I over estimated the height and the ladder was too tall. That evening I drove back the 40 km with the ladder tied to the roof and the next morning returned the ladder and got a smaller one, folded one this time. I drove again to my store and pulled out the ladder and... this time it was too short. the height they quoted was not in the A position so it was not useful in the middle of the store. Once again we returned the ladder. This time we had a serious discussion with the owner, explained exactly what we need and they ordered the right ladder for us. And so we already know the drill - I had the ladder tied again to my car, drove all the way and when we opened the ladder in the store it was one more time - too long. It sounds pretty funny, but it's really not and I sure have better things to do with my time than driving back and forth with a ladder. But you know the saying - fool me once; well then - shame on me!! that's for sure. So tomorrow, again we will go there and try to order the right ladder and hopefully this will be the end of the ladder story. 

I am thankful for all the work my partner did in the store today, even with this ladder. I am thankful it is nothing more serious than a stupid ladder and some hassle of going back and forth. I am thankful we are one day closer to opening day.    

The last weekend

Day 1017 - my daughter's last weekend at home before she spreads her wings and take her final jump into independent life and adulthood. It's been a wonderful journey with high moments as well as low moments and now it is almost here. We found few boxes and she is almost done packing her room. Few more things, one last suitcase and she'll be ready for the movers later this week. I am so excited for her, for the new life and new beginnings ahead. It is such an important moment and I hope it will bring with great opportunities and experiences for her. She is going to share an apartment with a good friend and this by itself will make it so much fun. I am looking at her and see her life as they start unfolding and it makes me so happy. She is a mature and responsible young woman, ready to face the world; the dream of every parent...
  
I am thankful for getting to this moment to see my youngest daughter reaching full independence. I am thankful for the last three years in this country, where we got to spend so much time together. And as the Jewish blessing goes -I am thankful we made it to this moment. Amen. 

Going after my dream

Day 1016 - We keep working on the store. Today we drove to Ikea and bought bookcases for the store. Next week we will finish the painting, assemble the bookcases and start stocking the shelves. We have so much work, so many details are going into starting a tiny 33 sq/m of a store. Suppliers, insurance, display. and of course the advertising part like website, sign and printed materials. So much work while I also have to do my day job. I am so swamped with work but it is also very rewarding and very exciting and the feeling of building something new is amazing and doing that with the man I love makes everything even more special. For so many years I wanted to open a store. I know it will not make me rich but I know it will bring me the money I need for my living expenses so I can do it for many years to come and what can be better than working in the field you love doing things I so want to do but barely find time for them, like reading my books and teaching what I learned, or talking about that with my customers. With every passing day this dream is getting closer to its fulfillment, to opening day.
 
I am thankful for being able and not be afraid to go after my dream. I am thankful for all the uplifting feelings it fills my day with. I am thankful I found a partner I can dream with; I know how rare this is and I sure don't  take it for granted.