The "shiv'a"

Day 1623 - there are some serious benefits coming out of this "shiva"; the main one bonding of the family. For hours we stay at home so naturally we talk and learn more about the other's life and we remember what it means to be a family in bad times as well as in good times. We got to meet some interesting people and find interesting contact points, and by the end of the day everyone is so exhausted that you just fall asleep, which without all this might be difficult. My mom is on adrenaline right now and talks to everyone, and tells stories but I know that this new reality did not sink in yet, it probably will start donning on her after the "shiva" when the house will be empty and everyone gone. The emptiness and the stillness will be in sharp contrast. I hope she will be able to find her own place as an individual after living as a couple for almost 55 years. I hope she'll be ok. And in the mean time my dad's absence is felt everywhere and it doesn't seem real that he is dead, that he is not here anymore. It's so sad!!

Day 1622 - a demanding day; some shopping for something to wear in the next few days, some food for us and all the visitors that we knew will come. And then the burial ceremony. It is still too big to grasp. I think that some of the reason behind the "shiva" to allow the sorrow to creep in slowly. To understand the magnitude of the loss we just experienced. It's hard though and I am so sad to let go. To know I'll never see him or talk to him ever again... May you rest in peace, aba.

Day 1621 - my dad passed away few hours ago. May he rests in peace now that his suffering is over. I am thankful for the many years we shared and especially for the past five since I moved back here. I am thankful I was here for his last years on this planet.

Restful day

Day 1620 - no hiking today, just staying home for a much needed rest and taking care of things at home. By the end of the day we have three light fixtures hung, one of them doesn't work but we were too tried to continue today so we leave it for next time. Now I have to by some fabric for curtains. But slowly the house is taking shape and boxes are tossed away. I like doing it slowly, piece by piece as I find things I like without going on shopping spree, which I don't like or have the time for. It was good to take a day off and really rest. I hope it will open a good week for us.

Day 1619 - Friday night is a special time a week. Finally time to rest after a long week. A good meal after a week we eat in the store so it's always a make shift kind of meal. But on Friday we come home early, do some shopping on the way if needed and take an hour or so to prepare a festive meal, and then sit on the porch and enjoy it all. The meal, the company, the unhurried time and the view of course. Tomorrow is no hiking day so we can even stay late and listen to music and just enjoy a "normal" evening. How wonderful. But this is not a complains, I love hiking and I can do it every week.

How to start the day

Day 1618 - for three weeks now we are doing the morning workout routine; three times a week at 7 am. It's not always easy, like today after a short night but we make no excuses but one - the Sunday after a long hike is off, we have to let the body heal first. It's very interesting to hike on the beach. When you do it regularly, you notice that its always changing; today, after the storm, you could see the erosion of the beach, the numerous jelly fish awaiting us everywhere and the high water level. It's a gift, such a wonderful gift to start my day this way and I am so thankful for thst

Day 1617 - it's my youngest daughter's birthday today. We met for dinner half way, an hour drive for each one, in the city were my son lives. So it was the three of us celebrating a birthday together after so many years we couldn't, and her boyfriend was with us too, of course, by now he is also part of the family. It was a surprise for her that my son and I will join, she thought its only the two of them. It was nice to meet like that in the middle of the week and a birthday is always a good excuse. I look at her and she is all grown up; starting school, having a very serious boyfriend, working... A young woman in bloom. How time flies. I still remember the little baby she once was. It was great having both of my kids there today; to see how this move back to our country changed them and for the better. I see how happy my daughter looks and I am so thankful we made this decision. I looked at these three young people and it made me so happy - they are our future and its heart warming how wonderful they are...

Car service

Day 1616 - ever since I bought my car I take it to be serviced in a certain garage recommended by one of my friends. It is a very inexpensive place but I was not completely assured that my car is getting a good service. But it takes me a long time from thinking to acting on it, way too long sometimes. Finally I decided to ask my partner to come with me to the garage so I can get his opinion. Now he understands quite a bit in cars and he has a sharp eye and good senses. After the car got serviced he asked the guy few questions that I didn't know to ask and we got answers that were not satisfactory. Plus he opened my eyes to few things there... In short, it seems I'll be looking for a new garage for my next service. It will probably also be an expensive service after some questionable services. I am glad nothing happened to my car, I guess I am lucky and it's a very good one, but I should have been more credulous and diligent. When something is way cheaper than expected I should be suspicious and not happy. They always say, when its too good to be true, it usually is. Too many mechanics are taking advantage of women because they don't understand much about cars and don't know what to look for. I am part of this statistics and deep down I knew that but the price was too tempting to bring that thought to the surface. Little did I think that paying a little less for every service might cost me a lot more in the long run because of deferred maintenance of some parts or some systems. It might also be hazardous. How irresponsible of me.

Day 1615 - I don't remember the last time I was thankful for my food, so today seems like a good day for that. So many people have to work so I can have food on my plate. The farmers who grow it and pick it up, the people who pack it and ship it. The people who drive it to market. The grocer who buys it and brings it to my neighborhood store

Simple joys

Day 1614 - an early morning meditation on the porch is a great way to start the day and the week. A late dinner on the same porch followed by hours of talking and planning is a very pleasant way to end my day. I love this porch and its serene vista. I love the quality it added to my daily routine. The simple joys of life: meditation, relaxation and a good company, life is in the details and I am thankful for every one of them.

Last hike for the summer

Day 1613 - we did it. It was hot today and even a short hike of only 12 km was not easy. The next section is 28 km long with few very steep climbs, so no chance of doing it in the middle of the summer in a very hot area. So now we are on break until September. So far we hiked 120 km out of the 940; almost 13% of the way. Only hiking that much help you understand how long is the trail and it makes me appreciate my partner so much for doing all by himself and continually without any break. We are tired tonight after one short segment with no need to sleep in a tent and hike day after day. Amazing, absolutely amazing. I am thankful for the hike today with its amazing view of the Cineret, the see of Galilee. I am thankful the hike went uneventful. I am thankful for the wonderful 8 hikes we did so far in the north part of our country,

Day 1612 - getting ready for another hike tomorrow, the last one probably until the end of the summer. We are lucky that the summer is late to arrive this year so we are able to squeeze in one more leg that late in the season. So, as usual, early bedtime and all is ready for tomorrow.

Day 1611 - I finally finished typing the numerology class, my first one. Now I have to continue with the advanced course.

Stage one is done

Day 1610 - the last class in my número-psychology class. I was a little hesitant when choosing it but I am so glad I did. It sure was a great boost to my personal development and to my career as a numerologist as well. A little over a year ago I started this journey opening myself to something totally foreign to me and I discovered a wealth of knowledge and for the first time in my proffessional life I was challenged to apply other parts of my mind and not only logic. I loved every step of the way, I learned a lot about myself as well as about others. I got new perspective to everyday actions and choices and so much more. I am a very different person than the one who started the journey and I am so thankful for that. Now comes the challenge to take a dive into the cold water and start swimming. To be gentel and compassionate with myself and understand that only practice will make it better. But I sure found my calling, at least part if it will always be what I've learned in the past year. I am thankful to so many people and above all my partner who introduced me to this field and who held the fort for the past year while I was taking classes.

Screens

Day 1609 - after a dove laid eggs in the house and when I removed it built a second nest and after a mouse intruded as well and not to mention too many bugs on different sized and hostility I decided to I stall screens on all the windows. So on Sunday our handyman came to measure all the windows and today he installed the screen. And since yesterday we had yet another 'dove visit' I really appreciate the new screens. Finally I could leave all the windows open and let the fresh air and the breeze in without worrying about mosquitoes and other bugs coming in. So true, this is something I had to do as soon as I moved and didn't, but, it's better late than never. And I already talked to the guy about hanging the light fixtures; I'd rather pay him than do it myself. It takes me forever to get this place look like a house, but I'm gonna be here for many years so its ok if I take my time. Slowly this place will take shape and be just as I want it. And today I crossed a big item off my list; screens - check.

You can find good in any situation

Day 1608 - the family still in turmoil as the news ripple further out. I keep getting calls as everyone tries to come to terms with my dad'd decision. Is it final, can we convince him to re-consider it? It's heart warming and heart breaking at the same time. I don't think he ever realized how much everyone loved him until now when we know its almost over. Many years ago I had the idea that it is better to die after a long illness than abruptly because it gives you a chance to put all your affairs I order and it gives everyone a chance to say their goodbys, to take care of any unfinished business. And this is what we are all going through right now and it is a good thing. I for sure have a lot I want to tell him. And I am thankful that the situation as it is will push me to say it now and not miss the opportunity as it could have happen if his decision was a different one. And I am very thankful for that. I don't want him to leave before having one last heart to heart talk. So many gifts we all get, a blessing in disguise.

My dad

Day 1607 - It's hard for me to think about anything else but my dad. It's not that we didn't see his decline, or that we are not aware to the fact that he is 87 years old. it's not even that we don't know that everyone who lives must die; but we are good at denial' especially that kind of denial. In our western civilization we don't talk about persona deaths, just about those on TV, in other countries and preferably in big numbers. But when it comes to our own little and protected world we try to pretend it's not there. And maybe, who knows, by ignoring the subject it might disappear, right? well, not really and as comfortable as it is and very painful, we cannot do it any further. my dad is on his last stretch. we don't know how long it might be but these are the final months of his life and we better enjoy each one of them, there are not many tomorrows left for him. Each one of us has to plan his/her goodby. and have a chance to tell him we all love him. I think he is a very lucky man - we are all crying about his departure, just as it should be, it means he lived a meaningful life. So many times we beat ourselves for not doing enough, for not acheiving some goals, but at the end of the day, the fact that our hearts are broken says it all - he lived well. and we are lucky to be on the receiving end. I am so thankful for that.

Courage in action

Day 1606 - a very difficult day. After beating around the bushes for a long time the truth came out. My father does not want to start dialysis treatment even though his kidneys are in a very low functioning mode. This basically means that he chooses to end his life sooner rather than later. It is not an every day topic and people usually shy from that. But he has only two weeks before they planned to start the procedure and I guess our presence there gave him the courage to speak his mind and so he dropped that bombshell onto the unprepared audience. There were many tears but I think that also compassion and even understanding. And we even touched the issue of how. A difficult day for sure. And only when I came home it really donned on me. I researched on the Internet for hours and came to the same conclusion he did. At his age it might prolong his life a little but it will sure rob him of the quality and the side effects of the dialysis are sever. Also in his physical condition and the myriad of other illness he has it might even kill him faster. And the total dependence on a machine, the travel back and forth and the fact that more than half the days he will gain will be spent in the hospital or at doctors offices are all against doing it. He is 87 years old and I think he deserves the right to a dignified end of life. My heart breaks to think he will be leaving us soon but I respect his decision and admire his courage. I hope that when my turn will come to face this kind of decision I will remember him and have the courage to do the same thing. I am thankful for an amazing weekend; heart breaking but one I will forever remember. I am thankful to be of help in this process. I am thankful and proud to have this man as my father. I will try to enjoy every moment he is stoll here with us; miss him terribly when he is gone.

Day 1605 - at my parents with my daughter. A very long discussion about life, consequences and adjustments as they get older and sicker. Sad, difficult but I hope that also helpful. It makes me sad to see how the pressure puts their relationship to test and even more sad to see it fails. Equality and open communication is the name of the game and in their absence you get quarrels, resentment and tyrany. I hope something will change.

Big news

Day 1603 - the mouse is still roaming freely in the house and today we set two more traps. It's very disturbing to think of a mouse touching all our belongings... I was writing and suddenly a big bang was heard and we immediately knew, a mouse was coughs in the trap. A small mouse that made such a big mess. I am not sure yet if we had more than one so the other two traps are still on. We released the trapped mouse outside of course, but it is out of here. I sure hope to declare the house as 'mouse free' in a few days.

Day 1602 - our class today was about couples' contract. This unwritten agreement we made in the very early stage of the relationship. We learned how it was established and how to reveal it and correct what needs to be written again, the right way. A very interesting lesson to all of us. And of course much to think about.

A mouse in the house - day two

Day 1601 - came home tonight to find the content of the trash can strewn all over its compartment. Another evidence to the activity of the mouse. Now we have two traps in that said compartment and one more outside in the kitchen. I just hope it didn't eat enough and will come for seconds. I have to admit that the idea of living under the same roof and within the same walls with a mouse is very disturbing for me...

A mouse in my house :-(

Day 1600 - I have a mouse in the house!! When we came back home this evening we saw it running for shelter. We blocked the way out of its hiding place and tomorrow I'm going to buy a trap and try to catch it. And the next mission is to install screen on all the windows since this is how it entered the house, and it will also help with the mosquitoes and other winged bugs, and the famous dove. In short, this is something I noticed even before moving in and put it on my to-do list instead of actually take care of that; now I will.

A day in a mystic store

Day 1599 - a very good day in the store, some interesting people and lots of stories. A mystic store is not a regular store, it's a place people come to tell you about their lives and hopes and fears. We are kind of a spiritual support system, a confession room, a place to visit and come back stronger. It's what we were hoping for and slowly we build this name. But it takes patience and compassion and sometimes it's not easy, but today all the people who came on were repeat clients and all people we made a difference in their lives; and it sure feels good.

The season finale

Day 1598 - a long and challenging hike on the Israel National Trail. It was a very hot day, probably the last one on the trail for the next few months as the summer is too hot here to hike. This was a great section for the season finale - climbing up one of the biggest cliffs in our country. We started the hike before six am and by 8:30 we were at the base of the cliff. It was tough and it was not my best day but I made it to the top where the vista is amazing. High above the Sea of Galilee. We walked fast and by 1pm we were done. I got a little sunburn and my feet hurt but a good night sleep will fix it all. Every time we hike I feel again so lucky to be here, to have a partner that likes hiking so much. I am thankful I can hike this trail, one of the best trails in the world, when ever I feel like.

On the edge of the wild

Day 1597 - at night you can hear the jackals howling in the valley that is part of the natural reserve bordering my house. This afternoon I looked over there and saw a female jackal with at least six pups. It was amazing to sit on the third floor porch in a big city and view about 200 feet from me a family of jackals. I watched the frolocking for a long time. It was fascinating. This city is exemplary for its coexistence, apparently not only between people but also a very interesting one with nature. I loved this house on first sight, but I sure didn't realize then how very special is its location. I am living on the border between civilization and nature in this little piece of heaven. How lucky one can be.

As we get older...

Day 1596 - dead tired after the third workout this week. I guess going from zero to full speed has its toll. But I'm very happy with the progress and the persistance. My partner is very good at keeping us on track so I have very high hopes it will stick. It is not a secret that we have to be active in order for all our systems and organs to work properly, and as we get older it becomes crucial. Since I have no plan of becoming limited and immobile old woman than I have to start working at that. And so I made a decision to keep that workout regimen and to change my diet drastically. No more empty calories, no sweets or white flour; no junk food at all. And from now on only healthy food. I am ready to pay the price of food that is not sophisticate or gourmet but is healthy and nutritious. I see my parents getting older and it breaks my heart, I want to do what ever I can to avoid being in the same condition in twenty some years. I am thankful for every day of happiness and good health. I am thankful I am getting wiser about choices and actions before its too late, and I sure hope it will make the difference.

Challenging questions...

Day 1595 - a loaded topic today in my class - the non written contract that couples establish in their realationship, usually without being aware of that. It's interesting of course, but even more than that, it's painful. It puts a mirror in front of each one of us to understand what went wrong, how do we treat and mis-treat, how are we being treated and where it all came from. And since these are the glasses we wear and that's how we view the world, without awareness this pattern will repeat itself. It also made us all look at our kids, our behaviors towards them and their s to the world. So many things to think about, so much to learn. I sure have a lot of thinking to do, to try to see beyond the stories we tell ourselves to the bare truth. I am not there yet, but this sure is a very important wake up call. One more step into greater awareness. One more mask I have to remove and find what's behind it. Interesting, a very interesting and chlenging class, for sure.

Day 1594 - another morning workout on the beach. This time we arrived a little earlier thus got a longer session. It included a four kilometers walk/run, my first run in many months so I was very pleased. Add to that the early closing time - our half day Tuesday, and you have a recipe for a perfect day.

A dove story

Day 1593 - we have a dove here that insist on coming into the house, into a certain room every few days. At the beginning I didn't think much of it but when it kept coming I started checking what's going on and sure enough, I found a best with two eggs on the bookcase. I gently put them outside on the very loose nest she built and closed the windows in that room. But she found another window on the other end of the house and visited us today again. They say birds bring good luck, with our own private dove I hope it means even more so. I have to admit, luck or not, that I don't enjoy the little presents it leaves around and I don't like the idea of an intruder, even if only a bird, while we are away. But it could be worse, I guess, and it's kind of amusing...