Courage in action

Day 1606 - a very difficult day. After beating around the bushes for a long time the truth came out. My father does not want to start dialysis treatment even though his kidneys are in a very low functioning mode. This basically means that he chooses to end his life sooner rather than later. It is not an every day topic and people usually shy from that. But he has only two weeks before they planned to start the procedure and I guess our presence there gave him the courage to speak his mind and so he dropped that bombshell onto the unprepared audience. There were many tears but I think that also compassion and even understanding. And we even touched the issue of how. A difficult day for sure. And only when I came home it really donned on me. I researched on the Internet for hours and came to the same conclusion he did. At his age it might prolong his life a little but it will sure rob him of the quality and the side effects of the dialysis are sever. Also in his physical condition and the myriad of other illness he has it might even kill him faster. And the total dependence on a machine, the travel back and forth and the fact that more than half the days he will gain will be spent in the hospital or at doctors offices are all against doing it. He is 87 years old and I think he deserves the right to a dignified end of life. My heart breaks to think he will be leaving us soon but I respect his decision and admire his courage. I hope that when my turn will come to face this kind of decision I will remember him and have the courage to do the same thing. I am thankful for an amazing weekend; heart breaking but one I will forever remember. I am thankful to be of help in this process. I am thankful and proud to have this man as my father. I will try to enjoy every moment he is stoll here with us; miss him terribly when he is gone.