A Night At The Hospital

Day 514 - my daughter had very high fever and was in a lot of pain so instead of going to the dance like I planned or spending time with friends like she planned to do we went to the ER and we are still here 9 hours later. They are going to keep her here overnight for observations. So not exactly our idea of a Friday night fun but I am happy she is here or I'll be worried sick is it an appendix about to burst. And right now she is asleep and her fever went down so I hope it will stay this way and she'll be released in the morning.


I am thankful we have good medicine on our side and we can be safe at the hands of the wonderful men and women working here. I am thankful she is feeling a little better. I am thankful that in our country all people rich and poor are covered by healthcare insurance; I don't even want to think of what it is like to live without that; this is one of the reasons I didn't stay over there, I knew I couldn't afford it.

A Day of Celebrations

Day 513 – One of my colleagues celebrated her 40^th birthday today, so we all took her to lunch in a local restaurant and it was a lot of fun. We decided we have to do it more often. In the afternoon, before leaving work we all went to visit another one of our colleagues who gave birth this morning to a beautiful baby boy. And when I arrived at my creative writing class I found out it is the 80^th birthday of one of our group members. So in one day in a matter of few hours I celebrated the birth of a baby, the 40^th and the 80^th birthdays – what a special day! The funny thing is that the newly 40 years old told me yesterday that she doesn’t know anyone who has the same birthday. I guess that’s just not true anymore. The cool thing about living in our generation is that you can be 80 years old and still be very active, be able to do so many things, and have plans for many years to come. I wish for myself to arrive to this age in the same wonderful shape as my friend; to be full of life and optimistic; to celebrate life to the fullest.

 

I am thankful for a wonderful day with plenty of laughter and joy. I am thankful for all the celebrations we had today. I am thankful for friendships I forge here, for people I meet, life I touch. I am thankful for such a special day.

A Golden Cage

Day 512 – I made the commitment to start working on my final project, but not today. I have a creative writing class tomorrow and could not delay it any longer. I wrote about my friend who committed suicide almost four years ago and her story helped me to summon the courage and the strength to change my life. I realized that if I don’t want to live my life like a wild bird kept in a golden cage it is up to me to open the doors of my prison and soar to the sky. It took me almost two years of preparations but I did it. It was not an easy piece to write and I am not sure yet how much I like it but the idea was good and it is something I wanted to say for a long time, a farewell letter to a dead friend. I hope I will never fully understand the depth of depression, the total despair at the bottom of it. Her death made me realize how lonely one can be surrounded with all things money can buy and feel so trapped that you can’t see a way out. I hope I’ll never understand that and I am so sad for my friend who was in such a bad place behind all the masks and the show-off. I said today one more time thank you to my friend; for her death forced me to make my move and win back my life. it does not, however, make it any easier to accept her choice.

 

I am thankful I found a way to thank my friend for her great influence on my life. I am thankful for the friends in my life and for their willingness to listen and not let me be. I am thankful I have friends I know will come to the rescue if I ever feel the need to lean on a supportive shoulder, if I need a hug.    

My Final Project

Day 511 – I am going to finish my class in a month and my project is due no later than a month after that, so it is time to start working on it again. it has to be very detailed and with extensive research. It also has to cover a two weeks trip. I gave myself few days to rest after the crazy work I had in the past months but today also marks the turning point and from now on I will start working on my project. I will start collecting information about specific subjects and will try to do a subject per week, I think this will be both not too much and yet sufficient to get to the dead line without a terrible rush. I am starting with art and will take it from there. Again and again from every aspect I read I come back to the Khmer Rouge era and the atrocities they have done to their people. I am sure that the arts will reflect it as well. it is a terrible story to tell but there is also a story of rising from the ashes and the attempts to rebuild the country and I will cover both. But today I just took the first step in this final project for my class. I can’t believe it is almost over!

 

I am thankful for the few days of recovery I did before jumping into the next time consuming activity. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn something new about a beautiful country and people that I want to visit later on. I am thankful for finding something so challenging and interesting as this wonderful course I am taking, for friends and for knowledge I gained in the past 8 months.

Greek Mythology Class

Day 510 – We had a lecture today about Greek mythology and it was so interesting. We learned about the main Greek Gods and their attributes, how they are symbolized in art. We learned how much the influence is still permeating through our lives to this day; how expressions and symbols and literature are still influenced by something written and believed more than 2000 years ago. It was interesting thing to discover that so many artists even hundred years ago painted Greek mythology themes, theater shows and even the famous book Harry Potter has many references to creatures of that origin. What was especially interesting for me is how a guy takes such an academic subject as this and turns it into a thriving business. He wrote two books and the third one is in print right now, he is giving lectures all over the country and he is conducting trips were he is the tour guide explaining art and architecture and culture. I loved it how he shamelessly promoted his business during the class. Years ago I had a long discussion with my son saying you have to learn what you love and how to make money with it is up to you and here we had this guy – a living proof that even from such an unimportant and totally academic subject to most people one with an entrepreneur mind can create a business. I have to tell my son about this – he will love it. And of course it makes me think how can I turn my hobbies into an income source and free myself from the 9-5 office routine. The picture attached here is part of a sculpture by Bernini called “the rape (kidnaping) of Proserpina”, one of the most amazing pieces of art ever created – it is made of marble and it looks like real flesh. I was so happy we got to see it and talk about it again today.

 

I am thankful I can get back to my routine and to my class after missing it last week. I am thankful for a very interesting lecture today. I am thankful for this opportunity to learn so much about a subject I always liked. I am thankful we got to see pictures of some amazing pieces of art and the best one of all this sculpture by Bernini. I am thankful for this eye opening idea of how to create a business in a place that none is expected. I am thankful for a long talk I had with one of my classmates after class; it is always makes me re-think and re-evaluate my ideas and opinions and I like it very much. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

The Singles Game

Day 509 – I was planning to go out with one of my friends to a movie tonight for her birthday but she had to do few things before going home and by the time she finally made it home she was too tired to go out. I told her it’s her birthday so if she doesn’t feel like going out – it’s absolutely OK. Instead we spent like two hours on the phone! And we both realized that at the beginning, being new at the singles game, it was difficult to be home alone; but now, two years later we both actually learned to like the freedom that comes with it. It is nice to be able to do whatever I want with no one to express an opinion; to leave as much mess as I want or cook or not cook as I please. it’s very easy to get used to that, to the point that it will be difficult to give it up and I am not sure I want to. True I miss sometimes having someone to cuddle with or have some tender moments; but at this stage of the game I really like the way my life is going right now. And I think that time will make it even harder to give it up. I spend today over two hours on the phone and in the same time played some mindless game on my computer and I don’t have to explain, or apologize! It is also nice to go on dates and meet new guys every once in a while. To give all that up I will have to find someone who is absolutely amazing. I am so happy I didn’t find him yet…

 

I am thankful for the freedom I have, for the opportunity to live my life the way I want with no explanations and no apologies. I am thankful for the things I learn everyday about myself, and my preferences. I am thankful for friends who are there when I want to spend time with a friend and are not pressing on me when I want to be alone. I am thankful for such a nice and very candid talk.  

The Calm

Day 508– I decided to take a walk on the boardwalk by the sea this morning. I didn’t do it in such a long time and it was so wonderful. The water is perfect and the weather is perfect but my sunburns are not completely healed yet and so the only way to enjoy the sea right now is walking early in the morning and then sitting under the umbrella and this is exactly what I did. I walked for almost an hour and I stay for another 4 hours in the shade reading a very interesting book. I hope in a few days I’ll be able to get a little sun again, but this time I’ll be covered with generous quantities of sun screen. I learned my lesson; it is by far the worst sunburn I ever got and I am not ready to do it again anytime soon. The rest of the day was very slow as well. I did as little as possible which was exactly what I needed after the past few weeks. And now my batteries are charged and I am ready to face the world again; ready to get back to work and catch up on my regular assignments, something I totally neglected in the past few weeks, we all did.

 

I am thankful for a wonderful day on the beach, even if I had to stay away from the sun. I am thankful for a wonderful book I finally have time to continue reading. I am thankful for a wonderfully relaxed weekend. I am thankful that the crazy schedule is over and I can get back to my wonderful routine. I am so thankful to get my life back, just as I like it, and by now I appreciate it so much more.  

Pride Parade

Day 507 – It is Pride Week here in our country. Yes, a whole week! So today we drove to our largest city, about an hour away from us, to take part in the Pride Parade. The city was all covered with rainbow flags and there were so many people, I think it is much larger event than the one in San Francisco and what was even more interesting it was a very happy parade but not the “in your face” kind, which was always the problem with the SF one. I think it says a lot about the social status and the acceptance the LGBT community feels. The more they feel like outsiders the more provocative they’ll be. It made me very happy to see sign of support of all the major political parties and well as the religious section. I was always for equal rights, I don’t think one group can take the rights of another and I am glad to see that this is the case here, at least on the personal level. Being a parent to a gay child I am even more sensitive to that point, and every little step towards equality is something I really appreciate. It makes me especially happy to see how open people here are to the subject and how supportive.

 

I am thankful to see the shift that slowly permeates into main stream acceptance; I am thankful to see the wide support here in my country to the needs of the LGBT community. I am thankful to my youngest daughter who told me about the parade and came with me to the city to take part in it. I am thankful for a very relaxed evening, doing almost nothing, just what I needed after the very busy week I had. I am thankful for being able to go to sleep in a normal hour and without an alarm clock.    

Reflecting On The Past week

Day 506 – I came back today and I was more tired than I ever was. I felt like I might fall asleep while walking. So I went to sleep for a few hours and I feel like myself again. Now I can finally declare that our task is done. I have a moment to sit back and relax; sit back and reflect. So what do I take from this? I learned that I function very well in high stress situation. That I can keep many small details in my head, many balls in the air and not drop any. I learn that it’s something I like doing and I am doing it very well; that as much as I think I am not organized enough I just know what to do. And I also learned that even though I love the action I am not going to become addicted to adrenaline. I want more in my life than just work. I want to be able to be with my friends, to have time for my hobbies and just have time to kick back and relax. I am not and will not be a woman that all she does is work, even if it is a hell of a job she does. I also learned that I love being a tour guide. It has the right amount of people interaction and problems solving and you get to be on the road and outdoors and not stuck in an office. I feel more alive and happy in a bus on our way somewhere than in a cubicle in front of a computer. I am a people’s and an outdoors’ person. So somewhere in the future, this is what I want to do.

 

I am thankful I went on this tour; it taught me so much about myself. I am thankful I am back home. I am thankful for the opportunities I have opened, for the career I chose, and hopefully will be able to pursue. I am thankful to get my life back after very hectic two months.  

Day Two of Our Tour

Day 505 - I'm at the hotel now after a full day of touring the country and especially our capital. It was a great day and I really enjoyed it. I love interacting with people, and I love being on the road seeing places and explaining about them. Showing people our beautiful country, and it's rich history. I love it so much more than sitting in an office all day long. I know I should write more and talk about the wonderful day we had but I am too tire and I forgot my laptop and it's very late and I can't type one normal sentence and I am totally falling asleep.
  
I am thankful for such a special opportunity to play a host for a few days as part of my job. I am so thankful I have this kind of a job. I am so very tired, and so my biggest thank is for having a nice hotel and a clean bed to sleep in tonight; i think I am so tired I would sleep even in lesser conditions, but I am thankful it is not.

We Are Done With Our Summit

Day 504 – after months of hard work we are done. We had a wonderful gala yesterday night and a series of events today and by 3pm we were done. All our guests left for their homes or hotels and we had a moment to catch our breath. But for me it was really only a short moment and then I drove home, took a very quick shower and by 5:15 was at the hotel to join our guests for an evening tour. We drove to Tel Aviv, our largest city, went to a very good restaurant, took a night drive and then a night walk through the streets of the city and by the time I got back home it was past 1am. It was a very long day indeed but very interesting and satisfying. It feels so good to be at the end of our Summit and to finally be able to breath a little easier without the crazy stress and the extra-long hours. I have to be on the tour for the next two days, but it’s a much lower stress, and I get to practice being a tour director, something I really love; I hope I can still say that by the end of this tour. The picture here is from our night tour of Tel Aviv. It shows the history of that quaint neighborhood and I really liked it. 

  

I am thankful out summit is over and how successful it was. I am thankful I get to travel with our guests and get to know them; I think it is very important for us and our relationship with them in the future. I am thankful I can go to sleep now; it’s 2:44am and I have to wake-up in less than 4 hours; what a painful thought!

We Are Past the Mid point

Day 503 – I came back home only now, a little before midnight, after a very eventful day. By now half of the events are behind us and the more complex ones. And everything worked just the way we planned it with no hiccups at all. I am exhausted from all the running around, but it’s the good kind of tired; the one that comes from hard work. This will be a very short entry because I am so very tired and tomorrow I have to wake-up early again. But I wanted to write a few words about all the things we had today. We showed our guests few of the departments in our hospital in a very unique way and the day culminated in a gala dinner and award ceremony. It was so beautiful and so moving; an excellent production!! But nevertheless it is almost over and I am so happy about that – I am so tired and just want to sleep for a full week.

   

I am thankful that we are past the half point already. I am thankful everything today worked so well and that we are such a great team and we can solve any problem that comes our way. I am so thankful I can go to sleep now, I am dead tired.  

It's Show Time

Day 502 – Today was the day to tie up all the loose ends and by late afternoon the events started to unfold. No more endless preparations we are in show time. I like that stage, the moment before it all start to unfold; the calm when I know that I took care of everything I could think of, and everything falls into place. I worked another very long day but when I locked my office at night, I knew all is ready and waiting for tomorrow for the many people that will be visiting, ready to hear our story and open their hearts. I know the next few days hold many challenges for us, but this is easy stuff – we react to events and situations. Much easier than to think and prepare for the “what if”. Solving problems as they present themselves is what I like best and I am so happy that finally this is where we are. and I almost forgot – I did my nails today after more than a year I didn’t; I really don’t know why it took me so long to do that. But it looks so nice that I sure will do it again.

 

I am thankful the waiting period is over; I am thankful we are now in show time.  I am thankful that in a few days it will all be behind us; I cannot wait to get my old life back. I am thankful I decided to do my hair and my nails – it makes me feel so good. I am thankful to my friends who care so much about the things I do, and make me feel so good.

Sunburned

Day 501 – I went to the beach with my daughter today. I had good company, a good book and a perfect weather, not too hot and just right to stay for a long time without feeling uncomfortable. Sadly, it was too perfect, just good enough to lie down and ready without realizing I am getting sunburned. By the time my daughter noticed the color of my skin it was too late. I got a serious sun-burn and I am in so much pain right now and I try to apply aloe vera cream and take some Advil but nothing really helps and I guess tomorrow will be even worse, it usually is on the second day, so I am not looking forward to that. I guess this is the price I have to pay for not being careful enough, for not applying sunscreen when I know the sun is really strong here. But even with all that I had so much fun; it is my first real beach experience this year. Until now I was sitting in a café and watching and it was always in the late afternoon or even evening. Today I was on the sand, in the water, under the fiery sun and I enjoyed every minute of it; the pain came later, after we already left.

 

I am thankful for a wonderful day on the beach oven if the outcome was less desirable. I am thankful I spend the whole weekend with my daughter. I am thankful these are only first degree burns; I cannot even imagine how painful a second degree burn would be.   

A Skeleton in the Closet

Day 500 – My daughter is staying here this weekend. We passed the point of daughter and mom a long time ago and we do have very deep and candid conversations; something I really cherish. I think that if we don’t make that transition our relationships with our adult children will be very shallow and I don’t like shallow relationships, I really don’t. I try to be open and honest with them at all times. I try to do it in all my relationships, not only with my kids. Even when the truth is not easy and maybe even put me in an uncomfortable position. It is a decision that I made, along with so many others, when I left home and started my new life here. Relationships have to be based on truth and honesty; I lived once a different life and I am never going back to that place. I know how bad it was for me, I know what it did to my soul. And today this decision was put to the test. My daughter asked me a very candid question, the answer to which was not an easy one, and for a brief moment I hesitated; it is not something a parent want to discuss with a child. But she is an adult today and besides, she asked so it means she thinks about it and so I gave her a very honest answer. I opened the closet and took out the skeleton that was hidden there for so many years. I am not perfect, I never claimed I was, and I did some things in my life I am not particularly proud of, but at the time it made sense or else I would not choose that path. And I can beat myself for that, like I did for many years, or accept the fact in face value and go on. I cannot change the past anyway. I can only acknowledge it, accept it and still love myself, faults and all. My daughter asked me a very difficult question and I am so thankful I mastered the courage to be honest and answer truthfully. This is the only way to deal with things. Lying will not change the facts, and if she asked me it means that for one reason or another she suspected what will be my answer, and only the truth can satisfy that. We had a long conversation after that and after hearing what she had to say and why she asked I was even happier that I answered the way I did. It clarified a lot of things for her and a lot of underlying questions and feelings. I talked many times about fear and how it prevents us from doing things and how much it holds us back. The reason we lie is fear, pure and simple and today I found out one more time that when I step out of my comfort zone, when I am ready to deal with consequences my life become fuller and richer and most of all I remove one more mask from my face and be me, just me exactly as I am. A woman that is making an honest attempt to live a very different life that what she had for so many years; a woman that is trying to define her very unique path; that is finding every day a little more who she is and why she it was the best decision she ever made.

 

I am thankful my daughter mastered the courage to ask this very difficult question; it is not something you ever want to ask a parent and not the answer you wish to get. I am thankful I answered in kind. I am thankful most of all that I was able to tell her that as difficult as it was I would not have it any other way; she is a gift from the gods and I would not want to see my life without her.