Counting my Blessings

Day 379 – I made a repositioning yesterday of my thoughts. And today I could already feel the difference. It is almost midnight again, I am a little tired but I am not drained. It was very rainy today, but I decided to see the beautiful side of it. When I got to work I looked at the gray sea and the very dark skies and it was so beautiful I had to take out my camera and shoot a few pictures. I sure didn’t do that for a long time; and even such a simple act sets the tone for the rest of the day. I am planning to send as many blessings as I can before I go to sleep, there is so much in my life I am thankful for and I want to bless everything and everyone around me. I made a very interesting experiment today. At lunch one of my friends started saying something very negative and so I said that I am so thankful for so many things. And to her sour comment of what can we be thankful in a gray and rainy day like today I said than I am thankful for a warm bed and hot shower and for a roof over my head exactly because of the rain and the cold, that I am thankful I have food to eat and money to buy what I need. In short, it changed the whole atmosphere of the discussion. I know that by sending positive vibes to my surrounding I can change so much of my own experience, of my day; and I love it. I’ll try to remember that every single day. I am going to sleep now, unhurried and at peace, send some blessings and go to sleep. I know that just by doing something as simple as that my tomorrow will be a very good day.

  

I am thankful for an amazing storm in the sea this morning, for a sight out of a magazine, so perfect and strong. I am thankful for being able to make today a better day just because of the realizations I made yesterday. I am thankful I was able to control my thoughts today when something really disturbed the peace, and I was able to quench the storm before it escalated, before it had a negative effect on me. I am thankful for a friend who virtually accompanied my life in the past two weeks and brightened my mornings and my eves. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life.

Repositioning

Day 378 – I was very tired in the past few days. I felt this lack of energy. I kept telling myself that I need more sleep; maybe I have to reduce the load of classes, since it fills my days but today I finally got it. I don’t sleep less than I slept few weeks ago, my work load is about the same, I don’t eat differently, in short, nothing in my outside world changed much. So it must be something on the inside. Bingo! The change was in my attitude. I lost this fresh look of full potential. I fell asleep at the helm and I forgot to pay attention to my thoughts; allowed self doubt and negative self-talk take precedence. And by doing so I invited more of the same to come in. I felt tired so I became more tired. I felt drained so I became more and more exhausted. I felt lonely and it almost brought me to my knees. But thankfully, I made a New Year resolution 13 years ago to finish a book every single month. This month, because of all the above mentioned, I did not read anything yet. And so today I picked a thin book I can finish in a few hours, and this book was “The Secret”. And it brought back all these feelings I had when I arrived here a year and a half ago and somehow lost along the way. So I am focusing only on the positive from now on and I will attract it back into my life. I have to focus again on being happy in order to bring happiness into my life; to love in order to bring love. I was so good at it and I lost sight of the target. So now I have a chance to reposition myself and I feel so blessed for that. Time and again I am impressed by the mysterious ways the world’s wheels are turning. The fact I did not make time for reading became a blessing in disguise, it brought the book to me and the need for readjustment to my attention.

 

I am thankful for all the many blessings in my life. For wonderful children, for wonderful friends, for people who were kind to me and those who were not; for food and shelter and warm bed at night; for another day I saw coming to its end and for the wonderful day awaiting me tomorrow. I am thankful my tomorrow will be more focused and my thoughts more under control. I am thankful to the universe for sending me the book today when I was in dire need for guidance.  I am thankful for the abundance in my life.

A Few Words About the Pilgrimage to Mecca - the Haj

Day 377 – today was our very last segment of Islam, and we are all sad about that. the instructor is absolutely amazing and we all feel privileged to be in his class. We learned today about the Haj – the pilgrimage that each Sunni Muslim has to perform at least once in their lifetime. we talked about the details of what they have to do in each station, because it is not only to go to Mecca, but the more interesting thing was to think about the huge task that befalls on the Saudi government every year. To host over 4 million people for one month and to take care of everything. Just think about the logistics – 4 million people coming in for the Haj in a matter of a few days. – flights, border control. And then shuttle them to the holly place. Take care of food for 4 million people for 30 days, a place to sleep (and they move every day from one place to the next so it means to change sheets and wash 4 million sheets and covers and pillow covers and towels... water for all these people and it is a dessert so a lot of water; removal of trash; first aid; each one of them has to scarify a lamb so they have to get all the animals from abroad, and bring them to the right place, and then slaughter them all and since they are not to be eaten by the pilgrims, they are donated to poor Muslim countries so all has to be frozen on site and them shipped abroad; keep the places clean, just think of the amount of trash. there are about 2-3 service people for each pilgrim, and they all have to be housed, fed…  I saw pictures of the millions in that huge plaza around the Kaaba, I never thought what all this entails. Hats off to the Saudi kingdom for hosting this event every year, in such a way for so many years.

    

I am thankful for one more lesson about the mysteries of Sunni Islam. It’s a religion we in the west learned to fear and to hate. But after 15 hours of lecture I gained a serious appreciation to the depth and the richness of this culture, to all the progress it brought to the world. I am thankful I had the opportunity to learn from the best and be a little less ignorant. I told one of my friends today as we learn more I realize how little do I know about anything. With the things I don’t know we can fill few oceans. I am thankful that this ocean is now missing few drops.

Just a Regular Sunday with Nothing to Report

Day 376 – I have nothing to write about. I let early for work and I came back very late and I did nothing but work all day. I went to sleep very late and woke up early so I am also very tired. Too tired to do anything tonight, but take a shower and go to bed. I have to be kind to myself and accept the fact that there are days like that; luckily, not too many. But I can also look at the bright side – I will make up for the very little sleep I had tonight, deposit some hours into this very lean “saving account”.

An hour ago I got a very nice phone call – I went to the opening event of an art show few months ago, and since I was very impressed with some of the exhibits, I stopped and talked to the artist. When I told her some of her pieces really touched something in me she wanted to know which ones. I showed her and she said – that she understands something important about me and asked for my phone number. And today I just got a call from her and we are going to meet this week.

 

I am thankful for the opportunity to go to sleep in a normal hour. I am thankful that I don’t have too many days like that with nothing but work. I am thankful for so many things today, as always; working in a hospital, I am thankful for my health and good fortune every single day. I am thankful for this phone call, for the steady flow of email, I am thankful for a long talk with my son, and my daughter. I am thankful to be alive and content, especially in a day like that where nothing really happened.    

Some Progress with my Cambodia Report

Day 375 – I got up late today and it was so nice. The weather was beautiful and after my morning pages I went for a walk in the park, just to realize the weather has changed and it started to rain. The rest of my day was divided between research about Cambodia for my project and a several e-mails to this unknown friend. I have to admit I enjoyed both. I learned a lot about Cambodia and I am making serious progress. I did the history part, not done yet since I did only recent history and did not go yet to the time of the Angkor kingdom. But I will finish that part during the week. I read about the time of the Khmer Rouge in the 70’s and the genocide they had done with an estimate of 1/7 million people dead. It is so sad and very hard to grasp that people will do something like that to their own, to anyone actually. I knew when I chose the country that I will have to read about this era and my heart goes to the people of this country that suffered so much under the Khmer Rouge and later through a Vietnamese occupation and a civil war. And even now it is not really peaceful yet, just better than it was. But the good news it is getting better and prosperity starts to touch their lives and it is an up and coming tourist destination which will further improve their situation.   

  

I am thankful for a day I spent doing research and increasing my knowledge about something I knew so little about before. I am thankful it increases my social conscious and makes me more aware of problems elsewhere. I am thankful I will be able to do my little part to help by bringing tourist to Cambodia. And I am particularly thankful to my friend that kept mailing me and making my day so much more pleasant for that.    

Friday Night Live

Day 374 – I just came back from a concert. It is one of my favorite singers, Yehuda Poliker. I have few of his CDs but I never been to any of his concerts and boy, that was something else. He is an amazing performer and gives his all during the show, three hours without any intermission. He plays guitar and bouzouki and he sings with all his heart, and towards the end most of the crowd was standing and dancing, me included of course. I love dancing and I love this kind of music (strong Greek influence), I just didn’t want to be the first one to do so J.

He has some very quiet songs as well, very sad ones, and they always bring tears to my eyes, even in a live performance, even when they are between much happier and upbeat ones. And I just decided I am going to buy his new CD; I really like his music. He writes very personal stories about love and hope and broken dreams.  Many of his songs are with so much pain and he writes in a way that it feels as if it comes right out of my own heart.

While I was waiting for the show to start I checked my email and saw I got one more mail from my new unknown friend. We write to each other few times a day now, and I am really looking forward to each one these e-mails.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful Friday that culminated in this unforgettable performance; I am still listening as I write to his songs on YouTube; he is so talented, it is amazing. I am thankful I decided to go alone when I could not find anyone to go with me; it is not a performance to miss. I am thankful for a wonderful Friday; I even took a nap, something I seldom do.  
  

Why Thursday is So Special?

Day 373 – It is Thursday again and it’s still my favorite day of the week. and today I realized that Thursday is special in so many ways. I have my creative writing class, which is always challenging and fun. I have my drawing class and I love it every single week. But it is also the day my daughter comes back from the army for the weekend and she spends Thursday night here even if she later travels elsewhere. And tomorrow is Friday so I can wake up without an alarm clock. What a special day. On this particular Thursday the weather forecast predicted rains in the afternoon and a cloudy day. In reality it was nice and sunny and temperatures above normal, in short a balmy day. And the days are getting longer – it is still light when I leave work and I love it. I know that winter is not over yet, but I truly enjoyed this reminder that spring is right behind the corner. It supposes to rain all weekend so this one day of spring is even more special…

  

I am thankful for yet another wonderful Thursday, for a lovely picture I am making in class. I am thankful for a wonderful spring day warm and balmy. I am thankful for my daughter’s visit. And I am thankful for a sleep without an alarm clock. In short, I am thakful it is Thursday again.

A Pathetic Excuse for an Entry

Day 372 – I went on a date tonight, just for coffee. It was the first time we even talked so it was a little awkward, and at some point I had nothing more to talk about and so we parted. Not a great meeting, but that is part of the deal. He is a nice guy, but not my type.

I can’t write I am so tired, I cannot even think. This is going to be a very short entry, sorry about that.
      

I am so thankful to have a bed; I am so thankful I can go there (crawl will be more acurate) right now. And I am going to be kind to myself and just leave everything, even my flimsy attempts to stay awake and write this blog, and I am most thankful for that.     

Back on the Horse

Day 371 – I wrote few months ago that I decided to start looking for a new partner. I had one very short stint on JDate, met one guy and we even tried it for a little while but it is very clear to both of us that we will stay as good friends but we are not right for each other. I also had the epiphany that my very first boyfriend, the one from 35 years ago is The One, but it was not reciprocated in a way I can live with it. I know he loves me but it seems he will never allow it to happen. And so I was heartbroken for  a while but finally decided that I don’t like this script and I already know the drill; if I don’t like it I have to change my glasses through which I see the world. And so last week I made a conscious decision to learn to accept that which cannot be changed and to get back with my life. I don’t like being sad and I am not going to sit around and ask the silly “why” question. This is life. It is not always fair, but it is very clear, and it really doesn’t matter whether I like it or not, the reality is still the same. So, to cut it short, I am making it known that I am back at the singles and available circle. I am corresponding right now with someone who sounds interesting, but it is only a few days, so nothing to report yet, except for the basic fact that I am back. And I also realize that I don’t date so someone can make me happy, this is my job; instead I am dating (or will be dating) because I am happier if I have someone that can be there with me for the sunrise or the sunset, for a cold evening on the couch. For the basic human need of warmth and love.  I don’t know yet how difficult it is to find new love, but I am ready to soar again even if the price might be a broken heart. I am willing to take risks, because I know that if I will not do that I might not fall, but I will not take flight as well. I am ready to risk failure in order to grow and to find my promised land.  

  

I am thankful for the realization that I am the one who controls my destiny and finally decided to get back on the horse. I am thankful for having someone right now who corresponds with me; I don’t know where it’ll take me but I am very thankful for mastering the courage to try. I am thankful for a very interesting evening of writing and reading for my tour guides’ assignment.   

A Virtual Trip to Cambodia

Day 370 – I just came back from my Monday night class, the tour directors’ class. We had three hours of Christianity, which was very interesting, and then the last hour we talked abput the requirements for the class. So now it is official. In three weeks we have to present a “country I.D. report” due on February 13^th. And the teacher made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to see another Europe report. He is looking for more exotic places, the less traveled destinations. So I decided to write about Cambodia. The temples there are amazing, as you can see in the attached picture, and it is definitely a place I am planning to visit and soon, before it becomes too much of a tourists’ destination. I already started the research to verify there is enough information for me to work with. I cannot do it tonight, though, I am so very tired. It was a very long day that started at 5am and now when it is already past 11 pm, it’s finally inching to its end. I can barely think, but I am still very happy about my choice, it is indeed a very exotic country and I know very little about it; so a great opportunity for me to learn and then travel there as soon as I can. I will start working on my project tomorrow. The combination of full time (and more) of work and a 5 hours tour guide class is difficult for me tonight, and let’s not forget that my week also includes a creative writing class, that adds extra burden on my week. I am going to be very busy in the next few months. But I am not complaining, simply dead tired. I love each and every one of my activities. 

I am very thankful for this class, as usual. I am thankful for the opportunity to work on a country I know so little about, but everything i heard so far makes me want to go there. I am thankful that a country that went through such devastation as Cambodia did, is building itself and starting to prosper. I am thankful even just for the thought I might be able to go there sooner than expected; I will keep my dreams alive until they will become a reality. And as ususal in a day like that, I am so very thankful for my warm bed waiting for me as I sign off; now!! 

A Real Winter night

Day 369 – When I came back from work today the ground was covered with small balls of hail. I was in meetings all afternoon and totally didn’t hear the storm outside. It is the first time I saw so much hail accumulating here; it was indeed a very cold day. I also heard on the radio that there are serious snow storms in the north and they even had to close the only ski resort in my country due to the bad weather. But the good news is that the base is getting bigger, thus better ski conditions once the storm is over. I used to ski when I still lived there but now it is the kind of sport I will gladly give up in order to do other activities, since I can’t do them all. One day of ski costs more than a month of my drawing class, so the choice is clear.  And I have to tell you a little secret – I really hate the cold weather so going to ski mean being so cold all the time, so  I’d rather do something I enjoy more instead. But even if I don’t many people do like it very much. it is cold outside, very cold and the house is not insulated enough to keep the weather outside, so the house is still cold, even with the heater on form many hours. There were also heavy rains most of the day, which I did notice. In short, a real winter scene. If anyone ever to tell you that in this part of the world there is no winter – don’t believe him. It is so much a winter right now.

  

I am thankful for having a warm house and warm food that can keep me kind of comfortable on a winter night such as today. I am thankful it can last only sort time and then spring will come again. I am thankful for my warm shower and warm bed and this is where I am heading righ now.

Meeting a Long Lost Friend

Day 368 – Twenty years ago, we went to a party at friends’ house.  We were still new to the area and there were many people we didn’t know. At one point a woman is looking at me and says she can recognizes my eyes, we have met before. After few minutes of digging into our past we found it – we were together in officers’ academy. We connected right away, as did our children that were the same age. For the next few years the families were really close. And then we moved far away, and they moved back here and we lost contact. Few years ago as the social networks developed I found her again, and we wrote each other every once in a blue moon. It did not return to what it once was, but at least we had some contact. She lives in Europe now working for an international organization, and I was actually planning to visit her as part of my world trip that didn’t take place. Few months ago she came for a visit and was in my hospital and so we met and it was so nice, as if 15 years or so are not separating us. And few days ago we met again and she invited me to their house tonight. I just came back about half an hour ago, it was really a lovely evening with nice group of people and her partner of whom I heard but never met. Three of the couples there were on their second marriage and I looked at them and thought that yes, it is possible. One day I will also be in this situation and have a partner and rebuild my life for the second half of it. Until then I am going to enjoy every meeting like that and get to know more people. It is very late and I have to wake up early to drop off my daughter at the central bus station, but I am so happy I didn’t cancel it but actually stepped outside of my comfort zone, I was rewarded with a very pleasant evening.

  

I am thankful to meet again my friend and hope we will be able to keep and develop this friendship again. I am thankful for a very nice evening where I came alone into a couples evening but felt totally comfortable and happy. I am thankful for a lovely time I spend with my daughter this weekend. I am thankful for a wonderful weekend.

New Shoes

Day 367 – My daughter stays here with me this weekend and we spent the morning shopping. I wanted to get new pair of shoes and its end of the season sale so good time to do that. I have a serious problem with my right foot – it is very sensitive to pressure and tightness of shoes and so it is very difficult for me to find comfortable shoes and sadly most shoes classified under “specialty shoes”’ are not very pretty, to say the least. So today when we got to the mall I saw this shoe store I never tried before, known for their high quality shoes so I decided to give it a try. And to my delight I tried several different shoes and all where just right. I could wear them no problem and they all looked nice as well; one pair even had a little heal which is almost impossible for me. And so for the first time in I don’t remember how long I was able to choose what shoes to buy and not just settle for the one pair that was the least uncomfortable, as I usually buy. I actually bought two pairs, since who knows when will be the next time such a miracle will happened. I am wearing one of the new pairs all evening and I just don’t feel it at all, it feels like I walk on air instead of on bed of nails which is usually how it feels.  Probably all this sound like something so mundane,  but anyone who ever was so very frustrated about their shoes, can understand the significance of such a find; believe me I cannot get over it. I have shoes that are not a torture for me to wear.   

   

I am thankful I found shoes that are actually a pleasure for me to put on. I am thankful I found a shoe that is both comfortable and nice looking. I sure will put this store on my list of place to revisit on regular intervals. I am also so thankful my daughter is staying with me this weekend and we get to spend some quality time together.      

A Different Kind of Drawing

  

Day 366 – I started a new drawing 2 weeks ago and it was pretty good, but still far from finished. The problem is that I am not good enough yet to know how to go about it; how to bring it to the next step. And this is why I am taking this class. Our teacher walks around all the time and talks with us, where we are, what direction we are about to take, and helps if we are totally stuck. So I took a picture that was ok and two hours later I was so happy with it. He showed me where to put emphasis, where to shade it more to give it depth, every 15 minutes or so he’d come around see the progress and help with the next step. At last he put it against the wall and we both step back and he said “this is really an art” and went along to describe what he felt the drawing is showing, the despair and desolation, post WWI he thought. In short, he liked the end result and gave his winning sentence – you can sign your name to it now, which means, I think you are done. I was so happy. I know it is not an easy subject and it is not pretty in the regular sense. It really portrays great sadness, extreme poverty, despair… but it is a very strong drawing and I love the fact I managed to bring all this out.  Again, it is my best piece yet, which means I am improving all the time. I get more comfortable with the medium and I learn to capture feelings on paper, which is really great. Everyone else in the class is painting landscapes and I am drawing people, not pretty people but instead full of expression. I draw stories without words. I keep saying how much I love this class, and I feel so lucky for finding it. I have no words to describe the richness it brings into my life; it is such a meditative process. I wrote about it once before – time stops outside of this classroom. For two and a half hours I am completely in the present, totally centered; and it is the best feeling in the world.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful drawing class. I am thankful to my amazing art teacher, Dan, who guides me and every one of us to be the best possible artists we can be. I am thankful that after years of talking about the hidden artist inside me I found a way to express it and make it better all the time. I am thankful to the Great Creator for the gifts He bestowed on me.  I am thankful for my best picture yet.
  

A Full Year Passed

Day 365 – It was exactly a year ago when I embarked on this adventure – writing a blog every day. The idea was to constantly examine my days and find the beauty and joy in everyday life, to keep them fresh. I never thought it will become such an integral part of my life, and also my life’s story in a nutshell. I went through happy times and sad times, I was lonely and I met new friends; I came here so positive I’ll never want to be in a relationship with a man again and throughout the year I realized that I actually do want some sort of connection, and I even found love and got my heart broken, all in one year. I finished the legal breaking of my marriage, I had a serious rift with my daughter, and we worked it out. My first granddaughter was born, I started taking classes. I found my inner artist, I am writing a book. A journey down memory lane. So many things happened over 365 days, all are accounted for; I attached meaning to all. It became my personal journey and I love it for that. I read through the entries and have every day right there, with its unique signature, with its little story to tell. I wrote yesterday about having such a short time here on earth, about having no day to waste; my blog keeps me on top of that one, because I have to write about it later so it pushes me to act, to think, to explore. When I meet new people and they want to know a little about me, I send them to my blog. I will never be able to explain it better than that. It is me, as honest as I possibly can; I am spilling my heart and my thoughts into cyberspace, take off my masks, expose my soul.

    

I am thankful for this amazing idea to start a blog, it did for me more than I ever thought possible, and it’s definitely not something I set up to do. I am thankful for everything that happened this year, good things and bad. I am thankful for all the trials and for all the good that came my way. I hope I was able to face both at the level of the eye. I am thankful I able to write my blog every day, no exception. I am so thankful that I have 365 days that are all accounted for, all there in a long, long line. I am especially thankful to you my dear readers for being companions to my journey.