Day 371 – I wrote few months ago that I decided to start looking for a new partner. I had one very short stint on JDate, met one guy and we even tried it for a little while but it is very clear to both of us that we will stay as good friends but we are not right for each other. I also had the epiphany that my very first boyfriend, the one from 35 years ago is The One, but it was not reciprocated in a way I can live with it. I know he loves me but it seems he will never allow it to happen. And so I was heartbroken for a while but finally decided that I don’t like this script and I already know the drill; if I don’t like it I have to change my glasses through which I see the world. And so last week I made a conscious decision to learn to accept that which cannot be changed and to get back with my life. I don’t like being sad and I am not going to sit around and ask the silly “why” question. This is life. It is not always fair, but it is very clear, and it really doesn’t matter whether I like it or not, the reality is still the same. So, to cut it short, I am making it known that I am back at the singles and available circle. I am corresponding right now with someone who sounds interesting, but it is only a few days, so nothing to report yet, except for the basic fact that I am back. And I also realize that I don’t date so someone can make me happy, this is my job; instead I am dating (or will be dating) because I am happier if I have someone that can be there with me for the sunrise or the sunset, for a cold evening on the couch. For the basic human need of warmth and love. I don’t know yet how difficult it is to find new love, but I am ready to soar again even if the price might be a broken heart. I am willing to take risks, because I know that if I will not do that I might not fall, but I will not take flight as well. I am ready to risk failure in order to grow and to find my promised land.
I am thankful for the realization that I am the one who controls my destiny and finally decided to get back on the horse. I am thankful for having someone right now who corresponds with me; I don’t know where it’ll take me but I am very thankful for mastering the courage to try. I am thankful for a very interesting evening of writing and reading for my tour guides’ assignment.
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