A Special Time

Day 534 – It was an evening full of fun. I came home so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. My daughter was asleep on the couch so I just joined her for a much needed hour of sleep. And then I had to go, it was our farewell party for the painting class. I expected it to be short and boring but it was long and fun – surprising combination. We told stories of how and why we joined the class, and we sang few songs accompanied by an accordion that one of the ladies played. And then there were a few minutes of a theatrical play and the most important part is that our teacher is going to give us the class during the summer. The place is closed and most people are not interested but 4 of us are so we are going to meet in my house and paint once a week. I am so excited about it! I really didn’t want to take the whole summer off and I am so happy we have this opportunity. And since we are only four I think we can also get so much more out of it.

Coming back home my daughter was awake and so we watched a movie together on her computer; a very funny movie – “We Bought a Zoo” that we enjoyed very much. And now it is very late but no worry tomorrow is Friday so we can sleep late. And it was such a great evening, so much fun that I rejected all the calls I got this evening and will call back tomorrow. Tonight was an evening I spent with my friends from class and my daughter and whoever was not in that circle of friends could not get my attention; a private party.

  

I am thankful for a day filled with tender moments; time I spent with my daughter during the day (seeing a specialist, eating late breakfast) and in the evening. I am thankful for time I spent with my friends; I didn’t expect much of this end of year party and it was a very pleasant surprise. I am thankful for all the friends in my life, even if sometimes I choose not to answer their call. I am thankful I am slowly learning to set priorities and that it is OK to take ME time and not feel guilty about it, not feeling the need to apologize. I am thankful it’s Thursday night and so I can go to sleep without an alarm clock!! Good night.

Reflexology

Day 533 – About a year and a half ago, before I decided to take the Tour Directors course I checked the option of going to an alternative healing school. I love that field, I am a strong believer in alternative medicine and so it was a natural path for me. But it is a very long process – 4 years of schooling before I can even start working in the field. I wasn’t sure it is not too late for me to do that. I did, on the same time, signed up for treatments by their students. It a set of treatments over 10 weeks in a much reduced price and it serves as training for the students of the school. I didn’t hear back from them and totally forgot about it. Today, around 2pm I got a call asking if I am still interested and if so if I can be there today at 4:30. Of course I could, I love reflexology and I was talking about it with one of my friends only few days ago, saying I have to find someone here who is doing it. And so today after work I went there. It was not a treatment;   but the initial interview and questioner. A very sweet young woman is my healer; she asked me a lot of questions, examined my feet for a very long time and kept asking questions regarding her findings. It is believed that everybody part and organ has representation in our feet, and they can heal that by treating our feet. So I didn’t get a real treatment today, only few touches, but she will have her game plan for next week and then will start it. Today was only evaluation. It was fascinating for me; I got few treatments in the past but since it was not by a student I never got to see the “behind the stage” part and it was very interesting and different. I cannot wait for next week to start.

 

I am thankful they kept my application and called me after such a long time. I am thankful I had nothing pressing to do at work so I could leave early for my session. I am thankful I got to see a little of what’s going on in this field and not only get a foot massage. I am thankful for the next 9 weeks of treatments.

Life Made Simpler With Technology

Day 532 – I started reading things for my country report about Cambodia and I found a website recommending a few books that are a must if dealing with this country. I found the books on Amazon and as I always do, I started reading them to decide if I really want to make the purchase. We are not allowed to use internet but have to use real books. The idea is so we won’t just cut and paste, but also to encourage us to go to libraries and read the source and not just have summaries made by others, often from unknown sources. But I have two problems, I chose a country that not too much is written about it, except the Khmer Rouge era of course. And even less material is available here in my homeland and to buy and ask for shipment is expensive and it probably won’t arrive on time. So thanks to all the new inventions, something I like to complain about every so often, I can search on line to find the book – on amazon’s website and then I can order the kindle version, even though I don’t own a kindle but I downloaded the PC version of it a while back, so I was set to go. Instead of waiting now 3-6 weeks for the physical book to arrive and paying $almost $20 just in shipment fees, I had it on my computer in a matter of seconds. And for the past hour I was sitting and reading in rapt attention the story of Loung Ung called “First They Kill My Father”. A book considered one of the strongest testimonies of the Khmer Rouge Era. I am still in the days before the invasion of Phnom Penh but I can already tell she is writing very well. I know it is going to be a difficult book, but it is a story I have to know, we all do, and so I am taking the first step of leaving the blissful peace of ignorance regarding this horrible chapter in the history of Cambodia and the history of mankind. Sadly, the 20^th century had a few of those atrocities, devastating the lives of millions of innocent people.

 

I am thankful for progress and technology that enable me to get the book I wanted in a timely manner. I am thankful I did not have to wait for so long. I am thankful I have found this book that as difficult as it is, I think it is necessary for me to read it. I am thankful I never got to experience any such thing; I came from a family devastated by the holocaust I sure know what it means, at least second hand. I am thankful I am going to sleep now, it’s about an hour too late, but I will make up the time in the morning getting up a little later than normal.     

Sleep deprivation

Day 531 – I finally realized I cannot go on like that. Sleep deprivation is not something to be proud of and definitely can’t be a way of life; just as the name suggests I am depriving my body of something it really needs. It can’t be a good thing in the long run and it’s not an act of self-care and self-love. And if I’ll be completely honest, I am so tired lately that I fell asleep at my desk several times already. But somehow, when the clock start crawling towards the wee hours of the night, I get a second wind and neglect to notice it. Yesterday it was suddenly 2 am – not cool by any standards. So part of getting back to normal life after the past two months craze is also to get back into a healthier sleep schedule. Just as I did when I first moved here, I am going to sleep in a normal hour and hopefully after a few weeks like that I will also be able to wake up in an earlier time and see the sunrise again, something I used to do every day and by now I forgot when was the last time. It’s not really early right now, but I had a class today so I only came home at 9:45pm and I am already doing the last thing before going to bed – writing my blog, all else is already behind me. I read some of my latest entries and even there I can see how tired I am and not in focus. I want to get back to the way things worked last year; I think it will do me a world of good. And if I will be able to stick to that I have few more ideas, but I’ll take it slowly, one step at a time, so I will not be overwhelmed and give up.

 

I am thankful for an early sleep time; I sure need it so much. I am thankful for a very interesting class today; we are getting to the end of our course and we are going over everything for the finals and it’s so strange and exciting, all at once. I am thankful for a long talk with my son and with my daughter and with few of my friends. I am going to bed now and I am so thankful for that. 

Another Day, Another Reason to be Busy...

Day 530 – with less than a month to the end of my Tour Guides course I have to shift to a higher gear with my final project. As much as I wanted to do things differently and start working on it as soon as I finished the initial project, I just didn’t have the time for it and if I don’t want to end in a big craze I have to start working on it seriously. So today when I came from work I took a little nap and after that I just set in front of my computer and started working on my research. I think by now I have enough material to write the Phnom Penh city tour, or at least most of it, so on Tuesday I will do just that; tomorrow I have my class so I’ll be home too late to start writing. I have to create a 2-3 days tour of the city including maps, times and also to do a more through writing about one cite. I think I can finish this on Wednesday or Thursday the latest. If I will work on it from now on at least two evenings a week I think I might be OK without too much rush towards the end; but it is going to be a very busy month, again.  Regardless how much work it will entail, I really enjoy working on a new country, especially when I am planning to go on this trip in a few months and few of my friends already expressed interest in joining me; it can be so much fun!!

 

I am thankful for the opportunity to expand my horizon and learn about new places I’ve never visited before. I am thankful that at this stage of the game I can dream big and try to make it happened. I am thankful I can choose my own path; I know it’s a real privilege, and I sure don’t take it for granted.            

Hiking With My Hiking Group Again

Day 529 – after a long absence I joined my hiking group again today for a hike into a cave we did last year. This is a very technical climb and very challenging because of the slippery ground and the very tight and difficult maneuver in the cave. Thanks to the fact we did this trip last year, we knew we should take a rope with us which made some of the more difficult spots a little more manageable and less dangerous, but it is still a very challenging climb and not for everyone. After 3 hours in the cave we climbed out into a very hot day so we continued our day in a 3 hours rafting trip on one of the rivers not far from there. It’s my first rafting here in my country and I was pleasantly surprised. And we had so much fun; take a group of adults, put them in a raft in the middle of a river and see how they all become children again and having so much fun doing it. So I am writing now and my arms and shoulders muscles are sore but it was so much fun. I didn’t hike with my group in the past two months, like so many other things I didn’t do, and it is so good to be back and fully enjoy life again; having other things in my life and not only work.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful day in nature, hiking with my friends. I am thankful for my first rafting trip here in my country. I am thankful for new friends I met today. I am thankful for a day that continued with a guided tour in Tel Aviv following the footsteps of some famous female poets for my friend’s 50^th birthday. I am thankful for a family meeting after a long time I didn’t see any of them. I am thankful for a wonderful day.           

About Change and Personal Happiness

Day 528 – I just finished reading a book called A Brief History of Mankind and came across a very interesting statement – each person has a personal “happiness capability”. Some people no matter how many wonderful things happened in their life will not dwell in the 8-9 area and on the other end some people no matter how bad things are will not dwell in the 2-3 side of the scale. Both characters might have a temporary spike to these numbers but will get back to their more gloomy or more cheerful attitude regardless of the external situation very fast. So the obvious question is – if we have an inherent capability for happiness or lack-there-of then our constant search for happiness, something that is really pushed by our current views of “the personal right for happiness and fulfillment”, is futile. We might have a temporary change but at the end of the day we will end up in the very same type of mood as we were before. So is change worth it at all? 

I was thinking about it a lot today, after reading this statement and yes, there are self-help books who say exactly that – don’t fight your reality but learn to accept and you’ll be much happier. But my conclusion is different. yes, I belong to the more cheery crowd, I am not a 10 kind of person but definitely an 8, but I think that while it’s true that I will probably end up in the same area of the scale, I prefer to be in a less stressful or oppressing external situation. I am doing a project on Cambodia right now and I was thinking about the statement with that in mind; I am sure everyone will prefer to be a gloomy person in a free country that a gloomy person in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge era. So while my personal happiness ability might not change there is a great importance to what happens in my life; change can be a good thing even if eventually we will end up more or less on the same place on the happiness scale.

 

I am thankful for this very interesting and intriguing book I finally finished reading; so many of its pages are highlighted by now, and require serious pondering, just like the statement I mentioned above. I am thankful for few hours I got to spend on the beach reading – it was so much fun. I am thankful for a beautiful sunset, I didn’t get to see any lately and I am so thankful to be back in the game. I am thankful for an evening of research, starting to get back to my project; it is due in less than a month and I really have to start working on it.       

Back to the Drawing Board

Day 527 – it was a very busy month and my art teacher was away so for the past month I didn’t touch a brush. I had a painting I started in the last class but didn’t finish it and for a whole month it was looking at me 9or rather I was looking at it) thinking how to go about this unfinished painting that I could also see a huge error I was not sure I could fix. So finally today came the big moment, my teacher was back. He did have a sub for the period he was away, but I tried it last time and it didn’t work for me so today was very special. We all came back, and the class was wonderful. And it seems we might be able to convince our teacher to keep the class going through the summer and not take a summer break. i decided I want to draw a naked woman picture and going through pictures on the internet I came across a Picasso painting from his blue period that I really love so I decided to draw it. Last time I did the blue background and the outline of the woman. Today I didn’t even bring a photo of this picture since I wanted to take it to where ever I want. I wanted it to have something of me also, to put in some personal flavor and not only to be a copy. So of course, there is no doubt it is a copy of the Picasso picture, but a free style copy and I am very happy with the outcome and already hung it on my wall.

  

I am thankful for a great day where I got to spend time with my daughter before she left for a weekend with her friends. I am thankful for my creative writing class that ended today and will resume after the summer break. I am thankful most of all for a great drawing class; for being again with the most wonderful experience of all. I am thankful for the joy I draw from this creative process, for friendships forged during the time we spend together. I am thankful to be back with a brush in my hand and a song in my heart and on my lips; I am so very thankful for this class!!

The Little Flowers on the Side of the Road

Day 526 – I am sitting here thinking what can I write today. The truth is, not everyday something exciting happens. And not every day I can say I am thankful for my routine. But what is life really all about? It’s a lot of small moments of routine, moments we don’t appreciate as we live through them, but we terribly miss when something bad happens and throws us off course. And my routine today included a phone call to my parents my children and a friend; a time spent in a café with my ex and my daughter and feeling OK about it, even happy. It’s had a visit to my mother in law, a full working day that was well done. And it ended in evening with my daughter watching a movie at home on her laptop. All this in one day and my first inclination was to write “nothing happened today”. I cannot believe how a thought like that even crossed my mind, how I did not see, even if for just one moment, how lucky I am, how blessed. So I am sitting humbly here and acknowledging the fact that I am as lucky as one can be to have a great group of friends, to have a job I really like, and most of all to have a great family. And even when I separated from my husband of 31 years after a short time we had to process our feelings and disappointment we can be friends again and enjoy each other’s company. I think it makes it easier for everyone including ourselves. So looking back at my day, I had an awesome one and I want to be able to appreciate it in real time and not only in times of chaos. This was the reason for starting this blog in the first place. So I did a full circle and here I am again at point zero; I am practicing again looking and seeing the beauty in the simple things in life, in the routine and the mundane; I don’t need the drum rolls and the big dramas. I am going for the simple stuff; for the little flowers on the side of the road.

  

I am thankful for an awesome day. I am thankful for family and friends. I am thankful to be able to reset my scope every once in a while and refocus on the real things, on the best things in life. I am thankful for every day that is simple and quiet and so very satisfying. I am thankful I can take a shower, put on clean clothes and kiss my daughter before I close my eyes for the night. I am thankful I can go to sleep with no real worries, and a good chance for waking up tomorrow to another such a day.            

CPR Training, Again

Day 525 – about a month ago I took a CPR class as part of my tour directors training. I learned a lot, since I knew very little about it, but I didn’t think I am prepared enough. Since one of my friends is in charge of all the subject of CPR training in our hospital, I asked her if I can join the next class she is giving. And today was the day. so I am happy to report the following: I am now certified, again, to give CPR (with the hope it will never come); I was right and the training I took last time was not to par with what I got today; giving CPR is a hard job. We each had to do a two minute compressions of the chest to the mannequin and it feels like eternity; by the end of the two minutes I could feel that I am doing less than perfect job, that my compressions are not as deep and I could see that others suffered from the same problem. The whole idea of CPR is to artificially circulate the blood until we can use the defibrillator and until professional help arrives. In the event of cardiac arrest it can mean the difference between life and death for the person. After hearing the odds of using CPR on a patient or not I am convinced that everyone has to learn how to perform it, and how to use a defibrillator (AED) and practice it at least once a year. This is what I am planning to do from now on. I am also going to convince everyone I know to take the training; it is our duty as citizens in a society, really.     

  

I am thankful I decided to take the CPR training again; I got better training and I feel much more confident about my ability to react in real life situation. I am thankful to my friend for giving a very interesting and intense CPR class. I am thankful to the management of our hospital who are encouraging all of us to take the class. 

The Promise

Day 524 – We have one month left until we graduate from the Tour Directors Course and so the prospects of starting to look for a job are becoming more real with every passing day. Today we had a four hours presentation about France from an amazing 93 years old man who holds the highest possible French certificate as a Tour Guide and it was very interesting indeed. I learned a lot of things I didn’t know and I want to travel now to all these places he talked about. I gave him a ride to the bus station and mentioned I have a license as an American tour director and I should probably start looking for a job with one of the companies, not a full time job of course, just as a supplement and some fun. When I came home and opened my mail I found a mail that a company in the States is looking for a tour director here in Israel with extensive knowledge of the country. I immediately mailed them back and I hope something will come out of it – it can be so cool!! and regardless of the outcome, I have to start sending letters to all the companies I know to look for a job as a TD for a trip here or to Europe. It’s easy for me and it’s something I really want to start building. And when I updated my resume I realized that so much of what I did in the past two years is actually a hospitality industry job and it really qualifies me as an experienced TD. I feel comfortable in stressful situations and I can handle hundreds of little details without dropping the balls; I actually strive in these situations.

 

I am thankful for a very interesting class today about France. I am thankful for that email I found in my mail box just as I declared I am ready to make my move. I am thankful for my job; it is so much fun and so varied and all the things I did in the past few months really give me the experience I needed. I am thankful for opportunities opened for me if I only dare to dream big. I am thankful for the promise waiting for me just behind the river bend.

Going to the Theater

Day 523 – I went to see a show tonight at the local theater. I had tickets for a different show last week but had to cancel because we were at the ER the whole weekend and so I was very happy when we were offered tickets at work for another show this afternoon. I ordered two tickets but none of my friends was available on such a short notice so I went alone. I have to admit the show was not something to write home about, or blog about, but the experience was great. I enjoyed going to the theater, I sure don’t do it enough; this is only the 4^th show I attended since moving here. I love theater and it’s a very special experience that I really enjoyed and I will keep going to as many shows as I can. It’s not that the acting was bad it’s just a weird story, so some people will like it and some don’t; but if I don’t go I can’t find good shows as well.
And one more time - Happy birthday to my daughter!!  

 

I am thankful for a ticket I got for free to see a show. I am thankful I went on such a short notice (4 hours!). I am thankful I have so many friends I can call and see if they can join me for a show, even if no one could. I am thankful for an evening of culture and fun. 

A Special Birthday

Day 522 – I decorated the house and cleaned it and I even went shopping for some food and my daughter was still asleep. By 1:30pm I decided to wake her up before the whole day will be gone. Later we went out with my ex and two of his friends to celebrate her birthday again, and it was really nice and a lot of fun. It is really far away from where he lives right now and he is really making an effort to be here for the important things in her life and it makes me very happy.  I wish I could do the same for my son and my older daughter, but I don’t have the same flexibility at work and I travel on my own dime and not on companies budget, so I can’t do it as often, so he is definitely doing a better job right now in being in everyone’s life. I am very happy for him and for my daughter, less happy for me for not being able to do the same. But I will try to do a better job, and as I said few days ago, I am planning to travel for a visit next month; I can’t wait to see them as well as their partners and children, it’s been way too long. But most of all today is about my daughter’s 20^th birthday – Happy birthday, my love. This is such a special Birthday.  

  

I am thankful for another birthday we celebrated together, and a very special one indeed. I am thankful we got to celebrate it the three of us together; it’s so nice we can do it even though we are not together anymore. I am thankful for a wonderful weekend I got to spend with my daughter.

A Private Party

Day 521 –I was very tired for some reason, so at 9pm when my daughter went out with her friends I decided to take a little nap before deciding what am I going to do in the evening. I slept through the alarm I set and woke up 9 hours later! Well, I guess I was really tired. So no need to decide what to do in the evening – it’s long gone. What I still have in front of me is to decorate the house for my daughter’s birthday. So maybe it’s good I slept before. Now she is asleep and I am wide awake.

Earlier today we went to a restaurant she likes to celebrate her birthday. The real date is Sunday but she’ll be back in the army and today her father comes to visit so we decided to have a little party of our own, just the two of us. Now after we did that all the other parties can start. We already did our little private event. For years her birthday was an event celebrated over several days. The reason was that school ended before so we did an early celebration in class about two weeks ahead of time and then the parties went on with each one of the family members as they become available, since, for some reason they could never make it all for the real date. The core was always my daughter and I we were in all the events and we’ve always been there on the real date. And so our own little thing is the real tradition and the one we are most careful to keep, especially with such a significant birthday such as the one we are celebrating now, her 20^th.

  

I am thankful I am here every day and can be in all the important events in her life. I am thankful we are such good friends after two years we are here, much more than we ever were and in a very different way. I am thankful we had our little party just the two of us and especially on a difficult time like now. I am thankful I was had such a long ‘nap’; I sure feel less tired now. I am thankful that I can decorate the house while my daughter is a sleep; it’s a special birthday and I want to make her feel that.  

A Different Thursday Night

Day 520 – I am back home after two days away, and, as always, I am so happy to be back. we worked really long hours and its very tiring but also very satisfying; but I am so happy it’s over. I arrive at 10:30 at night and my daughter was here so we had a very long talk and now I am getting ready to sleep. I am so very tired; but I will not go to sleep before filing my blog, or before taking a shower. It’s been a very long week and I am so happy to be at the other end of it and at home again. but it is also a serious routine breaker. I guess that what we need is a combination of both – a routine that I’ll miss and what to get back to and some events that will break it; that I’ll work my butt off to accomplish, will be happy when it ends and even as I go through the motions to be able to realize how much I love the fact that I have these events; they give power and color to my days, to my life.

 

I am thankful for the interesting job I have. I am thankful for this unique opportunity to represent my hospital and in the same meet people, and have fun with my colleagues. I am thankful to be back home, to be able to spend quality time with my daughter. And now I am also thankful for I am done writing and I can go to sleep.