Repositioning

Day 378 – I was very tired in the past few days. I felt this lack of energy. I kept telling myself that I need more sleep; maybe I have to reduce the load of classes, since it fills my days but today I finally got it. I don’t sleep less than I slept few weeks ago, my work load is about the same, I don’t eat differently, in short, nothing in my outside world changed much. So it must be something on the inside. Bingo! The change was in my attitude. I lost this fresh look of full potential. I fell asleep at the helm and I forgot to pay attention to my thoughts; allowed self doubt and negative self-talk take precedence. And by doing so I invited more of the same to come in. I felt tired so I became more tired. I felt drained so I became more and more exhausted. I felt lonely and it almost brought me to my knees. But thankfully, I made a New Year resolution 13 years ago to finish a book every single month. This month, because of all the above mentioned, I did not read anything yet. And so today I picked a thin book I can finish in a few hours, and this book was “The Secret”. And it brought back all these feelings I had when I arrived here a year and a half ago and somehow lost along the way. So I am focusing only on the positive from now on and I will attract it back into my life. I have to focus again on being happy in order to bring happiness into my life; to love in order to bring love. I was so good at it and I lost sight of the target. So now I have a chance to reposition myself and I feel so blessed for that. Time and again I am impressed by the mysterious ways the world’s wheels are turning. The fact I did not make time for reading became a blessing in disguise, it brought the book to me and the need for readjustment to my attention.

 

I am thankful for all the many blessings in my life. For wonderful children, for wonderful friends, for people who were kind to me and those who were not; for food and shelter and warm bed at night; for another day I saw coming to its end and for the wonderful day awaiting me tomorrow. I am thankful my tomorrow will be more focused and my thoughts more under control. I am thankful to the universe for sending me the book today when I was in dire need for guidance.  I am thankful for the abundance in my life.

A Few Words About the Pilgrimage to Mecca - the Haj

Day 377 – today was our very last segment of Islam, and we are all sad about that. the instructor is absolutely amazing and we all feel privileged to be in his class. We learned today about the Haj – the pilgrimage that each Sunni Muslim has to perform at least once in their lifetime. we talked about the details of what they have to do in each station, because it is not only to go to Mecca, but the more interesting thing was to think about the huge task that befalls on the Saudi government every year. To host over 4 million people for one month and to take care of everything. Just think about the logistics – 4 million people coming in for the Haj in a matter of a few days. – flights, border control. And then shuttle them to the holly place. Take care of food for 4 million people for 30 days, a place to sleep (and they move every day from one place to the next so it means to change sheets and wash 4 million sheets and covers and pillow covers and towels... water for all these people and it is a dessert so a lot of water; removal of trash; first aid; each one of them has to scarify a lamb so they have to get all the animals from abroad, and bring them to the right place, and then slaughter them all and since they are not to be eaten by the pilgrims, they are donated to poor Muslim countries so all has to be frozen on site and them shipped abroad; keep the places clean, just think of the amount of trash. there are about 2-3 service people for each pilgrim, and they all have to be housed, fed…  I saw pictures of the millions in that huge plaza around the Kaaba, I never thought what all this entails. Hats off to the Saudi kingdom for hosting this event every year, in such a way for so many years.

    

I am thankful for one more lesson about the mysteries of Sunni Islam. It’s a religion we in the west learned to fear and to hate. But after 15 hours of lecture I gained a serious appreciation to the depth and the richness of this culture, to all the progress it brought to the world. I am thankful I had the opportunity to learn from the best and be a little less ignorant. I told one of my friends today as we learn more I realize how little do I know about anything. With the things I don’t know we can fill few oceans. I am thankful that this ocean is now missing few drops.

Just a Regular Sunday with Nothing to Report

Day 376 – I have nothing to write about. I let early for work and I came back very late and I did nothing but work all day. I went to sleep very late and woke up early so I am also very tired. Too tired to do anything tonight, but take a shower and go to bed. I have to be kind to myself and accept the fact that there are days like that; luckily, not too many. But I can also look at the bright side – I will make up for the very little sleep I had tonight, deposit some hours into this very lean “saving account”.

An hour ago I got a very nice phone call – I went to the opening event of an art show few months ago, and since I was very impressed with some of the exhibits, I stopped and talked to the artist. When I told her some of her pieces really touched something in me she wanted to know which ones. I showed her and she said – that she understands something important about me and asked for my phone number. And today I just got a call from her and we are going to meet this week.

 

I am thankful for the opportunity to go to sleep in a normal hour. I am thankful that I don’t have too many days like that with nothing but work. I am thankful for so many things today, as always; working in a hospital, I am thankful for my health and good fortune every single day. I am thankful for this phone call, for the steady flow of email, I am thankful for a long talk with my son, and my daughter. I am thankful to be alive and content, especially in a day like that where nothing really happened.    

Some Progress with my Cambodia Report

Day 375 – I got up late today and it was so nice. The weather was beautiful and after my morning pages I went for a walk in the park, just to realize the weather has changed and it started to rain. The rest of my day was divided between research about Cambodia for my project and a several e-mails to this unknown friend. I have to admit I enjoyed both. I learned a lot about Cambodia and I am making serious progress. I did the history part, not done yet since I did only recent history and did not go yet to the time of the Angkor kingdom. But I will finish that part during the week. I read about the time of the Khmer Rouge in the 70’s and the genocide they had done with an estimate of 1/7 million people dead. It is so sad and very hard to grasp that people will do something like that to their own, to anyone actually. I knew when I chose the country that I will have to read about this era and my heart goes to the people of this country that suffered so much under the Khmer Rouge and later through a Vietnamese occupation and a civil war. And even now it is not really peaceful yet, just better than it was. But the good news it is getting better and prosperity starts to touch their lives and it is an up and coming tourist destination which will further improve their situation.   

  

I am thankful for a day I spent doing research and increasing my knowledge about something I knew so little about before. I am thankful it increases my social conscious and makes me more aware of problems elsewhere. I am thankful I will be able to do my little part to help by bringing tourist to Cambodia. And I am particularly thankful to my friend that kept mailing me and making my day so much more pleasant for that.    

Friday Night Live

Day 374 – I just came back from a concert. It is one of my favorite singers, Yehuda Poliker. I have few of his CDs but I never been to any of his concerts and boy, that was something else. He is an amazing performer and gives his all during the show, three hours without any intermission. He plays guitar and bouzouki and he sings with all his heart, and towards the end most of the crowd was standing and dancing, me included of course. I love dancing and I love this kind of music (strong Greek influence), I just didn’t want to be the first one to do so J.

He has some very quiet songs as well, very sad ones, and they always bring tears to my eyes, even in a live performance, even when they are between much happier and upbeat ones. And I just decided I am going to buy his new CD; I really like his music. He writes very personal stories about love and hope and broken dreams.  Many of his songs are with so much pain and he writes in a way that it feels as if it comes right out of my own heart.

While I was waiting for the show to start I checked my email and saw I got one more mail from my new unknown friend. We write to each other few times a day now, and I am really looking forward to each one these e-mails.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful Friday that culminated in this unforgettable performance; I am still listening as I write to his songs on YouTube; he is so talented, it is amazing. I am thankful I decided to go alone when I could not find anyone to go with me; it is not a performance to miss. I am thankful for a wonderful Friday; I even took a nap, something I seldom do.  
  

Why Thursday is So Special?

Day 373 – It is Thursday again and it’s still my favorite day of the week. and today I realized that Thursday is special in so many ways. I have my creative writing class, which is always challenging and fun. I have my drawing class and I love it every single week. But it is also the day my daughter comes back from the army for the weekend and she spends Thursday night here even if she later travels elsewhere. And tomorrow is Friday so I can wake up without an alarm clock. What a special day. On this particular Thursday the weather forecast predicted rains in the afternoon and a cloudy day. In reality it was nice and sunny and temperatures above normal, in short a balmy day. And the days are getting longer – it is still light when I leave work and I love it. I know that winter is not over yet, but I truly enjoyed this reminder that spring is right behind the corner. It supposes to rain all weekend so this one day of spring is even more special…

  

I am thankful for yet another wonderful Thursday, for a lovely picture I am making in class. I am thankful for a wonderful spring day warm and balmy. I am thankful for my daughter’s visit. And I am thankful for a sleep without an alarm clock. In short, I am thakful it is Thursday again.

A Pathetic Excuse for an Entry

Day 372 – I went on a date tonight, just for coffee. It was the first time we even talked so it was a little awkward, and at some point I had nothing more to talk about and so we parted. Not a great meeting, but that is part of the deal. He is a nice guy, but not my type.

I can’t write I am so tired, I cannot even think. This is going to be a very short entry, sorry about that.
      

I am so thankful to have a bed; I am so thankful I can go there (crawl will be more acurate) right now. And I am going to be kind to myself and just leave everything, even my flimsy attempts to stay awake and write this blog, and I am most thankful for that.     

Back on the Horse

Day 371 – I wrote few months ago that I decided to start looking for a new partner. I had one very short stint on JDate, met one guy and we even tried it for a little while but it is very clear to both of us that we will stay as good friends but we are not right for each other. I also had the epiphany that my very first boyfriend, the one from 35 years ago is The One, but it was not reciprocated in a way I can live with it. I know he loves me but it seems he will never allow it to happen. And so I was heartbroken for  a while but finally decided that I don’t like this script and I already know the drill; if I don’t like it I have to change my glasses through which I see the world. And so last week I made a conscious decision to learn to accept that which cannot be changed and to get back with my life. I don’t like being sad and I am not going to sit around and ask the silly “why” question. This is life. It is not always fair, but it is very clear, and it really doesn’t matter whether I like it or not, the reality is still the same. So, to cut it short, I am making it known that I am back at the singles and available circle. I am corresponding right now with someone who sounds interesting, but it is only a few days, so nothing to report yet, except for the basic fact that I am back. And I also realize that I don’t date so someone can make me happy, this is my job; instead I am dating (or will be dating) because I am happier if I have someone that can be there with me for the sunrise or the sunset, for a cold evening on the couch. For the basic human need of warmth and love.  I don’t know yet how difficult it is to find new love, but I am ready to soar again even if the price might be a broken heart. I am willing to take risks, because I know that if I will not do that I might not fall, but I will not take flight as well. I am ready to risk failure in order to grow and to find my promised land.  

  

I am thankful for the realization that I am the one who controls my destiny and finally decided to get back on the horse. I am thankful for having someone right now who corresponds with me; I don’t know where it’ll take me but I am very thankful for mastering the courage to try. I am thankful for a very interesting evening of writing and reading for my tour guides’ assignment.   

A Virtual Trip to Cambodia

Day 370 – I just came back from my Monday night class, the tour directors’ class. We had three hours of Christianity, which was very interesting, and then the last hour we talked abput the requirements for the class. So now it is official. In three weeks we have to present a “country I.D. report” due on February 13^th. And the teacher made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to see another Europe report. He is looking for more exotic places, the less traveled destinations. So I decided to write about Cambodia. The temples there are amazing, as you can see in the attached picture, and it is definitely a place I am planning to visit and soon, before it becomes too much of a tourists’ destination. I already started the research to verify there is enough information for me to work with. I cannot do it tonight, though, I am so very tired. It was a very long day that started at 5am and now when it is already past 11 pm, it’s finally inching to its end. I can barely think, but I am still very happy about my choice, it is indeed a very exotic country and I know very little about it; so a great opportunity for me to learn and then travel there as soon as I can. I will start working on my project tomorrow. The combination of full time (and more) of work and a 5 hours tour guide class is difficult for me tonight, and let’s not forget that my week also includes a creative writing class, that adds extra burden on my week. I am going to be very busy in the next few months. But I am not complaining, simply dead tired. I love each and every one of my activities. 

I am very thankful for this class, as usual. I am thankful for the opportunity to work on a country I know so little about, but everything i heard so far makes me want to go there. I am thankful that a country that went through such devastation as Cambodia did, is building itself and starting to prosper. I am thankful even just for the thought I might be able to go there sooner than expected; I will keep my dreams alive until they will become a reality. And as ususal in a day like that, I am so very thankful for my warm bed waiting for me as I sign off; now!! 

A Real Winter night

Day 369 – When I came back from work today the ground was covered with small balls of hail. I was in meetings all afternoon and totally didn’t hear the storm outside. It is the first time I saw so much hail accumulating here; it was indeed a very cold day. I also heard on the radio that there are serious snow storms in the north and they even had to close the only ski resort in my country due to the bad weather. But the good news is that the base is getting bigger, thus better ski conditions once the storm is over. I used to ski when I still lived there but now it is the kind of sport I will gladly give up in order to do other activities, since I can’t do them all. One day of ski costs more than a month of my drawing class, so the choice is clear.  And I have to tell you a little secret – I really hate the cold weather so going to ski mean being so cold all the time, so  I’d rather do something I enjoy more instead. But even if I don’t many people do like it very much. it is cold outside, very cold and the house is not insulated enough to keep the weather outside, so the house is still cold, even with the heater on form many hours. There were also heavy rains most of the day, which I did notice. In short, a real winter scene. If anyone ever to tell you that in this part of the world there is no winter – don’t believe him. It is so much a winter right now.

  

I am thankful for having a warm house and warm food that can keep me kind of comfortable on a winter night such as today. I am thankful it can last only sort time and then spring will come again. I am thankful for my warm shower and warm bed and this is where I am heading righ now.

Meeting a Long Lost Friend

Day 368 – Twenty years ago, we went to a party at friends’ house.  We were still new to the area and there were many people we didn’t know. At one point a woman is looking at me and says she can recognizes my eyes, we have met before. After few minutes of digging into our past we found it – we were together in officers’ academy. We connected right away, as did our children that were the same age. For the next few years the families were really close. And then we moved far away, and they moved back here and we lost contact. Few years ago as the social networks developed I found her again, and we wrote each other every once in a blue moon. It did not return to what it once was, but at least we had some contact. She lives in Europe now working for an international organization, and I was actually planning to visit her as part of my world trip that didn’t take place. Few months ago she came for a visit and was in my hospital and so we met and it was so nice, as if 15 years or so are not separating us. And few days ago we met again and she invited me to their house tonight. I just came back about half an hour ago, it was really a lovely evening with nice group of people and her partner of whom I heard but never met. Three of the couples there were on their second marriage and I looked at them and thought that yes, it is possible. One day I will also be in this situation and have a partner and rebuild my life for the second half of it. Until then I am going to enjoy every meeting like that and get to know more people. It is very late and I have to wake up early to drop off my daughter at the central bus station, but I am so happy I didn’t cancel it but actually stepped outside of my comfort zone, I was rewarded with a very pleasant evening.

  

I am thankful to meet again my friend and hope we will be able to keep and develop this friendship again. I am thankful for a very nice evening where I came alone into a couples evening but felt totally comfortable and happy. I am thankful for a lovely time I spend with my daughter this weekend. I am thankful for a wonderful weekend.

New Shoes

Day 367 – My daughter stays here with me this weekend and we spent the morning shopping. I wanted to get new pair of shoes and its end of the season sale so good time to do that. I have a serious problem with my right foot – it is very sensitive to pressure and tightness of shoes and so it is very difficult for me to find comfortable shoes and sadly most shoes classified under “specialty shoes”’ are not very pretty, to say the least. So today when we got to the mall I saw this shoe store I never tried before, known for their high quality shoes so I decided to give it a try. And to my delight I tried several different shoes and all where just right. I could wear them no problem and they all looked nice as well; one pair even had a little heal which is almost impossible for me. And so for the first time in I don’t remember how long I was able to choose what shoes to buy and not just settle for the one pair that was the least uncomfortable, as I usually buy. I actually bought two pairs, since who knows when will be the next time such a miracle will happened. I am wearing one of the new pairs all evening and I just don’t feel it at all, it feels like I walk on air instead of on bed of nails which is usually how it feels.  Probably all this sound like something so mundane,  but anyone who ever was so very frustrated about their shoes, can understand the significance of such a find; believe me I cannot get over it. I have shoes that are not a torture for me to wear.   

   

I am thankful I found shoes that are actually a pleasure for me to put on. I am thankful I found a shoe that is both comfortable and nice looking. I sure will put this store on my list of place to revisit on regular intervals. I am also so thankful my daughter is staying with me this weekend and we get to spend some quality time together.      

A Different Kind of Drawing

  

Day 366 – I started a new drawing 2 weeks ago and it was pretty good, but still far from finished. The problem is that I am not good enough yet to know how to go about it; how to bring it to the next step. And this is why I am taking this class. Our teacher walks around all the time and talks with us, where we are, what direction we are about to take, and helps if we are totally stuck. So I took a picture that was ok and two hours later I was so happy with it. He showed me where to put emphasis, where to shade it more to give it depth, every 15 minutes or so he’d come around see the progress and help with the next step. At last he put it against the wall and we both step back and he said “this is really an art” and went along to describe what he felt the drawing is showing, the despair and desolation, post WWI he thought. In short, he liked the end result and gave his winning sentence – you can sign your name to it now, which means, I think you are done. I was so happy. I know it is not an easy subject and it is not pretty in the regular sense. It really portrays great sadness, extreme poverty, despair… but it is a very strong drawing and I love the fact I managed to bring all this out.  Again, it is my best piece yet, which means I am improving all the time. I get more comfortable with the medium and I learn to capture feelings on paper, which is really great. Everyone else in the class is painting landscapes and I am drawing people, not pretty people but instead full of expression. I draw stories without words. I keep saying how much I love this class, and I feel so lucky for finding it. I have no words to describe the richness it brings into my life; it is such a meditative process. I wrote about it once before – time stops outside of this classroom. For two and a half hours I am completely in the present, totally centered; and it is the best feeling in the world.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful drawing class. I am thankful to my amazing art teacher, Dan, who guides me and every one of us to be the best possible artists we can be. I am thankful that after years of talking about the hidden artist inside me I found a way to express it and make it better all the time. I am thankful to the Great Creator for the gifts He bestowed on me.  I am thankful for my best picture yet.
  

A Full Year Passed

Day 365 – It was exactly a year ago when I embarked on this adventure – writing a blog every day. The idea was to constantly examine my days and find the beauty and joy in everyday life, to keep them fresh. I never thought it will become such an integral part of my life, and also my life’s story in a nutshell. I went through happy times and sad times, I was lonely and I met new friends; I came here so positive I’ll never want to be in a relationship with a man again and throughout the year I realized that I actually do want some sort of connection, and I even found love and got my heart broken, all in one year. I finished the legal breaking of my marriage, I had a serious rift with my daughter, and we worked it out. My first granddaughter was born, I started taking classes. I found my inner artist, I am writing a book. A journey down memory lane. So many things happened over 365 days, all are accounted for; I attached meaning to all. It became my personal journey and I love it for that. I read through the entries and have every day right there, with its unique signature, with its little story to tell. I wrote yesterday about having such a short time here on earth, about having no day to waste; my blog keeps me on top of that one, because I have to write about it later so it pushes me to act, to think, to explore. When I meet new people and they want to know a little about me, I send them to my blog. I will never be able to explain it better than that. It is me, as honest as I possibly can; I am spilling my heart and my thoughts into cyberspace, take off my masks, expose my soul.

    

I am thankful for this amazing idea to start a blog, it did for me more than I ever thought possible, and it’s definitely not something I set up to do. I am thankful for everything that happened this year, good things and bad. I am thankful for all the trials and for all the good that came my way. I hope I was able to face both at the level of the eye. I am thankful I able to write my blog every day, no exception. I am so thankful that I have 365 days that are all accounted for, all there in a long, long line. I am especially thankful to you my dear readers for being companions to my journey.   

The Ability to Change the Script

Day 364 – It is almost a cliché to say that we cannot control the roll of the dice, we cannot control the circumstances and they are random so many times. It is nice to think that we will be rewarded for good deeds, for good behavior, but too many times it is not. Bad things do happen to great people. Choosing our circumstances is not in the realm of our powers. We do however, have full control of how we react to these events, at least we strive for this control. This is how we are measured as people, in our reactions to the things that befall us. How we react in good times and bad. How graceful and humble we are at times of triumph and at times of defeat, of trials. How we take those challenges and make them into growing experiences, how we get better for having them in our lives. It is in our power to choose the script of our lives. And I just realized once again that I really don’t have extra time to waste on being sad, or even worse – depressed. I already lived more than half of my life, I don't have not enough days left to my name, let along to just waste them. What I wanted to say is very simple –

1.      Life is too short to waste even one day.

2.      I can decide whether I want to be sad or not, and I am choosing NOT.

I am going to enjoy sunsets because I like them, even if no one else can share the moment with me. I will enjoy once again the enchanting music of Beethoven's Piano Concerto just because it’s my favorite musical piece, even if i have no one to share it with me, it will always caresses every corner of my soul and fill it with pure magic. My life can be and will be wonderful, just because this is how I want to live them, full of magic, no matter what the external circumstances are. I am choosing happiness. I seem to forget how happy I was to come here, to be back in my beloved country, on my own. I am going to the same place again, to that euphoric feeling of invincibility and full potential.

  

I am thankful I finally came to this important realization. I am thankful it is in my power to change my life simply by choosing my reactions more carefully.  I am thankful I can air my soul again and let it take a flight; I hope I'll never forget that again.

Islam Lesson 2 - A Teacher Like No Other

Day 363 – I realized few days ago that when I am talking about having someone in my life, I am talking weekends only. I am way too busy during the week. I have classes I take both art classes – drawing and creative writing and I have the tour guides class, and then I have classes at the gym – belly dancing and Pilates and just regular work-out there with no class. On top of it I am trying to find time to work on my book, to read and I also started knitting a sweater for my little granddaughter. On my wish list I also have getting back to my attempts to  learn French, and you got here very busy evenings, especially considering the fact that I also work long hours, yesterday by the time I came home it was almost 7pm.  But busy as I am it brings a lot of joy into my life. I just came an hour ago for my Monday tour guides’ class and I enjoyed it immensely. It is our second Islam class and it was so very interesting! I find it amazing that every time I come back from class I feel how little I know, and the more I hear these lectors the more I feel this way; and it is not only I who feel this way but most of the people in our class. We, as humans, have the tendency to talk and express opinion about things all the time and I know I do it. But these classes show me how shallow is most of our knowledge. At the very best we touch the surface and if you’ll ask two more questions it will become apparent that we form our opinions on things we read in the paper or heard on TV and not from actual knowledge. Our instructors keep challenging us with questions and it is almost embarrassing. Today we had our second Islam class; by the end of the lesson we all had a real appreciation to a religion with more than a billion followers; a religion we in the west learned to hate and fear due to extremists who terrorize the world in its name; a religion that was so unknown to us but we could make so many statements against it. By the end of the 5 hours we were sold on it. But most of all we came out of this class with an admiration to an amazing instructor that at the age of 78 is still full of fire and love for this religion, its culture and a desire to pass it on to future generations. I came out of this class with a serious desire to keep learning about it. For years I am studying religions but it never even crossed my mind to learn a little more about Islam. I am going to remedy this now. I already bought one book and I guess I will by more. I want to understand and to increase my knowledge. Only than we might have a real chance of finding common ground, of understanding each other, of maybe one day even peace. But the first step must be to know the religion, the language and the culture. I signed up for a Tour Guides course; little did I know it will change my views of the world around me.

  

 I am so thankful for this opportunity I got to increase my knowledge about so many subjects. I am thankful for all these teasers that wet my appetite and send me on a hunt for more information, more knowledge. I am thankful for this unique opportunity to study under the tutelage of such an amazing teacher as our Islam teacher, a man of amazing resume who influenced generations of students here in so many ways and we are so lucky to have him as our teacher for Islam.   

Persistence of Time

Day 362 – It’s been a month and a half since we broke up and it's not easy for me to get back on the horse. There are good days and there are more challenging ones, but I feel the energy leak all the time. I am not back to myself yet, as much as I try. This weekend was very difficult and I am still getting over it. One thing for sure I should not stay home too much right now, it is not good. I have to go out and meet new people and not just stay home and be sad.

I keep telling myself that he was not right for me. Too serious and too busy and too… but I know that I say all that just to make me feel better, that if I only could I would stay in this relationship till my last breath on this earth. I know that I didn’t feel like that in many years, that maybe I will never feel like that again but I also know that it's over, he is gone and I have to finish the mourning period and get back with my life; but I guess I have to give myself some time to really close this chapter, kiss the memories goodbye and move on. Until then I will keep losing energy and feel drained and sad, so very sad. I don’t know why he left like that; was he scared, was it too difficult and confusing for him, maybe even painful to live on this double edge of present and past. Whatever the reason was it started as pure magic and ended with a serious heart break, much more than I thought possible after such a short time. It took me so many years to realize how much of an unfinished business it was for me. How strong is the power of first love; it is ingrained in me and I guess it will stay there until in one of our future lives we’ll make it right; I am so sad it will not be in this one. Good days and bad – the pendulum is still moving violently from side to side. How I long to a quiet moment, to the tranquility I had only few months ago.

  

I am thankful for every moment of happiness, for the magic of love for as long as it lasted. I am still on the low end of the tidal wave, and I am thankful for being there. It is only in these moments of pain and grief that we can realize our full potential; I am thankful I have the opportunity and the strength to go through the fire. And most important of all - I have to let time do what it does best, heal.

My Dog is Misbehaving

Day 361 – due to the heavy rains I did not take my dogs to longs walks this week and I had to leave her inside since the porch where I usually leave her when I’m at work was too wet with no place to hide from the rain. So I had to crate her during the day. This apparently did not go so well with her. Yesterday she peed in the house twice and today again. The last time was when my daughter and I were in the same room; obviously the dog is upset, although I let her out just few minutes before the second incident. I was really pissed-off, I just washed the whole house this morning and here she goes again. So I am not sure yet of what am I going to do about it, but something has to be done. Maybe I should give her back so they can find a more suitable home for her. I can understand that it is difficult for her to be home alone all day; I am out of the house for most of the day and I have no yard where she can play during the day, so she really is alone for many hours and it might be too difficult for her. I will go to the pet shop near us and consult with them; but this cannot go on like that any longer, I will not allow it. I am really happy though that I didn’t give her as a present to my mother-in-law as we originally planned. She has nice Persian rugs and not bare floor like I do. I don’t even want to think what could have happened there. Now is the challenge – what can I be thankful for here?

  

I guess I am thankful it is a small dog so the puddle is still manageable. I am thankful also that I kept her and didn’t give her to my mother in law, it would have been a disaster! I am thankful for this cute dog even when I am so very upset with her at the moment; she is very cute and loving and she brings so much joy into my life. I am thankful that the rainy season here is very short and this too shall pass in a few days probably. I am thankful for a lovely day today, even with all that was going on.

The First Leg on My World Trip

Day 360 – Before moving here I had the idea to travel the world for a year. Most people are doing it at a much younger age but I was very much in a hurry to get married and have children instead of having fun as a young couple and so it stayed with me as something I still want to do. Due to the circumstances I was not able to travel as planned last year but as you know, I am taking a tour guides classes so I will be able to travel as a profession, but I also want to do it alone, just as I had in mind when I left home. And I am happy to report that  just made a reservation for a flight to Greece for a week, all by myself. This is not exactly a very adventurous place but it is still something I never did before so I am very excited about it. I am already starting to collect materials and will prepare a trip, just as I would for a group. This will be a belated present to my birthday. I scheduled it for March which might still be a little cold but also without the crowds so I’ll have the place pretty much for myself. I was debating what country to pick Spain or Greece and decided it will be Greece this time – it is very close and I’ll be able to cover more of it in one week. My Spain trip will have to wait some more, I want to take two or three weeks to do that one right, so maybe next year.

A year and a half after I planned to travel the world I am finally going first time on the road all alone and to places I have never been before. It is not the big trip I planned, but I am working and so I can’t take long vacations. I’ll try to take several short trips in the next few years and will keep the big one until I retire. I am so looking forward to this trip.

   

I am thankful I can take this trip to Greece, I can barely wait. I am thankful for everything new I do and this one is definitely a big one. I am thankful to be able to start going down the list of the countries I want to visit; and do it my way.

I Lost all the Phone Numbers on my Phone

Day 359 – Several months ago I bought my daughter a new iPhone and got her old one. I really like that phone and use it a lot, to be perfectly honest I don’t ever use my land line, only my cell phone. And so the phone numbers I accumulate on it were growing exponentially. And since it was not mine originally there were problems in syncing it, I just could not do it and the concern is of course of losing all the numbers with no back-up. So today when she came home from the army I asked her to finish the syncing and about half an hour later I noticed a very shocked expression on her face – all the phone numbers were erased! it asks a very confusing question and as a result everything was erased, all the stored phone numbers and all events. My phone is almost a clean slate. It’s a real bug in the program that will allow you to erase all the numbers without proper warning. She almost cried and didn’t know what to do to make it better, but there is really nothing to do. Luckily it kept my SMS records so I could recover some phone numbers this way, I got few from her of family and close friends; and I suddenly remembered I still have my old phone so I charged it and got all the numbers I had there but all the numbers I got in the past 8 months or so are not in my phone anymore. But I figured, I had a lot of junk in it already, some people I don’t even remember who they are, so this is a good opportunity to purge my phone book and if I forgot a few, which I am sure I did, they will have to call me since there is no way for me to reach them. And from now on my phone will be backed up regularly.  It is raining like crazy today as well so we decided to enjoy a night at the theater – we watched the new Sherlock Holmes – A game of Shadows, and we enjoyed it very much, highly recommended if you like smart action movie, which we both do; so, after all the dust settled,  it was a wonderful evening.

  

I am thankful I managed to save the most important phone numbers and I am thankful even when something we all so dread happened; it shows me how addicted we are to this machine and how much we depend on it. It also proves that worst that can happened is not that bad at all. I have my phone and people have my phone number and if they don’t call, than I guess it is a good thing I lost their number, so I am thankful for a rare opportunity to try a best case scenario and find out I am doing just fine. I am most thankful for a wonderful evening I got to spend with my daughter and this is the most important thing of all, everything else is just a far second to that.

Another Winter Day

Day 358 – after a beautiful day yesterday, today the rains came back and in vengeance. I even decided to take my car to work, despite my wonderful entry from yesterday. It was just too rainy. And it’s still going strong. There was even hail earlier. The house is cold and I am tired and I am thinking of a very early evening in bed, heater, very warm blanket, and after a hot shower. What else can I wish for myself? Yes I almost forgot – my book. I think I neglected to report few months ago when I bought a nightstand light but it means I won’t have to get out of my bed in order to turn off the light. This is what I call quality of life. I wanted to say that there is nothing I’d rather do, but it’s not totally true, I would love to have a loving partner with me in a cold and rainy day like today, to cozy up with someone. But this is not going to happened so my book and my warm bed are the next best things and it will be enough.

 

I am thankful for an early bedtime it doesn’t happen too often so I am always thrilled when it does. I am thankful for a lovely day today, rains and all; I also got to meet a friend for coffee after work (actually tea but for some reason you don’t call someone and ask if you can meet for tea), and it was so nice, especially in a day like that. And tomorrow is my artsy day – creative writing and drawing; I am all excited and thankful about that.  I am done and so thankful for that; hot shower – here I come!!!

Riding a Bus to Work

Day 357 – I am using my car too much. In one month I put over 2000 km on my car, which is a lot for such a small country. I cost a lot of money, since the gas here is very expensive and I have to do all the maintenance more often, which also cost me more. I am very close to the next big maintenance check point and so I decided to delay it as much as I can by going back to public transportation as much as I can. Monday I have to take my car to work since I have the tour guides class right after that and I finish really late and on Thursday – I have creative writing and then the drawing class, right after the other and in another part of town, so again I need my car, but I figured I can use the public transportation for the other three days. I have to get a city pass – they changed the system since I last use busses here and this week I started using again the city buses. I am happy to report that I still remember how to do that and I actually enjoy it and I sure saves money, and millage on my car. And the funny thing is that I don’t think it takes me any longer. The bus station is here right in front of my house – the same distance as my parked car, and the bus station at work is much closer. I don’t have to drive to the park and ride area and wait for the shuttle. So it looks like a successful experiment and I hope I will be able to keep this decision and take good care of my car and my finances as well. I am lucky to live in a country where the public transportation is so good that something like that even makes sense, I sure was not the case where I lived before.

  

I am thankful for quality time I get to spend on the bus, where I can read and relax instead of dealing with bad drivers and get to my destination just as quickly. I am thankful I can also save some money on gas and maintenance. I am thankful for a great public transportation system. I am happy also for and amazing day after few days of almost constant rains.     

Tour Guides Courses

Day 356 – it is not an easy task to find work for a woman who stayed home with her kids for a long period of time; most of us face it at some point, especially those of us who find themselves without a spouse towards the second half of our lives, an age when most people our age are starting to think about retirement. And the question is what can we do when we were out of the work force for many years so we bring not enough work experience and the relevancy might be questionable as well. One more problem is of course the age – it doesn’t play to our advantage in a world that admires youth. But we still need to work and try to rebuild our lives. These were the questions I face few years ago when I realized that our divorce is eminent. My solution was the travel industry. In that field age might bring advantage – we traveled the world, we know places, we have knowledge and we know what to look for – quality of hotels, restaurants, entertainment and such. I started taking classes and was happy to see that it was not only my idea. Most people in my classes where about my age or even older. One of my classes was tour directors and I loved it so much I decided to take a special training class to become a tour guide and I got my certificate. But I moved here and if I want to take groups from my country I have to get a local certificate and this is what I am doing now. What I found out in the past few days is that the knowledge and the tools I get here are unparalleled to the class I took there and so I am very happy I am taking the class here. I know I will be a much better guide because of that, and I feel lucky to have this opportunity to do that. Monday is a very long day for me – I wake up at 5 and by 7 or even before I am at work already and from there I go straight to my class and I finish at 9pm so I get home around 9:30 to take my dog out for a walk – a long day. But the class is so interesting that I don’t mind it and I really enjoy every one of them so far. So far we learned a little about religions – Christianity, Islam Judaism and we still have to study Buddhism, and we got an intro to art. We have to submit serious work as a final project, in short none of which I learned there, and all is exciting. I know I will be a better tour guide for taking this class and I will enjoy more my travel even on my own because I learn to prepare a trip so much better than I ever did.

  

I am thankful it’s Monday again; I am thankful for this amazing class I am taking. I am thankful for all the knowledge I get, the people I meet and the nice atmosphere in my class. I am thankful I stumbled on this profession, almost by accident and I am so happy I like it so much. I am thankful for a wonderful class today.

     

Something About Rain

Day 355 – Yesterday was such a beautiful day and we went on a hike. This morning very early all hell broke loose. There was huge thunderstorm, complete with hail and later torrential rain. But two hours later the sky cleared and then it became a very pleasant and so it was until late afternoon. But by the time I drove back home the wind picked up and by now it is very rainy again. It supposes to stay like that for the next few days, including Saturday. This year the rains started early on but than we had a long period of no rains at all. But finally things started to change, last week we had few days of rain and this week supposed to have even more rains. Living on the edge of the desert makes one very aware of the water situation, and counting how mm of rains we had becomes a national sport during the winter. So as much as I like days of sun and blue skies, I am happy it is rainy outside right now. And I secretly hope it will follow the pattern of rains at night when I am deep under my warm blanket and a very nice and welcoming day during my awaking hours, or at least during my going to and from work. But if I cannot choose that, at least I can be happy that yesterday was such an amazing day, perfect for a Saturday morning.

I just realized we had only about 46% from the average for the entire season, which will be translated to many more days of rain during the next two months. We all keep our fingers crossed that this will actually happen.

   

I am thankful we got to go yesterday on a wonderful hike in perfect weather. I am thankful for all the rains we had in the last week. I am thankful they all came down without making me wet; I am thankful I going to dive under the covers in a few minutes and will not get out of it until tomorrow morning. I am thankful for a warm bed, soft covers and before anything else - a very hot shower I am about to take.  Good Night.

A Beautiful Saturday Hike

Day 354 – After few days of rain it was sunny and warm today and it was not even a question we are not staying home on a day like that. So we took our dog, even though she really hates car rides, and we drove few miles. Just outside of our beautiful city there is a wonderful natural forest, this is where the fire raged last year, but not all was taken by the fire and large areas of this amazing forest stayed intact; and this was our destination. We let our little dog out, and she was so happy, it was her first nature hike and I hope now she will be more accommodating to the idea of a car ride – some fun stuff might wait on the other end. But surely for us it was much fun. The day was beautiful, the sun very warm and the soil wet from all the rain and covered with very green vegetation and to my surprise even the first wild flowers were already popping up, about a month ahead of schedule. My daughter did not have much of a chance yet to hike here, since she is in the army and so it was something very special for her as well. We ended our outing in a café near our home and our favorite cake – cream cheese with strawberries, a perfect ending to a very lovely day. 

  

I am thankful for a Saturday without rain. I am thankful for such a nice day and a wonderful hike. I am thankful this part of the forest was not damaged by the devastating fire last year and we can still enjoy it. I am thankful I got to spend a great weekend with my daughter, it is always so much fun.