Tenderness

Day 685 - another night of very long talks on the phone. Hours upon hours of deep and very personal conversations; of allowing another human being to see my wounds and battle scars, and he was doing the same in front of me. This is the epitome of intimacy, of getting close and personal, of getting to know each other, just as we are. With no masks and no pretense. It is so difficult for me to stay present when I feel overflown with emotions; it is hard to stay and not close off, to ignor all the alarms, knowing full well my heart will break if this won't work and not brace it, but leave it open and soft. But his love and endless tenderness, his patience and ability to accept it all creates a safe heaven for me. I did not even realize how hurt I still am until now. We talked about something that brought past memories and suddenly my eyes flooded with tears. As much as I try, I don't get it how a man can hurt so much the people he suppose to love the most, how I stayed in that place for so many years, how I allowed it to happen, how I was so blind. The tenderness opened the gates of the dam; the gates of my tears. I am crying but i know it is cleansing for me. And I feel that regardless of the outcome of this relationship , of what the future holds for us together, he is a gift sent to me from above and I am so very thankful for that. 

I am thankful for this blessing I found when I least expected. I am thankful for lessons I needed of how to love again; of how to open up and allow a man to touch my heart in such a way. I am thankful for every tear I shed today; it shows me I am taking the right steps, that I am on the right way to recovery. I am thankful for having him in my life and my heart.