Day 970 - I am going through daily trials and I have to admit it's not easy. The planet is sending me a message for sure and if I won't listen they will become more intense. All my life I am busy tending to others, always ready to put my life on back burner to satisfy the needs or what I think are the needs of someone dear to me. They don't even have to ask, I do it anyway; and when I don't I feel really bad about it. I have to learn to listen to no one else but myself.
For over a month I was trying to do exactly that to my partner; I tried to force him to act a certain way since it didn't work with the way I wanted things to be, it didn't work with the way I see things. And when he refused to abide I got very angry and had some very bad fights with him. I finally realized that I have no right to force my opinion on someone else; I can, however, ask him to leave my house if his behavior doesn't go well with my ideas of conduct. And the same rule apply to everyone else; it is not my place to shove my ideas down someone else's throat, or they shove into mine. I can only control what I allow around me in my own house and in my life. Today this problem risen again and I am not sure yet what will be the end of the story; but I know for sure, I will not let anyone, not even my most beloved one in the world, to force me to do things I don't want to. I didn't get angry, which was good, but I am sad right now with the direction things are going. I keep telling myself I can control only what I do and not what anyone else; but I can still think it's a mistake and be sad it's happening.
I am thankful this day is coming to its end; It's been a very trying one. I am thankful I can go to sleep for a few hours and hope tomorrow will be brighter.
No comments:
Post a Comment