About personal courage

Day 1015 - my partner finished his last day of work at his all job and as of tomorrow he is full time with our store. I thought about it a lot today. About the courage to go with what your heart tells you with no fall back plan. I think it is the only way to succeed, being fully committed. And I admire that. He has the courage and the moral integrity to do things like that and I think it's one of his best traits, personal integrity. I cannot do the same right now since we cannot expect to earn the value of two salaried in the first few months. This way I bring in my salary and it gives us some stability while working on establishing the store. I look at this man and I feel so lucky to have him in my life and as my partner, not many people have the strength of character and qualities he had; I look at him and I bless every day we have together. I can only hope that at trying times, that I'm sure will come, I will be able to stand as strong and whole as he does. I know I learn so much from him and I hope it will be with me at those junctions. But today is a time of celebration, we are embarking on a new adventure together and we are full of conviction it will be part of our lives for many years to come.

I am thankful for arriving to this important mile stone. I am thankful that I am actively taking care of my future and not sit and wait for things to come my way. I am thankful I have this amazing man in my life. I am thankful for all the blessings bestowed on me.

A huge step forward

Day 1014 - We went shopping for the store today. We bought all the crystals and rocks we need right now and we started looking into shelves and display structures. I am planning to create some very special things to display in our store so I bought all the necessary building blocks for that. It's so special and exciting and it brings us so much closer to the actual opening day. In the next few days we will finish painting and start assembling the display. We are not yet sure about everything but it will come up together as we will shelve things. It is so interesting to follow step after step as we see it building momentum and get from a dream we were talking about for months to a reality. I love mystic stores, its been like that for many years and it's a dream come true to have a store like that. and most of all to do it together with the man I love... I can't think of something that can make that any better. So here we go, so very tired physically after a very long day, but so full of good energy and so sure of the direction I am taking.
  
I am thankful for a wonderful day. I am thankful for hours spent in the most uplifting way. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life. 

So busy at work, again

Day 1013 - I am still playing catch-up after coming back from my trip. I work many hours every day at work and still I don't see the end of the tunnel. And in a few days another cycle will start. I got to work at 8:30 am and left at 8:30 pm - a 12 hours day and I didn't finish what I was hoping to finish. I decided that the fact that I have more work than I can finish is not a reason to feel bad about my trip or any other vacation I take. I think it is not reasonable to have so much work that at the end of my day I have almost as much as when I started and not because I was lazy but because my work load is overwhelming. And I will not give up my personal life the way I do right now. Basically in a day like today I did nothing but work and by the time I finally I made it home I am so tired that it was dinner and now shower and straight to bed. Not good. I want more to my life than only work and I'll have to do something about it, something about reducing my workload; I want my life back!! Still, I know I am lucky for having I like; that my work is highly appreciated. And of course this is kind of a job security, if I ever wanted or needed that. But right now it is more important for me to have life than  security; and I am very happy I am in such a work place in my life.

I am thankful I have work. I am thankful it can support me and gives me the security I need, especially being single and in need of taking care of my future. I am thankful I need more in life that only financial security.  I am thankful that being so busy is not my regular routine but the pay back for my trip.

Fixing my car

Day 1012 - I came back early from work today to take care of the the flat tire in my car. The truth is that the front tire looked a little flat this morning and I was worried I'll come back from work at night to find a car I cannot drive since I had no spare tire to change into. And besides, the spares are meant only as an emergency and not to become our regular wheel. And so I came early and took the shop. After about 5 minutes he came to me with good and bad news. The good news was that they could find no puncture and find no explanation to the flat except fowl play - someone played with the tire and deflated it. the bad news was that my front tires are in dire need of replacement. I knew I have to do it soon, so no surprises; still it's very expensive but I had to do it - it's a safety issue and I don't gamble with my life in such a stupid way. So they replaced the front tires and also had to do alignment. A very expensive afternoon, indeed. But it was necessary and I am so very happy I did it. with the coming winter, it's not even a question it had to be done.

I am thankful I could take care of my car today; it really bothered me already. I am thankful I have the means to take care of my possession and not just leave it to luck. I am thankful for a busy very satisfying day.

Hectic day at work

Day 1011 - I had an important meeting today that I had to prepare a lot of data for. Sadly my Internet provider messed up my Internet and I could not log into my work computer the whole weekend. So this morning I woke up at 5:30 and took an early train to work. I did finish preparing it all and even had time to go over it with some of my peers and make some changes, but it was very hectic. After another 4 hours meeting we finally finished and got back to our office. Our new office. They moved all our stuff while we were in that meeting so now we had to work with the phone guy and the computer guys to set us all up. So not much work was done today but we moved and the new place is awesome. It's a wing for our department only and so very special. So a very hectic day today with so many balls in the air and its tiring to try catch them all, but when the dust will settle all will be well again and the mess forgotten. I feel we are so lucky to have a place like that. It is nice to know we work so hard but our work is appreciated and rewarded.
 
I am thankful for being part of this wonderful team. I am thankful I have such a great work place. I am thankful that attune end of such hectic day I get to lean back and enjoy it all. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

A flat tire

Day 1010 - I was so busy writing yesterday about the birthday that I did not write about something very interesting that happened right after. At around 3:30 pm. we all said our goodbyes and go our separate ways. My daughter and I went back to our car just then remembering that our tire looked very deflated when we left the car in the parking lot but with being late and all we decided to look into it when we come back. Well, surprisingly, the tire was still deflated, totally flat will be a more accurate description. So we had to full out the jack and the spare wheel and replacing the tire with the little emergency one. The truth is, I was very proud of us two, the  only thing we could not do was to loose the bolts and someone helped us with that. Everything else we did ourselves!! So here you go an funny ending to a very special morning, but with two girls that are not afraid to do the hard and dirty job, even a flat tire is no big deal. 
  
I am very thankful for being a woman that can take care of difficult situations. I am very thankful my daughter is such a woman as well. I am thankful we had so much fun doing that. And for today, since I have to do something current as well, or I will not be thankful for my day, I am thankful for a full day of painting the walls in my store; we are almost done with it and it looks pretty good already. 

Birthday party

Day 1009 - my oldest sister celebrated her 60th birthday this week and her daughters decided to have a family get together with a two hours guided tour of one district of the city with the special stories and flavors of the period and the place. It was so interesting and so special. To learn about hidden jewels in the middle of a bustling shopping area, things you see only if you set your eyes higher and not on the merchandise. I really enjoyed it. Later we went to a restaurant for lunch and it was so nice to be with everyone and talk and listen. I love my sister's family and I didn't get to see them much lately so it was so wonderful to be with everyone for a few hours. It was such a special way to celebrate a special birthday of a very special woman. I just loved it. It's part if the reason I am here, to be connected to my family. Yes I know, at the expense if being away from two of my own children. And I am the one to blame for this divide, by deciding to move them as young children out of their homeland and take them elsewhere. But I am not going to spoil the party today. It was good, it was fun and it made my sister so very happy that it was all worth it.
 
I am thankful for a very special celebration. I am thankful for the wonderful family I have. I am thankful for all the things I learned today. I am thankful for a wonderful day with my daughter. I am thankful for such a great day.

Too much work

Day 1008 - For several days I was very good about going to bed on time, but alas, not today. We are moving our office on Sunday so I had to pack my stuff and it took me hours to sort through it all. And I have a visit on Sunday that I had to prepare a lot of information for it. So I stayed at work until 8:30 pm and when I came home I continued working until now, almost an hour past midnight and I am not done yet, but I don't want to go to sleep any later than 1 am, no matter what. So here I am, going to be tires once again, hopefully not about to start a new vicious cycle, but keep this as an isolated event. It is not even a question that this is not right, that I should not go to sleep so late or work for so many hours; but they are so very flexible with me and I come and go as I please. I also missed half a day on Wednesday and going to do the same next week, so this is my commitment to my workplace, my integrity. If there is work that cannot be delayed, I will finish it on time. But I will keep this entry short as to not jeopardize my situation any more than needed. And right now I need to go to bed. 

I am thankful it is not every day that I have to work so much on any single day.I am thankful I can work from home and don't have to stay at my desk until midnight. I am thankful I can go to sleep now and have just a little more to do over the weekend. Goodnight!!

Crystal heaven

Day 1007 - For several hours today we were roaming through buckets full of semi-precious stones to pick the ones we want to purchase for our store. I love crystals and the store had such good vibes. I came out of it feeling so calm and refreshed. It is indeed a very special place. I hope that in my little store we will be able to create the same kind of atmosphere.
It is very interesting to listen in a store like that and talk to other costumers. Every person is drown to different crystals. I have my favorites and I was talking to other people in the store and learned so many interesting things; about the different properties of each one, their healing powers as well as more down to earth talks about jewelry making. It's a vast world in which I am taking my first steps. I knew it from the jewelry side, I want to get more into the spiritual aspect if it. Four hours were not enough there, we will have to go back, but things are starting to take shape and direction and I love that. It's all very exciting. Few years ago when I did "the artist's way" program I had to do once a week an artist outing - today was such a day. And I love it.

I am thankful for a day spent taking one more step in stocking the store. I am thankful for such a sensual as well as spiritual experience. I am thankful for such a special day.

About sleep, like every day this week...

Day 1006 - I went  to sleep yesterday at 11:30 pm and slept for 8 hours; and had a good night sleep. What a treat!! still I was tired as the day progresses and by the time I left work I could barely keep my eyes open. But I came home very late, only at 11 pm and still had to eat something so now it is 4 minutes to 12 (yes, midnight) which means that there is no chance for another 8 hours night, but I'll do my best to finish writing it as fast as possible and go to bed. It's so difficult to keep to a normal sleeping pattern when I work these long hours. It doesn't leave time for much else. I will have to find a way to change that. But in the mean time, the middle of the week is dedicated to work eat and sleep. Sad, because I don't like to see my precious hours draining one by one without anything important I can show for that. I still hope to find a solution to that. The truth is that I keep thinking the store will be such a place, were work and hobby intertwine and so by the end of the day I will feel as if it not only brought food to my table but also contributed to my well being, to my personal growth. I am so looking forwards to it; to make this dream a reality. I did take few more steps today towards the opening day all small but very important and get me ever so closer to the finish line, or should I say to the beginning. So a good day on so many levels just not on the sleeping front. But until then and not to make things worse, I am checking out now. 12:09 late but not horrific...
  
I am thankful for every small step forward with the development of my business. I am thankful for the promise it carries with it. I am thankful for a good night sleep and still in the 7 hours realm; not great but still better than my usual bedtime. I am thankful for this wonderful day.  

Eight hours of sleep

Day 1005 - I don't know what to write tonight and I really don't want to invest right now too much time thinking about it since it's already 11:20 pm and no matter what, I won't make it to bed much before midnight. But I can wake up a little later tomorrow so I will be able to get almost 8 hours of sleep - don't remember when was the last time it happened. So here we go, a very short entry and I am very proud of myself for sticking to my decision to change my sleeping habits. It's been a long and productive day with so many little details, so many things to be thankful for but the most important is coming right up. 
  
I am thankful for a productive day, for so much progress regarding my store. I am thankful it is now 11:26 and I am about to get 8 hours of sleep!!! good night.

Sleep issues, again

Day 1004 - I don't sleep enough, I just don't; and as much as I try to change it I run every night the same story line. Somehow I suddenly realize it is again almost 1 am and I still didn't write my blog, nor showered. And again it's too late and too short of a night. Every once in a while I just crush and sleep a little more for a few days and then get back, once again, to my very destructive pattern. Friday night I went to sleep way past 3 am just to wake up four hours later for a full day of work in the store. I went to sleep early, that is few minutes before midnight that night but I woke up very early today and I got more and more tired as the day progressed. I think I am taking it too far and I have to do something about it. It is an act of self love; an act of taking care of my body before I will bring it to its knees and something will have to give. I sure don't want that to happen. So from now on ill do my best to get into bed before midnight every day. It sheer stupidity to push myself to the point if no return. And so I am doing just that right now. And will try to do the same on days to come. Good Night everyone.

I am thankful I have a soft bed, and blankets, and a roof over my head as I go to sleep tonight. I am thankful I have a place to rest my tired body, sheltered and safe. I am thankful for another day on this planet.

My store

Day 1003 - Few weeks ago I made the final decision to operate my store and not rent it anymore. It is going to be a mystic store. I love the subject, I get more and more into it, and I love mystic stores. So many times I read about people who are working in their field of interest and it always seemed such a wonderful thing to me, hoping one day this will happen to me. What can be better than being busy all day long with your hobby instead of waiting to get back home at night and have very little time to do that? What can be better than being immersed all day long in what I love best? I can definitely see the benefits to my spiritual growth; the question is if it can be viable option. Too many stores open and close in a short period of time, burying the dreams and money of their owners. But I believe that persistence is everything and if I will allow for a long enough time it will take off. The key is not giving up even if it takes off very slowly. So I prepare myself for a year or more of very little income, if any, and every dimes that comes in will give me the ability to push it longer. I have a big vision and big dreams for the place and I will not allow any doubt to creep in. I believe that by having a razor sharp focus and very specific intentions, by knowing exactly what I want and see it as already here I will make this store a reality. 
And so today we took the first physical step, I drove there this morning with my partner and started painting the store. It was painted bright white before and this is not a good color for a mystic store. So now, many hours later it has one wall in a lilac color and another wall half lilac and half off-white. We will come back next weekend to continue with second layer on the off-white wall as well as first and maybe even second layer on the remaining wall. Even before having anything on the walls it already has a better feeling to it; more mellow and soft, just what you expect in such a place. We also decided about the name after weeks of juggling different names. We are going to call it Misty - an East West mystic store (it sounds better in our language) and I even registered the domain to make sure it is ours. It was a very busy day indeed, and very emotional of course. I never did anything like that before. It is the first time I am taking a step in becoming a business woman, of not having a safety net but going all out. For so many years I was playing with ideas to do something as an entrepreneur and here I am doing just that. I am quite sure it will not bring me as much money as few other ideas I had in the past but for sure it will be the most satisfying one. 

I am thankful for a very special day. I am thankful I finally got the courage to make the move. I am thankful to my partner who is embarking on this adventure with me. I am thankful to him for all the encouragement, for being with me every step of the way and for all his hard work today in the store. And now, after writing all this I can go to sleep and considering the fact I slept for 4 hours today and worked for many more, it is a much needed sleep and I am very thankful I can do just that.   

Changing of the seasons

Day 1002 - It's getting colder and more cloudy and today we had the first rain, at least the first I witnessed this year. I think they had one while I was abroad; so for me this is the beginning of a new fall. Still, it's not really that much of the beginning of the rainy season and it will probably take another month before it will be real, but it's the first signs for the changing of the seasons, for the never ending cycle of a new beginning and an ending of the old. Like our lives, getting closer to the finish line with every passing day. Another day that passed and will never come back; another day I am seeing all the way to its end. Who knows how many more of those are ahead of me; we only know how many are behind, how many already vanished and gone and only left their footprints in the memory of our conscious and unconscious mind. I sure have less ahead and probably many of them with lesser quality of life, so I should be very careful of how I spend them. I don't want to get within eye distance from the end just to realize that there are too many things I wish I did instead of postponing, instead of being lazy or being afraid. We have to keep the finish line in our mind in order to fully live our days. I know this in theory, but it is so easy to forget. Living mindfully every day of my life; I think this is a worthy goal. So what did I do today that if I won't wake up tomorrow morning I will be thankful I did? mostly, it was a slow day here at home with my daughter, and it was so nice. It's been a while since we had a day like that and I really enjoyed it. We talked, we made food, we laughed, watched a movie. A good day. I also talked with my son and with my parents and I spend some quality time with my partner. I talked to my older daughter the day before so even if today is my last, I am good on that. So I did the right things, I put all the important people in my life ahead of anything else; a good day indeed. I am going to sleep now, after I'll do my meditation and I sure hope to wake up tomorrow so I can enjoy another meaningful day on this blessed planet. 
Changing of the seasons and I am in a very pensive mood. 
  
I am thankful for a wonderful day with no big events but all the right things in place. I am thankful for every moment I am reminded of how temporary my life is because I truly believe that my life have different quality because I am willing to face that. I am thankful I got to live today all the way to it's end and hope for yet another one tomorrow.    

End of the holidays season

Day 1001 - now that I am back home and its past the holidays season life is getting back to normal and that means classes or in plain language - I had my first painting class for this year.  It's been a very long time since my last class and I am not good enough to know how to take a picture beyond a certain point. And so after three months off I traveled again to Haifa for my painting class. I decided not to start anything new but finish what I started on my last class last year. I made some nice progress but I am not done yet but my teacher had the right comments and ideas on how to make the picture, what else needed to be done. When I looked at it I could say it doesn't feel right, but I didn't know what was it. Apparently a little touch here and a little paint there and everything changes. I know why I love this class and this teacher. Nothing exciting, not a great picture or anything, but I am back in the groove.

I am thankful the vacation is over and I am back to my class, back to my soul searching activity. I am thankful for a very pleasant class. I am thankful for the seminar day I had for work today. I am thankful for steps I took towards a new beginnings. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

Back home with a bang

Day 998 - what a day. A broken car, a flooded house, a fight with my daughter a fight with my partner. So good to be home again. Of course I can also look at it in a different way - she cleaned the whole house, prepared something tasty for me to eat made a cute note on the door. But it was long and very intense.

I am thankful to be back home, tension, fights and all. I am thankful that after who knows how many hours (about 40 I think) I can finally go to sleep.  

The first thousand days

Day 1000 - this is a very special day. When I started this blog my idea was to find thousand reason to be thankful, to understand that every day of my life stands alone and is special; to find the blessings in my life and never take anything for granted. This became of my life for the past 1000 or more days. I learned to find the time and drop a line even when I was dead tired and just wanted to crawl to bed. This blog told the story of my good days and of sad days and of lonely days and being bored days. It became my companion, something I just do. And it made me look very differently on my days. instead of just letting them blend into each other, each one had to stand alone. Each one was noticed. I guess I can look at it as an exercise in awareness. Never though of it this way, but this is really what it is. And a test to my ability to make my comfort zone bigger and embracing the mundane and the imperfection. To realize that even a very bad and painful day has its moments of light. That nothing is every black or white, but all in different shades of gray, and other colors of course. I set up to write and say thanks for 1000 days. I later made it longer to count the days Gilad Shalit was an POW but now I hope I will be able to keep this blog until my last day here on earth. That I will never lose this optimism and the ability to see light in the shade and in the darkness. that I forever will be thankful for everything in my life. 

I am thankful for all my friends here and on the other side of the ocean; to my family here that I had so much fun meeting so many of them yesterday at the wedding. I am thankful to my wonderful children my youngest daughter here and my son and daughter on the the other side of the globe. I am thankful to my partner for the past year. I am thankful for having the wonderful life I have. I am thankful for every day of my life past, present and future.        

A wedding with a heart

Day 999 - I just came back from the wedding of my niece. It was so wonderful. They are a very religious family so wedding is a very big thing, much bigger than in the secular community. It is not about the food, it is about celebrating one of the most important events in their life. And the guest are not there to care about the food but to celebrate with the young couple and make the event so much more joyful. I am not religious at all but every time I come in contact with this community its brings warmth to my heart. It's so special to witness that in some places there are still simple joys of weddings, that are not going to end in a year or two but are almost always a commitment for life, of holidays, of children of getting together, things that in the secular and very cynical culture of our days kind of gets lost. I am sure this young bride did not spend weeks choosing her dress and testing her make-up; choosing the perfect menu or going through rehearsal dinners before the real thing. For her it's not a show she has to put for her guests. For her it is the beginning of her new life that she celebrated tonight and she was excited beyond words. And all her friends were there to make her happy tonight and all this is true for the groom and his friends; the parents and their friends. The whole community that comes together tonight and so many times in the past. and they all know they can trust this bond, this extended family to be there for them no matter what. It must be such a comforting thought.
I am not writing all that in jealousy but in admiration; I wish we could have the same simple and "less sophisticate", but so much more authentic look at life and from the right place from the heart and not from the mind.

I am thankful for the honor to take part in this so very special wedding. I am thankful it is part of my immediate family and that we were able to keep this bond and strengthen it since we moved back here. I am thankful for this reminder about the important things in life.  

On a sour note

Day 998 - what a day. A broken car, a flooded house, a fight with my daughter a fight with my partner. So good to be home again. Of course I can also look at it in a different way - she cleaned the whole house, prepared something tasty for me to eat made a cute sign on the door and was blind to it all because I was upset. I guess it's good to have me home as well. It's midnight here and I am awake for too many hours after almost 22 hours of flight and a whole day there after. They say one is not to sign any contract the day he comes from a long flight, I think I see why.
 
I am thankful to my daughter for all the nice things she did and I am so sorry for getting so upset without saying first thanks and how much I missed her. I am thankful this day is coming to its end and I might be able to get some sleep b

Back home

Day 997 - I just landed back here after a king and uneventful flight; just the way a flight should be. I slept and watched a movie and read a book, the usual. And now I am ready to be back home, take a shower and start my day. I missed it. The heat, the noise, the bustling life. It's good to be back.
I am thankful I landed safely here  I am thankful to be back home.

Back home

Day 997 - I just landed back here after a king and uneventful flight.

The end of my trip

Day 996 - in a few hours I am heading to the airport. So this is a good time to say my goodbyes. My wonderful son spent the whole day with me, until I crashed. I was suddenly so tired I had to sleep. But until then it was simply a wonderful day. We had lunch together and coffee later and he practiced his presentation he is going to give next week. It made me so happy and proud to see how much he matured in the past few years and how he is becoming a serious businessman. I like his whimsical nature and lightheadedness, I like he doesn't take himself too seriously. But there is time for everything and it seems to me he is learning that; something good to have in your toolbox. The most important was just to have quality time together. Being so far away and not so good on the remote communication deal, it is so wonderful to meet every so often and reconnect. And so here I am, I said my last goodbye, slept for three hours straight and now I am ready to go back home. It was an amazing visit and I am going back so happy.
 
I am thankful to my friends and to my kids for making this trip so very special. I am thankful to my son for giving his time freely, for being with me almost every day in the past two and a half weeks. I am thankful to him for putting his heart into it all, for all the talks and discussion; for making it fun, like in the old days, only better.

Day 995 - saying my goodbyes one at a time

A "get together"

Day 994 - my friend suggested that we'll invite few of the women that were my friends when I lived here for a "get together" since I am running out of time. And this is what w did tonight.

About over packing

Day 993 - I am here for almost two weeks now and in a few days I will be heading back home. I had so many plans about thing I will accomplish while here. I brought several books I thought I'll read; assays I was planning to write. Today, three days before the end of my trip, I realized that there are so many things I still want to accomplish before I leave that I had to admit it's not going to happen. I carried all this extra weight for nothing. I should have known, it happened last time also; but I thought my days will be pretty free and I wanted to use my time effectively, I didn't want to get bored or just waste my time. I did the days pretty much to myself, I did have what looked like free time but I used it different than the way I imagined. But all is good; it means my days were full, and I didn't have much down time, that I had a good time. I just followed a different path. I'll try to remember that lesson next time and not carry so much stuff. This is not exactly the Sahara desert here, and even if I find that I have too much down time, I can always go to the local book store and buy one instead of carrying it back and forth.
 
I am thankful I was busy and had such good time here. I am thankful I didn't have time to read my books. I am thankful for this lesson and I hope I'll remember it on my next visit and pack more smartly.

A far away mom

Day 992 - I spent the afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter and it was wonderful. It doesn't cease to amaze me how sweet she is, how smart. I don't want to brag because it's silly, but I do enjoy every minute. Coming here, I didn't know what to expect; how much I'll see her since they lead a very busy lives. Both are career women, and the child and some private time. But, it is important for my daughter that her daughter will know me and so she really makes an effort to meet almost every day. And I really appreciate that. I am a very far away and will not be able to play a big role in this little girl's life, so every little bit is so very important. It is very sad and I try not to think about that, but the decision I made to leave this country was probably good for me but really not for my relationship with my grandchildren and my children. As mush as we have fun now, it is not the real world and on a daily basis we are so far away, never experiencing any of the day to day stuff we once shared. It is a very sad realization that life might be so much better for me than when I was married, but they came wit a very big price tag and we all pay it, every single day, every month every year.
 
I am thankful to both my daughter and my son  I am thankful for every moment we sped together who make so much efforts to see me while I'm here. I am thankful I can be here and I'll try to come more often.

Spiritual journey

Day 991 - met with a good friend today. We started together on our spiritual journey about 10 years ago. It was not something people did in the place we were living and definitely not a conversation topic, so with time we became each other's partners to this journey; to share thoughts, feelings, ideas. In a place were most discussions  are shallow and never disturb the surface we were a sanctuary and our meetings always filled with serious talks, And we both enjoyed it very much. So today we met for lunch and it was nice as always.I could feel and she did as well that I changed since last time we met, I learned a lot in the past three years. I am stronger, calmer and much more spiritual;I have a quiet place in me that was not there before. I feel it, but it is nice to see that it shows to the outside. And of course, I am so happy, and that shows too.
 
I am thankful for this meeting with this special friend. I am thankful for a very interesting conversation. I am thankful for the journey I took, the places it brought me and for whatever lies ahead

Day 990 -  I spent a wonderful afternoon with my oldest daughter.

Food

Day 989 - being away from home means I have to eat in restaurants this past week and another week like that is ahead of me. Some people love restaurants; I do too to some degree, but doing it few times a day is excessive, at least this time around.  And sadly, restaurant food is not the same as home cooked meals; it might be tastier but it lacks a heart, thus the food feels kind of detached and not fulfilling on a deeper level; and to top it all I just don't seem to be able to digest it anymore. And so I am dreading eating in restaurants right now and I try to avoid that as much as possible. I know I miss on some of my favorite restaurants but it's just not worth it. Before arriving here I was planning to go to all my favorite restaurants, but I guess I'll have to change my plans and find some other things to enjoy that are not food related; disappointing, but a must.

I am thankful for a lovely day with my son; a treat, as always. I am thankful it's only food that disagree with me; everything else here is great.I am thankful for being here, for time spent with my kids and friends. I am thankful that in a few days this little inconvenience will be over. 

Movie night

Day 988 - I went with my friend to a movie tonight. Nothing special, just a movie with a good friend but it was so nice. Just the two of us, totally not dressed appropriately and totally don't care. It's so nice to get to our age and not to care so much about social codes any more; "just put on the red hat and go out". Will you go alone to a movie? I did, many times since leaving home. But many people won't; my friend included. For some reason they feel uncomfortable going to a movie theater alone. I made the conscious decision when I left home and move to a different country where I didn't have many friends, that I will not let the fact I am alone to deter me from doing things; I actually embraced it and went to many movies and shows and other events by myself. But since my friend won't do that - she went once in the 8 years since her divorce - it was an opportunity for us to do something together and not spend Friday night alone. We saw a good movie - Blue Jasmine - the newest movie of Woody Allen. later we went to a pub with my son before calling it a night. in short it an all around great night and I am so happy we got to do that.  

I am thankful for a fun night at the movie. I am thankful for opportunities as such to spend time with a dear friend as well as with my son. I am thankful for another opportunity to see my son; he is so wonderful and really makes every effort to see me during this vist and I am so very thankful to him. 

A night hike

Day 987 - I went for a two hours long hike with my friend here at the bay lands. it's been a very long time since I last did that (before I left, so more than three years), and it was so wonderful to walk there. It was dusk and later moonless night but we had flashlights and the road was clear enough that we walked most of the time in the dark. We know each other for many years, saw each other through some very rough patches and we can't do that anymore, now that I live on the other side of the globe. So it's very special we have such time together and I truly enjoyed that. It is also interesting to see the personal development we both went through in the past few years. Women in full - I love seeing that. As we get older we also get wiser and it's absolutely wonderful; especially with close friends were we can all benefit from these changes, and learn.

I am thankful for this wonderful walk in nature with one of my best friends. I am thankful for an enriching conversation. I am thankful for this special friendship that withstanding time and distance; I feel blessed to have her in my life.  

Painting

Day 986 - I woke up this morning knowing I have to paint today. I don't know how to explain it, but this is just how I felt. I don't have have any of my paints here or my brushes or a canvas, but I was not going to let that deter me. I went to a local store and bought all that, next I went to the local thrift store and bought a T-shirt to protect my clothes and a mug to wash my brushes. And finally, with all the needed equipment, I went to the nearby bay lands to paint. It was a beautiful sunny day, a little too windy but lovely nevertheless. I brought my passion from my new country to my old one. I was a little off and I am not happy yet with what I did, but it is a good start and I'll work on it more in the next few days. but the whole experience was very interesting. 
  
I am so thankful for this very special experience. I am thankful for a lovely day in nature with a brush in my hand. I am thankful for painting again after a very long brake.   

Being an outsider

Day 985 - It's very strange what I am going through right now. I lived in this town for 14 years and left only 3 years ago. Every street and every store are familiar, yet I feel like a stranger. It is not my home any more, but I am not a tourist as well so I am kind of in a limbo - not here nor there. A very strange feeling indeed. I am here only to visit my kids and in the mean time few friends as well. The food doesn't agree with me anymore and so I try to avoid most of it. Before coming here I was planning to visit few of my favorite restaurants but after few days of eating the food here I think I will skip that and keep them as a fond memory while sticking to the most basic and simple ingredients. Strange, so strange indeed...
 
I am thankful I am here. I am thankful I can talk to my kids and see them almost every day. I am thankful I had a chance to see one of my good friends today. I am thankful I found a new place I call home, and now I know for sure it is home for me;I am an outsider here.

Meditation

Day 984 - I listened to a very inspiring lecture this morning about meditation and decided to try and make it part of my day. Half an hour every morning, before I get going, can be wonderful.I know all the good it can bring into my life I just never made it into a daily habit. I think It is time to take this commitment. I can see so man good things that can come out of it, so why not to treat myself. I came here to see my kids; didn't think it will be a spiritual journey as well!

I am thankful for this inspiring lecture. I am thankful for this decision to add meditation as a regular practice to my life. I am thankful for every opportunity to grow spiritually.