About getting old

Day 1191 - I went to visit my mother in law. What a sad visit. She is declining real fast and it's heartbraking. Being old can be so depressing; I only hope it's a choice one makes and that I can grow old in a very different way. But regardless she is there now and that is a fact. I was there for an hour and promised to come back soon. The clock is ticking fast and there so little still ahead of her. Such a sad and depressing thought. I feel the same about my dad even though he is in a better shape then her. Our parent's time with us is almost over. We are getting closer to the front row. It's like an assembly line - new babies are born in the family and old people are getting close to being dropped off the line.  I still remember them younger and stronger and now they are all so frail. It brings out all the compassion in me, tenderness instead of jugdment. I remember different days. I remember when my dad was the strong and all mighty one and I just a little girl, putting my little hand in hus big one. And now things have changed and my steady hand support their shaking one.
It makes the "why" and "what for" questions so relevant.  Oh god, I am so not ready for the moment of their departure.
 
I am thankful for this visit. I am thankful even though it is so difficult; I remember days when things wre really different. I am thankful for every day I still have with my lived ones, I cherish each day and I try not to criticize but to have heart full of compassion and use no judgment.