Day 1654 - TGIF. Friday once again. A sunset on the beach, light dinner there and then, back home for a movie that I saw once but is so good it sure deserve a second viewing - The King's speech. Loved it the first time and even more so this time. Joy can come in very simple ways; a relaxed time a movie, a beach. It costs almost nothing and I don't have to go very far. Just be present in my life and celebrate the small stuff. And being on the beach in the afternoon or evening is a remedy for the soul. I am thankful for a very special day, indeed.

Day 1653 - another very long day and a very late dinner. But it was cooler tonight than the previous few nights, so it was very pleasant to sit on the porch and enjoy the cool air after a very hot day. And what is even better is the fact that tomorrow is Friday, thus a shorter day. I will be able to enjoy few hours of daylight and a sunset. What a treat. So today is the last long day of the week and in this case even of the month; next week is a new month.i am thankful for a soft bed and cool shower that are awaiting me as soon as I'm done with this blog. I'm falling asleep so it is going to be NOW!!!!

Day 1652 - its so easy to fall into numbing routine and fail to notice that our days here are numbered. So many things I didn't tell my dad for example, and even when I knew he chose not to go into dialysis, I still didn't realize how little time was left and I didn't even see him again after that fateful visit. I fell asleep on my wach, so to say, and did not take the alert seriously enough. But most of us don't even have this prior notice and one day it is just too late. Too late for many reasons strength, health, time... I want to take the hard lesson I got and try to apply it to my life. I don't know how much time I have left and how much time my loved ones have so I better make good use of that time. I bury myself in work that leaves me no time and no energy for anything else. I came here with plans to travel the world, to conqure the world and somehow I forgot it and life got in the way. Can I do it differently? Something to think about... I am thankful for wake-up calls, even if unintended, that reminds me once again where I want to go. I am thankful, time is still in my hands to make some needed changes.

Day 1651 - it's been a month since my father died and according to the Jewish tradition we gathered in the cemetery today for one more goodbye. On this occasion we also see the tumbstone for the first time. It's hard to believe a month already passed and life just continues without him. He was a very quite man, especially in the past few years and now he is just gone. There are so many things I never said to him and sadly, never will. I don't want just to let him fade into a memory, but this is life and since he is no longer here I can keep him only as such. It was nice to see almost everyone again and I hope we can keep it going. For us the living and as a legacy to my dad who came to this country as a holocaust survivor with no family at all and now he has all this big and living family. I call this - happiness

Signs

Day 1650 - I was waiting for a big order of cards coming from abroad. and today it finally came. within three hours several decks of cards were sold something very unusual so I was very pleased with that. Almost twoyears after we opened the store is still not were I wantto seeit, or to be more acurate, not doing well and we start considering wether to keep it runnung or not. So any sign is a good one, any good day is very important and today was very good and I am very thankful for that. I just hope for many more days like it.

Day 1649 -

TLC

Day 1648 - few weeks ago we finally hung the light fixtures to start getting a more homy feeling. All but one worked well and no matter what we did we could not make it work. Every weekend my BF was working on it for hours for no avail. So today after one more such session he also gave up and we decided to ask our downstairs neighbor who is an electrician. He came, started exploring and after about 15 minutes found that a connection in another fixture was not right and it affected not the one where it was but the next in line. Go figure. You have to be an electrician apparently in order to understand the logic of how things are done and with it the ability to do the detection work. So finally we have all our lights up and working and the frustration behind us. Now we just have to glue the box that broke in the process. It's a very cheap one but bound by cement and it might cause a female to the stone wall were it's located. Better try to fix it than replace it. Home is something that bring a lot of pleasures but it requires a lot of TLC. I am thankful to our neighbor for his help. I am thankful I have a home, TLC or not. I am thankful for a very productive Saturday.

On target Friday

Day 1647 - after work I drove to the beach and did an hour of workout. I missed the one yesterday so this one is the make-up shift. And since its a Friday and there's no rush I stayed until sunset. I didn't do it in a long time so it was very special indeed. Over all a very productive day. I didn't do all that I set up to do but almost so I'm happy. I set the bar high but with the understanding that I probably miss a few. But with no goals we aim for nothing and so I have already some planned work for tomorrow. As for today the only thing still pending is my evening meditation. So here it comes a 20 minute session of tranquility. The best way to end my day.

Running errands

Day 1646 - after work I went grocery shopping. Problem is that it's Thursday night and everyone is getting ready for Shabbat, so long lines and a very slow process all together. I came home after 10 pm. A long day indeed. It doesn't leave much time to do anything and tomorrow I have to get early so really no time at all. But I am not complaining, buying food is just part of life and I am thankful for that on so many levels. I am thankful I can afford to buy what I need; that I live not far from the store; that I have a car and I don't have to walk with all of that home; that I have a fridge were I can keep what I bought; that I am healthy and can do my own shopping; that I came home to a very clean home (it's Thursday and my cleaning lady was here today)... So many reasons to be thankful.

Day 1645 - it was a very special day for me. All morning I prepared myself for the consultation meeting. I know it's way over doing it, but it is my first time and I really wanted to give value to my client, and I don't like to be in a situation where I just don't know the answer. If I am the expert and I am being paid for that then I have to do my part. I created a form that I will use from now on that helped me a lot to explain things to her in a very clear way. I have to admit it was not easy. I am still debating about some of the questions if there is another way to view that. I am dealing with people and my words have significant weight in their decisions. It's a very heavy responsibility. I am thankful for the opportunity I got to start practicing my new trade, for making a dream come true. I am in awe of the heavy load it brings with it.

Numerology, step two

Day 1644 - tomorrow I am going to have my first numerology client. I learned a lot but don't have much practice yet so I'm a little unsure of myself of course. So for the past three hours I was going over my notes from class and analyzed everything I could before hand. I will go over all that tomorrow morning and hope to do well. I know I have a lot to offer and only by doing I will get better so I am very excited to jump and start swimming. I hope this will be the first of many such consultations. I chose a new path and this is the first independent step I am taking. I am so happy and thankful for that. I don't care that I prepare way too much; I need this to feel comfortable and to feel I can give her real value. It's very late so I better go to sleep now; a big day ahead of me.

Fifth anniversary

Day 1643 - today is the 5th anniversary to our return here to my beloved country. I still remember the sheer joy when my daughter and I felt as the plane landed, as we walked the incoming path in the airport, as we picked our luggage, climbed the car that waited for us, arrived to our hotel. We felt like in a dream; something that we talked about and planned for so long suddenly became a reality. Five years later I look at that decision as one of the best I ever made. I can't belive I spent so many years abroad far from everything I care about, except my immediate family of course. Now that my dad has passed away I bless this decision even more, it allowed me to have almost five years of memories with him, to get closer than I ever was as an adult and gave him the opportunity at the end of his life to know I came back and did not stay there in the diaspora. Same goes for my daughter of course. I started new life here, with a man that I love very much and that loves me and its something very special and very important for me. I have work that I love in a field I was always attracted to and finally made the move in that direction and few months ago I even bought a home. I don't have much money, I don't live the life style I was used to and my tomorrow is not as safe as it once was but I am so much happier and I greet every day with a smile; I have a heart full of thanks every night. I am so blessed for finally having the courage to take the steering wheel of my life wagon into my own hands and start doing things my own way. I am thankful to the planet for all the goodness it bestowed on me.

Medications

Day 1642 - a few weeks ago I had a long discussion with my mom about medication and the over-use of it. I told her my opinion that doctors now a days are too eager to prescribe them and it is not fully known the effects they have when one is taking multiple kinds of medication. Today she told me that she really took that to heart and decided to cut dramatically her meds and take only what she think is critical like treating her diabetics. And what she was happy to find out that few symptoms she was suffering from for years are suddenly gone. I am so very happy for both things for the reduction in the amount of chemicals she pours into her body and of course for its positive outcome. At the age of eighty I think our bodies are not strong enough that we can tolerate this legal poisoning. We should trea our body as the holy temple that it is and think hundred times before taking unneccecary meds, vaccines and anything else unhealthy.

Saturday

Day 1641 - good rest, good food, good meditation, good company; good Saturday all together. The weather was pleasant unlike other areas in the country that were very hot. Nothing big to report, just a very restful day. Life is in the little details, as usual. The birds, the flowers, the warmth and last but not least sharing it all with the man I love. I am so thankful for everything.

Be in the moment

Day 1640 - living in the present makes every moment a gift. The warm day, the blue skies, the trees beyond my porch... Who knows how many evening are still ahead of me so I should not ware any of them by not being present. Dinner, talk sunset. How lucky I am to be able to see all that, hear it, feel it and be here for yet another day that came to its end. I am going to sleep with the trust that I'll wake up tomorrow. I don't talk to my daughter today and only had a short talk with my son so I sure hope I'll have a chance to fix that tomorrow. But I am very thankful for my day, regardless of its shortcomings. I am so thankful to be alive.

Lovingkindness meditation

Day 1639 - am almost midnight meditation, trying to cultivate a path with heart, which is how I want to live my life, as many days and years as I have left on this lovely planet in this life cycle. May I be filled with lovingkindness May I be well. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be happy. So simple yet so profound. If slowly I will be able to include everything on this planet, then I know I made something good with my life. I added my little share to the goodness surrounding us. I am thankful for every meditation I do, for every little step along the path.

The jackals

Day 1638 - our evening concert just started, the jackals in the nature preserve adjacent to the house are howling to the moon. It's so strange to hear wild animals in the middle of a bustling city. This is the beauty of Haifa and the special place this house is located in. I feel so lucky to be in such close proximity to the natural flow of life and enjoy not only all the convenience of a modern city but also this little reminder of nature.

Tuesday is twice as good and even more

Day 1637 - in the creation of the world on Tuesday God saw twice that things are good. So according to our tradition tuesday is a blessed day. In our small and narrow world Tuesday is a very special day since we close the store at 2 pm thus have an afternoon for ourselves when we are not too tired to do anything. It was not an easy decision for a store that barely keeps itself in the black but week after week we get the affirmation that it was the right thing to do. Our clients just come earlier on Tuesday and buy well so by 2 pm we are more than ok with our stats. Today was no exception, actually it was better than ever thus we went home elated. In two days we had sales worth of half a month of work. Someone is smiling at us from above. So we had a nice early dinner on our lovely porch, watched a movie and still can go to sleep in a normal hour, luxuries that are possible only on Tuesdays. I am thankful for everything. For the joy of a short day, for the promise of a good sale, for a lovely dinner and for hours of fun I spend with my partner; non of all that I take for granted and I am thankful for everything, for all the blessings in my life.

A very special day in the store

Day 1636 - it is a very slow month so far in the store and its not easy to stay optimistic under these conditions. So we are trying to weigh our options. And today was a so so day when a woman stepped into the store and asked if its ok if she'll look around a little. Half an hour later she walked out of the store after purchasing the single most expensive article in the store. We just came back from delivering it to her home since its also very heavy and delicate. This comes to show us once again to never give up. Things can change in a moment. In this one purchased she doubled the income of the store for this month so far. And we were thrilled to say goodby to an item that was here with us as of day one of our store. I have to admit I didn't believe it will ever sell and considered it as part of the decor. But I was proved wrong and I am so thankful to be in this position.

Two weeks

Day 1635 - two weeks since my dad passed away and it still didn't sink in. It's hard to grasp the fact that he is not here anymore. I continue in my daily routine; I work, I shop, I cook and I even had a fun outing yesterday and yet underneath it all there is this void he left behind. I talk to my mom and there no dad to ask about. I will soon visit there and it will be only to visit my mom. Parents are a fixed feature in our lives and even when they get older they are 'there'. But now the game plan has forever changed. And yet I am so thankful I had him as my dad for so many years and I am happy I came back here when I did thus having the chance to spend his last years close to him and in such good relationship. It's never 'making up' for the lost time but at least not creating a bigger void. And on my very selfish side - I got to spend some precious time with him. And I sure am thankful for that. I can't even imagine being still abroad when my dad passed away.

Day 1634 - a day trip to the old city of Acco. A lovely day, good food, a beautiful Unesco heritage site and being there with my love makes it even better experience. I learned about some new places there and showed him others he didn't see before. All together a very special day.

Day 1633 - I am tired beyond control. I am falling asleep as I type. I really don't understand why but it doesn't change the facts

A clean house

Day 1632 - coming home at the end of a long day to a sparkly clean house is a wonderful feeling. Even more so today our cleaning lady did not come last week and it sure felt like that. As usual, the little things that make our day. A clean house, folded laundry... Not much in the great scheme of things, but so meaningful for me. Of course I can do it myself and I did until we moved here, but we work very long hours and I don't want to spend the little time I have cleaning my house. Every week when I enter the house after she cleaned it I am thankful again for that decision

Day 1631 -

Coping

Day 1629 - I forgot to publish my blog thus it is now gone. Oops... Day 1630 - getting back to normal is a mixed feeling issue for me. How can I go back to my life when my dad just passed away? I still find it hard to grasp that he is not here with us anymore. I go through my daily life and some of it loses its significance. What is the meaning of our lives? One moment you are here and the next you are not. Last week we were crying for the loss of a father and the next we were joking and laughing, and making future plans while he is still gone. How easy it is in our very hectic world to keep moving forwards and leave almost everything behing. I loved my dad very much so I'm trying to think how can I do it differently. We were sitting on our porch this evening and talking about our late parents. My partner lost his mom a year and a half ago so we had some feelings and thoughts we can share, knowing it will be understood; it was good for me. Connecting, not just moving on. And sadly it made me realize I was not there enough for my partner when his mom passed away. Only now I see that. How sad. He is so supportive, not only here but in everything I go through, I wish I could be like that too. Some people are so receptive and intro reprieve they can read you like an open book and he is one of them. I am so thankful to him for this evening of tender talk and gentle memories. An evening that helps soothing the soul.

Day 1628 - back home after a week away from life regular pulse. It's hard and sombering and it puts everything in a new perspective. You can't come out of a week like that the same. I am thankful I got yet another opportunity to reexamine my life, check my priorities and re-adjust. I sure will take the time to do just that.

Day 1627 - the last day of our "Shiva". Tomorrow morning we go to the cemetery and then go back to our homes. It was a very intense day today with many visitors, all close family members. And yet we found time for some more personal time, some good heart to heart discussions. It's a very interesting process we all went through and an amazing bonding experience. I am sure we will look on this week as a milestone in our family dynamics. I thing it is the last great gift my dad bestowed on us; to make the bond stronger and more meaningful. I am thankful to everyone for their love and caring, for opening their hearts and most of all for an amazing lesson about inclusion, patience and acceptance. I am feeling so greatful for my amazing family. This is the true legacy of my father.

Day 1626 - Friday night here at my parents' home. Sad because my dad is not here with us. Very tense because the emotions are very raw, shouts, tears... But it ended on a good note thanks to my brother. He was ready to do what ever he can to bring everyone back into the circle. I was trying to do some mending but it didn't work so well. The day started well but as it progressed the stress built up until it exploded. I would prefer it didn't happen but we are all part of a family who just lost its father so it's easy to understand. Friday night, one of many without my dad. I planned to spend this weekend with my kids; I didn't think it will be here and under these cicumstances. I am

Day 1625 - it was a day with some very pleasant visits. If you forget the solemn reason for this gathering you can think of it as a fun day. But then you wake up into mindfulness and the fun is all but gone. My dad is not here anymore. This most beloved man is forever gone. I know that the dad I miss is long gone, that in the past few months he was less and less present; less interactive, even less sharp. And the saddest of all less happy and cheerful. But still we all held tight to the little left of him and hope he will be better. But he didn't and he never will and that is left for us is to decide what we want to enscribe on his tombstone. How very sad.

Being brutally candid

Day 1624 - at the evening after all the visitors are gone its only us, the family. And so we started talking and before you know it things started pouring out of very hurt people. And so for the next few hours we all heard stories and especially a lot of pain. It was very painful since it is was from my kids, thus too close to home and the thought of what my kids had to bear and still carry with them is just awful and it makes me feel so bad about staying as long as I did. But what is more important is that they feel comfortable and secure enough to open their hearts and bring out to the open for the first time their bleeding hearts and I think this will be the beginning of a healing process. My daughter is far along that way where my son only starting it. But the first step is the most difficult one and it happened here in this circle of trust that was forged over the last few days. I am thankful to my kids for opening up and trusting. I am thankful to my family that embraced them. I am thankful for this "shiva" process that enabled all this to take place.