Second day of war

Day 667 - second day in this war. We live in an area that is not under direct threat so it's kind of a remote issue not a daily living hell as it is for the million people who live in the rockets landing zone. It doesn't mean we are not concerned or worried about their safety as well as the safety of our soldiers. But we don't live the minute to minute terror of endless sirens to run to shelters or the endless barrage of rockets all around. So we try to keep living our lives as normal as possible; we cannot let terror dictate how we live or interrupt it too much. So today my daughter followed up on her original, pre-war, plan to move to the biggest city in our country. She packed all her stuff yesterday and this morning she took the bus to her new city and I was to drive there after work and bring her things. It gave her time in the morning to buy few things she needed and especially clean the place to her liking. I arrived in the afternoon as planned and all was more or less normal until suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a siren. This is a metropolitan area of about 4 million people and it was suddenly under attack. It is hard to grasp or convey the gravity of such an act. Try to imagine a rocket attack on Paris or London or Tokyo. Try to imagine that all the citizens of those cities suddenly have to drop what ever they were doing, forget their carefree lives and figure in a matter of a minute where can they hide to be safe should the rocket hit their house; try to imagine a city of that magnitude suddenly drops everything and runs for cover. Try to imagine having a minute to figure out how can you best protect yourself and your kids; run to a safe area and if you live in higher floors also try to go lower. Now try to imagine how would it be if you have only 40 seconds like the second tier zone of rockets falling zone and now after you are a little more experienced - try to do all that in 7 seconds like the tier one area. Can you imagine living life like that for months? We had our experience once and I can tell you its not fun, I cannot even imagine the life of the people in the southern region of our country, must be living hell.

I am thankful nothing happened and no one got hurt in this attack on Tel Aviv metropolitan. I am thankful I was there when it happen and be with my daughter. I am thankful I am here in our country when all this is taking place, and not in the safety of the comfortable home I left behind. I am praying for the safety of our people, those in the line of fire and the soldiers who are there to try to put an end to this unbearable situation; May they all be safe.        

Bells of war

Day 666 - We came back so happy after a five days trip abroad. During that time hundreds of rockets were fired into the southern part of our country. Fired and the world did not even blink, did not bother mentioning these kids, these families that for weeks are living under attacks for no fault of their own; people that for weeks sleep every night in a shelter, sending their kids to school praying that nothing will happen to them during the day, that no rockets will fall on their schools and the world did not care. So today, after weeks of such shootings, and a great escalation in the number of rockets in the past few days, our military hit back. For a few hours now our military jets are attacking rocket launchers on the other side and they are firing as many as they can towards our southern cities. and people are again in shelters but now with the hope that these activity will actually bring to a ceasefire and will bring life back to normalcy for them. But in the mean time there is a very high alert of course and for us, it is the first time in since we moved here. When I decided to move back to my country this was one of the question I had to address for myself - what will I feel and think when another war will erupt, will I regret my decision or would it be OK and I realized that after years of running away I am actually feel proud to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the people of my country and fight for our right to exist and our right to live peacefully. That in case of war there is no other place I'd rather be than here. It is a big change for me, for years I was running away but at the end of the day living here for the past two years made me love my country so much, be so proud of who we are and how we handle our lives here, made me so upset about the callousness in which the world is looking at us; and I want to add my weak voice to the cry for justice of everyone around me, for our right to defend our people, and our homes. It was all just theory, but today the time had come to walk my talk and I am here worried for the safety of our people and our soldiers, but with great resolve. This is my home and I will not leave it every again; I will try to do what ever I can to help.  
  
I am thankful for being here at this dire time; I would not want to be anywhere else but here. I am thankful I can add my voice to the others here. I am thankful I can add my prayer for peace and for the safety of our people and our soldiers; I hope peace will come one day to this embattled area, and that it will happen in our life time. I am thankful I am here and will try to do as much as I can to help. 

The end of our trip

Day 665 - we had a most beautiful day. Blue skies, sunny and relatively warm. A perfect ending to this amazing trip. We took it easy, went to see the famous Charles Bridge on our own, wondering the neighborhood around it, bought enormous amount of candies from this very special store where they hand make them in all designs and flavors. We had coffee and late lunch and at 5 o'clock we went back to the hotel, picked up our luggage and headed to the airport. Now cabs in The Czeck Republic are very expensive and the drivers are infamous for their dishonesty, so every travel book and even the locals will tell you to use public transportation. Arriving few days ago at 11pm, not knowing the place, where is our boat located as related to the metro and what line to use , we took a cabthen. But five days later we are already very comfortable with our surroundings and so public transportation is the obvious choice. We took the metro, switched to the airport bus and in less than an hour and for tenth of the price we were at the airport. I am writing now from the train on my way back home. We already had our short flight back to our country and in an hour we'll be back home. These short and fast changes never fail to amaze me. Only four and a half hours ago we were still in a different country many miles away from home. And now this trip is over and in a few hours we have to wake up from this dream and go back to our daily life, to our routine.

I am thankful for an amazing day, so beautiful and pleasant. I am thankful for an amazing day with mt daughter, for the laughs and the tears, for all the love we share. I am thankful for this amazing trip that will set apart the before and after, that will mark the transition, just as it should. I am thankful to see my daughter so wonderful, confident and capable ready to embark on her new life, even if it is a little scary and mostly unknown. I am thankful I can bare witness to all that.

The lay of the land

Day 664 - after a few days here we decided to take the grand tour that will give us the Kay of the land; that will give names to buildings we saw and add stories to that all. We decided on a tour in our language and with people from our country, since we are the only people speaking that language. It was so very interesting and the right thing to do. We met really nice people, we could crack jokes and just have good old time and on top of it we learned a lot. The stories are what make a trip to a city interesting and unique. We can find churches everywhere but one with a particulars story there is only one. And that's what will stay with us. We learned some of the history of this country and some of the important names. And we saw the most beautiful bridge in town. We even took a boat trip on the river. But I liked the bridge and the vista from the Prague castle the most. Again, wandering through streets we didn't stroll before, we were amazed by the beauty of this old and very classic city. We learned that it was not harmed during the war, spared by the Germans as well as by the allied forces and this is why we see so many old buildings with no modern ones in between like in most other European capitals. We fell in love with this city, even if not very amazed by its food, and I sure hope to be back here again.
 
I am thankful for a trip that is coming to its end. I feel so prevail edged to have this special time with my daughter and I am so thankful for that. I am thankf we got to celebrate her transition from youth to adult, just the two of us, in this most beautiful place. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

A rainy day

Day 663 - first day of rain since we came here. Not a heavy one, just drizzles all day long. We walked the Jewish quarter and were amazed by the beauty and the richness of its history. We kept our  method of getting lost in the city and find new streets we haven't seen yet; this is how we stumbled on the Jewish area.  We realized it is a very unique way to see a foreign place - getting lost and coming with no preplans. We see buildings we have no name for them, so we appreciated them (or not) for how they look and not because a famous name or story is attached to them. We find little known local pubs, some looked like we were the first foreigners to enter them. We go to neighborhoods were people actually live, enter minimarkets and local coffee houses, take the tram feel the city, it's people, it's rhythm. We are doing it now for three days walking the streets for hours and so today we decided to enter one of the many Thai massage parlors, I admit it is touristic but needed. We each got an hour of massage and it was so wonderful.  I don't know why they have so many Thai massage parlors and Thai restaurants, what is this fascination with Thai things but I never saw so many Thai things in one place. Tomorrow we decided finally to take the city tour so we will know what we have seen so far plus we'll catch up on all the stories. Now that we experienced the city as it is today we are ready to head about its glorious past. So Ed will also ask our guide about the Thai mystery.

I am thankful that even though it was a little rainy and colder we still got to enjoy this amazing city. I am thankful for new areas, new places and sites we discovered today. I am thankful for great lunch and equally good ice cream  we had, for long and very serious talk we had. I am thankful for a great massage that made us feel like walking on a cloud later; a very needed one apparently. I am thankful for two more days we have here to enjoy before heading back home. I am thankful for a wonderful day with my daughter.

About medicinal cannabis

Day 662 - yesterday evening we went to pub and saw on the TV there an ad about cannabis conference here I town. Now we never saw so many stores selling paraphanilia, hemp beers, hemp chocolate, drinks, you name it. We were sure it's legal here but no it is not, just do very common and the police doesn't do anything about it. "it's just as well be legal" as we were told; do we figured it will be a very interesting experience to go to this conference. And so we did, and it sure was a very unique experience. There were booth after booth of things to better grow weed. From special soil, to irrigation systems, special lights, fertilizers, different seeds one could buy; in short again it looked like a totally legal business. Very interesting indeed, and people were smoking everywhere. All this was a very interesting cultural experience and we enjoyed ourselves very much , and then looking at the program we realized that there are two lectures of people from our country talking about the experience with  medical marihuana in our country and we decided to go and listen to these talks. By the end of the second one I was very proud to learn that our country is one of the leading in the world when it comes to the medical usage if cannabis and more importantly, I just wanted to see how I can volunteer to help. They show data the help they can provide to very sick and suffering people. Of the reduction in other medications usage for people with cannabis treatment, for easing the suffering of people who are suffering for years without any answer by traditional medice. It was eye opening, something that I never thought of seriously and by the end if these talks I definitely changed my mind. Even going to this conference was kind of a joke, just because it is so different and no one will do it on a few days trip to a country. It's interesting how life sometimes gives us opportunities in places we totally didn't expect them, how we find things we never looked for just for being in the right place at the right time. I never thought much about all the suffering surround me and I am surly doing it right now, and trying to think what can be my part in making it a little easier to bare. 
   
I am thankful for a very unique experience today, for seeing a side of this country not many tourists get to see. I am thankful for small coffee houses we found along our hike, for interesting neighborhoods, for a very special day. I am thankful for the fun part of the conference and I am even more thankful for the serious part. I am thankful for an eye opening lectures and for heart opening effect of it; I hope this effect will last and take me in an interesting and very important direction. I am thankful for wonderful weather, for another wonderful day with my daughter. 

An amazing day in Prague

Day 661 - We just called it a day after a whole day of just strolling the streets of Prague without any target in mind and no map to guide us; we just got lost in a foreign city and learned to know her intimately because of that. We just took whatever turn we felt like not knowing what awaits us down this street or that, not aware of any of the famous buildings or places, just walking the streets, window shopping, entering stores that looked more interesting, entering small coffee shops, tasting local foods, and having so much fun. We figured not many people can travel like that with no plans and no direction, let the moments present themselves at the right time and they sure did. We arrived in front of what later we found is the astronomic clock just two minutes before it stroke the hour and got a front sit to see that. We went into a candy store just  a few moments before they started making candies in the most amazing way, something that kept us mesmerized there for an hour. We found some seriously cool cafe, an even more cool wine bar with the biggest shot glasses we ever saw, or more accurately I think I should describe it as a big bucket something two people can nurse for a full evening and be satisfied. We saw how the city change t's atmosphere as it shifts from its daily clothes to its evening majestic appearance. I expected a lot of the city because I heard so much about its beauty but it exceeded it all. It has the very classic European look with amazingly beautiful buildings with no modern buildings to cover it or take the attention from it, and it has so much character that is so unique to this city. And we were here just the two of us enjoying it all together. I feel so lucky that my daughter find my company enjoyable, that it is something more of a treat than anything else, that for us just spending time together is so very special. Now we are back at out boat hotel and its so cool to feel the very gentle rock of the water and to sit here and see the water outside our window and the reflection of the lights of the buildings on the other bank. When choosing this hotel I was going for the cool effect I didn't know how strategically it's located; we are 5 minutes walk from the center of town. In short the first day in Prague was so wonderful and we are waiting for a few more such days

I am thankful to my daughter for such fun day we spent together. I am thankful for great weather and not too many tourists. I am thankful for all the cool things we got to enjoy today as a prize for planning nothing. I am thankful we have few more days ahead of us.

Celebrating life transitions in Prague

Day 660 - my daughter was discharged from the army last week and I wanted to give her a special present to mark the occasssion; I decided we'd go for a long weekend abroad. I told her we are going but not the destination and only today at the airport when we did the check-in she finally found out. So here we are few hours later and already in our very unique hotel - a boat on the river in the beautiful city of Prague. We didn't see much because of the late hour but we can see the illuminated bucastle and few churches and all looks so beautiful at night, in a city that suppose to be one of the most beautiful in Europe and we never got to visit. I am very excited for tomorrow and for the whole adventure; it's the first time we are going on a trip to an unfamiliar destination just the two of us and it's so very exciting!! I am very tired and it's almost 1 am local time so this is a short entry. I'll write more about this place and the whole experience tomorrow.

I am thankful for the opportunity to celebrate with my daughter such an important milestone in her life. I am thankful for the past few years and all the wonderful gifts we both got for living them the way we did. I am thankful that at the age of twenty my daughter find it something special to travel with me. I am exacted and thankful for what the next few days have in stock for us.

Election

Day 659 - Ever since I got my citizenship in the new country I was very much on top of all the political issues. Weeks before the election I read all the different propositions, all the pros and cons and made very educated decisions. I watched the presidential debates, discussed the issues with friends and was very proud to go and vote on election day. I even got involved in making phone calls to potential voters, volunteer at the head quarter and go out to talk to people. And then I moved here, moved back to my homeland and for some reason here I am totally disconnected from it all. I guess I want to stay in this imaginary world where everything is pretty; I don't want to see when things are not and I still don't want to get my hands dirty and get involved. It will probably will come at some point but not yet; I want to stay for just a little longer in my fools' heaven. But there was an election yesterday in my adopted country and I found myself for the first time in months actually interested in politics again; involved with a twist. I cared more about how the election of one president or another will affect my homeland. This election I was ready to compromise some of my social views in order to get a president that will be more favorable to my country. In all the years I lived there I never looked at how the election over there will affect my tiny homeland back here. The move here made so many changes in my life and I just found one more change. I used to vote for a president based mainly on his social agenda; and by now I realized that no matter how good the social agenda is a president is first and foremost the leader of the free world and in that capacity his political agenda is so much more important; so much more visible and influence not only America but so may countries around the world; what we elect is not only the president of America but the leader of the free world. A very heavy load indeed. and so I did my duty as a citizen and voted; and I am very happy I can do it even when I live far away.  

I am thankful for the timeout I took from life, that I feel is running its course and is almost over. I am thankful for the two years of disconnect. I am thankful I am a citizen, thus can vote even from fat away. I am thankful for a great experience I had during these election, for the new perspective and fresh look I get at things. I am thankful, like every day for the warm bed that awaits me; I woke up every hours tonight to listen to the results as they started to come to the news desks of the different networks, so I am so very tired!!

My brother's visit

Day 658 - One of my brothers lives abroad for many years and this week he is here with his children and wife for a visit. I just came back from meeting them. It's been a few years since we last met and it's so sad. I love him and his family very much but we don't see each other at all. It made me think about my parents, how difficult it must have been for them with me and my family, three of their grandchildren, in one continent too far for them to travel, and my brother and his family in another continent, closer but still far. Two children and 6 grandchildren all too far to really keep family ties how lonely did it get, how much they must have missed them/us. but also how much our children missed with no family around, never having grandparents like other kids and even when we came here on a visit it never felt real; it was always too short and did not leave time for the invisible strings to grow. So both sides were never close and never had the experience of having a whole family around. coming here at such mature age as 18 it was too late for my daughter to make up for the lost years and lost affection. I think she'll always feel a little removed from her grandparents and It makes me so sad to think that I took part in this thing. I cannot change it but I am sorry for it, I really do. I think we deprived our children and our parent of something very precious. I know how much better my life was for having my grandparents as part of it for my first twenty years; my kids cannot say the same. and the same goes for cousins and nephews that they are not close and had we stayed here they would have been. And now I see my brother speaking the way I did years ago, talking to his children in a foreign language, listening to his mediocre one and their perfect and polished one and knowing how much they miss, how much we miss. a broken family on a totally different scale and meaning; the chain was broken. It is so easy to do it now a days and we don't get to see and feel the consequences for so many years that by the time we do, it's so late, almost too late.
  
I am thankful I got to see my brother and his family, so wonderful after such a long time. I am thankful we met and were able to talk freely without awkward moments or nothing to say. I am thankful for lovely company, for laughter and love. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, I am so tired; I'll check the election results when I wake up.

Alone

Day 657 - I was sad today when I drove back from work. I don't know why but there are days like that when Suddenly my loneliness feels too much. Most days I am OK with it, still loving the fact that I am not in a pressing and depressing marriage, but other days I feel alone, I want the warmth of a loving partner in my life and I don't know how to find it. I go for the wrong men, time and again, and get  disappointed and disheartened every time anew. I feel my days with work and my evening with activities but the truth is I so want to find someone I can love and be loved by him. I so want to have someone to come back to at the end of a long day, to talk and laugh or just know he is there. I was driving back home from work, very late and suddenly tears flooded my eyes. I really don't know how to go about it. I have to make some contacts on the dating site but I am so skeptical and so not sure how to go about it. I know I have to go out and talk to people, meet some guys and see if it has any potential or is it a frog. I know that if I don't do that my chances of meeting him are even lower, but too many days I don't even want to do that. I just "window shop" for awhile and get off the site without making a move. It's not easy to be a single woman at the age of 54 in a country that wan't mine for so many years. But I try not to run away from these feeling of loneliness, but to embrace them. It is OK to be sad, to be lonely and to want company, it's so natural. One day these feeling will drive me back into a relationship, hopefully one that will last for the rest of my life; hopefully one that will make me happy every single day for so many years. But today I am a little sad and very much alone and this is how I go to sleep, all alone and sad there's no one I can hug and be hugged by.
  
I am thankful that this kind of mood does not come very often. I am thankful it does sometimes; It serves as a backdrop to enhance my life, how good and full they usually are; it also serves as a reminder not to sleep on  my laurels but to stay aware and on the watch for my prince. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, even if it means I am going to sleep alone.

My Real Estate investment

Day 656 - Few years ago I got involved for the first time in a real estate investment on a bigger scale. We bought an apartment complex and planned to sell it after renovation and condo conversion for a large profit. I was a managing partner with a friend of mine and we brought in investors as part of the deal. All was gear on paper except for the market crash of 2007 that brought the economy to a halt, or if I say it for what it was, a great depression. All the previous plans had to be trashed as we were facing a new and very somber reality. The good thing about real estate is that if you buy in a good place, it will recover, you just need patience and deep pockets to finance it while its going through the cycle. We were lucky to have the place rented all this time and so could minimize the damage and we were able to weather the storm. Now, we see markets are finally coming back and sales of real estate are picking up and so we feel it might be time to sell the project, and give each one back their investments and our blessing and close this chapter. I hope this time luck will be on our side and we will succeed where we failed before - selling these units. I have to admit that this project cost me more than I care to admit. I lost a very good friend that I never thought I would. The final decision to leave home happened as a result of this business, I also learned a lot of good things; to fight for my place and my rights, to be assertive, to face my short comings admit to it and go on. And I learned that if we make a mistake in most cases hard work and dedication as well as time will fix it. I learned to change from a hunter to a farmer, cultivate this investment patiently until it is hopefully ready to bear fruits. All good traits that I am very happy I had a chance to practice and make it my own.
  
I am thankful for all the array of emotions and questions this project brought into my life; I learned and became better and more humble, and able to appreciate more the complexity of the project we manage. I am thankful that time might have come for us to start unloading this project. I am thankful that market conditions are such that we will be able to return all the invested money to our investors and even a small profit might be involved. I am thankful to start now the last phase of this project and I hope before long it will  be over. I am thankful for going to sleep now; the clock already stroked midnight few minutes ago, so I am checking out right now.   

Sleep dilemmas, again

Day 655 - I was so tired in the past few days that I decided not to go hiking this weekend but instead work on my sleep. I woke up late today and after few hours on the beach (yes, on the beach and it is November already!!) I went back home and had three hours of nap. I have to admit it feels nice to sleep late and even more so to have an afternoon nap. The only bad side to it is that now it is almost 2 am and I just realized what time it is. So I guess it will be another week with not enough sleep... I have to find a way to break that cycle; not sure yet how to go about it, but I have to do it somehow. It cannot go on like that. I really felt like a zombie this past week and I will probably feel tomorrow just as tired. So a short entry, not because I am falling asleep as usual, but because I realized how late it is and made a conscious decision to go to sleep, to be responsible. I'll try to do the same tomorrow just at an earlier hour. I do have an excuse, kind of, we went bowling tonight and I came home at almost midnight. But still, bad habit that I have to break . I should go to sleep before midnight even if I never actually been turned into a pumpkin; I'm still burning the candle on both ends.
  
I am thankful for a wonderful day on the beach with my beloved daughter. I am thankful for a rare and lovely afternoon nap. I am thankful to my friends for a great evening of bowling and and laughs; for their friendship. I am thankful for going to sleep right now.  

Home alone on a Friday night

Day 654 - It's Friday night and I am home alone instead of being out on the town or at home cuddling with a loved one. I worked for a few hours on developing the forms and the database for the project I am planning to embark on. But now I am done, I can't do anymore without talking to some people. I had a long talk with my daughter today about dreaming instead of acting; about being really excited about something and then not doing anything with it; about persistence. She feels I am using all my classes as a shield, so I won't have to take action. I am not convince it is so but for sure it's something to think about. And just to make sure it won't happen again I started working on it right away. I think this idea has a potential to grow in so many directions. She sees it growing in a different direction than I do but it's actually cool, it means potential. But after all was done for the night I was here, alone and really sad I have no one in my life right now that I can call when I want to sit all cuddly and watch a movie, or just being hugged. Maybe I have to put this on my priority list; or maybe not, if I am planning to start a business now and have it bringing in money in 4 month I might not have time for a relationship right now. So maybe it is good that I am sitting here all alone on a Friday night. It means that in a week or two I will be able to get busy at that time a night, without any one that I have to share that little precious time with. But, as much as I want to pretend otherwise, I would love to be with someone I love right now and cuddle (sad face).
  
I am thankful for a heart to heart talk with my daughter, I learn a lot from these talks every single time. I am thankful I just started working on my project tonight. I am thankful for all the good things it will bring with it. I am thankful for the void in my heart right now; at some point it will be the driving force for change. I am thankful for my dentist that after a year of work put the final touched and made me so happy to look at the mirror again and to see it done; for an amazing work he did; I am so happy I chose to drive an hour in each direction and be treated by such a good doctor. I am thankful for a very interesting day.  

My Mentor

Day 653 - It is not easy to move to another country at the age of 52, even if it's my homeland. I was away for many years and so even though I kept in touch with some of my friends I am still an outsider in their lives; I missed so much during the years. Another problem is that only one lives in my city. So I had to find new friends, more of them in the same situation as me - divorced or separated; we naturally gravitate towards each other. I want to tell the story of one of these people. We met more than a year ago, we dated for a very short time and realized it is not going to work. We are too different and we will kill each other, if stayed together. But we became really good friends. We go out for lunch every so often, or for coffee; we talk on a regular basis. and we really appreciate each other's honesty, integrity and the sharp mind. Few weeks ago, during one such meeting I found out about this piece of real estate he is selling and I decided to buy it. During this period I learned to appreciate him even more. He helped in any way he could. From giving me all the names of the professionals I needed, helping with taking documents from one place to the next so I won't have to miss work, spending hours taking care of my things basically. I really have no words to describe such an amazing behavior, such great help. Yesterday We had lunch together and when he drove me back to work I asked him if he can help me with some advice how to open my own business since I need more income, what I make is not enough for me. He said he'll think about it and we decided to meet again today in the morning and further discuss it. And so we did. After few question he had for me, like the direction I am thinking he told me about this amazing idea he has and even offered we can partner on it since I don't have the initial investment to start it. And now, many hours later I am still excited about it and believe this can be big, it has a great potential. So next week we are going to take the first steps to turn it into the golden egg I think it is. And I am so happy I can do it with him. He is a savvy businessman and can help were I am less strong and I can do it in the fields I am stronger. I can't wait to start! and if it really has the potential I see there - it will be huge! and I am so happy about it; I really need this extra cash. and the truth is, it is not only the cash that is driving me but also the opportunity to go into business, to build something from scratch just by my imagination and hard work.

I am so thankful for this friendship  I am thankful for having someone like him to guide me through the mine field of having my own business. I am thankful for this idea that I hope I will be able to turn into reality. I am thankful for the great promise ahead.