Finding My Own Voice

Day 41 - I wrote about my singing group about three weeks ago. Our conductor is leading another group in a different neighborhood of town. Today we met them for the first time for a concert we did together and after few solo songs, the audience joined us for an hour of sing-along. It was so much fun!!! I originally joined the group thinking it is a sing-along event and found out that it was a real singing troupe so I love both forms of singing and today I got to enjoy both. I've been away for so many years and it was so wonderful to sing all those "oldies" songs that I knew in my youth and didn't hear or sang for such a long time. Few of the songs actually brought tears to my eyes.
One day I just turned my back on all that and just left, never looking back, never connecting again to all that I grew up with, to all those delicate strings that are pulling on my heart, that are connecting me to this culture, to these people. I know, it looks like few months ago I did the same thing - I left my new country, but it is not the same. What I am missing are my children and my friends but not the culture, I was not that attached to it.  I am finally realizing just many strings are connecting my heart to my country; I keep singing the songs now for hours after the concert, I even sang (loudly) in the shower and, did I mentioned the fact that all my life I was Alto and now I am in the soprano section? The last song we sang ends with "to wake up in the morning with a new song in my heart; To sing it loudly and in pain... and to start all over again"

I needed to be here to experience all that, and to be able to start all over again. I am so thankful for the gift of this music is back in my life, I am thankful to find what is pulling on my heartstrings; I am so thankful to have found my own voice, my own place.

Working with Beads

Day 40 - Years ago in one of our moves, I found a beads shop and immediately fell in love with the art of making jewelry. At the beginning I even played with the idea of opening a beads store, but decided against it. Never the less, I cannot walk by a beads store and not walk inside, just to check what they have. I have a huge collection of beads and wires and findings (clasps, earring hooks, crimp beads etc.) and when I was planning to travel for a year and took only that famous suitcase, even that I had some tools and wires, beads and findings just so I will not be for too long without it. Plus, I figured I can sell some of my jewelry to make some money on the trip. As you already know, I did not travel and instead stayed here. I took out my jewelry making kit, but nothing interesting came out and so I put it aside now for almost half a year. Few days ago I walked by a bead store that I never seen before and so I went in. They had some interesting designs and as usual I bought some supplies. Yesterday was very windy and rainy and after coming back from the gym I didn't feel like going out anymore. I put on the heater, some good music and brought out the beads. And the muse just came back. I worked for a few hours almost without a stop. The ideas just kept flowing and I created more and more pieces. It was absolutely wonderful. After months of artist's block, I was in the groove again.
I am so thankful to be in touched with my artistic side again. After months of recharging my batteries, I am once again in the creative mode, it comes from a very good place. It made me so happy to wear today one of the pieces I made. I am thankful for being in touch with my inner self again.

An Old Friend

Day 39 - When I decided to leave home I had no concrete plan. I knew I am coming here for a month or so to see my daughter settle into her new life and than I was to travel for as long as I can until I figure out what I want to do with my life. First stop was Europe. Just to travel from one place to another, by trains and flights, staying in hostels and see places I never visited before. And of course visit family and friends in different countries in Europe. So I contacted them all excited about this upcoming trip and the chance to meet. One of the people I contacted is a very dear friend of mine. We were together in officers academy when we were 19 years old but never kept in touch and than years later, after we already moved abroad, we met at a party and connected right away. for the next few years our families were inseparable with kids almost exactly the same age we just loved each other. We saw each other through very difficult times and some better times as well. And than we moved far away and a year later they moved back to our homeland. We saw each other few more times, but somehow we drifted apart. In the mean time she divorced her husband and thanks to facebook I was able in the past few years to see a little bit of her life and she of mine, but apart from a few emails, nothing. And so when I decided to travel in Europe it was not even a question that I will visit her and we started writing a little bit again. Last week she told me that she is coming here for a visit so I gave her my cell phone number and about two hours ago she called. We talked as if there was no gap of 12 years and it was wonderful. It takes this kind of a call to realize how much I missed her. We are both older now and wiser, like most women our age that dared to grow-up, to stand on their own two feet. It was great to hear her stories, happy and sad, and to reconnect after so many years. I don't know if we'll have a chance to meet on this visit - she is here only for a few days, but even if not this time, now we know that we'll meet again and it will be soon.

I am so thankful that we managed to re-connect after so many years and I am even more grateful that we didn't drift to a point where we have nothing to say to each other. She is such a wonderful woman and I am thankful to have her back in my life.

Some Set Backs

Day 38 - Not an easy day, on too many fronts. So I am sitting here thinking what can I write about. My daughter injured her knee 2 days ago and was still in a lot of pain today and her leg was very swollen. So we went to the ER in the hospital where I work. I knew it will cost me a lot of money if they decided it's not serious, but we tried yesterday the option of the military approved medical facility and the doctor there was really bad. So we went to the ER, and they did all the right tests, decided that there is definitely something there that merit further investigation by a sport medicine doctor. So she got few more days of rest and was invited to the clinic on Monday. So, the bad news are that if it will stay like that for few more days, she will be dropped from the course she is in right now, so she is heart broken, more bad news that if it is a serious injury we don't know what the rest of her service will look like. But in everything in life there is also a silver lining, a lesson to learn, something to be thankful for. First, they treated her nicely at the ER - very important after yesterday's bad experience, and secondly worst case scenario - it is a knee surgery, only a surgery. So it might change the course she was planning to take, but she is well and her life is not in danger, this is really something to be thankful for. We get lessons in letting go and to learn to accept whatever life dealt us, this is such a case.

But I am thankful I am here to be with her on this very difficult junction, that she didn't have to deal with that alone, while I am away. I am ever so thankful for my decision to move back and not leave her all alone here while in the military.

Surrounded by Goodness

Day 37 - I got my car today!! It is so exciting to just have a car. I had a car for the past 30 years and so it becomes just something I very much took for granted. And now, since I moved here, I just could not afford to buy one. So, I used public transportation, and I learned to  like it and get good at using it, but the problem is always the off hours, and the weekends, and when I have to carry something very big, going up and down few buses, squeezing through narrow isle with a lot of people cramped around me. And of course as I discussed it yesterday, the emergency response aspect of owning a car. So I got it today and it was so nice just driving around from one place to the next, looking for parking places and actually being further away from my destination, just because of parking constrains, but the freedom that is attached to it and the feeling of one more step as an independent woman are wonderful! I am still amazed by the number of nice people I encountered during this purchase process. I talked about my banker yesterday. And than I have the guy who did my insurance and went out of his way to give me the best options and the best price. And than I have the guy who sold me the car. He was so nice and helpful. He replaced the tires on the car, installed an automatic car lock, took the car to get security certification and paid for it... I came to pick up the car and everyone there was smiling and hugging, and congratulating me. I went there every other week to rent a car, so they all know me there, always gave me the best cars, upgrade when ever they could. So today was a great day. I got a car and I witnessed the beautiful side of so many people.
I am thankful for that. They always say that people in my country give bad service, that they really don't know how to make the customer happy. I am happy to report that it's not really so. When you are nice as a customer they are nice to you, so nice to you. I am thankful for being surrounded by goodness, that am blessed to see this side of  people, to have such nice people around me.

To the Rescue

Day 36 - I am in the process of buying a car right now. After 7 1/2 months that I am here, I decided last week to make the move. I am still going to use public transportation to get to work and around the city during the day, but in late evening the frequency of the buses is really low and during the weekends even less so, and on Saturday there no buses outside of the city, so I need and want to have a car. This situation is why I kept renting cars, just to be able to get around on the weekends. My daughter's incident with the severe allergic reaction to hair dye made it clear to me that a car is not a luxury, it might be the difference between life and death. If I had to wait for a cab to come here and take us to the hospital, I am not sure that the story would not have a different ending.
So I started taking care of all the legal issues here so I can buy a car, and than I had to take care of the financial aspects of it. and than, finally I started looking for a car. I found exactly what I was looking for and signed the contract and today I got the call that the car is ready and I can get it tomorrow. One more step as an independent woman, making this kind of purchases. It feels great.
Only problem in all this rosy picture is that I also got a message today that the money I was suppose to get and I counted on it to cover my purchase, is not going to be here for more than a month due to some misunderstanding! So here I am with a car that is waiting to be picked and not enough money to pay for it. I placed a call to my personal banker here and told her the story. Two hours later I had a loan lined-up in the bank for me to cover the missing funds! so true, this misunderstanding is going to cost me 4% interest, but I have the money to pay for my car, and I don't have to cancel the contract and loose the car (and my deposit). I was upset about the fact that I could not get the money when I needed it, for a very stupid reason, but I decided I am not going to let anyone influence my mood, make me upset. I am the only one that can and I choose not to get upset.
So today I am so thankful that in the short time I am here I managed to develop such good relations with my bank that they will come to the rescue when I really needed them. It's one of the things I like here the most, rules are meant to be broken, or at least bent. And if the people you deal with like you, they will help, they'll go the extra mile (even 10 miles if needed). I am thankful today to this wonderful woman, my personal banker who came to my rescue.

Dancing to the Drums

Day 35 - This morning when I walked to the bus station, I realized that I am singing one of the songs from my singing group collection. In the evening, going back home the same thing happened. So, when I came home I put on a CD of Cuban Jazz and started to prepare dinner. After a few minutes it just didn't feel right. This was not the kind of music I was looking for. I took it off and put instead a "Drum Medicine" CD and went back to cooking. After a few minutes I came back to my CD player, but this time for a different reason - It was just right. But I was not a part of it. So, I turned the volume to max (or almost), lit a few candles, and turned off the lights. and I started dancing. I was alone, so no one that will make me self conscious and it was so wonderful. I danced to the magical, gut piercing music, connecting with the most grounded parts of me, connecting with the primal powers in me, connected with my soul. the music penetrated everything and I danced to it, celebrating the life force in me, my strength and my ability for a little while to escape the tyranny of my brain and live in the moment, enjoy in the moment and not be judgemental in anyway.

I am so Thankful for this gift I gave myself of dancing to the beat of the drums. there are not many things more relaxing than that. I am so thankful that for an hour of dancing I lived in the moment without feeling guilty about it, and I am so thankful for this feeling of fullness that comes in its wake. As several times before, I am very thankful for the music in my life.

The Gift of Life

Day 34 - For the last year and a half before I left, my youngest daughter and I used to donate platelets every few weeks (whenever our red blood cells count was high enough that they will allow us to do so, since both of us are on the slightly anemic side of the scale). It takes about two hours and since not too many people can do it and even lesser numbers will actually do, we felt it is a very important thing to do. Ever since I moved here I kept thinking I should find out how to do it here, but it never came from the thinking mode to the action mode. And than two weeks ago, while walking on the hospital grounds, I saw a blood donation station. I stopped and asked them how I can donate platelets and they sent me to the right place - the hospital own blood bank center. The people in the blood bank were very surprised that I came to donate with no one who is currently in need of such donation, but were very happy about my initiative. They took blood samples for testing and told me I will be contacted in a few days. So today was my first such donation here. They were so nice and so grateful, it was such a rewarding experience. Even in this setting of hospital and blood donation I can see the difference. The love, the warmth, the gratitude of the wonderful people who work there. And, if I want, I can even know who is the recipient of this gift!! It made me so warm and fuzzy inside :)  it made me so happy I did this simple act of kindness. The direct connection to the patients, made me realize even more than ever, how important such donation is.

I am so thankful that I am healthy and I can give the gift of life to someone who is sick and in dire need of it. After doing it for such a long time, it somehow touched me so deeply. I feel so blessed for being able to do that and I will try repeat it once a month for as long as I can.

Helping Hands

Day 33 - Whenever I tell my story, I hear the same comment of how much courage it takes to do what I did. To move to a different country, even if it was my homeland, after so many years and alone. And I always say, that no, it really wasn't such a big deal, and I got so lucky and all. But, today and in the past few days, I got so many wishes for my birthday, by phone and email and facebook and of course in person and it made me realize, that It was not such a big deal because of all the wonderful friends that I had for years and the new ones I found along the way. Friends are the secret to my easy transition, to the feeling of warmth and acceptance, to my ability to plant myself again in this wonderful place I left so many years ago. Friends, who could have been resentful, or take sides, or just be and not help. I found just the opposite. I found friends who keep calling to make sure I am OK, friends who invite me to celebrate with them family events, friends who introduce me to new friends here to make sure I will not feel lonely, friends who invited me to new year party, friends who helped me find a job, friends who came to pick me up for dinner because I have no car, friends who came to visit at the hospital when my daughter had the shock, friends who stayed with her at the hospital so I can go and shower, friends who brought food for us to the hospital, friends who drove 5 hours just to visit us there, friends who call in the middle of the night and talk to me for hours, friends who did not forget me even after so many years away...

I am so thankful to each and everyone you, my wonderful friends. If I am here today so happy and strong and optimistic, it is because of you. You showed me what is so special here that I can find nowhere else. I feel so blessed to know you, and to be your friend. I am so thankful for having each and every one of you in my life.

A Special Present

Day 32 - We had a wonderful day today. The weather was amazing, even warmer than yesterday so we took the rented car and we drove to the northern part of the country. After few weeks of rains everywhere you look is so green and here in this part of the world, late February is the beginning of spring, so there are flowers all over - yellow and red, white and purple - a celebration to the senses. It was so much fun just to drive and see all this beauty and we both concluded that we are indeed in love with this beautiful country, that we are so happy we decided to move back here. I was born here so I know big parts of it but she came here only on vacations that were devoted mostly to see family and friends so she did not have the chance yet to see many of the hidden jewels. It is a great pleasure for me to take her places, to acquaint her with the history and geography here. So on our way we stopped to one such place a lake that used to be malaria ridden swamp land a century ago and now is a very lovely spot full of flowing fresh water and a very important stop for half a million migratory birds on their way south in late fall and north in the spring. It is too early to see them so only the local water birds where there, but it was a great afternoon and now we know when to come back and enjoy the migration. I love to watch animals in their natural habitat and to see such place that was doomed and came back to life and support such vast population is very inspiring. It was indeed a very special day.

I am thankful for this wonderful weekend, full of great as well as tender moments. I am thankful again to my daughter for giving me such a great birthday present - spending a whole weekend with me  helping me to enjoy every moment of it. Not many people get this kind of present from their adult children. I feel very blessed that I am among the few lucky ones.

It's My Birthday

Day 31 - What a glorious day it was today, as if especially for my birthday. After a very stormy week we got a perfect day. And as a special birthday present my daughter came from the military to spend the weekend with me. I picked her up from the bus station and we went for a stroll on the boardwalk. The sky was blue without any cloud, the sun was nice and warm and the sea - almost like a mirror, with very gentle waves, after days of storms. So after walking up and down, we decided to sit and have breakfast on the beach. We spend two wonderful hours there - what a great way to start a day.

I was a very busy day and we did so much stuff, that I find it really difficult to decide on one thing to be thankful for. I am thankful for a wonderful day, I am thankful for all the people who called to congratulate me, for my daughter who spend her weekend with me instead of spending it with her friends, for some great food and great movie and a very bad Mojito... but I think most of all I am thankful that I reached yet another birthday. I am 53 today and it is not a given that I will reach this age and that I will be healthy. And we can have all we want in our lives, but if we don't have the health to enjoy it, than it really doesn't make any difference.
I am very thankful that I am healthy enough to enjoy this special day and every day of my life.

Inner Strength

Day 30 - It's the eve of my birthday. The first one I am celebrating here in 22 years. The first one I am celebrating away from my older children and my partner of 33 years, the first one I am not at home anymore, at least not the one I used to call home for so long. So it is very much a time for reflection. Well, I think that this is what a birthday is all about anyway. So I look back at the year that passed - the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, it definitely was a very eventful year. I did more changes in one year than I did in the past 10 years combined, probably even longer. What a ride. When I talk to friends and tell them what I went through this year they are amazed, how I managed to do it all, how I mastered the courage to do that. I don't see it this way. I know it was an amazing year but I think that once I made up my mind it was not such a big thing anymore. It is a culmination of the past 10 years. It took a very long time to start moving the wheels of change, but once they were out into motion all else derived from it. Inertia is our worst enemy. It puts us to sleep, lull our senses, and like in physics, it takes a lot of energy to start moving again, to wake up and realize that I lived a life that was not right for me anymore.

I am so thankful that I found the strength in me, to get up and put my life back in motion, that I had the courage to reclaim my freedom, my life, to start on a new path. I could not ask for a better birthday present.

Voluntarism

Day 29 - I am working for a hospital here, and one of my main goals is to start activities for us in the area where I just came from. It was a no-brainer for me. I know the people there, I know that there are a lot of wealthy people there and I know that it is a worthy cause; all the right ingredients. The only problem is that I am here and so I can create the contacts but if there is no activity on the ground it will not fly. So for months I was asking all my friends if they want to volunteer for us or if they know someone who might but to no avail. Few days ago I decided to put an ad in the local Internet group and within 24 hours I had few volunteers. One of them in particular sounded exactly like the person I was looking for. We just finished a long talk on the phone and I think I might have found the one I was looking for. I am so thankful for people who are ready to put their time and effort to help for no compensation to promote a worthy cause. I am so thankful to this lovely woman and to the others who contacted me and I am very hopeful that with their help we will be able to start a new chapter of friend of our organization in the area. I am so thankful today for the goodness in people, for the volunteers all over the world doing the work that has to be done but there is no money to support it. In this time and age, when all we hear is how bad things are, it is really something to be thankful for.

A Phone Call

Day 28 - I came back to my country but my two older children stayed behind. This is a very difficult situation and the only thing that makes me a little less happy. I take it as a challenge of letting go. The problem is that being so far and on a very different time zone, makes phone communications more tricky. Too many times we miss each other, or just realize at some point that I missed the window of opportunity to call again. Add to that some unresolved issues and it is really not easy. This morning on my way to work, I was thinking about it and realized that these are just a bunch of excuses. I can always keep in touch by email. I love writing anyway, and it is a very meaningful way to communicate for me. So later during the day I composed a long email and sent it to her. It made me really happy. And than few minutes after I came home from work I got a phone call - my daughter was on the line. The funny thing, she didn't even know I sent her an email, it was morning there and she didn't have a chance yet to open her mail. What a coincident, or maybe just by sending this email, I set the world into motion. It was so nice talking to her and be for a short period part of her life. They are expecting a baby in few months so we talked how they get ready and some baby names, small talk but this is what real life is made of - small things, small talks, small gestures.
I am so thankful for this phone call, for the hour in which our lives touched. For having her even if so far away, for how wonderful and all grown up she is. I am so thankful for the wonderful daughter I have.

Velentine's Day

Day 27 - Valentine's Day. They always say that this is a specially difficult day for people who have no date tonight or just broke up with a loved one, or don't have a significant other in their life. And here I am - all of the above. So I was asking myself today of why this is something to be thankful. Why being alone and with no one in my life is a good thing? Well, first of all, as you know, to be happy or sad is a choice and I choose to be happy, to look at the good and bright and uplifting. So, right there I am not sad. It is also my choice to be outside of my marriage, so how can I be upset or sad. But the most important reason is that it is time for very special relations in my life and after so many years of being last in line for my attention, I am now in the center. I am learning, everyday a little more to love myself. It sounds bad; we are taught from early on that to love thyself is a bad thing. But it really isn't. How can I appreciate or be able to accept someone else's love to me if I can't love myself. It will make me doubt it, at least subconsciously. he loves me? - something must be wrong with him/he wants something/soon he'll find out who I really am and will leave... you name it. So if I ever want to be able to change the relations in my life, I simple self-love. The same kind as the way I love my kids, full acceptance, protective and non-conditional. And I know that this is a very important step. I will never be able to find love again until I'll accept and love myself as I am here and now. So this Valentines' Day I got the gift of time and awareness to make some changes in the way I treat and look at myself.

I am very thankful for being single tonight, so I have time for the most important person in my life - me.

I joined a chorus

Day 26 - Every other Sunday I go to a Women circle class. It is on going for the past 2 months so by now we all know and like each other. I am not always very excited about the way our facilitator works but I can always learn and improve, even if under different guidance it could have been a better class. But it is always fun to meet the girls and to follow each other's struggles and triumphs. Today was a pretty good one. At the end of the class we always stay and talk and one of the women asked me if I want to join her friend for a singers' group. I said why not and joined them with another one of the girls. Last time I sang in a chorus was about 20 years ago, and this one is a very small group so every voice counts. It was SO much fun!! We were there for an hour an a half and time just flew. It's really funny, since yesterday I really felt like singing so I went with another friend to a different place, but we didn't like the crowd that was there and skipped it. And here, a day later, I got my wish and with a quality group. The leader is a composer and he plays beautifully on the piano, and the lead singers are really good, and I liked the songs selection. I even had to sing alone so he can decide to what group I belong soprano or alto (soprano it is, I said it before I found my own voice and it is different than years ago. I was alto than!!). It was a great evening.

So again, I am thankful for music, but this time I am in the active sit as part of the group and not as a listener. and it is not only about the music. It is about pushing the envelope a little further to make the circle more inclusive and to bring more experiences into my life. Its about singing as a group, of belonging to one more circle of friends.

Visit to the Art Gallery

Day 25 - After almost 2 weeks of rain there was a break. A very welcome break. The sky was blue and the sun was shining and the air was warm. We couldn't do much since my daughter can't walk much right now and I didn't have a car for this weekend. But we walked outside and we could see everywhere people getting out of their homes and into the streets, just like us. It was so good to see sights of early spring after this long and cold winter.

We walked by an art show where many picture were offered for sale. We actually bought 3. It was very funny to see the two of us walking in the city center with these pictures. But it made me so happy - after months of bare walls I we hung them all and it looks so lovely. My tiny apartment start to get more personal feel, more like home.

I am very thankful today for one more step I took in settling here. I have some art on the walls. For me music and pictures something are very important that has to be added right away into the mix. Waiting for it for half a year was not something easy , and today I took a giant step in this direction.

Special weekend

Day 24 - My daughter came for a visit from the military this morning. She was planning to stay here only for a few hours, buy some things she needs and go to another city to spend the weekend with her friends. When she came here in the morning she said that it feels like she is developing a shin splint, not so great when she has 3 months of intense physical training in front of her. We bought some stuff with the hope it will help and in the early afternoon she got back on her uniform and we were out, heading to the bus station. The heavy boots and the fact that we walked a little while shopping, or what ever else was the reason - her leg was really hurting and so, thinking it is probably not a good idea to stay on that injured leg - she changed plans and decided to stay here for the weekend. We thought it will be great to have a a very quite evening and to keep her leg up and iced. So, we put on a movie on her computer (I don't have a TV) crowled into bed and covered ourselves with my famous comforter and promptly fell asleep. She is already sleeping for 7 hours, I think she really needed these extra sleep. They always say that sleep is the best medicine. So I hope it will prove itself this time as well. And I get to enjoy this very special weekend.

I am so thankful for having her here with me this weekend. It is a rare treat and I really appreciate this gift. I love it when she is here. It brings so much light and joy into my life.

Breathing

Day 23 - There are so many wonderful things today, I had to chose which one to put into writing. I  am so thankful for that!! The winner is this little story - 

For the past three months I am coughing more and more, sometimes it's so bad it wakes me up at night, and I have a stuffy nose for so many months as well. As you know, I had no health insurance and I really didn't think it is something more than a nuisance, so I just did nothing. Yesterday I went to see the doctor to get her signature on my driver's licence application. and she kept asking questions about this cough and she listen to my chest and of course she wanted me to have an x-ray just to rule out things, but she decided it might just be allergies, and so she perscibed an inhaler and some anti-allergies pills, and after taking the first 2 puffs from the inhaler I stopped coughing. and today I barely coughed all day. Amazing. three months of all this and the treatment is so simple!

So today I am thankful for the ability to breath easily again after 3 months. It is something I realy took for granted, and I fully enjoyed ad appreciated it today.

My work

Day 22 - We are getting really busy at work. and as we get more people we produce more work and we get more busy so we need more people, and we all produce more work... You get the picture. So now we are at the stage that we need one more person. Two months ago, we advertised that we needed some help and from all the big pile of CVs that we got there was one woman who was way too qualified for the job, but also way too good to ignore. So I called her and we talked for a few moments and I told her that I will keep her info and if something will come up - I'll call her. so this week when we decided to hire again I called her to see if she is still available. and she was so today she came in for an interview. It was very sad to hear that this highly qualified woman cannot find a job just because she is of a certain age. no one will even invite her for an interview. I was so sad to hear that. instead of realizing the great things an older person can bring to the job - experience, knowledge, calm, stability and so much more. But our society worship youth, not only in this country but all over the world, and once you hit a certain age you become obsolete. and this is sad and wrong. on so many levels. and to think that I just came here, sure that in no time I can find work.and to realize that this is exactly what happened.

So today I am thankful for the wonderful job I got, for the people who put their trust in me and hired me and are still there for me everyday, and for the people I work with who make my everyday so wonderful. I love my job. I feel we are all doing there something that is so important, and I am so thankful for to be part of that.

Health Insurance

Day 21 - I got health insurance!! I have to admit, I was very slow to start the process. Few months to be more precise. And than I had to start going through all the good old bureaucracy. It's open only on certain days and for very few hours, and only during the morning so each time I had to miss work to go to that agency. And than I had to bring all these forms, which translates to another office to visit with different time schedule, but also only in the morning... to make a 3 months long process short, I finished all the paperwork last month and than they submit it to the main office and the wait period starts. And all this time I just hoped I will not get really sick, since I don't have medical insurance. But today, I am very happy to report that all this saga is behind me and I got my insurance card today and already scheduled a Dr appointmeant for tomorrow so I can start the next step in the chain - applying for Driver's licence, which requires a Dr signature and this what held it up until now.

So, today is a very important mile stone in my resettling back in my homeland - I got medical insurance.

I am very thankful to have this insurance, but I am even more thankful for my health and for the fact I didn't have to see a doctor in the last 6 months. I hope it will stay this way and that I'll pay for health care but never have to use it.

Cold winter night

Day 20 - Another cold and rainy day. And I think that my apartment might actualy be built of ice - it's so cold here that the little area heater I have doesn't do much good. I can wear a shirt and a sweatshirt on top of it and I'd still cold. Yesterday I found out that it is actually warmer outside than in here! but at least it's dry, so definitely a good reason to be thankful. I can deal with a cold apartment better than with a leaky one :)

So, on my way back from work today, knowing full well that it is going to be another very cold evening, I decided that there's no reason I won't enjoy it.  Since I cannot change it, I can at least take full advantage of it. So, this is how things look here right now -
I got home, took a long, hot shower, put on my fuzzy socks, and my pajamas, and now I am sitting in my tiny living room covered with my wonderful comforter a hot tea next to me and I am typing away on my laptop, listening to wonderful music. Life is beautiful!! It makes me wish for an eternal winter.
just kidding.

But, I am really thankful for this cold evening that gave me the opportunity to enjoy such a great evening, and to do something so special for myself.

Paperwork!!!

Day 19 - I had a lot of work to do tonight. I needed to send a pile of docs abroad and I don't have a fax to do that. As you already know, I got my shipment last Thursday, and in it I had my scanner. So today I had to do all the boring stuff.

• Fill all the paperwork - I did it before on excel and so I was sure it will take me no time at all...well, I was so wrong it took me almost 3 hours to do that!
• Make sure all the numbers are right - another half an hour of pure joy.
• scan all the docs
• write a nice email
• attach the scanned docs
• and finally send it

and than, and only than, call it a night. It is almost 1 am by now and I am dead tired. But I am very happy to have done it and be done with it. I don't like the feeling of unfulfilled obligations.

I am thankful. Tired, but thankful. I am thankful today that I got my shipment and found my scanner, so I can scan and email the docs. What I am actually saying is, that I am thankful for the little things that make life easier, even if it is just doing some boring ol' paperwork.

The Joy of Music

Day 18 - I got my shipment two days ago and now my tiny apartment is full of boxes that I can't unpack since I don't have enough room for everything and since I know that I will have to re-pack all of it in a few months, when I move to a bigger place. It's kind of funny, actually. The rooms here are much smaller than in my old house and so the bed I just left dis-assembled, but I can't do the same with the mattress. And it is so big, I can't even put it on top of my current bed - it is bigger than my room (wall to wall)!! So, it is on it's side right now and clogging my room, but as I said few days ago, I got my comforter, so no complains. And today I unpacked few CD's and the CD player, I bought an electrical transformer, and after 6 months of silence, the soft and melodic notes of Beethoven's "Moonlight" Sonata flooded my apartment. My absolutly favorite piece. It brought tears to my eyes.

I am so thankful today for the joy of music is back in my life.

Hair dye trauma

Day 17 - a month and a half ago my daughter wanted to have some fun and decided to dye her hair. This proved to be a very dangerous decision, a life altering decision. She developed a severe allergic reaction, that almost cost her life. Three anaphylactic shocks, a night in the ICU and a full week in the hospital. and the worst think is that she had to shave her head completely in order to stop the reaction. and maybe even to actualy save her life.

Today she was very sad and was crying about her lost hair and how the little that grew doesn't feel like hers. And I was thinking how thankful I am that it only cost her hair. I know she does appreciate very much that she is alive and the fact she can be sad about hair is a very good thing - she is not so stressed about her safely anymore, but for me it was a reminder of the worst week I ever experienced and how close we were to a very different ending.

So today I am so thankful to the wonderful nurses and doctors that were there and with modern medicine at their disposal. I am so thankful for still having my daughter with me. even with very short hair.

My Comforter

Day 16 - I got my shipment today, and I am really happy about it. I could look at all the mess I am in right now and complain - no room, boxes everywhere and an apartment that is way too small to hold this very modest shipment, But I am choosing not to. I m instead looking at the positive side - I already unpacked 5 boxes, found some things I was actually waiting for and the most important one - I got my wonderful down comforter!! I knew in what box to look for it, and so I opened the box and got this soft and warm wonder. And I couldn't get here in a better time, I think today is the coldest night this winter! I am sitting right now on my couch, covered in a fleece blanket wrapping up this short and sweet entry and than right to bed for a long and very cosy sleep.

So today I am so very thankful for my feathery piece of heaven - my comforter.

My shipment is here!!!

Day 15 - A little later than usual, but I had some serious Internet connection problems, so I am thankful that I even manage to open my blog today. There are so many things to be thankful for today, it was a little difficult to choose, but one thing is standing out. I got a call this morning from the shipping company that they will deliver my shipment tomorrow. So three and a half months after I packed my stuff (actually most of it I packed more than half a year ago when I left home) I am finally getting it. It took a lot of back and forth, between agencies, and clerks, and notaries. It took many phone calls and e-mail but the moment is finally here. Tomorrow in the early afternoon they will deliver my staff. Now I only have one little problem - how is it all going to fit in? I hope that tomorrow I'll be able to report that all got in well and I can still live in this tiny apartment. But, I am not going to worry about it now, I'll take care of it when the time will come.

Today I am thankful the wait is over, and I am going to get all my personal belongings. Who cares how long it took? It is here now.

Coffee spill on my laptop

Day 14 - I didn't want to say anything yesterday and preferred to wait another day, before declaring that my laptop might be a survivor of a coffee spill. Yes, I know, it's so stupid. But who doesn't do it at one point or another. I was working at my computer for an hour or so and knew that I still have 2-3 hours ahead of me, so I got up and made some coffee and came back. Looking at my cup I was thinking that no, it is too close, I better move it to the other side, where there is so much more room. So I moved it and in the process spilled some on the keyboard of my laptop. First time ever - (I am thankful about that, for sure), but logic says it has to be turned upside down and disconnected from the power source. I decided to hold it upside down but not turn it off so the heat will evaporate any droplets that manage to get in. Not sure how smart it was, but I am very, Very , VERY happy to announce that my laptop might have been a survivor of that spill. I know, it still might have some long term effects, but tonight I am very thankful for small miracles.

I hope I will learn to not drink and type anymore :)