A new year 2014

Day 1076 - the last day of 2013 ends in grief. We always talk about death around this time a year as a symbol. The end of the old and the beginning of a new. But this year it is very literal. I am looking at the man I love as he deals with the situation and I am so happy I can be of some help; that my presence in his life right now makes his loss a little easier to bare. This brings everything back into perspective and the understanding that our life is so short and precious we waste no time on needless fights or torturing each other. That every moment we don't show our loved ones how deeply we care about them is a lost moment. That nothing matters but love. Happy New Year to you all; may it be filled with happiness and love.

I am thankful for the year that ends with all it's blessings and trials. I am thankful for the year to come.

The death of a parent

Day 1075 - my boyfriend's mom passed away today. He spent the morning in the hospital with her while i kept the store open and told me that it seems like its the end. He came back and just as I was getting ready to leave he was called back and this was it. The death of a parent is a very difficult one, its an end of an era, the end of so many things, good and bad that stayed open for years. It's the end of the year so obviously we talk a lot about death as a symbol of letting go of our past ghosts and making room for the new year, for new beginnings. How symbolic it is that she died a day before the end of the year. It is sad, even if she was lid and sick and is better off now that she doesn't suffer any more. In our culture where death is almost a taboo it is a very difficult event.
 
I am thankful I was able to conscience my partner to go this morning to the hospital even if I had to miss work. I am thankful I was there when he needed me. I am thankful I still experience this ever as a second hand, but I know it's only time before I'll be called too.

The right perspective

Day 1074 - a day that comes to an end. It seems that the people who wanted to rent the house backed off. It seems that the website designers are determined to do it their way instead of mine and its a constant fight for changes. It seems that this thig brings more fights at home then I care to admit. It seems that our store is still a big unknown and the winter for sure does not help. A day that comes to an end and I sure am glad about that. But I have to always remember that I still breath and so I have a chance for a better tomorrow. I can go to sleep in a warm bed in a cold night as tonight and my house doesn't even leak so I can stay dry as well. So many reasons to brbthankful. This is the purpose of this blog to remind myself even when the going gets rough that I have so much good in my life; that I have so many reasons to be thankful.
 
I am thankful for all the goodness in my life. I am thankful for days lie today since they make all other days look so much better. I am thankful for this blog; it keeps me grounded and puts everything in perspective.

A very special birhday

Day 1073 - I drove with my daughter today to my aunt and uncle's 80th birthday. It was a very special event with all the family branches, some people I didn't see in many years. It was so nice to see the three generations, to hear the stories and to bask in the warmth and love all around. When we meet people we know one side of who they are but every person is so complicate and has so many facets and an event like today introduced to me a facet of them I knew existed but nothing more. I saw them as grandparents, all their grandchildren telling stories about them and it was so much fun. Few precious hours carved out of our hurried daily life to pay tribute to wonderful people who happened to be so close and so dear to me. My aunt is very sick and we were all worried she wont make it to this day and I am so happy she did. I hope she still has many years in her.
 
I am thankful for a wonderful birthday party. I am thankful to be part of this wonderful family. I am thankful for all the love and warmth we experienced today. I am thankful I live here and get to enjoy this kinds of event, to reconnect with my family after so many years.

getting old

Day 1072 - a long discussion about prolonging the life of a very sick person in the wake of my partner's visit to his very sick and very old mom. I believe in one's right to decide if he wants to continue suffering or put an end to it and he doesn't. But coming back from the hospital he is starting to rethinking this notion. It is heart breaking to witeness the sufferings, the inability to do anything on her own. It is so heart breaking to see the people that once were so strong and now are so weak and so frail.

A delay

Day 1071 - it was too much to prepare for the mall tomorrow so we decided to get back to the original plan and start it as if next week. It is better to have everything ready than to get there and be unprepared.  We will get the credit card machine only next week, on Monday I hope and then I will have what I need. It is a little disappointing since I was so looking forward to do that, but even without the last minute rush to get ready I only arrived home at 10:30 pm. This week we will prepare the boxes with products as well as packaging material, take the credit card machine and just go. So a little delay, but I have so many thugs I want to do that are being delayed that its probably a good things I'm in the store tomorrow and have that extra time. 

I am thankful for all the progress we made today, for the beautiful products we bought. I am thankful for a very long yet productive. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, I'm falling asleep as I write. 

Networking

Day 1070 - On Wednesday we are now going o our weekly networking so even though it's only 11 pm I a so very tired. After two weeks of so-so reception today we started to feel that the group is warming up to us. people came and talked to us, asked questions and started to seek collaboration, we are making strides for sure. We had a visit from one member of the group today and came up with several ideas how we can create more traction and more business for us and for her. I am very optimistic about this collaboration. And to add to that one of our group came to me and offered to introduce us to another such group, an evening group this time, which we of course welcomed. Only yesterday we talked about needing to find an evening group as well, and here it was, only few hours later we got an offer to join such group. It's really interesting to see how our steps are being watched by the planet to make sure of our success; it really feels this way. 

I am thankful for all the business we had today in the store, all of them with special meanings to let us know someone watches over us. I am thankful to our networking group for their welcome and for their will to help. I am thankful for everything, absolutely everything in my life.  

Almost ready for Friday

Day 1069 - Shopping for Friday - a wheel cart, few plastic boxes and most importantly products. Now all I have to do is pack my boxes and I am ready. I hope by next weekend my business cards will be ready as well as the roll up, but I am not going to wait for them and I will start this week. the truth is I can't wait to do that. I see it a very direct and effective marketing for a very low price. True, the exposure is not very high but it is very targeted so I hope it will be very effective. On my part I am doing all I can to make it a success. It is way past midnight and I have to wake up in 5 hours to go for a networking group. So a short entry, as so many times before.
 
I am thankful for some very interesting articles we added to our collection today. I am thankful for being almost ready for the mall outing on Friday. I am thankful for some heated discussions about our future plans for the store. I am thankful for a very productive day.

Stepping up our efforts

Day 1068 - Part of our plan for getting our name out is to open a stand in one of the malls on Friday, the main shopping day and the best place during the winter. It was scheduled to start next week but yesterday I brought up this issue that there is no reason to back off until next year. That I can start a week earlier, that means this coming Friday. So I am not sure yet if its possible but I sure will try to make it real. So tomorrow we are going on a shopping trip to load enough inventory that we will be able to hold both places open and stocked. As usual, it's exciting and we have to make sure we won't bite too much, that we won't chew more than we can take. That it will be exciting and not a chore. But we both think its a very targeted advertising to the right crowd and we can also make some sales in the mean time. So I am going to sleep now tomorrow is a big day.
 
I am thankful for few great ideas we had today that will serve us well from now on. I am thankful that  the scarcity of costumes at the moment is not something to discourage us but serves as a boost to step up our efforts and be more creative. I am thankful I have a partner that is a real partner in this long and challenging road ahead.

The Challenge

Day 1067 - working on the website until the wee hours, setting targets, making plans... it is so challenging and exciting starting a new business. We made a business plan this weekend with certain goals every month and if we want to make it we have to start right away. And so we did. There are certain steps to be taken every single day and today was no exception. So we bought a staplers' gun and colored paper to create our flyers and deliver them all over town in the next two weeks. we made some phone calls for things we need and in the next few days business cards, car stickers and roll up will be added to the arsenal. It makes me live and thinking in full speed and I like it. What other steps we can take, what rocks we can turn, how to do things in a way that will be the most cost effective and the fastest. I never did things like that before and I love it!
 
I am thankful for all the interest the store project brings into my life. I am thankful for the creativity it brings out of me. I am thankful for the challenge - this is what brings all the best in me to the surface.

Wings of Hope

Day 1066 - Another couple came to see the house today and really liked it so I gave them my landlord's phone number. an hour later he called me to let me know that he is still negotiating with the couple from last week and it seems that in a day or two they will sign the contract and if not today's couple will get it and both couples want it from late January. The way it looks right now in a little over a month I am out of this house and homeless. As soon as they sign the contract I have to start looking for a place in the city again. I am really not looking forward to packing but I am so happy to leave this place and start over. It was a mistake and the price we all paid for it was not easy but I hope one day we will be able to look back and find the things we gained because of it. Sadly, I am not there yet. But at least I am going back to the city and life will be so much easier now with the store and all. about 2 hours less every day for commute, about 1500 ILS less on gas' lower rent... I can't wait for this to start.
 
I am thankful for the phone call and the promise of ending the situation in which I am stuck right now. I am thankful for the wings of hope flattering outside my window. I am thankful for a restful and very productive weekend and ready for a new week.

Elevator pitch

Day 1065 - I had time at the store this morning to read a little about promoting our business and one of the things they strongly talked about is sharpening my elevator pitch. This goes well with the fact we joined a networking group that meets once a week and we have to use that pitch there as well since we have one minute to present our business. So I read several articles and saw few YouTube videos and I think I got some ideas. Now I have until next Wednesday to shape it up and bring it to a place I can present it. I know this is really important, beside other ideas of course, but it is crucial to be able to present our case in a way that people will want to hear more.  and be intrigued to visit.
 
I am thankful I had time this morning to read and get some interesting ideas. I am thankful to all the people who put so much free stuff on the internet as a service to others. I am thankful for every little step I am taking in the right direction. I am thankful it is Friday, a short day and a rest day tomorrow.

Fight or flight

Day 1064 - It was the 75 anniversary gala evening to my hospital. A reception, lots of talks and a very good performance by one of the best singers in our country. So I bought tickets for that of course. But, alas, I did not take into account that my boyfriend will through a fit and decide an hour before the event to boycott it. I didn't think this is a good enough reason for me to skip it too, so I called a friend and asked her if she cares to join me, and she was happy to. So we both went and had a wonderful evening and only half an hour ago I got back home. A very short night but I had so much fun. And I am so happy I went. Besides not giving in to this kind if behavior I also really don't go out anymore so it was a very special occasion. My friend just broke up with her boyfriend so it was good for her as well, and I am happy I could help in cheering her up. A girls night, putting all this complicated issue of dating aside and just have fun. It was good for both if us on so many levels. And we enjoyed a great performance - all the better.

I am thankful for a great evening. I am thankful to my friend for doing this very last minute thing. I am thankful to my boyfriend for opening my eyes to yet one more thing in life. I am thankful I can go to sleep now before waking up in five hours to drive back to the store. Good night.

A good day at the store

Day 1063 - they hung the sign over our store yesterday and we already start to see the outcome of that. People see it and come in. So the flow is still slow and to be profitable we have to sell at least twice as much every day but that really doable. The most difficult part is to penetrate the market to let people know about us. So every one that comes in is a potentially repeat client, an advertiser for our little store. And the second day of a sign with no other advertising is a very good achievement. My friends are asking me for things, in our networking group people are starting to know us and see how we can cooperate, how they can help. If we'll play our cards right I think we can make something big here. And what can better than working on your hobby? What can be better than doing something you love as a job?!
 
I am thankful every day for this store and for what it brings into my life. I am thankful we had a very good day today. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, it's been a very long day.

Getting old

Day 1062-My mother in law fell and injured herself badly few weeks ago.  I went with my daughter to visit her today in the rehab center. It was a very difficult visit. For an active and alert lady she was few months ago she became an old lady. Sitting in a wheelchair with no energy at all. It broke my heart to see her. My daughter felt she has only a short time still left here, I think she has much more but the quality of life she had just recently is gone. I sure hope she will rebound, but I am not sure about that. I met her when she was younger than I am today and it was so difficult to see her today. We have to enjoy every day, every moment we live, we never know when it will be interrupted or cut short. Now, today is all we have, we better make a good use of it.
 
I am thankful I got to see my daughter before she flies on a business trip tomorrow. I am thankful we went to see gram. I am thankful for all the good times we shared with her and I hope she still has some. I am thankful for my day, pain, tears and all; if it will be my last then I am thankful for what I had.

Slow but steady progress

Day 1061 - I worked until 1 am yesterday to prepare for the call today with our website designer. And it all went as planned and he has now enough work for the coming week. Meanwhile we are making progress on our part - logging all the products in our store as well as taking pictures of them all. It's a slow process but every step is important and if we don't want to regret things later we better move in a slow but through pace. So that's what we do and we follow our timeline even a little ahead of time on that one and hopefully the sign that will be erected above our store tomorrow will make a difference and people will notice us more. I am very optimistic about the whole endeavor and every person who steps in is one more who will spread the word and bring us to the attention of his friends. It's winter, so it gives us time to get ready slowly and by spring I am sure we will be working full speed. But this is still way in the future. Today I am taking small steps towards that goal.
 
I am thankful for a very productive meeting today. I am thankful for progress we make in our store. I am thankful every day when I get there for the light and happiness it brings into my life. I am thankful I can live my dream.

Day 1060 - I just wrote my entry and it was erased by a system error. I'll do it again tomorrow since its 1 am right now. Good night

At home

Day 1059 - snow, rains, floods... But I am tucked safely at home, under the covers with no intention to pick out. I've seen enough storms to skip this one. How wonderful, restful.

Winter storm

Day 1058 - a severe winter storm all over the country with very heavy rains, floods and even snow in unexpected places. Even here, at sea level it's freezing cold. The AC is working at full blast for hours already but I am wearing a sweater and covered in fleece blanket to keep myself warm. A real winter storm; a rare occasion in a very hot country like ours. So I can either complain, as expected, or own the moment and enjoy this very special thing. And all this water is good for the crops, for the national water reserves, and for my garden that I tried in vain to grow and might see it happening now. And I am at home, dry and cosy under my little blanket, well fed and ready to go to sleep soon so,really, so many reasons to be thankful.
 
I am thankful for the here and now, for my present moment, for shelter, and warmth, for dryness and windless place. For. The food on my table ( actually, by now it's in my stomach). For these blessed rains, for all that I am thankful tonight.

Slow progress

Day 1057- I was a little sick today so I was able to put few hours of work for the website. It's very slow and time consuming. I didn't think it will take me that long. At this rate it will take more than a month before we'll be ready, probably much longer than a month.I am not very happy about that but this is as much as I can do. I have a day job and so I can work on that only on the weekend and at night. This is the problem with the decision I made, it takes a big toll on my free time and a big toll on the progress of our business. Patience is the name of the game and something I have to adapt. But at least today I made some progress and I hope tomorrow I'll feel better and be able to do more work. I have to admit, it was nice being sick in a cold and rainy day like today.
 
I am thankful for an unplanned day off. I am thankful for every bit of progress we make. I am thankful for a warm and dry bed in a day like that.
 

Networking circle

Day 1056 - a very stormy day. Torrential rains since the early morning but we made a commitment to go to a networking event in the morning and rain or shine you just do that. And it proved to be a good decision. We have to let people know about our store, and no one will do the work for us. So we took one more step in that direction. I hope some business will come out of this meeting and for sure we'll keep coming to the weekly meetings of the group. Only persisstance will open the gates of success for us. And I sure plan to succeed here with our little magical store. So some rain will not be a factor on my way there.
I am thankful to my friend for inviting us to the networking event. I am thankful to all the people in that circle. I am thankful that a day that started at 6 am is finally over and I can go to sleep now.
 

Phoneless day

Day 1055 - I forgot my cell phone at home yesterday. It happened to me few months ago and I survived it but now it's a very different story. I talk on the phone much more than ever before because of the store. And the worst is that I don't have the phone numbers written down since all is in my phone's memory. I have to admit I almost panicked but tried to keep a level head since I was not about to drive back almost an hour in each direction just to get my phone. I searched on the Internet for a few numbers I needed and everything else had to wait. And of course I could not get any calls as well. But all well if it ends well and I am happy to report I survived it and nothing really happened. The world still spins on its axis and the moon and sun rose and set in the right moment. Aparantly it is a little less needed device than we care to admit. And the panick is more in our heads than real. Maybe I should make it a habit to go once a week phone less and get few moments of quality time where I can be, just be, like in the old days... Still I was very happy to get back home and connect to my phone again and today I was chatting away, lie always. A short respit, a very short one.
 
I am thankful I got one day of rest to my poor ears and brain. I am thankful I survived the experience in a good shape. I am not so thankful to realize how addicted I am to that device, but thankful for this realization and the chance it gives me to change things a bit.

Our sign

Day 1054 - we finally did it; we made our decision about the sign. We went this morning to look at yet another sign manufector and we liked what we found. Very professional and right to the point he made us feel we are in good hands. And so after two or three weeks of searching we decided this is our guy and we signed the contract. Now the countdown is on. Hopefully in two weeks we will have a beautiful sign proudly showing our name over the store.
 
I am thankful we finally found our sign guy. I am thankful the wait is over. I am thankful for yet one more day.

Because of Broken glasses

Day 1053 - the little nose piece on my reading glasses broke yesterday so I went to the store to fix it. I asked them when was my last eye exam and realized it was almost three years ago. Since my eye sight gets blurry after I read I figured my prescription might be off by now. And so it was. But I also found out I need regular glasses as well. My far sight got bad as well. I found it hard to drive at night lately and I hope this will solve that issue, I hope it will fix the weakness of my eyes. It's funny, I don't feel I'm getting older but little signs like this one are a reminder of the clock ticking away our life; of the long line of burnt days behind and the one getting short ahead. So strange to think of it this way, all because a broken nose piece...

 I am thankful for a new pair of glasses I will soon get that I hope will fix my sore eyes. I am thankful I live in a place where this is an easy think to fix. I am thankful I have the means to do that. I am thankful for all the days behind me and for every day still ahead. I am thankful for my life.

Rainy Saturday

Day 1052 - it was a cold and rainy day. The perfect day to stay home eat hot soup and enjoy the fact it is Saturday and we don't have to go out. A perfect timing for a much needed rest. The truth is that I think of the store all the time and I either plan or do things that have to do with the store, but still it is in a much more relaxed way. Waking up late, eating normal food and staying in my PJ's all day long. And through this all I still managed to get a lot done and we are a step closer to our website. 

I am thankful for this much needed rest. I am thankful I don't work on Saturday so I had time to do what I need for the store. I am thankful for the good food, and most of all for the company. I am thankful for this rainy Saturday.   

Friday evening at home

Day 1051 - We came home today at 5 pm and had time to make a delicious dinner. It doesn't sound like much but during the week we have no time to prepare real food and we are too tired to eat anyway. But tonight was different. candles and a good meal - what a treat!! I am so happy with the store and so busy with it that these  little things are enough to make my life just wonderful. It is almost 1 am now and I was working until now on things I have to prepare for the new website we are building but it's not work for me but fun. I can only wish myself to always feel like that. I feel blessed for all the bliss in my life.
 
I am thankful for a wonderful day at the store. I am thankful for my friends who came to visit there and congratulate us. I am thankful for the privilege to work on my hobby every day. I am thankful for little steps in the right direction. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life.

New rains

Day 1050 - the rains are finally here. It started yesterday and was raining hard at night. When I drove to work today I had to slow down because of the heavy rain. And now it's beautiful. The air is crisp, fresh and clean and saturated with the fragrance of wet soil and fresh vegetation. I love this feeling of new life growing I love the freshness that rains bring with them and most of all I love the reminder of this endless cycle of birth and growth and death. I love the reminder that nothing is permanent and we  should not let life discourages us, there's alway a new tomorrow.

I am thankful for the blessing if a new rain. I am thankful for the revival every year anew. I am thankful another year is about to depart and another is on its way.

Decisions

Day 1049 - you have to make so many decisions as you start a new business. And it's not easy. Decisions about products and suppliers. Decisions about advertising and signage and website. Decisions, decisions, decisions... I am glad I can do that, I am glad I don't shy of decisions. But it sure takes a lot. Sometimes also heated arguments before it is done. But so far the end results are all good and satisfying. I sure hope it will stay this way. Today was no different as we are still struggling with the signage and cannot find yet what we are looking for. But I think it is better this way than to regret the final product later.
I am thankful I have a partner who stands his ground and makes me look again at things I rushed through or overlooked. I am thankful we both don't shy of decisions. I am thankful for every good one we made so far and for all those still awaiting us; it's what gives the color and taste to our daily life.

Day 1048 - we are done with curtains all over the store. I even took my sawing machine back home. We also finished covering the doors with a wood like cover and put new handles and the whole corner looks wonderful. There's still so much to do but two more items are off our list. The best thing of all was that by 9:30pm we were done, which means we made it home before 10:30pm. What a joy.

I am thankful for the progress we made today. I am thankful for

Renting my house

Day 1047 - someone came this morning to look at the house and he said he might be interested. Another one is coming tomorrow. So of course I am not celebrating before it is actually rented but I am very happy people are interested and they don't think the price is too high or the place is not acceptable. In short I am very optimistic I will be able to get out of the contract earlier. When every day is such a heavy toll I am ready for this experiment to be over. I am ready to go back to the city, where I belong, as I found out.

I am thankful my landlord agreed I can break my contract. I am thankful to all those Internet applications where I could advertise the house and make it known it is for rent. I am thankful to those two people who already inquired about it and made me so optimistic about my chances to leave soon.

Day 1046 - a quiet day at work and at the store. We closed at a normal time but drove one more time to Ikea for another round of shopping. I think that in the past two months I visited the store more than all the years before combined. In general, it's very amusing to see two people who hate shopping doing it day after day without even complaining about that. It is so different standing on the other side of the shopping scale. Being the proceeded instead of the consumer. Encouraging the thing I so didn't

Very early bedtime

Day 1045 - I drove to visit my daughter today but was so exhausted that at some point I just needed to leave. I barely made it home as it is. Especially with the huge traffic jam that was more than an hour long. But I did make it home took a long and very hot shower and I am going to sleep at an all time  record. I hope I will feel better tomorrow. So another very short entry, but a very needed sleep awaits me.
I am thankful for a lovely afternoon with my daughter. I am thankful I made it safely home. I am thankful to go to sleep in such an hour.

Long days

Day 1044 - It's Friday again, my short day; but today I had to finish some work at the store so we left very late and by the time we came home it was past 8 pm. and this is my short day. But the truth is that as much as I talk about the long hours and all, I love it and I wake up every morning eager to go back there. and I have no problem staying as late as needed and more. I dream about it at night, I think about it all day long... It brought so many good things into my life. I sure hope it will stay this way. At least for the moment I feel like I am living a dream that was so many years in the making. and all the little kinks are just that hick-ups on this road, no more. and a late Friday or an early Sunday or being tired are no exception. I feel privileged to be able to live my dream, to be able to walk my talk and take steps in a direction I feel is the right one.

I am thankful I decided to open the store. I am thankful to my partner for taking a major part in this adventure. I am thankful for being able to live a dream. I am thankful I can go to sleep now; I sure can enjoy a long sleep tonight.

Choices

Day 1043 -  its Thanksgiving today and Hanukkah as well. So many reasons to celebrate but I celebrated neither tonight and instead kept working on store issues. My daughter asked me this morning if it worth it and I answered yes. And it's true, I know I miss a lot of things right now and I am tired beyond words but I am so happy that after so many years I embarked on such an adventure. It fills my days, my thoughts, my every waking moment but I mean it in a good way. It's so creative and so invigorating and I learn so much. So yes, tonight I did not go to a candle lighting celebration with friends; bit I did work with our designer on the new logo and our new sign and yes, it made me happy. And I made it to bed by 11:20 pm which is so wonderful. So life is always full of choices and at the moment I am very happy with mine. Not a given thing for sure and I don't take it as such.
 
I am thankful I can make choices and love the path I take. I am thankful I can live my dreams, regardless of how it would turn out. I am thankful for the things I miss and for the things I don't. I am thankful to be so alive and full if dreams.

Tired, what else.

Day 1042 - first meeting with the company that will design and build our website. It will take awhile, but at least we started the process. We are still not set on the design of our sign, but at least we make some progress. It's after midnight and we only came home less than an hour ago. So I am not going to write much. I am so exhausted.

I am thankful we are taking the right steps to advertise our store and products. I am thankful I can go to sleep now I am tired beyond words.

My lease

Day 1041 - I talked to my landlord today and asked to break the contract. I told him my partner left as well as my daughter and its too much for me to pay for the house all by myself. He agreed to do that as long as I can find a new tenant. So now I have to advertise it and try to find someone. I hope it will take less time than the term of my lease; a little over five months. I am glad I finally did it and I sure hope to get out of it as soon as possible; the rent as well as the distance are killing me. I could really use another two hours every day to do something better than driving.
 
I am thankful I asked for this change of terms. I am thankful my landlord agreed to that. And most of all I am thankful it is not even 11:30 pm yet and I am already going to sleep.

Going after a dream

Day 1040 - my days are very tolling. We leave home at 8 am and come back very late, today it was almost 11 pm. It leaves me no time for anything else and not enough time to sleep. But I get a second wind every time I get to the store and I can just stay there for hours. I love it so much. I cannot wait to these hours every day. I am so happy we decided to embark on this adventure. I know a lot of people raise an eye brow when they hear about it. But I don't like to play life the safe way - I did it for too many years and its boring. I want to live my life fully. And for me, going after a dream is living my life to the fullest. I still play it safe by keeping my day job but at least I put my foot where my heart is and I am trying to build a different future.

I am thankful I can afford to try to make my dream come true. I am thankful I have a partner to this dream; I sure don't take that for granted. I am thankful to him for shouldering most if the daily burden. I am thankful to my day job boss for tolerating my absences, tardiness and distraction of the moment.

Back to the drawing board

Day 1039 - we had a meeting this morning with the company we chose to make our sign. We worked with them for about an hour and came out with something we thought was good. And we drove back to the store very satisfied that in a week or so we will have a sign and people will start seeing us from afar. But I got a bad review from a friend at work and my partner got a much more criticizing one from our next door neighbors who is a graticule designer. In short we realized that we went too safe and we are lucky to have these guys to open our eyes before we made a mistake. Their job is to push us were we are reluctant to go. Or lack the imagination to do so and sadly it didn't happen. But all is good and we just rethink it all, back to the drawing board.
 
I am thankful to our neighbors for their honesty and will to open our eyes. I am thankful even more for their help in designing our new sign, just out of kindness. I am thankful the universe is taking care if us. And sends angels our way to watch over us.

day 1038 - Saturday, a day of rest and recuperating after a long and tiring week.

Friday summary

Day 1037 - Friday is store day and today we finished painting the last area. We are preparing a room for tarot reading so we painted the room today and I'll saw curtains tomorrow. Hopefully by Tuesday it will be ready. At the end of the day we stored the paint containers in our upstairs attic and hopefully we won't need them for a very long time. Few more shelves are still in the plan for next week, but renovation wise we are almost done. So we are now taking the next step in our plan to create a very special store. Little notes with explanations. Little notes with special ideas. Making the place as special as we can. It's a process but it is so exciting to walk that road.

I am thankful to declare the dirty part of our job is done; no more painting walls. I am thankful it looks so beautiful and inviting. I am thankful for a lovely dinner tonight in a normal hour; so different from our weekday routine.

Precarious joy

Day 1036 - Every day at the end of my work day I drive to the store. It makes me so happy to come in and see how beautiful it is. How much more beautiful it becomes with every passing day. It brings up the creativity of my partner and he comes with new ideas every day of something new to do, or a different way to display things or arrange something. Today I came in while still on the phone with a new supplier for jewelry I am trying to get and again things change and it looked so nice and there where two customers there and it all felt so good and right. I find it hard to stay all day in the hospital and not be in the store, as much as I know that this is the right thing to do. We still have very little business, we don't have a website nor a sign; so basically no one knows about us. Only few people who come to see other stores in our building and come to look what we have to offer, or our next door neighbor who just loves our store and comes in at least twice a week. But more people hear about us with every passing day and on Sunday we have a meeting with the sign company so hopefully this will be done very soon. But I am very optimistic and I know it will be a great place, much faster than anyone would think possible. So one day it will be able to support two salaries, but not yet. So I get to enjoy it very little during the week, especially precariously, through the stories of my partner, and I wait for Friday when I can be there all day.

I am thankful for this new and exciting thing in my life. I am thankful for all the joy and pleasure it brings into my life. I am thankful for the creativity it brings with it and the resourcefulness. I am thankful to my parner who shoulders most of the work load of the store. I am thankful tomorrow is Friday and I can be there so much more.

Lucky bamboo

Day 1035 - for the past two weeks I am looking for a lucky bamboo supplier. I found one and he lives very close to us but he keeps delaying our meeting. I call and every time he delays it to the next day. Finally, two days ago my partner told me he thinks the planet is trying to tell me something; that I have to let go of that man. So yesterday on our way to work we stopped in a nursery on the way to buy a few at regular price until we'll find a source. The owner of the place was very nice and sent us with a name and phone number of another supplier very close by. Today we drove there and found a real treasure. Not only a very nice guy, willing to sell, but also he sells very special products. So we bought a good amount of bamboo in different arrangements and now we have the raw material to do our own magic, use our imagination to make it special and worthy of being on our shelves. I guess the planet really had better plans for us and we got them when I finally was ready to listen and stopped pushing my own agenda.
 
I am thankful for the beautiful plants we found today. I am thankful for presents I got just for listening. I am thankful for the good energy all these ants added to our store.

First anniversary

Day 1034 - we celebrated tonight our first anniversary. Exactly a year ago we met for the first time and both of us realized it is not just another date. A year later, through so much ups and downs, we are sure it is here to stay. I feel so blessed for finding my soul mate. We have so many plans for the future, see ourselves getting old together, all the way to the sunset of our life. I am so happy to be in this place today.

I am thankful for all the good things my partner brought into my life. I am so thankful for the past year and hope for many more to follow.

My car

Day 1033 - today my car crossed a very significant milestone. It crossed the 100,000 km mark. I bought the car a little over 2 1/2 years ago with 34,000 km to its name. So I drove almost 66,000 km! it's 2,000 km per month on average. So I took it to the garage and did the 100,000 km service on it and now it is ready to face the other side of that huge number. Some friends recommended to sell the car but I like it and it serves me well and I take good care of it so I don't see any reason to exchange it. Driving a new car doesn't do it for me and I am not ready to pay extra for that pleasure. I'll drive the car as long as I can and then change it. So for now I am celebrating this milestone, celebrating the freedom I felt every time I took it for long rides, the great service it gives me, especially in the past few weeks as it serves more as a truck then as a little and delicate car.

I am thankful I reached this very important milestone; I hope my car will keep serving me for many years to come.    

Dinner

Day 1032 - during the week with the very long hours and so much work we don't have time to eat properly and by the time we get home it's just too late. But tonight we stopped on the way and bought some vegetables and at home we made a huge salad. How wonderful to eat something that is not too heavy and even nutritious and healthy; what a big change from our usual routine. I love salads and I find it the perfect food for the evening. So it was a very special treat for me.
 
I am thankful for an opportunity to eat healthy and not too late. I am thankful that I can bother myself with what to eat tonight and if I'll have something to eat. I am thankful for the blessings in my life.

Saturday fun

Day 1031 - Saturday. A day of rest. So I did three loads of cloths, cleaned the house, paid some bill, did some work for the store; and still I feel rested at the end of the day. How very interesting.
I am thankful for a day at home when I can do all these I exciting but really important things. I am thankful for a day of rest.

TGIF

Day 1030 - Friday is my day off from work so I got to spend the day in the store and I enjoyed it very much. I can't do it much since I have my work place during the week, so it was a very special thing for my. My partner drove to see his elderly mom and I stayed there all by myself. I am not familiar enough with all the crystals. I do know their name but not their qualities so I still answer gingerly. I can only imagine how stressful it is for my partner, who is making his first steps in this world of crystals. I sold few items and it made me very happy. It feels so good to see that people like the place and find us with no advertising and no sign, just our little writings on Facebook.
Friday is a half day work here and so by 3 pm we locked the store and drove back home. We even had time to shop for some vegetables on our way home. What a joy! We came home in day light, made real food, relaxed and did some errands that were delayed all in the past few weeks. It sure was a necessary respite. and what is even better is going to bed in a normal hour and sleeping for as late as we like, with no alarm clock!
 
I am so thankful it's Friday, I needed this break so much. I am thankful I had a chance to spend a day in the store. I am thankful for a wonderful first week in the store; we sold few items, much more than I anticipated. I am going to sleep now - TGIF.

An evening out

Day 1029 - after work we drove again to Ikea for some more purchases for the store. We found some real cute ideas and some good bargains. So after we were done we went to a restaurant for dinner. We had a very nice waitress and good food and most of all we enjoyed each other's company. We were so busy lately that not much time was left for anything else. So it was a very slecial evening today. An evening out for a date. How nice!
I am thankful we found all we were looking for and so tomorrow I can start getting busy creating new things for the store. I am thankful we had such a nice evening together. I am so thankful he is in my life. It's been almost a year and I am thankful for every day that passed. 

Day two of our store

Day 1028 - the store is up and running and even though we don't have some crucial stuff yet, we already have people coming to look and even a few sales. Now we have to fill the missing pieces - a sign with the name of the store is the first on our list and a website is a close second, but I cannt complain; in less than two weeks we opened our doors for business. It makes me so happy to see how things are getting more and more organized, the store more beautiful and inviting. And we did everything ourselves; mostly my partner did. The big thing for today - we got the right ladder after the long ordeal and we were able to hang mobiles from the ceiling and make the store so much happier looking for that.

I am thankful we finally finished the ladder saga. I am thankful for a beautiful store becoming a reality right in front of us. I am thankful to my partner for his dedication and relentless work. I am thankful it is only 10:45 pm and I am about to go to sleep; I so need this early bedtime.

Another hard day's work

Day 1027 - our days are so long and intense we don't even have time to eat breakfast until 1 pm and when we got home at 11 pm we started making dinner/lunch. But the good news is that we are almost done and we had our first two sales!! I didnt think its pissible to be ready so fast. I thought it will take us at least two more weeks. A very special day even if so very tiring.

I am thankful for a wonderful day. I am thankful to my partner for all the hard work he puts into this e devour. I am thankful for a most gratifying day.

Not enough sleep

Day 1026 - four hours of sleep are not enough for me, as I found out today.
Sleep is all I can think of right now and I am so thankful I can do that as soon as I put the last dot at the end if this sentence. Good night

So many crystals

Day 1025 - it's after 1 am and just now we finished dealing with a distributed. So I'll write more tommorow about this big day.

A very restful day

Day 1024 - It was a quiet day. waking up late, working on stuff for the store, late breakfast thus very late lunch, or should I call it dinner if it was at 6 pm. Even a nap in the middle of the day and now we are ready for a new and very intense week. it was very much a needed rest after a very hard working week, especially for my partner who was in the store every day for many hours and did most of the work. I just came in the evenings do I did much less there. It is so nice every once in a while to stop and take a breath, just enjoying the now with no tomorrow, no plans; just pause. and today was such a day.
 
I am thankful for a much needed rest. I am thankful for a weekend we spend together, just the two of us. I am thankful I can go to sleep now after a productive, even with all the rest I am talking about.

Moving day

1023 - my daughter left home yesterday but the moving truck was scheduled for today. So I was here at home to receive them and make sure they will take all her boxes and she waited for them on the other end. A little after 9 am they were here and less then half an hour later they were done and on their way. And I was here looking at an almost empty room a little sad but also excited for her. This house did not bring us much good. I had fights with my partner to the point that he decided to leave and live elsewhere; fights with my daughter to the point she did the same thing. And now I am living in a huge house that was too big even for three people, all by myself. I don't like it, I don't need it and I sure cannot afford it all on my own. For me alone I need a one bedroom house of 50 sq m and not this monster 3 time that size. I am going to talk to my landlord next week and see if he will allow me to break contract or to sublet the place. I work almost an hour away, my store is in the same city, my partner works in the store with me, so he goes the same direction and my daughter doesn't live here anymore so no need to live I the halfway point. It is sad to see a dream of happiness in complete ruins but I strongly believe that there is reason for everything, even if temporarily we cannot see it. So I know a day will come when I will look back and be thankful for all that.

I am thankful my daughter is starting her new life. I am thankful I was able to help her on a very difficult task of sending the movers off, since she had to be elsewhere on the same time. I am thankful for a very busy day at the store. I am thankful I can go to sleep now at 1 am, way past my bedtime.

Leaving the nest

Day 1022 - after weeks of preparations my daughter moved out today to start her new life in the big city and on her own. The past few months were not easy for either one of us and it put a serious strain on our relationship. The threesome didn't work even after my partner moved out. We were not the same anymore and could not find our way back to each other, the way things were before. And she decided it is time for her to leave. As much as I didn't see it the same way, she was right. She is old enough to live on her own and doesn't have to take anyone's BS, not even mine. At her age I was already married, so I know she can and should develope her own life. And so this morning I helped her disassemble her bed and took her to the train station, saying goodbye for the very last time this way. It is a little sad, like every ending, but also full of promise, like every beginning. And I am sure time will heal everything and it will bring us closer again. And for now she just moved to the big city and I am planning

Do it yourself is not easy

Day 1021 - it's almost midnight here and I am finally sitting after a very long and tiring day. I am so very tired, and just fell asleep while writing. I think i better cut it short and go to sleep, tomorrow we have another day of hard work. I am very tired and my body aches and i work only few hours every day in the store, I can only imagine how tired my partner is, being there all day long and doing so much more physical lanor. and he does all the heavy lifting. Before retiring for the night, I just want to report that the store is slowly shaping up. I assembled today a large 'honey comb" cabinet and it looks great. My partner finished all the wiring, hanging and connecting the cabinets to the walls and to each other for extra stability and alignment. I come to the store every day after work and it makes me so happy. To see all the work he did during the day, to how the place is slowly shaping up. It's like watching a miracle; except for the sore knees and muscles to prove we were the little elves who did the work.
 
I am thankful we are doing all this by ourselves and not just paying someone to do it for us; the satisfaction is something I cannot even put into words. I am thankful to my partner for his dedication, for all the hard work he puts into this project; I could not and would not do it without him. I am thankful for a good night sleep ahead of me; I really feel I earned it and I know it will do me a world of good.

The gate

Day 1020 - I had my car loaded with boxes of cabinets we bought in Ikea. It was too late at night to drive all the way to Haifa and unload it at 10 pm, so I decided to drive to my house and tomorrow continue to the store. But i have a small car so the hatchback is open and all the boxes are protruding out of it. I didn't want to leave an open car with all the goodies sticking out in the street. And the house I am renting has a large driveway with a very big and heavy wooden gate so I decided to pull the car in for the night. I tried to open this gate several times and it was too heavy and the wheels too rusty probably so I had no luck with it. But tonight I had a real motivation to sucssed; and sure enough with the right indent ice miracles can happen. Ever so slowly I managed to open the gate wide enough for the car to get in. Then came the tast if closing the gate. All went well until the last 3 inches that I could not close; I pushed a little harder and suddenly the gate just swans and fell on it's back, leaving the entrance wide open but blocking my way out. And it's so heavy I cannot lift it. So tomorrow I will have to call my landlord to the rescue so I can get out of my driveway and I can only hope my boxes will stay put until tomorrow and the big gape and the fallen gate will not draw unwanted attention.
 
I am thankful the gate did not fall on me or on my car; this would be a much bigger problem than it is now. I am thankful to the universe for its protection and help with everything I do and I send my wish that it will do the same tonight as well. I am thankful for a wonderful day today, for dreams slowly coming together  I am so tired but thankful for every moment of my day.

Our first shipment is here

Day 1019 - I have a new routine these days. Going to the store for an hour in the morning and then go to my work place. At the end of the day I go back to the store and work there with my partner for another two or three hours before calling it a day. It's not easy but I don't want that he'll do everything there; I want to be part of that too. I know most of it will lie squarely on his shoulders but I don't want to feel an outsider, it just doesn't work for me. So he does most of the work, of course and I help in whatever I can. I deal with all the suppliers, ordering all the things we need for the store. And tonight I got to build two bookcases and we already put them in place. It's so exciting to see how slowly it starts to take shape. Today I also hot a delivery of all the tarot cards we ordered, our very first items in the store. I find it very symbolic that tarot got to be the first item, since this is how it all started for my partner and this is how we started our spiritual journey together. A long and physically tiring day; it is only 10 pm and I am ready to go to bed. I don't remember the last time I did that.
 
I am thankful for another day of working towards fulfilling a dream. I am thankful to my partner for all he does to make our store so beautiful and special. I am thankful for the first items delivered to us today; it suddenly makes everything so real and so close.

A ladder story

Day 1018 - two weeks ago we bought a ladder for the store. It is a very high ceiling store and we needed a very tall ladder. It was so long I had to tie it to the roof of my car and drive very carefully all the way there. To my dismay I found out I over estimated the height and the ladder was too tall. That evening I drove back the 40 km with the ladder tied to the roof and the next morning returned the ladder and got a smaller one, folded one this time. I drove again to my store and pulled out the ladder and... this time it was too short. the height they quoted was not in the A position so it was not useful in the middle of the store. Once again we returned the ladder. This time we had a serious discussion with the owner, explained exactly what we need and they ordered the right ladder for us. And so we already know the drill - I had the ladder tied again to my car, drove all the way and when we opened the ladder in the store it was one more time - too long. It sounds pretty funny, but it's really not and I sure have better things to do with my time than driving back and forth with a ladder. But you know the saying - fool me once; well then - shame on me!! that's for sure. So tomorrow, again we will go there and try to order the right ladder and hopefully this will be the end of the ladder story. 

I am thankful for all the work my partner did in the store today, even with this ladder. I am thankful it is nothing more serious than a stupid ladder and some hassle of going back and forth. I am thankful we are one day closer to opening day.    

The last weekend

Day 1017 - my daughter's last weekend at home before she spreads her wings and take her final jump into independent life and adulthood. It's been a wonderful journey with high moments as well as low moments and now it is almost here. We found few boxes and she is almost done packing her room. Few more things, one last suitcase and she'll be ready for the movers later this week. I am so excited for her, for the new life and new beginnings ahead. It is such an important moment and I hope it will bring with great opportunities and experiences for her. She is going to share an apartment with a good friend and this by itself will make it so much fun. I am looking at her and see her life as they start unfolding and it makes me so happy. She is a mature and responsible young woman, ready to face the world; the dream of every parent...
  
I am thankful for getting to this moment to see my youngest daughter reaching full independence. I am thankful for the last three years in this country, where we got to spend so much time together. And as the Jewish blessing goes -I am thankful we made it to this moment. Amen. 

Going after my dream

Day 1016 - We keep working on the store. Today we drove to Ikea and bought bookcases for the store. Next week we will finish the painting, assemble the bookcases and start stocking the shelves. We have so much work, so many details are going into starting a tiny 33 sq/m of a store. Suppliers, insurance, display. and of course the advertising part like website, sign and printed materials. So much work while I also have to do my day job. I am so swamped with work but it is also very rewarding and very exciting and the feeling of building something new is amazing and doing that with the man I love makes everything even more special. For so many years I wanted to open a store. I know it will not make me rich but I know it will bring me the money I need for my living expenses so I can do it for many years to come and what can be better than working in the field you love doing things I so want to do but barely find time for them, like reading my books and teaching what I learned, or talking about that with my customers. With every passing day this dream is getting closer to its fulfillment, to opening day.
 
I am thankful for being able and not be afraid to go after my dream. I am thankful for all the uplifting feelings it fills my day with. I am thankful I found a partner I can dream with; I know how rare this is and I sure don't  take it for granted.

About personal courage

Day 1015 - my partner finished his last day of work at his all job and as of tomorrow he is full time with our store. I thought about it a lot today. About the courage to go with what your heart tells you with no fall back plan. I think it is the only way to succeed, being fully committed. And I admire that. He has the courage and the moral integrity to do things like that and I think it's one of his best traits, personal integrity. I cannot do the same right now since we cannot expect to earn the value of two salaried in the first few months. This way I bring in my salary and it gives us some stability while working on establishing the store. I look at this man and I feel so lucky to have him in my life and as my partner, not many people have the strength of character and qualities he had; I look at him and I bless every day we have together. I can only hope that at trying times, that I'm sure will come, I will be able to stand as strong and whole as he does. I know I learn so much from him and I hope it will be with me at those junctions. But today is a time of celebration, we are embarking on a new adventure together and we are full of conviction it will be part of our lives for many years to come.

I am thankful for arriving to this important mile stone. I am thankful that I am actively taking care of my future and not sit and wait for things to come my way. I am thankful I have this amazing man in my life. I am thankful for all the blessings bestowed on me.

A huge step forward

Day 1014 - We went shopping for the store today. We bought all the crystals and rocks we need right now and we started looking into shelves and display structures. I am planning to create some very special things to display in our store so I bought all the necessary building blocks for that. It's so special and exciting and it brings us so much closer to the actual opening day. In the next few days we will finish painting and start assembling the display. We are not yet sure about everything but it will come up together as we will shelve things. It is so interesting to follow step after step as we see it building momentum and get from a dream we were talking about for months to a reality. I love mystic stores, its been like that for many years and it's a dream come true to have a store like that. and most of all to do it together with the man I love... I can't think of something that can make that any better. So here we go, so very tired physically after a very long day, but so full of good energy and so sure of the direction I am taking.
  
I am thankful for a wonderful day. I am thankful for hours spent in the most uplifting way. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life. 

So busy at work, again

Day 1013 - I am still playing catch-up after coming back from my trip. I work many hours every day at work and still I don't see the end of the tunnel. And in a few days another cycle will start. I got to work at 8:30 am and left at 8:30 pm - a 12 hours day and I didn't finish what I was hoping to finish. I decided that the fact that I have more work than I can finish is not a reason to feel bad about my trip or any other vacation I take. I think it is not reasonable to have so much work that at the end of my day I have almost as much as when I started and not because I was lazy but because my work load is overwhelming. And I will not give up my personal life the way I do right now. Basically in a day like today I did nothing but work and by the time I finally I made it home I am so tired that it was dinner and now shower and straight to bed. Not good. I want more to my life than only work and I'll have to do something about it, something about reducing my workload; I want my life back!! Still, I know I am lucky for having I like; that my work is highly appreciated. And of course this is kind of a job security, if I ever wanted or needed that. But right now it is more important for me to have life than  security; and I am very happy I am in such a work place in my life.

I am thankful I have work. I am thankful it can support me and gives me the security I need, especially being single and in need of taking care of my future. I am thankful I need more in life that only financial security.  I am thankful that being so busy is not my regular routine but the pay back for my trip.

Fixing my car

Day 1012 - I came back early from work today to take care of the the flat tire in my car. The truth is that the front tire looked a little flat this morning and I was worried I'll come back from work at night to find a car I cannot drive since I had no spare tire to change into. And besides, the spares are meant only as an emergency and not to become our regular wheel. And so I came early and took the shop. After about 5 minutes he came to me with good and bad news. The good news was that they could find no puncture and find no explanation to the flat except fowl play - someone played with the tire and deflated it. the bad news was that my front tires are in dire need of replacement. I knew I have to do it soon, so no surprises; still it's very expensive but I had to do it - it's a safety issue and I don't gamble with my life in such a stupid way. So they replaced the front tires and also had to do alignment. A very expensive afternoon, indeed. But it was necessary and I am so very happy I did it. with the coming winter, it's not even a question it had to be done.

I am thankful I could take care of my car today; it really bothered me already. I am thankful I have the means to take care of my possession and not just leave it to luck. I am thankful for a busy very satisfying day.

Hectic day at work

Day 1011 - I had an important meeting today that I had to prepare a lot of data for. Sadly my Internet provider messed up my Internet and I could not log into my work computer the whole weekend. So this morning I woke up at 5:30 and took an early train to work. I did finish preparing it all and even had time to go over it with some of my peers and make some changes, but it was very hectic. After another 4 hours meeting we finally finished and got back to our office. Our new office. They moved all our stuff while we were in that meeting so now we had to work with the phone guy and the computer guys to set us all up. So not much work was done today but we moved and the new place is awesome. It's a wing for our department only and so very special. So a very hectic day today with so many balls in the air and its tiring to try catch them all, but when the dust will settle all will be well again and the mess forgotten. I feel we are so lucky to have a place like that. It is nice to know we work so hard but our work is appreciated and rewarded.
 
I am thankful for being part of this wonderful team. I am thankful I have such a great work place. I am thankful that attune end of such hectic day I get to lean back and enjoy it all. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

A flat tire

Day 1010 - I was so busy writing yesterday about the birthday that I did not write about something very interesting that happened right after. At around 3:30 pm. we all said our goodbyes and go our separate ways. My daughter and I went back to our car just then remembering that our tire looked very deflated when we left the car in the parking lot but with being late and all we decided to look into it when we come back. Well, surprisingly, the tire was still deflated, totally flat will be a more accurate description. So we had to full out the jack and the spare wheel and replacing the tire with the little emergency one. The truth is, I was very proud of us two, the  only thing we could not do was to loose the bolts and someone helped us with that. Everything else we did ourselves!! So here you go an funny ending to a very special morning, but with two girls that are not afraid to do the hard and dirty job, even a flat tire is no big deal. 
  
I am very thankful for being a woman that can take care of difficult situations. I am very thankful my daughter is such a woman as well. I am thankful we had so much fun doing that. And for today, since I have to do something current as well, or I will not be thankful for my day, I am thankful for a full day of painting the walls in my store; we are almost done with it and it looks pretty good already. 

Birthday party

Day 1009 - my oldest sister celebrated her 60th birthday this week and her daughters decided to have a family get together with a two hours guided tour of one district of the city with the special stories and flavors of the period and the place. It was so interesting and so special. To learn about hidden jewels in the middle of a bustling shopping area, things you see only if you set your eyes higher and not on the merchandise. I really enjoyed it. Later we went to a restaurant for lunch and it was so nice to be with everyone and talk and listen. I love my sister's family and I didn't get to see them much lately so it was so wonderful to be with everyone for a few hours. It was such a special way to celebrate a special birthday of a very special woman. I just loved it. It's part if the reason I am here, to be connected to my family. Yes I know, at the expense if being away from two of my own children. And I am the one to blame for this divide, by deciding to move them as young children out of their homeland and take them elsewhere. But I am not going to spoil the party today. It was good, it was fun and it made my sister so very happy that it was all worth it.
 
I am thankful for a very special celebration. I am thankful for the wonderful family I have. I am thankful for all the things I learned today. I am thankful for a wonderful day with my daughter. I am thankful for such a great day.

Too much work

Day 1008 - For several days I was very good about going to bed on time, but alas, not today. We are moving our office on Sunday so I had to pack my stuff and it took me hours to sort through it all. And I have a visit on Sunday that I had to prepare a lot of information for it. So I stayed at work until 8:30 pm and when I came home I continued working until now, almost an hour past midnight and I am not done yet, but I don't want to go to sleep any later than 1 am, no matter what. So here I am, going to be tires once again, hopefully not about to start a new vicious cycle, but keep this as an isolated event. It is not even a question that this is not right, that I should not go to sleep so late or work for so many hours; but they are so very flexible with me and I come and go as I please. I also missed half a day on Wednesday and going to do the same next week, so this is my commitment to my workplace, my integrity. If there is work that cannot be delayed, I will finish it on time. But I will keep this entry short as to not jeopardize my situation any more than needed. And right now I need to go to bed. 

I am thankful it is not every day that I have to work so much on any single day.I am thankful I can work from home and don't have to stay at my desk until midnight. I am thankful I can go to sleep now and have just a little more to do over the weekend. Goodnight!!

Crystal heaven

Day 1007 - For several hours today we were roaming through buckets full of semi-precious stones to pick the ones we want to purchase for our store. I love crystals and the store had such good vibes. I came out of it feeling so calm and refreshed. It is indeed a very special place. I hope that in my little store we will be able to create the same kind of atmosphere.
It is very interesting to listen in a store like that and talk to other costumers. Every person is drown to different crystals. I have my favorites and I was talking to other people in the store and learned so many interesting things; about the different properties of each one, their healing powers as well as more down to earth talks about jewelry making. It's a vast world in which I am taking my first steps. I knew it from the jewelry side, I want to get more into the spiritual aspect if it. Four hours were not enough there, we will have to go back, but things are starting to take shape and direction and I love that. It's all very exciting. Few years ago when I did "the artist's way" program I had to do once a week an artist outing - today was such a day. And I love it.

I am thankful for a day spent taking one more step in stocking the store. I am thankful for such a sensual as well as spiritual experience. I am thankful for such a special day.

About sleep, like every day this week...

Day 1006 - I went  to sleep yesterday at 11:30 pm and slept for 8 hours; and had a good night sleep. What a treat!! still I was tired as the day progresses and by the time I left work I could barely keep my eyes open. But I came home very late, only at 11 pm and still had to eat something so now it is 4 minutes to 12 (yes, midnight) which means that there is no chance for another 8 hours night, but I'll do my best to finish writing it as fast as possible and go to bed. It's so difficult to keep to a normal sleeping pattern when I work these long hours. It doesn't leave time for much else. I will have to find a way to change that. But in the mean time, the middle of the week is dedicated to work eat and sleep. Sad, because I don't like to see my precious hours draining one by one without anything important I can show for that. I still hope to find a solution to that. The truth is that I keep thinking the store will be such a place, were work and hobby intertwine and so by the end of the day I will feel as if it not only brought food to my table but also contributed to my well being, to my personal growth. I am so looking forwards to it; to make this dream a reality. I did take few more steps today towards the opening day all small but very important and get me ever so closer to the finish line, or should I say to the beginning. So a good day on so many levels just not on the sleeping front. But until then and not to make things worse, I am checking out now. 12:09 late but not horrific...
  
I am thankful for every small step forward with the development of my business. I am thankful for the promise it carries with it. I am thankful for a good night sleep and still in the 7 hours realm; not great but still better than my usual bedtime. I am thankful for this wonderful day.  

Eight hours of sleep

Day 1005 - I don't know what to write tonight and I really don't want to invest right now too much time thinking about it since it's already 11:20 pm and no matter what, I won't make it to bed much before midnight. But I can wake up a little later tomorrow so I will be able to get almost 8 hours of sleep - don't remember when was the last time it happened. So here we go, a very short entry and I am very proud of myself for sticking to my decision to change my sleeping habits. It's been a long and productive day with so many little details, so many things to be thankful for but the most important is coming right up. 
  
I am thankful for a productive day, for so much progress regarding my store. I am thankful it is now 11:26 and I am about to get 8 hours of sleep!!! good night.

Sleep issues, again

Day 1004 - I don't sleep enough, I just don't; and as much as I try to change it I run every night the same story line. Somehow I suddenly realize it is again almost 1 am and I still didn't write my blog, nor showered. And again it's too late and too short of a night. Every once in a while I just crush and sleep a little more for a few days and then get back, once again, to my very destructive pattern. Friday night I went to sleep way past 3 am just to wake up four hours later for a full day of work in the store. I went to sleep early, that is few minutes before midnight that night but I woke up very early today and I got more and more tired as the day progressed. I think I am taking it too far and I have to do something about it. It is an act of self love; an act of taking care of my body before I will bring it to its knees and something will have to give. I sure don't want that to happen. So from now on ill do my best to get into bed before midnight every day. It sheer stupidity to push myself to the point if no return. And so I am doing just that right now. And will try to do the same on days to come. Good Night everyone.

I am thankful I have a soft bed, and blankets, and a roof over my head as I go to sleep tonight. I am thankful I have a place to rest my tired body, sheltered and safe. I am thankful for another day on this planet.

My store

Day 1003 - Few weeks ago I made the final decision to operate my store and not rent it anymore. It is going to be a mystic store. I love the subject, I get more and more into it, and I love mystic stores. So many times I read about people who are working in their field of interest and it always seemed such a wonderful thing to me, hoping one day this will happen to me. What can be better than being busy all day long with your hobby instead of waiting to get back home at night and have very little time to do that? What can be better than being immersed all day long in what I love best? I can definitely see the benefits to my spiritual growth; the question is if it can be viable option. Too many stores open and close in a short period of time, burying the dreams and money of their owners. But I believe that persistence is everything and if I will allow for a long enough time it will take off. The key is not giving up even if it takes off very slowly. So I prepare myself for a year or more of very little income, if any, and every dimes that comes in will give me the ability to push it longer. I have a big vision and big dreams for the place and I will not allow any doubt to creep in. I believe that by having a razor sharp focus and very specific intentions, by knowing exactly what I want and see it as already here I will make this store a reality. 
And so today we took the first physical step, I drove there this morning with my partner and started painting the store. It was painted bright white before and this is not a good color for a mystic store. So now, many hours later it has one wall in a lilac color and another wall half lilac and half off-white. We will come back next weekend to continue with second layer on the off-white wall as well as first and maybe even second layer on the remaining wall. Even before having anything on the walls it already has a better feeling to it; more mellow and soft, just what you expect in such a place. We also decided about the name after weeks of juggling different names. We are going to call it Misty - an East West mystic store (it sounds better in our language) and I even registered the domain to make sure it is ours. It was a very busy day indeed, and very emotional of course. I never did anything like that before. It is the first time I am taking a step in becoming a business woman, of not having a safety net but going all out. For so many years I was playing with ideas to do something as an entrepreneur and here I am doing just that. I am quite sure it will not bring me as much money as few other ideas I had in the past but for sure it will be the most satisfying one. 

I am thankful for a very special day. I am thankful I finally got the courage to make the move. I am thankful to my partner who is embarking on this adventure with me. I am thankful to him for all the encouragement, for being with me every step of the way and for all his hard work today in the store. And now, after writing all this I can go to sleep and considering the fact I slept for 4 hours today and worked for many more, it is a much needed sleep and I am very thankful I can do just that.   

Changing of the seasons

Day 1002 - It's getting colder and more cloudy and today we had the first rain, at least the first I witnessed this year. I think they had one while I was abroad; so for me this is the beginning of a new fall. Still, it's not really that much of the beginning of the rainy season and it will probably take another month before it will be real, but it's the first signs for the changing of the seasons, for the never ending cycle of a new beginning and an ending of the old. Like our lives, getting closer to the finish line with every passing day. Another day that passed and will never come back; another day I am seeing all the way to its end. Who knows how many more of those are ahead of me; we only know how many are behind, how many already vanished and gone and only left their footprints in the memory of our conscious and unconscious mind. I sure have less ahead and probably many of them with lesser quality of life, so I should be very careful of how I spend them. I don't want to get within eye distance from the end just to realize that there are too many things I wish I did instead of postponing, instead of being lazy or being afraid. We have to keep the finish line in our mind in order to fully live our days. I know this in theory, but it is so easy to forget. Living mindfully every day of my life; I think this is a worthy goal. So what did I do today that if I won't wake up tomorrow morning I will be thankful I did? mostly, it was a slow day here at home with my daughter, and it was so nice. It's been a while since we had a day like that and I really enjoyed it. We talked, we made food, we laughed, watched a movie. A good day. I also talked with my son and with my parents and I spend some quality time with my partner. I talked to my older daughter the day before so even if today is my last, I am good on that. So I did the right things, I put all the important people in my life ahead of anything else; a good day indeed. I am going to sleep now, after I'll do my meditation and I sure hope to wake up tomorrow so I can enjoy another meaningful day on this blessed planet. 
Changing of the seasons and I am in a very pensive mood. 
  
I am thankful for a wonderful day with no big events but all the right things in place. I am thankful for every moment I am reminded of how temporary my life is because I truly believe that my life have different quality because I am willing to face that. I am thankful I got to live today all the way to it's end and hope for yet another one tomorrow.    

End of the holidays season

Day 1001 - now that I am back home and its past the holidays season life is getting back to normal and that means classes or in plain language - I had my first painting class for this year.  It's been a very long time since my last class and I am not good enough to know how to take a picture beyond a certain point. And so after three months off I traveled again to Haifa for my painting class. I decided not to start anything new but finish what I started on my last class last year. I made some nice progress but I am not done yet but my teacher had the right comments and ideas on how to make the picture, what else needed to be done. When I looked at it I could say it doesn't feel right, but I didn't know what was it. Apparently a little touch here and a little paint there and everything changes. I know why I love this class and this teacher. Nothing exciting, not a great picture or anything, but I am back in the groove.

I am thankful the vacation is over and I am back to my class, back to my soul searching activity. I am thankful for a very pleasant class. I am thankful for the seminar day I had for work today. I am thankful for steps I took towards a new beginnings. I am thankful for a wonderful day.

Back home with a bang

Day 998 - what a day. A broken car, a flooded house, a fight with my daughter a fight with my partner. So good to be home again. Of course I can also look at it in a different way - she cleaned the whole house, prepared something tasty for me to eat made a cute note on the door. But it was long and very intense.

I am thankful to be back home, tension, fights and all. I am thankful that after who knows how many hours (about 40 I think) I can finally go to sleep.  

The first thousand days

Day 1000 - this is a very special day. When I started this blog my idea was to find thousand reason to be thankful, to understand that every day of my life stands alone and is special; to find the blessings in my life and never take anything for granted. This became of my life for the past 1000 or more days. I learned to find the time and drop a line even when I was dead tired and just wanted to crawl to bed. This blog told the story of my good days and of sad days and of lonely days and being bored days. It became my companion, something I just do. And it made me look very differently on my days. instead of just letting them blend into each other, each one had to stand alone. Each one was noticed. I guess I can look at it as an exercise in awareness. Never though of it this way, but this is really what it is. And a test to my ability to make my comfort zone bigger and embracing the mundane and the imperfection. To realize that even a very bad and painful day has its moments of light. That nothing is every black or white, but all in different shades of gray, and other colors of course. I set up to write and say thanks for 1000 days. I later made it longer to count the days Gilad Shalit was an POW but now I hope I will be able to keep this blog until my last day here on earth. That I will never lose this optimism and the ability to see light in the shade and in the darkness. that I forever will be thankful for everything in my life. 

I am thankful for all my friends here and on the other side of the ocean; to my family here that I had so much fun meeting so many of them yesterday at the wedding. I am thankful to my wonderful children my youngest daughter here and my son and daughter on the the other side of the globe. I am thankful to my partner for the past year. I am thankful for having the wonderful life I have. I am thankful for every day of my life past, present and future.        

A wedding with a heart

Day 999 - I just came back from the wedding of my niece. It was so wonderful. They are a very religious family so wedding is a very big thing, much bigger than in the secular community. It is not about the food, it is about celebrating one of the most important events in their life. And the guest are not there to care about the food but to celebrate with the young couple and make the event so much more joyful. I am not religious at all but every time I come in contact with this community its brings warmth to my heart. It's so special to witness that in some places there are still simple joys of weddings, that are not going to end in a year or two but are almost always a commitment for life, of holidays, of children of getting together, things that in the secular and very cynical culture of our days kind of gets lost. I am sure this young bride did not spend weeks choosing her dress and testing her make-up; choosing the perfect menu or going through rehearsal dinners before the real thing. For her it's not a show she has to put for her guests. For her it is the beginning of her new life that she celebrated tonight and she was excited beyond words. And all her friends were there to make her happy tonight and all this is true for the groom and his friends; the parents and their friends. The whole community that comes together tonight and so many times in the past. and they all know they can trust this bond, this extended family to be there for them no matter what. It must be such a comforting thought.
I am not writing all that in jealousy but in admiration; I wish we could have the same simple and "less sophisticate", but so much more authentic look at life and from the right place from the heart and not from the mind.

I am thankful for the honor to take part in this so very special wedding. I am thankful it is part of my immediate family and that we were able to keep this bond and strengthen it since we moved back here. I am thankful for this reminder about the important things in life.  

On a sour note

Day 998 - what a day. A broken car, a flooded house, a fight with my daughter a fight with my partner. So good to be home again. Of course I can also look at it in a different way - she cleaned the whole house, prepared something tasty for me to eat made a cute sign on the door and was blind to it all because I was upset. I guess it's good to have me home as well. It's midnight here and I am awake for too many hours after almost 22 hours of flight and a whole day there after. They say one is not to sign any contract the day he comes from a long flight, I think I see why.
 
I am thankful to my daughter for all the nice things she did and I am so sorry for getting so upset without saying first thanks and how much I missed her. I am thankful this day is coming to its end and I might be able to get some sleep b

Back home

Day 997 - I just landed back here after a king and uneventful flight; just the way a flight should be. I slept and watched a movie and read a book, the usual. And now I am ready to be back home, take a shower and start my day. I missed it. The heat, the noise, the bustling life. It's good to be back.
I am thankful I landed safely here  I am thankful to be back home.

Back home

Day 997 - I just landed back here after a king and uneventful flight.

The end of my trip

Day 996 - in a few hours I am heading to the airport. So this is a good time to say my goodbyes. My wonderful son spent the whole day with me, until I crashed. I was suddenly so tired I had to sleep. But until then it was simply a wonderful day. We had lunch together and coffee later and he practiced his presentation he is going to give next week. It made me so happy and proud to see how much he matured in the past few years and how he is becoming a serious businessman. I like his whimsical nature and lightheadedness, I like he doesn't take himself too seriously. But there is time for everything and it seems to me he is learning that; something good to have in your toolbox. The most important was just to have quality time together. Being so far away and not so good on the remote communication deal, it is so wonderful to meet every so often and reconnect. And so here I am, I said my last goodbye, slept for three hours straight and now I am ready to go back home. It was an amazing visit and I am going back so happy.
 
I am thankful to my friends and to my kids for making this trip so very special. I am thankful to my son for giving his time freely, for being with me almost every day in the past two and a half weeks. I am thankful to him for putting his heart into it all, for all the talks and discussion; for making it fun, like in the old days, only better.

Day 995 - saying my goodbyes one at a time

A "get together"

Day 994 - my friend suggested that we'll invite few of the women that were my friends when I lived here for a "get together" since I am running out of time. And this is what w did tonight.

About over packing

Day 993 - I am here for almost two weeks now and in a few days I will be heading back home. I had so many plans about thing I will accomplish while here. I brought several books I thought I'll read; assays I was planning to write. Today, three days before the end of my trip, I realized that there are so many things I still want to accomplish before I leave that I had to admit it's not going to happen. I carried all this extra weight for nothing. I should have known, it happened last time also; but I thought my days will be pretty free and I wanted to use my time effectively, I didn't want to get bored or just waste my time. I did the days pretty much to myself, I did have what looked like free time but I used it different than the way I imagined. But all is good; it means my days were full, and I didn't have much down time, that I had a good time. I just followed a different path. I'll try to remember that lesson next time and not carry so much stuff. This is not exactly the Sahara desert here, and even if I find that I have too much down time, I can always go to the local book store and buy one instead of carrying it back and forth.
 
I am thankful I was busy and had such good time here. I am thankful I didn't have time to read my books. I am thankful for this lesson and I hope I'll remember it on my next visit and pack more smartly.

A far away mom

Day 992 - I spent the afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter and it was wonderful. It doesn't cease to amaze me how sweet she is, how smart. I don't want to brag because it's silly, but I do enjoy every minute. Coming here, I didn't know what to expect; how much I'll see her since they lead a very busy lives. Both are career women, and the child and some private time. But, it is important for my daughter that her daughter will know me and so she really makes an effort to meet almost every day. And I really appreciate that. I am a very far away and will not be able to play a big role in this little girl's life, so every little bit is so very important. It is very sad and I try not to think about that, but the decision I made to leave this country was probably good for me but really not for my relationship with my grandchildren and my children. As mush as we have fun now, it is not the real world and on a daily basis we are so far away, never experiencing any of the day to day stuff we once shared. It is a very sad realization that life might be so much better for me than when I was married, but they came wit a very big price tag and we all pay it, every single day, every month every year.
 
I am thankful to both my daughter and my son  I am thankful for every moment we sped together who make so much efforts to see me while I'm here. I am thankful I can be here and I'll try to come more often.

Spiritual journey

Day 991 - met with a good friend today. We started together on our spiritual journey about 10 years ago. It was not something people did in the place we were living and definitely not a conversation topic, so with time we became each other's partners to this journey; to share thoughts, feelings, ideas. In a place were most discussions  are shallow and never disturb the surface we were a sanctuary and our meetings always filled with serious talks, And we both enjoyed it very much. So today we met for lunch and it was nice as always.I could feel and she did as well that I changed since last time we met, I learned a lot in the past three years. I am stronger, calmer and much more spiritual;I have a quiet place in me that was not there before. I feel it, but it is nice to see that it shows to the outside. And of course, I am so happy, and that shows too.
 
I am thankful for this meeting with this special friend. I am thankful for a very interesting conversation. I am thankful for the journey I took, the places it brought me and for whatever lies ahead