Farewell my love

Day 943 - I was ignoring the events in my personal life for the last few weeks. It was just too much, the roller coaster that it had become. But I am so very sad to announce it is over. After 9 months what started as such a beautiful love story ended. The sad thing is that the past three months were so difficult with almost constant fights that at first I felt a relief. But that didn't last very long and I am just sad, so very sad. I love him very much and I wish things were different but sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes there are people you can love all you want but cannot live with. And we found the hard way we are such a couple. After the initial fairy dust settled it was all down hill. Our values are too different, we don't see eye in eye too many things and the way we interpret things made it impossible to keep going. Neither him nor I deserve to live in such a bad atmosphere and so with trembling hands we severed the ties and said our goodbyes. I am relieved that the pressure is off but I am heart broken. I never thought anyone can get so much into my heart again. I see our pictures from few months ago and it hurts so much. How happy we were and how it all got lost. He left such a big hole in me. I know I'll be OK but right now I am in so much pain. Just the thought of not seeing him again, not sharing so many tender moments... I thought we'll be together till our last day, but we make plans and God laughs; sadly our plans were also part of His jokes. And so after 9 months and endless plans I am saying goodbye to my beloved boyfriend and starting the very painful process of mourning and healing.
I used the L word too many times in vain in the last few years but only when I met him it became real. So I guess something good came out of it, I learned to open my heart again. I learned I can find love. But I still don't know how to have a lasting relationship and the price I am paying for it right now is sooo painful and heavy. It is so painful to find love and then loose it. How I wish things were different. 
  
I am thankful for having him in my life, even if for only a brief moment in time. I am thankful for every moment we shared, for all the love and the tenderness. I am thankful for every dream and hope and laughter. I am thankful I have a heart that can be broken; for too many years it was frozen.