About changes

Day 1257 - changes in life are something that are not easy to digest; they bring are a step closer to our death, thus frightening for most people. I don't think I welcome death more than your avarage Joe, but I live changes. For me it brings the feeling of a new beginning, it's invigorating and exciting. I love the open road, the unknown, the surprise behind the bend of the road. I find the routine difficult and boring. I changed 4 houses in less than four years. I complain about the packing but I love the excitement. It's always so strange for me to meet people that lived all their life in the same house or worked in the same place. It's a cliche that change us the only constant thing in life, but for me it's a way if life. I was thinking about all this today and I see myself as a very lucky woman that I could live my life this way, not many people can say that. I think I learned a lit and grew as a person because of that. I learned to trust myself more and not be afraid. All good and important things.
 
I am thankful for the opportunities in my life for changes I made. I am thankful I got the chance to reinvent myself so often. I am thankful for all the blessings it brought in its wake. I am thankful for my life, just as they are.

About School vacation

Day 1256 - we live right next to an elementary school and every morning the happy sounds of children at play is a welcome start for the day. It always amazes me to hear them so absorbed in the games, so much in the moment with no coaching and no explanations from a Buddhist monk or a coach or a psychologist. They still have the "know how" before life and the training they go through in school and in life make them forget who they are and why are they here, before they become domesticated. . And then, much later in life few are trying to get back to that wisdom but this time when we are all beat up and scratched and scarred from our life experiences. How wonderful it could be if we can find away to keep that inner child intact and so close to the surface...
So tomorrow is the last day of school before they go to their summer vacation. I'll miss this cheerful wake up and this reminder to stay connected, to take life in a little less heavy and serious way. I hope to remember this constant reminder for the next two months.
 
I am thankful for the daily lessons these kids teach us. I am thankful for every mindful moment I can master in my life.

About anger

Day 1255 - I am reading a book about anger written by a Buddhist monk name Thich Nhat Hanh. And he says that when we get angry we have to tend to it and not to keep fighting with the other person. Our anger is like a wounded child and our job is to embrace it and take care of it instead of trying to make the other person feel bad too. I loved that idea, the picture it gives me. When we realize that we have to take care of ourselves first we will act very differently in situations like that. It is so easy to loose ourselves in the battle and he brings in a calming reality. Our wounded self is the only thing we have to think of in moments like that and by tending to it we do that and we also prevent the escalation of the situation and we avoid hurting the other person. It is of course easier said than done, but if we'll remember it every once in a while we did well already. So here I am trying to do my little part for a better and more harmonious world.

I am thankful I came across this book after years I didn't touch it; nothing is a coincidence I believe. I am thankful for lessons I learn every day, for opportunities to get better. I am thankful for a wonderful weekend.

Friday night at home

Day 1254 - the day was very hot today. After all we live in a hot country and we are in the summer already. But we have this wonderful apartment that sits at the upper end of a ravine leading all the way to the sea. And at the evening a pleasant breeze started and it was just wonderful to sit outside, read a book and enjoy this oasis in the middle of the city. The truth is that at some point it was too windy and chilly that we had to go in!! Such a lovely Friday night in out patio is something so very special. I still enjoy this little piece of heaven and for sure don't take it for granted. I still remember all too well that I left the city looking exactly for that and I did not find it until I came back. Seven minutes drive to the store half an hour walk. Life can be so wonderful!!

I am thankful for a very warm day that turned up so well; I was concerned at how the house will survive, will it be unbearably hot. I am thankful for a lovely evening here at home. I am thankful for this house for the quality of life it gave us. I am thankful for my life.

The lessons we face

Day 1253 - I'm reading a book and came across a well known sentence that hit the right cord - every difficult person or situation in our life is there for a reason; it shine a light on a block we have or something in us that needs attention. It's so true and easy to say but so difficult to live by. To be able to stop in mid run and ask why am I presented with this situation? What can I learn from it? Our reality is constructed from things and people we attract to us so we can take another step in this ever changing world, in this upwards climb to get better, to live more conscious life and to try to make it right. Not to be a victim but the well balanced driver of our life wagon. I feel as if I am so far behind, as if I still have so much to learn, but I am making real efforts and part of what I have to learn is not to be too judgmental towards myself. To learn to appreciate what I do and not to criticize what I didn't do.
 
I am thankful for changes I've made; for lessons I learned. I am thankful I get to live so many years and make all the mistakes and the attempts to fix and do better. I am thankful for challenges and rewards, for lessons and triumphs. I am thankful for my life.

Life is so short so celebrate

Day 1252 - our first website purchase order came in today. It created some technical difficulties but was very welcomed. After more than two months that we push it almost daily, it starts to bring in some traction. I know it can be faster and bigger if we'll invest more in promoting it and we probably should. But at the moment we are trying to operate it on a shoestring. I know it's not much and it will take more time to establish ourselves as serious players in the field, but every such activity is a step in the right direction, thus a very welcomed one.
 
I am thankful for the challenges we were facing today and the brilliant solution my partner created to answer that. I am thankful for our first website order. I am thankful for every reason to celebrate; life is short so we should never forget to be thankful and joyous.

Happy birthday to my beloved daughter

Day 1251 - It's my daughter's birthday and the first one we don't celebrate together since she was born. She is 22 today so I guess it is time for her to spread her wings and be elsewhere, even on her special day; maybe even more so. And I am here thousands of miles away enjoying the fact that she is all grown up. It is a process that every parent has to go through and I feel lucky to be in this position today. She is doing her own things by now embracing life to the fullest and at the end of the day it is what every parent wishes for since the day their child is born. So I am wishing my youngest daughter that is sure not a baby anymore a very happy birthday and I hope to celebrate with her a belated birthday very soon.

I am thankful we reached this point. I am thankful for the most amazing daughter one can wish for. I am thankful for her presence in my life, in this country, on this planet. I love her so very much.

My Kilimanjaro dream

Day 1250 - my partner, knowing how much I want to climb mount Kilimanjaro, surprised me today with a video of a Kilimanjaro climb. Watching in awe I made a resolve once again to attempt a summit of this formidable mountain. So now it is only a question of when not of if. No one promises me a success of course but an attempt is something I can do and I am not going to give up this dream. With the store and all it might take a little longer than originally planned but I am going to do that. To live my dream, to reach for the unreachable star.
 
I am thankful for this reminder of big dreams and big plans; I love the excitement and the sense of achievement they bring in their wake. I am thankful to my partner for the effort and for how touched he was by what we saw.

Life is wonderful

Day 1249 - no big news; nothing exciting to report. But the truth is that I am OK with that after a very intense weekend. My parents are OK, my kids are OK, my partner, myself... What else can I ask for? I see so many people around who cannot say that. So many people who are living their life as if it was some kind of a punishment instead of realizing how precious life is and celebrate every day. So of course I don't celebrate every single day, but I never forget to look around and see how lucky I am, how fulfilled my life is and how this is not something I can ever take for granted. I never forget that it is not a given and I never forget to thank the planet or god or however we want to call these amazing forces around us that protect, and help us every step of the way. I am so lucky to live here in the country I love, with people I love, doing things that I love. And even every trial I go through has its purpose; to make me a better person, thus to make my life better and richer. I go to sleep tonight with a song in my heart. How lucky I am to be alive.
 
I am thankful for this simple truth; my life is just wonderful. I am thankful for every trial, for every triumph, for every failure; it's how we grow and deepen our roots and our mental and spiritual strength. I am thankful I can go to sleep now and wake up tomorrow for another blessed day here on this planet of ours.  

Day 1248

Day 1247 -

house hunting

Day 1246 - I started looking again for an apartment to buy and I went to see one tonight. I have to admit it's not fun. I am not sure why but it doesn't make me happy to do that. As if I am not set yet that this is what I want to do. I guess I am still not sure how to go about it since I don't have enough money to buy something I like unless I will find a bargain and I don't know how to do it here. So I do it for a few days and then I stop and take time off before launching another attack. But I will not be able to find a good place unless I'll be consistent and wait for the right place. I should be more diligent and more patient. But with my hectic life style it's a little difficult to to do that. But I cannot complain at least I am in a position now that I can look for a place and even better yet, I have a wonderful place to live right now so I am not in a hurry and I can wait for the right place instead of buying under pressure of time. So I just have to keep doing it and all will work to my advantage. I know at the end I'll find exactly what I am looking for and until then I have a place to live.

I am thankful I can finally start looking for an apartment of my own. I am thankful I have the opportunity to start looking around. I am thankful I can take my time and look for the best place I can afford to buy. I am thankful to start this project, even if I am way too tired to do it as a full time job.

Jewelry making

Day 1245 - when I was planning to leave my home I had this idea of traveling the world for a year and making a little extra money by selling jewelry I'll be making. I even took with me as part of my 2 suitecases load. But my plans have changed. I did not travel but had to start working right away. And my tools were stored with all the rest of my stuff and all but forgotten. Every time I moved to a new apartment I pulled it out but after a few days or weeks stored it again, unused. And it saddened me. Because I love making jewelry and because I kind of lost my creativity. Then came the store and things have started to change. And slowly I started working with my hands again. And now that I spend so much more time in the store I am also working and making jewelry again as well as other products. I feel do good doing it again and connecting to something I love and cherish so much.

I am thankful for hours of fun I spent today making jewelry. I am thankful for the revival of my dream. I am thankful the store gives me the space and time and most of all for opening the flow of the creative me that was all but forgotten.

My class, again

Day 1244 - it's late and I'm tired at the end of a very long day. But I am not complaining. It's Tuesday and I just came back from my class. So even though it's late, I am very happy for another fascinating class. Slowly we learn how to put the pieces together and create a meaningful picture. We are not yet in a position to be of help, to advise, but at least a picture starts to take shape out of the fog. And its amazing to see how it happens, time after time. It's getting more interesting and more challenging with every passing week. How wonderful!! I am very happy I decided to choose that field since it combines logic with intuition and I think this is the right combination for me. I have now a whole week to practice what I've learned before getting to the next lesson. I cannot wait for tomorrow to do that; I'm just too tired today.
 
I am thankful for the opportunity I have to learn something new. I am thankful for these first hesitating steps in this mysterious world I chose as my path. I am thankful for the opportunity to stretch my mind in unexpected directions.

Some necessary changes to my daily life

Day 1243 - long talk with my mom, heart to heart discussion abut the situation over there. I think I'll drive there this weekend to be with them and to give her a day to breath and not to bed burdened by my father's needs. The more I look at it the more I am getting sad am I going to be in the same place in 20 or 30 years. I am sure that as we get older our needs get bigger and our ability less and less, but I hope to be able to be strong and independent to my last day.  And I sure hope for my parents right now just the same. And in the mean while, I decided to start doing yoga again to keep my body in good shape and give myself better chances at being well and fit. I think yoga is the best form of exercise and I will try to find a place to my liking so I can adopt and stick to a routine. Our days are numbered here on this land and we better take best care of the temple body who keeps us here; if not, we will have to part prematurely or at least have a less pleasant experience than the promise we all come here with. So as of today I going to do the best I can to take care of my future by taking care of myself today. Adequate sleep, yoga and the right nutrition is all it takes. And for my mental strength - meditation. This is what I have to aim for in the coming years if I want any hope at not be where my parents are today. I think I am ready for that; it's easy when you clearly see the "or else". How very sad. you cannot be a couch potato for years and hope for good health at old age. you just can't. It doesn't work this way.
 
I am thankful I still have time to make changes in my life; I hope I won't ever forget what I see and I pray that all this can help me when the time comes.  

My Parents

Day 1242 - I got a phone call today from my sister that my mom is not doing well. She had a little accident few weeks ago and hurt her knee and apparently  it's not healing well but on the contrary its getting worse by the day. I guess I am too busy in my little world to listen to her well enough, to hear what she is not saying. So it really caught me by surprise. A late evening conference call between us all the three children that can do something right now concluded a mode of operation. they need help and it cannot be delayed any longer. Even my mom agreed to that today when she talked to my brother. So tomorrow we are going to start the process of finding help for them, probably a live in if it will get the OK from the social services authorities. We were very matter of fact and had our tasks laid down but later this evening it suddenly done on me. The inevitability of  the approaching end. The getting very old and helpless part. My mom that was always so proud and so strong is also getting older and frail. My dad is doing it for quite some time but she was always so strong. But a human's strength is only temporary and the end is always behind the corner. I was thinking about that and it really hurts. I cannot even think in this direction. think of my mom as an old and frail woman. She was holding up so well with all her health and physical problems and now she is starting to slide down the hill. It hurts too much to even think about it. But it sure is a wake up call for me. I talk to her every day but it's really far and I am so tired by the end of the week so I allow myself to slack on my visits. I will try to be better about it. She sure needs a helping hand and a listening ear for a few hours; the burden is just too much for her and her body starts to give in. If I don't want her to get really sick I better do my part and visit more or bring them here with all the inconvenience of my little apartment and the lousy bed I have for guests. I am sure they will be OK here or I should go there more often. Sad, I am so very sad tonight.

I am thankful for this wake up call. I am thankful it is still not too late. I am thankful my parents are still here with us and I hope it will be for a very long time.

About a city mouse and a country mouse

Day 1241 - a sunny and warm day, so very pleasant. Again in our little home and little garden that got a boost today with 150 gallons of potting soil and 15 pots. Not all are filled yet and planted but some do and we have now cucumbers seeds and bell peppers and I hope they will grow and enrich our little organic garden. we use the spices all the time - thyme, basil, marjoram, parsley, coriander, mint, and few more. we have little green tomatoes and many more tomato plants that still didn't bloom. In short the dream we had when we left the city is taking shape as we returned. and I love it.
 
I am thankful for a restful weekend. I am thankful I get to play "farmer" in the middle of a bustling city and enjoy both worlds.

Simple joys in life

Day 1240 - late once again but a very good evening indeed. Friday night. Sitting outside in our little patio with good wine and good food and best of all with the feeling of a Friday night holiness. A day of rest and charging batteries ahead of us. No rush and no schedule. The house is clean, the food tasty, the night crispy and quiet and a good company of a partner that is so dear to me. This in a nutshell is what I was looking for all along. Simple life, simple joys. It can be so simple, yet we complicate our lives endlessly. If we only knew how to simplify, how to concentrate on the important and leave out the rest we would be so much happier. Easier said than done, I know that. But tonight I connected with my true nature, my real needs for few hours and it makes for a very special experience. I hope I will be able to repeat this many time.

I am thankful for a wonderful uneventful evening. I am thankful I can find joy in the mundain. I am thankful I found this place and most of all thankful for having this man in my life that brings so much tenderness and love to every little thing I do.

A little burn

Day 1239 - while cooking tonight I reached over a pot of boiling water and the steam gave me a burn. Not a bad one, just an area of very red skin in the inner side of my arm. This was bothering me a lot the whole evening and made me think how horrible it must have been for my daughter after her very serious burn.

About my store

Day 1238 - we had today the first purchase from our website and I find it very exciting. True, it's slow but I happens and the website enables us to reach wider audience than our local people. It will enable us to spread our wings. As I am planning to spend more time in the store I will be able to keep our website updated and fresh and hopefully we will have more of that - remote customers we never met but know and appreciate the special things we do and sell. And since I was in the store the whole afternoon I also made crystal balls hanging on a nylon line with different stones according to their special character. One for tranquility, one for abundance, one with all the seven chakras. I love preparing new products. I love that I can do the things I like and sell them in my store. I love that after years I make these things I find people who like them and are ready to pay for it.
 
I am thankful for a great day at the store. I am thankful for all the wonderful things it brings into my life. I am thankful it opens up my creativity again and make me want to do more and more. I am thankful for my day, as always.

My Tuesday class

Day 1237 - on the train on my way back from another numerology class. I find the class so interesting and the subject very complex but I know that as I'll practice it more I'll get more insight into the why and how and later also into what we should do to fix or make our life roll more smoothly. Interesting how much you can Lear from a simple thing like someone's birth date and his name. I am so happy I decided to take this class. I know I am learning a very powerful tool I'll be able to use in the very near future in my business. And I am looking forward to that day. Right now I am very unsure of my steps but the horizon gets a little clearer with every additional lesson. And at the moment I just enjoy the little that I already know and try to apply it to the dates if people I know as a practice. How very interesting that our path can be predicted by these few details.

I am thankful I had the privilege to be introduced to this fascinating field and join this amazing class. I am thankful for all the knowledge and insight I gain. I am looking forward to days I'll be able to apply this knowledge to help other people make better choices.

The family guardian

Day 1236 - my daughter flew this morning to visit the family. Our family is half way around the world. It takes almost 24 hours to get there so we sure don't see each other enough. But she is doing much better than I do. It's her second trip in less than a year and she is going to be there for a very long time. It's probably going to be a little difficult for her to be away from her daily life for so long and in a place she doesn't belong to anymore. But I think it's wonderful she can do it. Our family is wide spread and we are also too far to be in each other's life. Do for five weeks now she is going to change that and really be with her father and her siblings. Quality time like we haven't had in a very long time. I am happy she is taking this trip and doing her part to stay in her siblings' life. There are not many things more important than that. Or else when the parents will be gone the kids won't keep in touch and it makes me sad even to think of it as a possibility.
 
I am thankful my daughter is making every effort to keep the family together. I am thankful for the reminder to all how we should behave. I am thankful to have three wonderful children and I pray they'll stay united despite the distance.

Living my dream

Day 1235 - a summer evening in our little house. Sitting outside, enjoying a quite evening. With a big bowl of cut watermelon, some feta cheese and a fleece jacket since the evenings are still chilly here on the Carmel mountain, even in June. Making plans of how to promote the store, few new products we want to introduce, how to get ready this coming year to address special dates, events and holidays. I find it challenging and mind opening to do that. I feel my creative mind getting into higher gear. As days go by and we learn the territory more, our ideas become better and we have more to offer. I love the feeling of having a goal and looking for ways to make that goal a reality. I love doing it in a field I always attracted to and with the man I love. What else can I ask for. As always, life is in the details and I enjoy looking at the little flowers on the sides of the road.
 
I am thankful for an opportunity that us there for me just for the courage to ask and to try. I am thankful for the boost my creativity is getting with every passing day. I am thankful for such a lovely evening. I am thankful for living my dream.

The blessings of a weekend

Day 1234 - Saturday night, refreshed after the weekend and ready to face a new week. The holidays are all behind us now until our new year and we have a long stretch to work the best we can to bring the store to where we think it has the potential to be. A quite weekend of eating right, resting and a little beach time as well. I love living in this city by the sea and have a ten minutes ride or less from our door to the sea shore, especially on the weekend when traffic is light. Big plans for a long hike today have changed in the last moment, but maybe next week. The trails won't go away and the circumstances might be more favorable. Hiking or not, the rest is much needed and much appreciated.

I am thankful for yet another beach day, one in many since the summer just begun. I am thankful for some "us" time. I am thankful for time to recharge and collect ourselves and be ready, once again.

Of parents and children

Day 1233 - I called my son this evening, hoping to catch him on his way to work after two weeks I was not able to reach him. It turned out he lost his phone but more importantly that he is going to an ACL surgery two hours late. I have to admit it's hard to be here on this side of the ocean and not there at this very moment and it also hurts he didn't even think of letting me know all that. As our children are getting older it's a natural process that we grow apart, that we are not so much in each other life. It is the natural way of things and this is how it should be, but still I find it hard to grasp the distance we put between us since I moved away. I love my kids so much but I am so far away and cannot make the trip often enough. I made a choice and these are  the consequences. I keep asking myself if it was the right choice? But as sad as it is I am pretty sure it was. I had to start my life anew and I could not afford to stay in the same area - too expensive for my financial ability. And if I had to start over in a new place at least here it feels like home and not in a foreign land. But the price, the price sometimes is so heavy. Like today, sitting here at midnight thinking about my son going into surgery, the long recovery he is facing and I am here. But as I am re-reading these lines it's clear to me that the most important thing is that he is taking care of his health, something he neglected to do when he was younger. And I am very happy that he really doesn't need me around; it is more my wish to stay in his life and refusal to let go, that a real need on his part for a helping parental hand. I guess it's time to face it - my role in their life is getting smaller as my kids are getting older. Just as my parents' role in mine grew smaller the older I got, well, before they get older and the whole cycle goes the other direction.

I am sad but still thankful; thankful my son is all grown up and doesn't need me anymore, that it is more my refusal to let go than his need for me. I am thankful he is taking mature decisions and responsibilities. I am most thankful I had this urge to call him on a Friday night thus being able to wish him well before his surgery.  

A different angle on holidays

Day 1232 - a regular day after a mid week holiday. And tomorrow is Friday and the weekend. When you are working on a salary it's something you love, another day of vacation. But when you are self employed, a day off is a day you don't sell and bring in no income. Interesting how the view changes from different angles. And now I belong to that group and check my store's bottom line every day and every month, living the ups and down of unsheltered existence.
 
I am thankful for a new and uncharted road I am taking. I am thankful for opportunities life present to me. I am thankful I am at the age I don't shy from it but welcome all that is yet to come with open arms and open heart.

Beach day

Day 1231 - i picked up my daughter this morning but a very very hot day changed our plans. A very short hike proved its not the right a tivity for a day like that. So we made a quick detour and went to the beach, a very pleasant summer activity in a hot country like ours. We spent few lovely hours there sleeping and reading enjoying the heat that is lovely when you are on the beach in a bathing suite but almost unbearable once you go back home. Of course this wasn't the end of the day and we spend the rest of it doing other things. A lovely day indeed before her trip.

I am thankful for the beautiful city i chose as my home. I am thankful for all the things that creat a very special beach outing. I am thankful for such a nice day I spent with my daughter.

A quiet evening

Day 1230 - It is a holiday today, but one I never felt strongly about so not much point in celebrating it, but it is a day off tomorrow and it was a short day today. A little recharge in the middle of the week. and I am at home tonight just reading a book. Simple pleasures I didn't do in a long time. I know it's nothing important but in our very hectic way of life, taking time for self cannot be taken for granted and I am thankful for that.
 
I am thankful for few hours of "me time". I am thankful for a lovely evening of reading. I am thankful for fights, for making up again. I am thankful for the ebbs and flows of life.

This day is finally over

Day 1229 - I know there are always things to be thankful for and I know that in the bigger scale all is well, but I sure don't feel like writing today. There are days like that I guess. But I am thankful for my life and thankful this day is over.

A very good month

Day 1228 - it's the beginning of a new month, of June. So time to summerize the month of May. It was our best month in the store and we are almost at the break even point. It covers all the expenses except inventory, I hope in two months we'll reach that point as well. But considering the fact that I planned it will take a year to reach this point, we are doing very well. We are in a very small nitche and we were totally unknown in the region. So we had to start from scratch and yet every single month we see an increase in the sell volume and the number and quality of our customers. It is not time to kick back and relax and we have to double our efforts to bring new clients into the circle but it is very encouraging to see the stats. It is the reward for hard work and dedication, and I hope these rewards will keep coming and bring us to new heights every single month.
 
I am thankful for the promise that every month brings with it that our adventure will succeed. I am thankful for the road we are on right now. I am thankf for all I learned in the past half year, a great school for life, for sure.