Tai Chi

Day 56 - The pain clinic at our hospital started offering Tai Chi classes due to its healing powers. Few months ago they started offering a morning class, once a week to the employees as well. I am almost always there, but I keep forgetting it. Today I arrived a little later than usual and as I step into the court in our building, I saw the Tai Chi class, and so I joined them right away. I saw people practicing Tai Chi in many places but I I knew nothing about it, and so it was very interesting for me today to do the motions but also understand that there is a meaning behind it. I still know nothing but I am now intrigued to find out more and I will make sure not to miss it next week. It was so gentle yet awakening. A great way to start my day.

I am thankful today for getting to work at the right moment. I am thankful for a wonderful tai Chi class. and I am thankful for the opportunity to learn something new, for opening my horizon a little more.

Watching a friend's back

Day 55 - A close relative is writing her memoirs with the help of a professional writer. She is working on it for a few months already and every once in a while I hear some comments from her about the progress of this project. Today after work I came to visit her and the writer was there with her. she brought her an almost done book, already printed and bounded for the very final comments before sending it to print. It looked really nice and I praised her for that. I saw many pictures I've never seen before, so I kept looking and than a typo caught my eye and I told her. She said that no problem, this is why she brought the copy so my relative can make any comments she wanted, find any errors or anything else that needs changing. So I kept leafing through the book and as I am getting to the end I saw something that almost curdled my blood. She brought up an old family dispute and presented it in the most vicious way. It was like stabbing someone very dear to me in the back. And knowing her, she would've  give him the book with a very sweet smile and not mention anything. Maybe even write a nice dedication on his copy. And that entry she made was very mean and very untrue and presented him as a complete heartless, guy without even mentioning in one sentence all the good things he did for her during the years, and actually taking credit for some of his actions. I was angry. I told her how wrong she is by putting it into paper, and how unfair it is to do something like that - he cannot and will not defend himself but he will be hurt to a degree I don't know if he can recover from. I know the story intimately, so I could bring up all the real facts and refute any false one she brought up trying to defend her acts. After a few moments, the writer said, well you can just not write anything about the whole episode or you can write a different version, but you cannot write things that are not right, we have to change it. I don't know if they will, but I sure hope so. But at least I now know about it and if it will not be changed, I can give my friend a warning so he will know what to expect. But I will not let it happened, even if it will take a fight, I am not going to let that old relative to hurt my friend for no reason in such a vicious way.  

It is not a nice story but I am so very thankful I was in the right place in the right time and prevented such cruelty. I don't even want to think of the outcome otherwise.

The meaning of love

Day 54 - I have a serious misunderstanding with a very close relative. She keeps saying that I wronged her in the past and the fact that I do not apologize for that preventing our relations from being better, and had other complaints as well.  I was at a loss for what I can do, and I felt like I am loosing her. I wrote an angry letter, stating how I feel, but that did not get an answer, I don't think that hearing my opinion was a sincere wish. A very smart woman told me to think it through - what is the meaning of loosing her for me. I meditated on it. It was very painful to think and go with "loosing her". But than I realized few wonderful things that set me free. She is not really mine to loose. No one ever is. We raise children, feed them, take care of them and love them with all our hearts, and do our best to bring them up with the same values we hold dear, but they are not ours. Same goes for other relatives and for friends. If she is mine than I really did something very wrong. She is a self sufficient, responsible and mature woman that really belong to no one but herself. So I cannot loose something or someone that is not mine. I also thought about this zen thing "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it..." and yes, even if she will never talk to me again I will still be so happy that she is who she is , that she lives her life safely and happily, that she is developing herself as a woman and a mother and in any other aspect of her life.

This is a very important realization - we can never have or loose another person, no matter how close that person is to us. And I can always love her with all my heart. If she wants to reciprocate - great but even if not, this will not change my love to her. And one day she will realize that right or wrong we are all humans, we make mistakes, we do and say the wrong things, we can never be perfect. The only one who can be perfect for me is me if I am in tune with myself, if I know who I am. And it's true for everyone; no one else will ever be able to fill that spot.

I don't know where our relationship heading, but I gained a very important understanding today. I will not live in fear anymore. Together or not, she will always be in my heart and this is something no one can ever take away, it can never be lost.

I am so thankful to my friend for giving me the clue of how to go about this dilemma. I am thankful for the understanding I achieved and the freedom that came with it. The freedom to love with full responsibility but no guilt.

The Essentials

Day 53 - the pictures and stories from the tsunami hit area keep pouring in and I cannot stop thinking about it. And now it is more than 24 hours later and the people of the area are dealing with the destruction left in its path. The first one was shelter and later later come also the need to bring food and water to all those stranded or now homeless survivors of the disaster. Help is offered from so many countries and it is heart warming to see that in times or real need the world is united and countries will try to help each other, coming to help when time is everything and every passing day reduce the chances of the trapped people. I contacted a friend who is in a world organization but no help is needed from the lay men, just monetary donations and prayers for the dead people and for the many who survived it.

Watching the story unfolds it occurred to me how many things we take for granted in our lives. The roof over our head (I already thanked for having it a few weeks ago) but much more so food and clean water, and electricity that provides light and heat to our homes. So I am not thankful because I have it and they don't,  it is what the quake brought to my conscious - that I am very thankful to have the all these things we don't even realize they can one day be taken from us. I am thankful that it is not something I ever have to question, that I can take it for granted.

Japan's Earthquake and Tsunami

Day 52 - I was going to write about a lovely drive and the amazing flocks of storks I saw on the way, but when I got home I found out about the earthquake and the Tsunami in Japan. So for the past 2 hours I was reading about it and watching videos. It is mind-blowing to witness the forces of nature. We feel so strong and secured in our technology and the things we build and than comes such an event and puts everything in perspective. We are so little and powerless against these massive eruptions of sheer force, whether it's the shaking ground that moves or flatten buildings, bridges and roads, torrential rains that cause massive flooding  and land slides, or like today massive tsunami waves that wash everything in their way, houses, cars, boats. It brought back pictures of the 2004 tsunami in Thailand, Indonesia, and Sri Lanka, where so many lives were lost or changed forever. So I could of course be thankful for not being there, for being alive, but no, this is not what I want to say today. Facing such a tremendous destruction I have to find a way to reach out of my own little safe life and touch the lives of those less fortunate. Tomorrow it can be the other way around. And I should not sit here pretty just because it was not my turn this time. So, what is my personal take on such disasters? What can I do to alleviate the sufferings? How do I get involved? This is something I have to find out in the next few days. But this new wave of human suffering is what I needed to start moving in the direction of global social responsibility, an Idea I am playing with for a while now.
So today I am sending a prayer for all those who survived the tsunami and are safe even if shaken, and I am thankful for each and every life saved.
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A good Night Sleep

Day 51 - I am a night owl. It sounds so cool and everything but the truth is that I just can't go to sleep early. For some reason I rarely go to bed before 1 am, too many times 2 am. This fact by it self is only half the story. the other half is that I wake-up at 6am even earlier which gives me on average about 4.5 hours of sleep per night. I can function on that but I know it is not the right thing to do. I don't work on Fridays and so Thursday night, after 5 nights of very little sleep I go to bed late as usual but I do not have to wake up early. Many times I sleep until 10 am - a good 8 hours of sleep. The best one of the week, since it comes after a week of sleep deprivation. And tonight is the night. It is Thursday night and I am about to go to sleep. It is my favorite sleep of the week!
I am thankful it is Thursday today and I am thankful for the sleep I will soon enjoy. I am thankful for the luxury of waking up when I am not tired anymore and not because it is time to wake up, not to the sound of the alarm clock. I am so thankful for that.

The Storm

Day 50 - I woke up this morning to very strong winds, much stronger than usually storms and a hail storm, the first I've seen here in may years of course, and torrential rains. As soon as I got into my car the rains started, at time so heavy that the wipers were barley able to keep the windshield clear. 15 minutes later when I got to work the rain stopped and I was able to get to work dry. It heavily rained most of the day but cleared again when I walked to my car and again when I arrived home. and it rained since than almost non stop and the winds are blowing at full force. But we are tucked safely in our little home with out little heater that is really not doing much for the whole house but is enough to keep us warm here in our little living room. Add to that a wonderful warm soup, a few good movies (for my daughter) and a very good book for me and you have a perfect evening.
I am thankful that I managed to get to work and back without being drenched. I am thankful that I didn't take an umbrella today and so it didn't break. And mostly I am thankful for this storm that gives me an opportunity to have a specially nice and cosy evening and that will make me appreciate the sun and the calm weather so much more when the storm will pass.

Family Issues

Day 49 - Not everything is good in my life; I just choose to look at the bright side. I left two of my children behind and there is a lot of hurt and anger, especially from my oldest daughter. It brings back old wounds that were never really solved and being so far away makes things even more difficult. My husband was hurt by my decision as well, and since they now live all under the same roof it is easy to see that I don't come out of this as a nice person. It is sad for me to get feed backs about things that were said about me, but this is the nature of people. My family members say some and then the people in the community, always too eager to gossip add their interpretations. But I am sure that things I said when I just came here were taken out of context or were "decorated" as well. It doesn't make it easier for me, though. I am unsure how to go about mending it from afar, and it is very sad all together. I wrote an angry letter and than I shed some tears and now I am doing the thinking. I know that there is a lesson for me here to learn and to get better; I am still looking for some ideas of how to approach it. And mostly I am sad. It took me so many years to be strong enough to be able to get up and leave and now I feel like I am loosing my children in the process as well. For some reason I thought that when they are adults it will be easier, but I guess it is not.
What can I be thankful for here? The fact that I am alive and healthy and so as long as there is life, there is hope. I am thankful for this trial as well, as difficult as it is right now, I know that something good will come out of it.

The Making of a City

Day 48 - I fell asleep and didn't wake up in time to put in my blog, but I am doing it now, as soon as I woke up and had access to my computer.
I stayed home with my daughter today. After a great same day of surgery experience, by late evening the local anesthesia started to wear-off and the pain settled in. It is early morning here and I had to go to work in the wee hours of the night to take care of some issue that could not be delayed until I am back at work. I did it at night since she was asleep and so I could leave for 2 hours. I was very happy about driving at this hour; I thought I'll have a chance to see a sunrise again. Now that the days are longer, I don't get to see them anymore :( but it was very cloudy and so I will have to make another attempt. But I got to see something very special - a city starting to wake up. at 4 am there are very few cars on the road, and there are the trucks - bringing fresh supplies to the city. I saw trucks unloading in front of local grocery stores (never realized these grocers wake up so early!), I saw some trucks unloading fresh produce in front of vegetables and fruits stands. and I saw bakeries in full action preparing breads, rolls and freshly baked Danishes. It was so interesting to see this side of the city we are usually so blinded  to. So many people have to wake up so early in order to allow cities to function. We all know it in the back of our mind, the drive this morning brought it to my full attention. It takes so many people to run a city smoothly and we never thank these faceless people.
So today I am thankful to all those wonderful people who work so hard to make our lives here easy. To those who bring supplies into the city, to those who take out the trash, to those who keep the streets clean, and the street lamps working; to those who maintain the vegetation all over town, and those who sweep the streets; to the bakers and the farmers and the fisherman; to the policemen and the firemen and the military men; to the doctors and the actors and the janitors; to all the people who make my life here so great - thank you with all my heart. I will make a point of it to stop every day and thank one of them for what they do. We take it so much for granted, and I am not going to do that anymore.

Lentil Soup

Day 47 - My first thought was to write about my daughter's surgery and how well it went and how after 10 days of pain she was able to walk out of the hospital on her own two feet, with very little pain and no cruches and I sure am thankful for that. But she got the hang of my blog by now, and is challenging me - "no mom this is the obvious, write something better".
So what can I write about? We came back home after having lunch with her dad and grandmother, which was very nice and I am thankful for that. It is not a given it will go well, everything is still so fresh and I was very happy that we could have a nice lunch and later he came to see her one more time before his flight so we also had a nice coffee, and I dare brag about my wonderful cheese cake as well (which I am very thankful for that, but on another day). I can be thankful that the rain came only in the evening when we were already at home watching movies and not when we left the hospital.

But I decided to dedicate my entry today to something very simple. Few months ago we ordered lentil soup in a restaurant and it was very good, so I decided to make it at home, and it was a real success. So I started making it almost on a weekly basis. As is often the case I keep playing with recipes and improving them, by now it's really a great lentil soup. We went to the same restaurant few weeks and ordered their lentil soup again and mine is so much better by now!! And today, especially for my daughter it was my hands-down best ever.
So, I am very thankful for a mean lentil soup that will make everything feels so much better, especially on a cold and rainy night and on the day of her surgery :)

My New Hiking Group

Day 46 - My landlord was trying to convince me since the day I moved here to join his hiking group. For some reason I always politely declined it. Yesterday he saw me, just as I was about to leave for my hike on the beach and invited me once again. Initially I said no and than I said I'll think about it. The trip sounded really interesting and he really knows the country well, which I don't, so during our hike I asked my friend if she wants to join me tomorrow for this hike and she said yes. This morning at 8 am we left our city driving to the north part of the country. The day was perfect, and the area absolutely amazing, especially this time a year when every wild flower is in bloom. (the picture here is a real one I took of the carpets of flowers we saw everywhere). An added bonus was that I really liked the people in the group. We connected right away and I did not feel even for one minute as if we are the outsiders and they are the group. It was such a wonderful day. If I was not in the mind set that everything is good and for a reason I would be sad for all these many trips I missed and for not meeting them earlier, but we have many more weekends to enjoy, so why bother. In one of the streams we crossed, I skidded and found myself in the cold water, but even that could not take away from the joy. It took a few hours and I was dry again and luckily my camera did not get wet. On our way back, my friend asked how many things today made us happy - too many to count!
I am thankful for this beautiful country. I am thankful for a great hike. I am thankful for an amazing weather. I am thankful for this group of wonderful people I met today. ANd I am very thankful my camera did not get wet!! But most of all I am thankful that after saying so many times NO I finally decided to give it a try and as is usually the case - by stretching my boundaries just a little I got so much back in return.

Tulips on the Beach

Day 45 - I don't work on Friday, so it's always my cleaning day and shopping for the weekend. So, I cleaned my apartment - definitely something to be thankful for, since I think I have here a hidden factory of dust bunnies, so by the end of the week they are already well noticed :(   I went shopping for some food supplies for the weekend and made a wonderful cheese cake, another reason to be thankful.
But most importantly, it was another beautiful day today, so after finished all my "to-do" list for the day I called a friend and we both went for a hike. I chose a hidden gem  I didn't visit in many years. The sandstone hills along the shore. This is a 4 km long trail along the shore between sandy little inlets, and rolling hills. Usually the place is yellowish brown with only very few sturdy plants holding on to the rocks, but at this time a year it is all lush green and in full bloom. The two most exciting ones are the purple irises and the red tulips. there were carpets of tulips. What a sight! and with the gentle wind and the warm sun and the very gentle waves on the water - it was a perfect afternoon.
I am thankful that I have a car now and I can venture out on a moment's notice to see all the beauty around me. I am thankful that 20 minutes from the bustling city were I live I can find nature in all its splendor. I am so thankful for this gift of a beautiful spring day.

A Day Trip

Day 44 - My youngest daughter is going into surgery this coming Sunday for meniscus tear. Since her dad is coming to visit this weekend, today was the last day we could spend together before her surgery. So, I decided to take a day off from work and to do something fun. She can't walk and has to use crutches, so hiking or even walking was out of a question, so my idea was just to pick a nice drive that we can at least enjoy the view and stop somewhere fore lunch, an easy day but more outdoors than she gets to do right now. A friend of mine had the idea that we'll go to the Safari - an African  animals preserve about an hour away from where we live. I loved the idea. We didn't visit the place in many years and I knew she'll enjoy it. The good thing is that you just drive through the place and enjoy the animals without leaving the car. It was a perfect day, blue sky, sunny and warm but not too warm so the animals were very active and since it's in the middle of the week almost no visitors. At the center of the park they have a zoo, also very wide open and very natural feeling to it. so there we rented a golf cart and we spent another hour driving from cage to open pits. a great display and a very enjoyable experience. On our way back we stopped at a very lovely restaurant on the beach and enjoyed some more fresh air and lovely view (and a great meal). We came back home very happy and very tired. At the evening, after a nice nap, we went out again to our favorite coffee shop and we had a cake they don't serve there very often so we were lucky to come there on the right day :)
In short, a perfect day. I am so thankful that we got to spend such a wonderful day together. I am so happy that I had this idea to take the day off. I am so thankful that all worked so well and that for a whole day, as much as she was in pain she had some other things to enjoy and distract her. She has to deal with such big setbacks and she is still so scared after the shock and all the new things she finds all the time that she is now allergic to. I am so thankful for anything I can do to ease it for her.

Clearing the Clutter

Day 43 - Today I came back to my apartment after work and saw again all the piles of moving boxes I have no place to unload, and the mattress that is laying on its side by my bed and I just had enough of it. I have two doors that enter my house and there is a tiny closed porch in front of one of the doors, so I decided to move all the boxes and the mattress and a night table and a large standing fan to that porch, block it off completely, but free my house. And so it was. an hour later I had some room again in my bedroom and my living room I really don't know why I didn't think of it before, but at least I did it now and I am very happy about it. It is a very short term solution, but it is a solution right now. Especially when my daughter will have to walk here after surgery - she better have some room to move without falling.
I am very thankful for the idea to clear some clutter from my life, and making my place feel so much more specious and inviting I am still going to find a bigger apartment, but in the meanwhile, life is more bearable here/

Injury

Day 42 - My youngest daughter had a bad fall during her military training and today we saw a sport medicine doctor who informed us that this is a meniscus tear and her knee is partially locked, which explains the pain and limited motion, and she is scheduled to go into surgery on Sunday morning. This is some serious stuff on too many fronts. She came here especially to go into the army and do this dream job, and now, two months later  she is injured and has to drop-off;  she is going into surgery on Sunday; and most of all this is one more set back that happens in too short of a time and it is very difficult for her. She is still dealing with the very short hair, a reminder of her hair dye fiasco and here she is again having to deal with one more disappointment, one more way that her world is spinning out of control. At least one good thing came out of that experience, she can be as disappointed as she is and can still say that well, at least it is not life threatening, that she will be OK in a few days. I was suppose to fly to see my son and older daughter this coming Thursday, yes in two days.
I am so thankful all this didn't happened while I was there. I am sad that I cannot fly right now, that it will take a few weeks before I can go there, but at least I am here and she is not left alone to deal with that. And again, I am so thankful I decided to stay here and not go back to where I came from, or travel the world.