Day 49 - Not everything is good in my life; I just choose to look at the bright side. I left two of my children behind and there is a lot of hurt and anger, especially from my oldest daughter. It brings back old wounds that were never really solved and being so far away makes things even more difficult. My husband was hurt by my decision as well, and since they now live all under the same roof it is easy to see that I don't come out of this as a nice person. It is sad for me to get feed backs about things that were said about me, but this is the nature of people. My family members say some and then the people in the community, always too eager to gossip add their interpretations. But I am sure that things I said when I just came here were taken out of context or were "decorated" as well. It doesn't make it easier for me, though. I am unsure how to go about mending it from afar, and it is very sad all together. I wrote an angry letter and than I shed some tears and now I am doing the thinking. I know that there is a lesson for me here to learn and to get better; I am still looking for some ideas of how to approach it. And mostly I am sad. It took me so many years to be strong enough to be able to get up and leave and now I feel like I am loosing my children in the process as well. For some reason I thought that when they are adults it will be easier, but I guess it is not.
What can I be thankful for here? The fact that I am alive and healthy and so as long as there is life, there is hope. I am thankful for this trial as well, as difficult as it is right now, I know that something good will come out of it.
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