Day 69 - I am trying to be happy in my life not matter what. I try to find the good about everything, especially since I moved here. It is a choice I made to leave and start over and I wanted to own it. I get to do so many things on my own for the first time and it is a very special feeling. I also made myself a promise to not fall into routine, to keep looking at everything in a very fresh eye. But lately I realized that even doing things out of pattern all the time becomes a pattern, and that I do fall a little into a routine. I also find myself sometimes sad or pensive. I ask questions about my future and how will my life look, will I be happy again, will I find love again. And the truth is that I sometimes feel alone, and it scared me at first. It's been only few months since I left and I already feeling lonely?! But when I thought about it some more, I realized that it is actually a good thing. I have to experience all the array of emotions, I cannot limit myself to be happy or elated because than I am not really in tune with myself. Only when I open my heart and welcome all the emotions I can heal and be made whole again, only than I will be able to live my life in full. Only when I will be able to love and to be hurt, to be happy and sad, to cry and to laugh. Only than I will come to the place I was searching. As strange as it might sound, we can't exclude pain and suffering from our lives and expect them to be satisfying.
I am thankful for this realization. I am thankful for the pain and for the sad and for the bliss and for the love. I am thankful for my life, for every moment of it. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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