Done with the Test

Day 468 – So we had the test today and it was very thorough but very fair. And I found out I studied really well, even though I went to sleep early yesterday night and finished it, as planned, this morning. I got almost perfect score but more importantly, I finished it after 15 minutes! My instructor was surprised when I gave him the test, about 15 minutes before the next one. So my first reaction was that I studied too much, but then I thought better of it. I studied seriously, but now I know the differences between the Catholic the Orthodox and the Protestant churches; I know about the Muslim holidays and what a Haj is; I know that underneath all the multiple Indian gods there is one god and what each avatar represents; I know that Brahman and Atman are one and I will have to reach nirvana to understand that; and I know how little I knew before about Judaism, even though I am Jewish. So, no, I didn’t study too much. It is good for my own knowledge and if I ever want to be a good tour director, I have to know all that, so I’ll know what I am talking about and you cannot be a TD in Europe without understanding the religions there and all the wars that were fought in the name of this or that religion. But I am happy that the test is behind me, it’s not easy to find time to study after work and all my extra curriculum classes. Now I will start working on my final project to prevent another mad dash to the finish line – my regular mode of operation.

  

I am thankful I am done with my test, the first one in this class. I am thankful for this opportunity to put everything together and really understand what we studied for the past few months; sadly only when tests are coming we find the time to organize and understand everything. I am thankful I have a relaxed evening. And most of all I am so thankful my daughter is coming back tomorrow two days ahead of schedule; she was away for almost a month and I am so happy she is coming back tomorrow. 

Early bed time instead of Studying

Day 467 – I am not in a mood to study tonight. I know I should, but I just can’t, I really don't feel well. I studied most of the stuff. I only have to read the Hinduism and Buddhism summary, so I guess I’ll just go to sleep now and wake up early tomorrow morning to do that. This is going to be a very short entry. I just want to go to bed and go to sleep. I guess there are days like that and I don’t have the energy to fight it right now. So here you go – it is Sunday today and I am just in one of those rare days that I am not all bubbly and happy. I am tired and I just want to go to bed.

 

I am thankful this doesn’t happen often, but I am embracing this feeling just as well. I am thankful I can go to sleep and just start my work day a little late, so I can finish what I am not going to finish right now. I am thankful to go to bed so early; Good night!

A Mad Dash to the Finish Line

Day 466 – It’s kind of sad that the only thing I can write about these days is studying for my test. I came back early today from my trip and I stopped for 10 minutes at the beach – just to pick up some sand (yes, sand) because I have some crazy idea about adding sand to one of my paintings. As soon as I got home I sat down and started my studies – all the Christianity chapters in one evening. Tomorrow is my last day so I’ll have to read the Hinduism and Buddhism and also find time to do one run over everything. I think my plate is very full for the next day and a half. I can’t wait for it to be behind me. I need a real celebration on Monday night after my class. And I am going to start working on my final project from now on, I don’t want to leave it to the last minute – it’s just too much. But right now I am still on the final stretch of my religions studies dash and I learned so many things about Christianity… the truth is that as much as I whine I really like it; there was a time when I even seriously considered doing a Ph. D. in religion studies. So yes, it’s a lot of work and a lot of reading but it is sooo interesting, and I learned so much that it makes me really happy; I just wish I gave myself more time.

 

I am thankful I get a chance to study religions from such good instructors. I am thankful I get to study religions at all; I took this course (TD training) in the States and being so adamant about separation of religions from daily life we didn’t get to hear even one hour about this subject. I am thankful learned so many new things in all the religions I studied. I am thankful this mad dash to the finish line is almost over and as always I promise myself to be better next time about deadlines.

An Unusual Story

Day 465 – I arrived at the annual family gathering a day late because of the wedding. I decided that a family gathering is something we do every year and a wedding, hopefully, is a once in a lifetime event. So the wedding won. And I am really happy it did. So this morning I left home very early and drove all the way to the south, to my parents’. Some of the participants, namely my brother and his family, already left yesterday but I got to see my oldest sister and her children, and grandchildren. It was a lot of fun and I am really happy I got to see them after all. At the evening, after everyone left, I set down with my father for some of his stories. Usually I try to do that to record history regarding his holocaust memories, but this time it was something different. I have to do a 5 minute report about Italy, but the idea is to do something that is not a general knowledge, something you have to work hard to find. They want us to surprise them. So, I figured my father stayed in Italy for 3 years before making Aliya, and he was there as part of the illegal immigration to our country. I am sure he will have some interesting and unusual stories. And I was right, he always has something to tell. So I got to hear such story, but what's really interesting is that even after more than 60 years, some of his stories are still a secret and he can’t discuss them, he didn't want me to know about them, let along tell. But I got an interesting story after all, and one that is not in the history books, so I am happy with it. And I got to hear another story I never knew about; one more story that was will not get lost. 

 

I am thankful I still go to enjoy the tail end for the family gathering. I am thankful for a lovely day. I am thankful that thanks to my Italy project I learned about such an interesting story I got to hear from my dad.

A Very Special Wedding

Day 464 – I was invited to a wedding today, the wedding of one of my best friends’ daughter. I know this girl since the day she was born; I know her parents since we were still teenagers, before they even got married. And now she is all grown up and today she got married. It was a beautiful wedding; usually I am not a big fan. I don’t like the way it is customary to do wedding now-a-days but this was an exception. They got married in his parents back yard, with the beautiful valley they live in and their vineyard as a backdrop and it was very informal and a lot of fun; who knew a wedding can be fun?! There where funny speeches by family and friends and a very funny video clip the parents made and I laughed a lot and cheered a lot and had a really good time. I went there with my ex and it was nice spending some quality time with him after such a long time we barely spoke, and I made some new friends so it was a wonderful afternoon. I wrote in my greeting card that I wish them a wedding for eternity; I sure hope this is how it will be. That the happiness they feel today will never leave their house; that they will be smart enough to navigate the obstacles of their life with love and compassion and come to the end of it together and whole. What better can you wish someone on a day like this?

  

I am thankful for a wonderful wedding I got to witness today; it was very emotional for me. I am thankful to be included in wonderful circle of family and friends. I am thankful to see this wonderful young generation getting older and start to settle down; to see the circle of life in action, it feels so wonderful, so right. 

The Meaning of Our Memorial Day for Me

Day 463 – I talked about the Memorial Day. I forgot to mention the siren that goes off when it starts. All over the country the sirens go off for a full minute and everyone stands in full attention to salute and honor the fallen soldiers; this is how the day started, yesterday, at 8pm. It’s chilling and it makes it so powerful. And in every city and village and kibbutz, every place where people live, there is a memorial ceremony. And then on the next day in the morning there are memorial services in all the military cemeteries in the country and ceremonies in every school and workplace and they all start at 11am with a siren that goes all over the country for two full minutes. It is my first Memorial Day here in 23 years, last year I was not here during that time, and I forgot how it feels. I forgot how powerful it is. Sadly, we live in a country that knew too many wars and terrorist attacks; and military service is mandatory here, so there is not a single person I believe that doesn’t know someone who died that way, someone we remember today. Even if our family was not hit directly, it is a friend from school, from work, from the army, the husband of, the son of, the daughter of… it is a very personal day for everyone. I was standing there during the ceremony and I remembered all my friends who died, and friends that got injured real bad and fight it every day and I thought about the horrific price we have to pay every day to live in this country. Years ago, when my son was born, I felt I cannot do that, I cannot raise a son just to send him at the age of 18 to the army and pray that it will not be him but someone else’s son, pray that this infamous knock on the door will never come. I just couldn’t do it. It took me years to understand that this is the only place in the world I can call home, that even if I don’t live here, everyone dear to me still does, and that you cannot escape faith. It took me so many years to understand that home is something you protect and not just run way from with the first sign of danger. That good or bad this is my country and I am proud to be part of it, that I hope another war will never come but if it will, I won’t run away, I’ll stay here and do whatever I can to help. To honor all the dead soldiers we remember today we have to live here and to live well, as a free nation, striving and ready to protect our right to live this way.

I am thankful to be here today, to feel all the way what it means to belong to this nation. I am thankful I made the decision to come back; it is my country, it ingrains in me, it’s who I am. I am thankful my youngest daughter is in the military now, I was thinking about her so much today; I am so proud of her and what she does, of her courageous decision to come back here and serve in the military, even though she was not born here, even though she had so many other options; she chose to belong and I admire her for that.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Our Memorial Day

Day 462 – It’s our nation’s Memorial Day, my first one since I moved back here. We used to commemorate the day abroad, in the place I lived for so many years; it was always a very emotional ceremony and I always cried. It tears my heart to hear the stories, to see pictures of the young men who lost their lives during their military service, the horrific price that these men, and their families paid for our right to live here, in this country as a free nation. We all pay a price for it every single day, but there is nothing comparable to the loss of life, to the physical and emotional wounds our soldiers and too many civilians as well carry and fight their whole life. It is my first Memorial Day here in my homeland after 23 years, and it is very, very sad and very moving and I am so thankful to be here. I forgot how it feels; I forgot what it means to be part of this nation in a day like that. A whole nation standing as one, holding its breath as one, crying as one, remembering as one…

 

It is a very sad day but I am thankful to be here; it is a privilege and I am so thankful I can finally do that. I am thankful for friendships, for good days and bad. I am thankful to be able to live here as a free nation, knowing full well the price we pay every day for that.

Studying for My Test

Day 461 – With my test in religions a week away and the sudden realization that I am going to be with my family for the holiday so not much study time, I finally decided to be responsible and start studying. So I came back after class and set for the next three hours and finished the Judaism section. Tomorrow I’ll do Islam (I might need an extra day for that). If I’ll be diligent and study every day I will be able to go through it all and hopefully also retain so many dates and facts. But it was not the best idea to wait until a week before the test. For some reason the 30^th of April seemed so far, I didn’t feel it creeping on me. But at least now I am studying, still enough time to be able to make it, I hope.

  

I am thankful for a fun class today. I am thankful I got to go out with my class mates to celebrate the birthday of one of them. I am thankful I was awake enough tonight that even at the end of such a long day I managed to go through two full classes of Judaism and retain most of it. I am thankful I can go to sleep now; and even though it is way past midnight I didn’t turn into a pumpkin J. 

Changing My Plans

Day 460 – And I am back to my old self. I had my painting class today since Thursday is our Independence Day, so no classes of course. Usually I don’t know what I am going to paint and I start thinking about it when I get to class, but today I had it all planned out. The daughter of one of my best friends is getting married and I had this idea of making a paining for her with an amazing love poem and a rose. I had it all planned out until I came to class and prepped my canvas. I painted an uneven background with yellow and orange and for some reason when I finished this layer I looked at my canvas and it didn’t look like a rose will be a good fit for it, I looked at it and I thought – it’s an ocean scene or a dessert scene, but not a rose. I looked in a landscapes book and found this beautiful photo of rocky islands at sunset and I knew right away that this is what I was looking for. So no rose but something so special instead. It is not done yet, of course, but I love it already; I love even more the intense feeling I had about not doing the rose, what I have instead is so much more interesting and so much more me. It still requires a lot of work but I really like it.

 

I am thankful for todays’ art class, you know I love it and I am always thankful for having it in my life. I am thankful for the inspiration I got, it feels so special to suddenly just ‘know’. I am thankful for a walk I got to enjoy with one of my friends from class and a heart-to-heart talk. I am so thankful for friendships I keep forging here; it’s what keeps me going on the more difficult days. I am thankful to my daughter for an amazing lesson in maturity and observation skills, for her wide open heart, for her love.

Being All Alone Here

Day 459 – I had a very relaxing day today. I went with a friend to visit a mutual friend in a small settlement in the countryside and it was much fun. I miss living outside of the city with flowers and trees all around. I really am a country girl and not a city mouse. So we had a wonderful time. In the evening after I got back home I talked to my kids on the phone. Right now all the three of them are on the other side of the ocean and it makes me very sad. I miss them so much. Everyone dear to me is over there and I am here all alone; what a mess. I love it here and I want to stay here but everyone is there and I can’t even go and visit right now. I am sitting here and my heart is aching so much. I terribly miss them. This is the real price of moving abroad; this is the real price we all paid for this divorce. A torn family that is never together in one place anymore. My Children that I rarely get to see, and a granddaughter I barely know. And I have no one to cry on his shoulder right now, no one I can tell how sad I am. 
And now I have to find a reason to be thankful for all that.

  

I am thankful they are all happy and well, even if far away from me. I am thankful for having a good day today, for friends who made it easier for me even if they were not aware of that. I am thankful my daughter is coming back in two weeks. And mostly I am thankful that it’s rare I am so sad, that usually I can find things to make me happy even if the circumstances are the same.

A substitute for a Dance

Day 458 – it’s Friday night and I was planning to go to the dance with my friends, but every plan can be subjected to changes and ours was no exception. With one of the girls sick, one that just didn’t feel like going and one that disappeared I didn't have anyone to go with and didn’t want to go alone. So it’s Friday night and I stayed home and instead of being a good girl and study for my test I was sitting here and writing yet another poem. I got this beautiful love song few days ago from my friend and ever since I have this poem brewing in me and today I was able to bring it out and put it to words, not only feelings. It wasn’t easy and I was working on it for the last three hours, but I am very happy with the result. Yesterday I brought few of my poems to my creative writing class and they really like them, saying I should publish a poems book, and it made me very happy. I will not keep it as my main medium, but I am not going to let it wither again and be buried for so many years. I will keep practicing it to keep my “poems muscles” in shape. So even though I didn’t go to the dance it was a very enjoyable evening and I am so happy I managed to write and finish this beautiful love poem.

 

I am thankful I got the inspiration to write this love poem. I am so thankful I found this media again and that I am able to make it mine.  I am thankful for a lovely afternoon on the beach, for washing my car and having a very long nap, in short I am very thankful for a wonderful and very special Friday, even if I didn’t go to the dance.

A Special Thursday Night

Day 457 – by now going to my art class is not only for painting but it’s also a social event. I love the people there and it’s a very relaxing atmosphere where we all paint and on the same time have small talks, joke with each other and just enjoy this time away from everything. I am still trying to finish all my unfinished work so last week I finished two pieces and today I brought the last one. I didn’t finish it yet but made serious progress and I think I am almost done. It is not as good as the others but I am still learning so every picture counts. And the most important thing, as usual, is the fact that I love painting and it is such a wonderful time for me being in class, and touching the canvas with my brushes. This direct connection between the physical world and my inner world is just an exercise in sheer poetry, a song of my soul. I love this class, as you know and I tell everyone about it; about the magic it brought into my life, the joy. This week I convinced one of my closest friends to try this class. It was a big maybe and the truth is I thought he said he might join us only to get me off the subject, so I was very happy to find out he was actually serious and came to our class. What made it even more special is the fact that he really enjoyed it. The same thing happened to him – for almost two hours he was into this drawing and forgot for a little while the hectic world in which he usually resides; I was very happy about that. After class I went with one of my friends from class to have coffee and we stayed very late. We even decided she’ll come with me to the dance tomorrow, so we are going to be four girls – it’s going to be much fun!!

  

I am thankful for a wonderful evening, full of activity that is nourishing for the soul. I am thankful for yet another wonderful painting class. I am thankful for friendships I am starting to forge in this class; for women camaraderie, for an evening I always look forward to. I am thankful my friend joined us tonight; I hope it will become something he’ll do regularly. I am thankful, like every week, I was so lucky to find this class; I cannot say enough about its role in my life. I am so thankful for everything in my life, it is almost scary how wonderful I feel, how alive!

It's Early Bedtime

Day 456 – I am going to do something very special today I am going to sleep really, really early. It is now almost 9 pm here and I am going to finish writing the blog and go to bed. I was studying for my religions test before and I kept falling asleep, so I guess that few very late nights in a row are too much for me. So I decided to do the unthinkable and go to sleep in a normal time, actually in a very not normal time in my book, but never the less, the appropriate time under the circumstances. I cannot keep doing it all the time. It’s unhealthy and there’s really no reason for it. I am so much sharper and more efficient if I am well rested and I’m sure my poor body will appreciate this act of kindness. So here I am all excited about something that should be a given and it’s anything but given. Just one thing i want to mention before I log off for the night - I bought today a special varnish to spray over my paintings and it sure makes them look so much better; it bothered me how flat they looked so I asked my teacher what to do and I am so happy of the result. The varnish deepens the colors and the paintings look richer and not as flat as they were before.

 

I am thankful for the many hours of sleep ahead of me. Maybe I will even be that lucky and wake up without an alarm clock. I am thankful for an evening of studying, which I always enjoy. I am thankful for the great idea to ask my teacher about improving the paintings; I sure like the outcome. 

A Very Sad Love Song

Day 455 – A friend of mine sent me yesterday the words of a very touching song by Matti Caspi, one of the most talented musicians in our country. I used to listen to his music years ago, but living abroad for so many years I just didn’t have a chance. Reading the words and later listening to it on YouTube brought tears to my eyes. I was struck right then and there by his music, and lyrics, and style. It’s amazing how personal it feels even though it was written by a total stranger. I don’t have any of his CDs, something I’ll take care of in the next few days I think, but for now I just downloaded all his best songs to my iPhone and all day long I listened to them. This specific song still brings tears to my eyes every single time I listen to it, so I avoided it during the day and made-up for it in late afternoon, on the beach with a beautiful sunset (and a lot of tears). All his music is so amazing and his voice almost haunting so it made for a very special experience, a very special day.  I had some very boring things to do today but the day just passed so fast; I was busy listening and having a great time. Many of his songs are a little sad, but I like music on the minor scale, and I love his music, it resonates well on the strings of my heart, even if it made me sad.  

 

I am thankful to my friend for giving me this very special gift, a gift from the heart. I am thankful this gift opened my heart to the subject on a totaly different way. I am thankful to be introduced, once more, to this amazing artist, one of the most talanted I ever heard. I am thankful for a wonderful day basking in music and love songs. I am thankful for a beautiful sunset that I got to enjoy with tears in my eyes, and a wide open heart. 

It a Tour Guides' Training Day

Day 454 – Today was devoted to my Tour Guides class. I started the day at the airport for a guided tour there by rep of the airport authorities. We went behind the scene to see how it works in the baggage section, how we go with our group through all the stops. In short going out of the country with our group and coming into a country with a group.  In the afternoon and into the night we had our regular class. It was a prep class for our test in religions; we learned about five religions -   Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism. And after the class today I know how much I have to read in the next two weeks. But the truth is a love religions’ I find it fascinating; there was a time when I considered getting a Ph.D. in that field, I didn’t but my love for that stayed strong. So it will be much fun to go a little deeper into all that. I will be busy, but will enjoy every minute of it. But not tonight, I will start it tomorrow. I went to sleep very late so I slept very little tonight and I sure can feel it. Right now I am going to finish writing and go to bed. But tomorrow I will start my studies for the test.

  

I am thankful for a very interesting day I got to spend with my friends. I am thankful for a very interesting class. I am thankful I have the chance to study so much about things that are of real interest to me.