May 20th is my son's birthday. He is now 25 years old, and he is a ccross the world from me. He is celebrating it with his friends, as he should, but I was not there even for one moment to hug him. I called, of course, but it is so meaningless. He was in his way to class, and when I called again he was already with his friends at the pub so it was not a place he could talk. It is the first of many birthdays and events I will not be a real part of and it makes me very sad. It is a choise I made to be here and not there, but it really wouldn't make a difference. We are a family split between two continents and we are not even a real family any more, since there is not one home any more and parents as a unit. There is dad and there is mom but there are no parents unit anymore.
So what am I thankful for today? I am thankful it is my son's birthday and he is 25 years old today. I am thankfuk that he seems to be doing so much better in the past few months. I am thankful that he is in college again and working towards his degree. I am thankful I got to spend a few days with his less then two weeks ago, so it feels a little like I took part in his birthday.
and now to the original entry:
Friday is such a wonderful day. It’s the only day I can wake up without an alarm clock; so today I woke up at 11 and it set the tone for the rest of the day. It was relaxed and slow, just the way Friday should be. By the time we went grocery shopping it was almost 2 pm- stores close at 3 on Friday. But it was just enough time to buy some groceries for the weekend, go to the seamstress to hem a pair of new jeans I bought on my trip, and my daughter’s uniform, and to shop some produce from our neighborhood store. And then came the best part, we changed to our bathing suites and drove to the beach. The water was very calm, and the sand very warm and the sky so blue… we put down our beach towels and lie down in the sun, and I told my daughter “how lucky are we to be here”. I really feel that way - that I am so lucky to be here, to enjoy this beautiful country, and these wonderful people, to be able to get to one of the best beaches I know in a matter of minutes. I also realized that I don’t come here often enough. I allow life to get in the way and I will try from now on to be better about it. Even if I come from work too late to tan or to go to the water, I can still walk on the promenade or seat in a café and enjoy the sea. So I am going to step it up a notch and start coming to the beach not only on Fridays. (As usual, by the time I start writing I am dead tired and so my entry today is very short, maybe I should start writing a little earlier and not at 3 in the morning, when I am soo tired. I’ll try that tomorrow to write as soon as I am back from my trip).
But even though I am very tired, I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful I live so close to the sea, so close that I can hop into my car and be there in less than 10 minutes. I am thankful to be here in this wonderful country. I am so lucky that without any plans I just rearrange everything to just stay, I suddenly saw what was hiding from me for so many years. I am so thankful for my daily life here and for the opportunities if has for me. I am thankful for the beach.
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