I Am Not A "Doer"

Day 151 – I just realized I am a master of wasting time. A friend of mine found the time to go for an hour run this morning, take a two hours flight, go shopping for groceries and then also another shopping excursion and do some work while I can’t say I did anything that changed the world. I processed few more pictures on my endless mission of restoration and preservation (one more album done, but I don’t even want to count how many I have to not get discouraged) I had a long talk with my son, not sure of the outcome, but the important thing is the talking; we played a board game for about two hours, which I ended and now I feel like an idiot about that. I went to bring my computer to be fixed and two hours later to pick it up, in short a whole day full of doing things and at the end I feel like I did nothing. I am telling myself that I am not in a quest to do things, that being is just as important, but at the end of the day people are being measured by how much they have achieved, how much they have accomplished and on that scale of the very physical achievements, I don’t have much to show. I can talk as much as I want about other values, but in our world we are measured by how much we do, we are poor or rich by how much we act and go out and get it, about our level of activity. And on that scale, I suck. Can one really live life in a “romantic” or idealistic way and refuse to succumb to the rules? This is a very philosophical question that I want to believe the answer is yes, even though so many are trying to prove me wrong. I refuse to see the bad side of people; I refuse to see the callousness, the ruthlessness.
I cannot write and I don’t make any sense, but I am terribly tired and cannot think.
I will try to correct this tomorrow.
I am thankful had the privilege to be with my kids and develop a softer look on life. I am thankful these are the kind of people I am surrounded with.   I will do my best to keep that. I am thankful I can go to sleep, I am so tired, I can’t even think.