I Found My Home

A Day 145 – it is good to be away for a while. To come here to visit with family and friends, people that chose to live away from our homeland and thus have different point of view about where to live and how to look at the politics and economic situation in our country and the region. And I find myself defending something I was attacking before as well. But a year there made me see things very differently. A year alone also made me realize some truths about myself as well. I am not the same person who left the country 23 years ago, and I am not the same one who left our adoptive country last year and went back home. I hear myself in these arguments and it is so strange. In less than a year I changed so much. I learned what’s important to me, I learned what is not and I am learning to balance it. It is something we so missed here. The identity, the connection, the feeling you belong. After so many years here, I never really felt part of the society, I was always the stranger, and my accent that never goes away, and my lack of understanding of some of the references, the missing words, the communication with my kids and husband in a different language. As much as I hated to admit it I was the outsider, and I was hoping my kids will bridge that. I always thought “they have such a beautiful country” whereas there, even after so many years away, and most of my adult life I still feel like “we have such a wonderful one”; I will always have the desert and the dry forests as part of my soul. I don’t know where my life will take me. I don’t know where I will end-up, but I found a home. After so many years of restlessness, I am finally at home.
I am thankful for every meeting like that, for every heated argument; it made me realize that important notion. I am thankful I found a place that feels like home to me. I know I will be at home anywhere I live and I know if my kids will all be here, I will come back as well. But I found a home and I am thankful for that.