The Early Years

Day 209 – I am trying to get back to normal. I am working on the album. Still on the first one out of so many – I have 32 years to cover. The first few years we didn’t take too many photos – budget constrains – but that increased significantly in later years and since we got the digital cameras – it got totally out of control. I am working against a deadline right now. For signing up with this company Inkubooks I got a 50% coupon for the first book production but only until the 20^th of August, so I am trying to finish the book by then and send it to print. I think I can do it.

It is so unsettling to work on all these pictures. Echoes from a distant past; so many pictures of us all young and happy at the early years of our marriage. I still remember the dreams, the hopes the plans. They did not include dis-illusion and they sure did not include a divorce. Everything was nice and rosy in those early years. And somehow, along the way we lost our dreams about each other, we grew apart. We forgot how fond we were of each other, how much we cared, and we started caring each about his/her own dreams that the other was there as an extra in a movie, not as a main role actor. We grew apart and our marriage got to the point of no return – a point beyond repair. I am looking at these pictures and I am so sad. We were not smart enough to tend to each other’s needs and wants. We brought our marriage to a place where it was better to break it than to stay in it. I am looking at these early pictures and I know it could have had a different ending if we were smarter, if we were more attuned. I am very sad tonight as I am working through these enormous files of pictures.

So what am I thankful for tonight, when sadness is creeping in? I am thankful for these early years when everything was still so fresh and full of potential, full of promise. I am thankful for every year that was so good. I am thankful for the many years we spend together, even if not all where perfect. I am thankful for the family we raised together and for the many blessing we bestowed on each other. I am even thankful for the more difficult years – it what brought me to where I am today. And I am so thankful for this amazing idea that one day was revealed to me. I know it is such an amazing gift to offer my family, each and every one of them, and I am the only one who can take such an undertaking and go with it.