How I Missed the Party

Day 213 – It’s Friday night. I was debating whether to go to a party, the same group as the one from three weeks ago, or not. I was debating for several reasons. First I could not find a friend that wanted to come with me, so I’d have to go alone and the second is that last time I went there was a guy whom I danced with a lot and since then he keeps calling me all the time. And in the past week to try and convince me to go to the party; today he called me 5 times. And in a lame excuse he wants to send me something by email I gave him my email address, and now he wants to be a friend on facebook – creepy. So I decided not to go and instead go to the theater to see a movie. I drove there and on the way I started thinking – why would I let someone I don’t even know decide, or influence my decision where I am spending my evening, why am I running away instead of telling him to bug off. So I turned my car around went back home, put on some make-up, got dressed up, and lie down for a second on my bed. That was four and a half hours ago. I guess that solved the conflict where should I go J. So I didn’t go to the party, and I didn’t go to the movie but I did wake up all dressed up and with a very pink eye because I went to sleep with make up in my eyes and they are very sensitive to that. I am not going to be unkind to myself for falling asleep; instead I am happy for realizing an issue I have to address in my conduct. If I don’t like the fact that this guy keeps calling me then I should ask him to stop. If I want to go somewhere I will not let the presence of someone else there change my decision. And I am not running away any more.

I am thankful for a moment of clarity where I saw this bad habit of running away creeping in again and cut it short. I will not let anyone influence my decision again. I am thankful for every opportunity to face my shortcomings and try to make a better decision. This is how I keep growing, always try to pay attention to incidents like that, evaluate and change course. I am a little sad that I missed the party, but I am thankful even for that it means I will not miss the next one, and it makes me realize this is something I really like doing. And most importantly – I finished the first album today!! I am so thankful for that. tomorrow I will place the order for it.