What if

Day 677 - what if after a little over a year that I felt myself strong enough and whole enough to start dating again, what if suddenly it feels like I might have found him? How do I keep my heart soft and open enough to find out? How can I find the power to stay present and relaxed when I am facing this tzunami?  How won't I run for cover and convince myself he's not, just so I won't get hurt if he will not reciprocate? Can you even tell after such a short time?
Questions, so many questions. The fear is rising his ugly head again. These are all good and valid questions and I have no answers just a realization that I don't remember the last time I felt this way, that the stirrings in my heart are so different. That I feel like we've known each other for years. That we both talk about long term plans as if it's a given, like two romantic teenagers and not like two battle-scarred adults. That we can sit and talk for hours with open hearts and so much trust and suddenly realize it is 2:40am!! That our time together is so meaningful, whether we hike, or cook, or study. That at the end of such a long  day I wish there where few more hours, so we won't have to take a break. That we are going to be apart now for a few days and it makes me sad even to think about it. That I crossed every "must" and "nice to have " on my list when I met him, that he is everything I was looking for, for so many years... That I think I might have found "the one" because if not than I've found the man that will break my heart, big times. How scary, and yet how wonderful.

I am so thankful we met. Regardless of the outcome I am so thankful our paths crossed. I am thankful for all these strange new feelings; for my heart that is waking up from many years of hibernation, of being buried. I am thankful for the promise and most of all for the courage to keep exploring this unique and very promising relationship. I am thankful for the hope rising slowly on the horizon...