A Very Heated Discussion

Day 340 – when I decided to leave home part of what was lost forever for my children is their parents’ home, this island of stability and warmth that you can always go back to in times of need; something you always have at the back of your mind. I shattered that dream when I left. I am not sorry for that and I will never think of going back and trying to recreate it, but I understand their loss and their search for new meaning. With my move here and my youngest daughter’s move as well the family split in half; one parent here with the youngest child, the other parent there with the oldest child and my son that all his life saw his job as the bridge between everyone is left hanging in the middle, unable to decide which side to pick. There is a lot of tension and a lot of hostility between the two sides and he is there in the middle paralyzed with the inability to choose. Today things came to a boil there where screams and shouts between him and his younger sister and it seems that all hell got loose. But it enabled us to have a very serious decision and bring a lot of pain and disappointments and frustration to the table and I sure hope that by the end of the night we all feel better. On my part I assured him that my love for him will not change according to where he’ll choose to live or the line of work he will take. I told him that I already proved to him that I might not agree with the choices he make but love will not change because of that. I told him that if it does then I don’t think it is love. And the most important thing is that by polarizing our stands he is forced to make his own choices and not try to satisfy one or the other, it is really a gift. It was a very difficult evening, loaded and painful, but I hope that once we put everything on the table and cleared the air, the next few days we be much better, full of love instead of polarizing all the time. I hope that by the end of his visit we’ll all cry and know it was a very good visit and that it breaks our hearts to be apart from each other. Few years ago I wrote about a visit that left behind nothing at all, I hope this visit will be just the opposite, that it will be significant for all of us and a landmark in our future relations.
   
I am thankful for a wonderful visit with my parents, it was so relaxing and fun and I enjoyed every minute of it. I am thankful for a big fight my son and daughter had that spilled over to me and enabled us to face our feeling and talk about them. I am thankful for a very long and heartfelt talk I had with my son and that at the end of it we are sure in a better place than before. I am thankful for all the gifts that difficult situations bring in their path.