Day 402 – I had an interesting talk with my daughter yesterday about guys and their role in our lives. I keep saying that I cannot do it, that I need time to be alone, that I left home to find myself and not to get right away into new relationship. And she says that 90% of the time it sucks but 10% are sheer happiness and for these 10% we are willing to go through the other 90%. She is so smart and so right. And I know it’s true but my heart is still bleeding, I cannot even open my eyes to see the beauty around me. More than 3 months later and it doesn’t get any easier. But the truth is that for these 10% that were so wonderful, for the fleeting moments of happiness when I was hoping it might be real, I will go again through the fire. So yes, I know love is wonderful, but I also know it is painful to wake-up in the after mass, to find everything in ruins and hopeless. But I keep wishing for myself to find a new love. To find someone that will not be afraid to love me; to fall madly in love with someone who will love me back. I so want this to happen. It’s on my bucket list; I want to experience love at least one more time before I die, hopefully, way before. I want to live in the light and warmth of such love. This is what I am wishing for myself as I go to sleep tonight. I will start taking steps to give it a chance. I don’t want to live in an emotional desert, it’s not a good thing, definitely not something to wish for; and I want my heart to take flight again.
I am thankful I came to this realization that I am longing for love in my life again. I am thankful for every moment I had, but now it is time for me to put this pain to rest and like a phoenix rise and be ready to start again a new life. I am thankful for the full potential for happiness that each moment carry, I’ll try my best to make this potential a reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment