Another difficult evening

Day 899 - One last fight I hope and all this wonderful love that flew out the window in the past few months will be put to rest. He will be moving out and I hopefully will get my peace again. It's difficult, it's trying and I am so very tired of it all. The only good thing about it is that I am painting now almost every day. I have to find a place in me that is quiet, I have to find my calm. I sure didn't see it coming as we moved out of the city and into this house. I thought we are building our nest for the rest of our lives. Instead in short two months we became enemies of each other; fighting non stop and saying things there is no coming back from. How sad to see a love falling apart. It is even more sad when we share a house and we have to break it apart. I sure learned my lesson. I don't think anyone will live with me again for a very long time. We will have to be together for a very very long time before I will even consider that. I breaks my heart to be one more time in this place, but I am so full of anger right now that it blinds the pain. Maybe later the pain will come as well but at the moment I just want to see him out of my life and the sooner the better. How can someone be so callous to the needs of the other person; to their feelings. How can he care so little about all I hold so dear. How was I blind for so long and didn't realize this is something that will not change, if anything it will intensify. Another very sad day, one of many. I already forgot when this love was something I enjoyed, when was the last time it brought happiness into my life; happiness with no "but" or "only" or "if". Happiness with no string attached. Maybe I should be alone, go on dates but have no steady partner. I don't seem to be able to find one that will do that. 
  
I am thankful another day is coming to an end. I am thankful it one day closer to the end of this ordeal. I am thankful most of all to get back my sanity and my calm. I am thankful because it is a very needed lesson and I will take it with me for a very long time.