One little step forwards...

Day 906 - I am reading a book about improving our memory and techniques to do that and it also touches the subject of motivation, setting impossible goals and so forth. It made me thinking the "what if" game. What would I do if I'll have 50 million dollars, an impossible goal by my standards. What would I do? I like this game. For the next two hours I was going through all the places I want to visit, all the things I want to do... One thing that was missing from my list is my work place. I am sure at some point I will want to work and do something meaningful but this is the key word, I don't want to feel I am spending my life in a meaningless job, or at least not an intellectually challenging work just to pay the bills. So I don't really think I am going to have so much money in three years that I won't have to work, but if I am not satisfied with the job I have I can make changes there. I want to do something that will challenged and fulfilled; something that when I come home after so many hours out I 'll be able to think it was worth it. I want to do something that will make this place a little better, or happier because I was here. And right now I don't feel I'm doing that. So one more time I am going through this discussion, one more time I know beyond doubt what I have to do and only my fear is keeping me down. I think it is good I am becoming more and more aware of the situation until I will get to the point of no return and then I'll take action. The first step is acknowledging the fact that I am not happy, that I know I can and should do better and now it is time to start exploring the alternatives. I have to put a stake in the ground by when I have to make this decision or it will drag forever. I will thing about it for a few days and then I'll declare that. In the mean time I am stating that the countdown has started today, I just don't know what are the numbers I'm using. and by the way, if I will earn 50 million bucks, I'll know what to do with it, I already have it planned. So the generosity of the planet is welcomed in my house. 
  
I am thankful for the enticement to start dreaming the "what if" game. I am thankful to my partner for being so patient with this little game of mine. I am thankful for the first hesitating steps towards my freedom. I am thankful I have a very healthy imagination and the ability to dream endlessly; this is how great things start.