Another Piece of Technology - Skype

Day 230– I don’t know why it didn’t really occur to me that I have a brand new computer (i.e. all the gadgets) and my oldest daughter has it too. So why not Skype and see her, and see her beautiful daughter, my little granddaughter. I am not really technologically challenged, but somehow I was stuck here. But finally she got smarter and called me today and asked me to go on skype; and there they were all the three girls. I almost cried. She is soooo cute and until now I saw her only on still pictures, hardly do her any justice. Plus it so wonderful to see her in action – sitting, and playing, and drooling, yes even drooling was cute. I miss them so much and seeing them online made me realize it so much more. It is so difficult to me many thousands of miles away and no chance to see them anytime soon. She is more than three months old and I just miss all her growing up. I will be there every few months for a week or two. Removed, totally removed from her life, and from my daughter’s life. This move was so great for me on the personal level but it is tearing me apart. I have three children and I am losing two of them completely. Being so far away and so removed from their daily life; being able to talk at most once a week is no way to keep a family together. I will have to find a way to make it work. To keep all the loose ends of my life without losing any. I will have to find a way to visit more, to have more meaningful visits and to call more, maybe write. For 30 years my kids were the center of my life, I guess I over did it sometimes, but under no circumstances I will let it fade away. Re-adjustments, re-thinking, re-arranging, but I am going to do all it takes to bring us all together again. It was too easy, when I was still feeling my way, to neglect some of it, but I am now strong and confident and I am not going to lose the most important people in my life – my kids and their families.

I am thankful for this wonderful Skype call that brightened my evening. I am so thankful for this amazing technology that allows me to see my little granddaughter from 10,000 away as if she was here, next to me. I am thankful to my daughter that had enough of my weird ignorance and decided to put an end to it and get me on Skype. I am thankful for the happiness as well as the pain in seeing them all happy, but all so far away. I am thankful for this realization of our moving away from each other at the speed of passing time, and the chance it gives me to make amends. I am most thankful for this new chance I got to change my habits, to act differently, and to grow.