The Saddest Book I Ever Read

Day 269 – Another beautiful day, so I decided to go to the beach. I stopped on my way at the book store and got three books (of course – I never buy just one book) and so well stocked, I arrived there around 1pm. The day was warm and sunny and I went to one of the many cafés on the beach and opened one of the books, and got lost, completely. It is one of the saddest books I ever read. Written by a famous local author, whose son died in the last war, and this book, written 5 years later is his attempt to find his voice again and to give voice to the greatest lost one can experience. He talks in a very lyric way about the huge hole in the place that once was a beating heart. The book is called “Falling out of Time” and he gives voices to people who lost their children in many different ways, but the pain and the feeling of the wall that was erected between them and everyone else is the same for all of them, as well as their inability to get back to life, to feel again. I never cried so much reading a book. The pain is so raw and unbearable even to those outside of this group. I just read until I finished it, the book is so intense, and there is no place you can even stop reading it, I wiped my eyes one more time and set there for half an hour just lost in thoughts before taking the book and started reading it again. Not many books left such an impression on me. The book is heart wrenching, even more so knowing that he is writing his from personal pain, and I am sure he is giving voice to so many people who cannot put into words the pain that stopped their life one day. The courage he needed in order to write this book is just beyond comprehension, the candor and the courage to open his bleeding heart and show it to the world. I hope I will never have to understand first-hand the pain he is talking about; I do wish for him and for everyone in this horrific place to find some solace; to find a way to continue with their lives. I think about it a lot; living here in this country you can’t ignore the subject of death of young people, but I never thought of it in such raw terms. It is the biggest fear of every parent – to outlive our children. It’s against nature and our human hearts are not built for that, our mind is even less capable to deal with such tragedy.

I am thankful for every day we don’t have to scarify new young men to the Gods of War, for everyday no one died of accidents, diseases, suicides. I am thankful for every day my kids are well and happy, for every day I get older and closer to my end, closer than they are, just as nature meant for us.