Day 286 - For years I was fighting my weight. Being more and more frustrated about it but whatever I did, I just couldn’t find the will power to stick to it. Even if I lost few pounds I always gained them back and with a little “bonus”. At some point I just gave up, resigning to be fat for the rest of my life. People who don’t suffer from that don’t understand how difficult it is to live your life on the large size. To always scan the room to see if there is anyone bigger than me or am I “it”. To hate shopping for clothes because there is rarely anything that looks good and fits me; to eat and have people stare at me and watch every bite I put into my mouth. To be reminded it is not good for my health and “I am only saying it because I care about you” even though I could run longer and better than most of my friends. In our health craze society, in our ever-about-the-look- society, it is very difficult to be fat.
When I left home and moved back here I decided that I am going to give myself some very special gifts. I am not going to have a scale in my home EVER again, and I will never talk to myself unkindly; I promised to love myself regardless of my clothes size, or the circumference of my waist. I will love myself for who I am and be happy with the way I look. Apparently this is exactly what I needed to break the vicious cycle. I started buying bigger clothes but in real good stores, so I look nice and I am so happy that I radiate; and without the constant reminder of the scale, I just don’t know how much I weigh. And I almost forgot the most important part, I eat whatever I want, no diets ever again. I live in a city, so I walk more, I go to the gym, and I joined a hiking group, in short I live a much healthier life now, and being alone means that I am not as stressed or depressed as I once was. I could feel my clothes are getting to big on me, and kind of hanging, and I keep getting compliments that I look great and lost so much weight. Yesterday at the gym I decided to step on the scale and I verified the observations – I lost over 22 lb since I moved here. It made me so happy; I liked the number I saw on the scale, haven’t seen it in at least 6 years.
I am thankful I am losing some of the extra fat my body accumulated in the last few years. I am thankful all this weight loss is done with no diets, just by living a more active life style and having less stress. I am thankful I finally learned to love my body, regardless of its size and be thankful for having it. I am thankful I get to buy new clothes all the time and by now in regular shops. I am thankful for yet another gift in my life.
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