An Evening at the ER

Day 287 -   For the past 22 of the last 23 years I lived abroad. One of the side effects of such a decision is that I didn’t really get to see my parents getting older. I did see them of course, but only once or twice a year when I came to visit. I didn’t have the tasks of  escorting them to doctors and to hospitals, spending hours and days on thier health issues; the regular stuff we get to experience as our parents age. I was away and so all the burden fell on my two siblings that stayed here. It is also true that my parents are relatively healthy and did not experience a lot of ailmentsas I hear from friends about their parents, but they did have some health problems and I was away through all of them. I never actually thought about this subject until this evening. The father of my friend was in the ER in our hospital and so I decided to go back to the hospital and spend some time with them. I was happy to do that. I didn’t see his dad since we broke up almost 34 years ago, I never even had a chance to say goodbye to his parents. When you are younger you kind of take the parents for granted and let them blend as part of the background for the beloved one. But now I am the parent and I finally get to see the other side of the picture. So 34 years later I came to say hi and spend a few hours with a man that was so kind and nice to me when I was very young and I never got to thank him for that. Luckily, I had a bottle of water and some fruits and cookies in my office so I brought him something to eat and drink, no one thought to offer someone who spends several hours already in the ER something to eat, and I was happy iI could do that; but the most important was that I got to spend some time with him and hear some of his stories and make the stay a little easier for my friend and for his dad (at least I hope I did). They couldn’t understand why I am staying for so long, but I actually enjoyed it, I was so happy I got to see him one more time and have an actual conversation with him, not the kind I had when I was so much younger, and of course I got to spend the evening with my friend. And I realized for the first time few more things I neglected while being away and minding only my own business,namely, the issue of my parents’ health and its deterioration and the burden it put on my siblings. This is even more true for my ex-husband’s family. His dad died while we lived abroad and all the burden fell on his brother’s shoulders; and now his mom is getting older and less healthy and again all the burden falls on his brother. It is such a selfish act to live like that, disconnected from everything, especially from every obligation we had towards our parents. They took care of us when we were young and helpless, and now the wheels turn around and it is our turn to pay it back, to take care of them; and we chose to ignore that.
They say we learn something new every day, I think I am now in a stage that my eyes keep opening to new things all the time, I feel like I am awakening from a very long somber and slowly start to feel, see and comprehend again. And some of the realizations are not very pretty.
      

I am thankful I got to meet my friend’s father again and spend a few hours with him; it made me feel really good. I am thankful I was able to help a little. I am thankful this evening helped opening my eyes to yet some new truths I was blind to until now. I am thankful my parent’s health is still fine and I will be here and ready to help when their time will come.