Dropping Our Masks

Day 305 – Most of the time we connect with people on a very superficial level. We wear our masks very tight and we keep our pains and problems very closed and guarded. Many people do that, I know I did for so many years; everything is always dandy on the surface even in the midst of a storm. And then two and a half years ago I decided I had enough of that and as the pressure at home became unbearable and I was determined to leave, I opened up to one friend, dropped my masks and shared with her my confusion, and pain, shared with her the turmoil I was in at the time. As I found out later, when you open up to people it can go both ways, some will get scared and run for cover while others will take the opportunity and open up as well, which brings the friendship to a whole new level, much deeper and more meaningful. She was of the second kind, and even though we knew each other for many years, we only then got to really know each other. We talked for hours and she is the one who suggested I should talk to the therapist before making such a big move, and she was there for me through all the last half year as I was getting ready to leave. I really needed this friendship and support and she was wonderful. When I came here I made the conscious decision to never put on these masks again. Now that I am answering only to myself it was much easier to make this kind of decision. Not everyone can handle this kind of honesty, I did lose some friends in the past year, but I gained so much more, I gained some very deep and meaningful friendships in which honesty and openness are the name of the game; and it suits me well. I’d rather have fewer friends but good ones. I was reminded of that time in my life today when I met my friend, she is here for a short visit and is leaving next week. We met and talked for a few hours and it felt like old times, except that I am in a much better place in my life and so sure that the step I took was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself.  I can barely remember the depressed and scared woman I was two years ago, now that I am so free and happy, so independent. I watch the struggle some of my friends are going through right now and I am so thankful it is all behind me.

   

I am thankful for meeting my friend again after we missed each other in her last few visits. I am thankful for all she did for me then, for all her help and support. This was a very sad visit for her and I am thankful I was here and able to support her a little. We all take turns in being weak sometimes and needing a loving friend, I am thankful I was able to be one of those friends for her, just as she was for me on my time of need. And of course I am most thankful I got to visit my daughter who stayed on base this weekend, bring her food and spend some quality time with her. I am thankful for a great weekend.