I am Soooo Sad

Day 313 – I was very sad today. I was busy during work but as I was ready to leave it donned on me how sad I am. My daughter and her baby are back home 20 hours flight away and it will be few months before I’ll see them again. I only saw them for 5 days and now they are gone. I cannot complain, I am the one who chose to be so far away, but it doesn’t mean I am not sad; it just means I am the one who made that choice. I could not stop crying, so I decided it is not a good idea to go home and be alone. I called a friend and she asked how is the fam. I said they left yesterday. Are you a little blue? Yes I am. Can we meet for a coffee? Yes we can. It was so sweet of her, just to be there for me. Armed with some funny stories she made me laugh and forget how sad I was and then just said – so go and visit next month, just go more often for shorter periods of time. Funny because this just what I was thinking yesterday. But for some reason today everything looked so sad and gloomy, it was tearing me apart. I don’t remember being so sad in a long, long time. I know it is a good thing, it’s part of the grieving process, but it doesn’t make it any easier. And I am very sad right now for having two of my kids so far away and so out of reach, so out of my daily life. It’s true that most of my family is here, my siblings and cousins and parents, but two of my own children are far away and it just sucks; especially today. I know I will be better in a day or two, getting back into the routine, but today I am just very sad.

I am thankful for being sad; I will be much more disturbed if something like this will pass without leaving me sad. Never the less, I am so thankful to my friend for being there for me when I so needed this helping hand; I know I should allow myself to feel all the array of emotions but it was too much for me to handle, if I could at all avoid it, and sure enough, by the time I got home it was bearable and I could breathe again, I am so thankful for that.