Here we go again

Day 876 - I slept only 3 hours last night since I had to prepare for my presentation on the trip to Jerusalem. It was only 10 minutes presentation but I had very little knowledge about the subject so I had to do some reading. And since it is a tour presentation it can't be just boring facts but had to be presented in an interesting even fun way if possible. I slept very little but I got the work done. We had a great trip to our ancient capital, learned a lot of new things even though I visited there so many times and made some connections that might be of help in the future. And the most important thing  of all, it rekindled the desire to become a tour guide so I am actually going to take some action in this direction, start applying to tour companies here and abroad since I am certified in the US as well. So this is a very important decision for me of course. I also had much time in my hands to think about what's going on here at home with my partner and realized it cannot go on like this. I did not leave my marriage of 31 years just to fall again into a too similar of a pattern. and some of the things I saw in the past few days are alarming. I also realized they are too fundamental, it is not something that can change just get worse and so talking to god in the privacy of the prayer near the Western Wall I made up my mind I am asking him to leave. I don't know if I am ready to try make it work when we leave in two different places, really not sure this can work or is desirable, but for sure we can't keep living under the same roof. I cried, of course, but I know it is the right decision and coming home to even worse behavior than yesterday, where he is digging in deep I told  him that he should find a place for himself and move out. I am sad, very sad but I know it is the right decision and every moment in this tantrum feat that should be the mode of operation of a two years old toddler and not of a 63 years old man, just make it more clear that this is not going to work and It's better now than in a few years. So here we go again, after 7 months another relationship is going down the drain. How sad.
 
I am thankful I had such a great trip today, I love it and really missed it. I am thankful god was with me today when I had to make this very tough decision about breaking up; I am so very sad but tomorrow is another day and I am thankful for that; maybe it will even be a little easier. I am thankful to my daughter for all she did today while I was on the trip; she cleaned and did the laundry and cooked and trove me back and forth; I am so very thankful to her for that