Day 414 - I made a decision so many days ago to write about something interesting or different; to find things to be thankful for, every single day. And today I am sitting here pondering what to say. My life in the past few days have narrowed, pretty much, to a single spot; have almost come to a complete stop. I met a guy and he is so amazing and we spend every free moment together, which is sadly not a lot, since I finish my classes not before 9:30 almost every day. But I am not going to write about him. I want to give it more time before I say anything. In the process I learned some very interesting things about me. I was scared, so scared of being hurt again, that I preferred to hide and not experience love; to fall back on old love instead of looking ahead. I learned that it is hard for me to believe people can be so nice, and caring. I kept saying, but didn't really think, that I can find someone who will think I am all that. I didn't think it’s possible to find a man who likes photography and the desert and hiking and poetry, all things I value and like (and will also likes me); that I can find someone who have such a soft side, and still be an amazing and a well-grounded man. But I did, and he is everything I hoped for and more. He is so wonderful and I am so afraid to wake up and find it was all just a dream. But I am holding tight. With trembling hands I opened the locked gates of my heart and dusted it well, let the light and the warmth come in. And I cannot be happier even if I tried. I sure learned one thing - for this happiness I am ready to risk pain; this is a revelation for me. I was sure for the past two years that I am not ready to pay again the price of broken heart, of shattered dreams.
I am thankful I found the key to move again the rusty wheels of my emotional life. I am thankful for the excitement, for the smile that doesn’t leave my lips and my eyes. I am thankful I found in me the strength to dream again and to open my heart to whatever comes my way. I am thankful beyond words for the presence of this wonderful man in my life.
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