Day 419 - Yesterday I was talking to one of my best friends and since she is from the same town as the man I am dating, I told her his name; there was silence on the other side of the phone after I did that, and my heart skipped a beat. I told her – “if you know anything that is not OK I want to know; we are good enough friends that you can do that and I really want to know. I would do the same for you and you know that”. The only thing she said is that he is known to get into disagreements with people he works with, that he might be too controlling. I thanked her and said that if this is all then I am OK with that. He is very sweet to me, but I will make sure to pay attention to that. I did a lot of thinking about this talk and I realized that I like strong men, that I cannot even think of having a partner that is not a very strong man; by definition a strong man can be a little controlling, but it is up to me to make sure it will not carry over to our relationship, up to the both of us. That you need two to tango; that to be in a verbally or emotionally abusive relationship requires cooperation of the abused, and I will never allow something like that. And as to the man in question, he is such an amazing guy, and he is so kind and generous and good to me, I could not wish for anyone better. I realized that at my age prince charming comes balding with a little belly, and wrinkles but with so much more of a personality, so much finer as a man, just like his princess, just like me.
I am thankful for such a good friend who loves me enough to tell me things she thinks I have to know even if they are not easy to say or hear. I am thankful that even when I hear unfavorable things, I am a strong enough woman today to know I can handle that; I am thankful I can trust my gut feelings and know he is such a wonderful man, even if others don’t always see it, and I stick with him. I am thankful beyond words for we have found each other, for this flourishing relationship, for feelings I didn’t know I have in me anymore.
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